Brain Spillage

OWSI

2010-08-13T17:08:00.003+08:00

How far I've come. I'm now a scuba instructor!

Ding! Dong!

2009-07-13T13:44:00.005+08:00

12th July 2009

MJ

2009-06-26T11:42:00.004+08:00

Right. Big news of the day, Michael Jackson has passed away. A little bit of a shock there. Now all the speculation and the tributes will come pouring in. And no doubt blogs all over will have something to say.

No doubt also from those quarters which not too long ago were so delighted to crucify him.

I had always thought that he had lead an impossible life what with his eccentricities and how the media had portrayed him. He was strange no doubt but I have only always thought of him as a brilliant singer, songwriter, composer, dancer, choreographer and producer. With emphasis on production. The one massive talent he had that most people fail to recognise. As for his private life, well, it's his private life. I never cared. Not that there was much very private about it. He could have just simply given a massage chair a try and the press would be screaming he sleeps in one or more likely that he gets his rocks off from the chair.

He couldn't fart without anyone knowing and without someone trying to get it into a bottle.

Never mind the abuse scandal. That was weird. The press would have trampled over little old ladies to get their story and the devout fans would have lynched anyone who declared him guilty.

Now everyone will be gushing what a loss, what a tragedy and all that shit.

To gain the love, respect and even adulation he craved, perhaps the best thing he could have done was to die.

Rest in peace.

Gain the peace you never had while you walked this planet.

Stupid question

2009-06-25T11:49:00.005+08:00

Nat and I went diving at Sipadan again. I got a few photos of the Napoleon wrasse. I've remembered that I've posted a picture of this magnificent creature before. Here it is.

And this is the picture I took at Barracuda Point.

Which picture do you think is more pleasant to look at?

Bear in mind. The Napoleon aka humphead wrasse is endangered.

As a footnote, it's strange how things happen. Nat and my own turning point in diving came at Barracuda Point in Sipadan when we got into all sorts of trouble and culminated in being swept off the reef. I blogged about it so it's somewhere here. At this point, Barracuda Point is the dive site we have dived the most anywhere and we absolutely love it.

Oh hullo

2009-06-25T11:32:00.002+08:00

Oh hullo.... you might have noticed the gap between postings. You might also have noticed I am not using my own domain name any longer. I have allowed it to expire.

I have moved up another notch in the PADI ladder in my quest to achieve Divemaster level. I am not rushing it though. There are just some things which are so much better done with experience.

I am now trying my hand at underwater photography.

I am also about to get married.

US of Arrogance

2008-10-13T03:07:00.006+08:00

Speaking of diving forums. Here is a posting of mine:

"I came across a discussion on a primarily American forum regarding diver limits and park fees for Sipadan. Mainly divers complaining about how risky it is to go to Sipadan when it isn't guaranteed that they'll be able to dive there. Anyway, it got kinda interesting from a Malaysian's (esp. a Malaysian diver's) point of view in the end. Here are some quotes:

"All that will do will ensure that access to this special place is further limited to those who can afford a substantial extra cost, which isn't fair at all."

"Fair? Is it fair to Malaysians that a precious national resource is being trashed by (mostly) American and Japanese divers to put pocket change into the hands of a few dive operators? Is it fair to Malaysians that many can't afford a dive trip to Sipadan and when their children can, it won't be worth going to? Malaysia has no obligation to be fair to foreign divers--their obligations are to preserve their national heritage and to exploit their resources to their maximum benefit."

"I would argue that Sipadan is in better shape as a dive destination then it ever would be as an unprotected site-- fished out, dynamited, exploited. That doesn't excuse poor stewardship of the park, which cannot be sensibly improved by charging a lot more for access to the park (please note that I am completely in support of park fees, just not ridiculously high ones). The solution of capping numbers and operating on a first come, first serve basis (which is the way I think Sipadan was supposed to be operated) is still better than charging more money. Charging more money will absolutely ensure that many Malaysians won't be able to afford it."

"The fact that most Malaysians can't afford to go to Sipadan is due to bigger issues than how much a daily entrance is to Sipadan--and even if the daily fee was waived for Malaysian citizens probably many would not be able to afford scuba equipment."

"But this highlights my point--which is that increasing fees to a very high amount will only serve to limit the opportunities of those who happen to make less than others."

Take it with a pinch of salt.

However.

I must remember to work harder and to pick more coconuts to sell to foreign tourists. That is, when the tiger goes away and I can come down from my treehouse. Even if eventually I can't afford scuba gear and to go to Sipadan, it is my hope than I can pick enough coconuts so my children can. "

If you want the full thread, which I posted to as well before the references to poor, backward and inferior started, it's here.

Well meaning as they might be and think they are, from here all I see are large caucasian nostrils.

Pricks.

Incidently, I posted that in a Malaysian divers forum. At first, they didn't get it either or didn't want to reply. Then a couple discussed the Sipadan situation and nothing else. Finally someone posted that I had taken offense to the American divers' comments. No shit Sherlock.

And then, I get chided for being petty.

What are we Asians frightened of? That they won't give us Levi's and Britney Spears anymore? Fuck you backward, inferiority complex, village idiots. Pick coconuts and live in your tree house.

Please watch this

2008-10-13T02:31:00.006+08:00

You might think it's a typical, useless and ineffective public awareness program. Another one. Yes? No? It probably is. Chinese people are tragically more impressed by showings of wealth and prosperity. If they could eat hummingbird tongues, mermaid tails and unicorn horns, they would.

In the video you see a Napoleon Wrasse being taken out of holding pens on the sea and the swimming in an aquarium in a restaurant. Don't be fooled. That's not a fish farm. Some time back someone posted a picture of a large Napoleon Wrasse in an aquarium in a shop on a dive forum. I felt I had to reply to that particular thread.

The picture in question is from the Malaysian Underwater forum and posted by a member with the nick 'arrifin'. I hope no one objects to my using the picture here.

You might have seen this fish in a restaurant. It may appear big but it is a young fish. They grow slowly and live long. Up to 6 feet in length and an average of 30 years. This fish is just a juvenile. I have seen this fish while diving (Mid Reef, Sipadan). It is a beautiful and magnificent fish. Leave it where it belongs.

It is said that most divers end up eating farmed fish. I've already commited to it a while back and I don't eat sea food at all.

This is what I posted:

"I seriously doubt this is a cultivated fish. It matures and grows slowly to 2m/6ft and has a long lifespan, about 30 years. This fish is listed as endangered on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. Conservation action has been taken by a number of countries including Australia, Indonesia, China, Philippines, Palau and Papua New Guinea. How effective, I don't know. However, Malaysia is not on the list. Basically, a Napoleon Wrasse's hope to stay off the dinner table is to live in marine reserve parks and perhaps popular dive locations.

Below is an edited excerpt from the Napoleon Wrasse's entry by the Species Survival Commission.

Wherever it is fished, even if only moderately, density quickly declines to 25% or less. It is particularly heavily exploited in key supply countries for the live reef fish trade, Malaysia and Indonesia, and out of Palawan, its stronghold in the Philippines. In these countries all available fishery-dependent and trade-related data suggest declines over 10–15 years in exploited areas of 10–fold or more with fish now considered rare in areas where once it was common. Buyers of this fish are continually having to source new areas as numbers decline and the pattern of fishing reported is one typical of rapid serial depletions. Much of the capture in all major source countries for live fish are of small fish, mainly juveniles, according to all reliable accounts. Moreover, juveniles are the preferred size range for retailers of live Humphead Wrasse. Such is the concern for this species that it is one of the only reef fish protected by name (i.e., species name) across a range of countries. Some spawning aggregations have been noted to decline or have disappeared in eastern Malaysia and Australia.

Malaysia

An extensive series of underwater visual census surveys at more than 30 survey sites around Sabah (the major supplier and source of this species in Malaysia) found that, after extensive and uncontrolled fishing had occurred, only 2 sites had more than 1 Humphead Wrasse per km squared with only two reproductive sites identified. Population declines determined from these surveys to have occurred since 1974 were 99.91% in Humphead Wrasse numbers, when compared with similar unfished reefs. Sabah is the principle source of Humphead Wrasse in Malaysia, and a location central to the geographic range of the species with habitat suitable for the species (TRACC 2004). It is also thought that spawning aggregations may have eased in the area as a result of overfishing (T. Daw, pers. comm., based on WWF Malaysia Project Report 2002).

This species is found in marine protected areas (MPA) of peninsular Malaysia (e.g., Pulau Payar, west coast) and, in a survey of Sabah, was noted from Mabul Is., Bodgaya Is. (Semporna district) and Sipadan Is. (A. Cabanban, pers. comm.; G. Allen, unpublished data; World Wildlife Fund, unpublished data). The Humphead
Wrasse is nowadays rarely seen by divers in much of eastern Malaysia, where most of the country’s coral reefs are located. Exceptions are at Pulau Layang Layang where an estimated 350 fish measuring 60-120 cm TL were noted, and west of Sabah and Pulau Sipadan where an estimated 70 fish were recorded in the late
1990s) (TRACC 2004). These locations are protected by the Royal Malaysia Navy and by dive resorts, respectively. The TRACC study around coasts of Sabah yielded only 2 sites with more than 1 fish noted per km with most fish in the immature size range (TRACC 2004).

However good it may taste, I'm not having any. It's no damn different from shark fins. I bought that t-shirt too."

Nat bought me a book entitled Reef by Scubazoo, a team of underwater videographers and photographers. I met one of them, a friend's husband, some years back in Kota Kinabalu. He mentioned in the book that he tries to portray the true nature of sharks while he is photographing them. I think I know what he means. He photographs the large predators, the tiger sharks, the altantic white tip and the sand tiger to name a few. People ask him if being so close to such predators and proven man killers frighten him. As wary of the shark as he may be, he's seen and filmed the slaughter of sharks. He's filmed a sea bed littered with shark heads and unwanted parts discarded after the fin harvest. Fearsome predator it may be but it's actually very very vulnerable.

STOP EATING SHARK FINS YOU FUCKERS.

Abort, Retry, Fail?

2008-10-13T02:27:00.002+08:00

No idea why brainspillage.com went offline.

Quite likely bloody eternal solutions' (the pricks my domain name is registered with) name server crapped up.

My 2 cents

2008-09-30T17:02:00.002+08:00

If there's a male equivalent to Paris Hilton, it has to be Kevin Federline.

Thank you.

Good night.

Nouveau Riche

2008-09-18T00:20:00.002+08:00

Nat and I had dinner in Delicious at 1 Utama recently. I have to say though that we wouldn't ordinarily have eaten there. Nat had vouchers for the place so we decided to use them. I don't quite like these places. It is my opinion (you don't have to agree with me) that such places are more flash and not much substance.

This is what I think of the place. It has really nice decor. Obviously a lot of money went into sprucing up the place. The staff is not well trained. For the bucks one has to blow, I fully expect the staff to be professional, well trained and polite. Rude foreign bitch, what can't really understand and speak English, was getting on my nerves when the supervisor noticed and stepped in. The food is at best, ordinary.

This is the age of bling-bling. We're still in it and I bloody well hate it. Nothing represents it more than a teenaged black American holding up his $100,000 diamond pendant with both thumbs up to the camera. Usually it'll have some fucking dumb statement on it written in diamonds.

My theory is of the nouveau riche. The ones who made good in the economic boom. The ones who never had so much money before. The ones who don't know what to do with the money and how to spend it. I don't begrudge anyone from making as much money as possible. It's anyone's right and it's what keeps the economy going. It's the fakery and the flash and the pretense that I disagree with.

Since when were we happy to pay ten bucks for a cup of coffee?

Anyway, at Delicious I had something I can blog about and bitch about. Hey, it's what I'm good at no? It's not the place itself. I already said it's all flash and no substance. No no no. Here's what I saw to get the bitchyness going.

I saw a young couple. They'd been shopping. For her. Lots of bags. Expensive labels. She was very well dressed. I'll also say she is very very pretty. Nice clothes. Nice watch. Make up very nicely done. Nothing really to gawk about you think? Well, she could not have been any older than 16.

What kind of school girl dresses up like that? Wears make up? And I certainly hope she paid for her own shopping. If not, I certainly hope for the boy's sake that she's an absolute whore in bed and that he's getting some.

There's a new lifestyle to be had. I've heard about it but I hadn't really seen it with my own eyes. It's called the heiress lifestyle. I prefer to call a spade, a spade. I call it the prostitute-myself lifestyle. It's kinda stupid. Girls aspiring to be spoilt rotten and to have all their wants and whims satisfied. Funny bit is, I don't think many of them have billionaire parents.

I don't really know what's going to happen when the crash comes and believe me, it is coming. Rich kids still asking for their thousand a week pocket money when dad's looking at letters from lawyers because they can't understand that money doesn't grow on trees. What it might do is create children of the great depression like they had in America. A new age of tight fistedness.

I don't know which is worse. Young rappers showing off a very large and expensive diamond encrusted ding-a-dong or that little tramp.

Goddamn.

Is this next line familiar?

I blame goddam Paris Hilton.

Into The Blue - For Real This Time

2008-09-17T15:57:00.007+08:00

Diving at Sipadan, Mabul and Kapalai was a wonderful experience. Huge amounts of fish of many many different species and huge fish, bigger than I've ever seen. I can't quite begin to describe it. In fact, I can't. Only another diver who appreciates nature and thinks people are killing the planet can understand how I felt diving at Sipadan. It's paradise. From the massive giant trevally and groupers to little nudibranches and dragonets. No dive was ever alike. I did 12 dives in total including 6 dives at Sipadan itself and a sunset dive (I think night diving quite agrees with me!). I also dived amongst wrecks of fishing boats and saw huge potato cods, groupers, coral trout and batfish. There was a scorpion fish as well in the wooden structure but of course I stayed well away from it. I saw so many things I had on my 'Things To See While Diving' list. Lionfish, garfish, barracuda, clown triggerfish, emperor angelfish, pompano, napoleon wrasse, bumphead parrotfish, requiem sharks (in this case, the silvertip), reef sharks (whitetip), turtles and on and on and on.

It was amazing.

We kinda went a little too deep but at 30 metres, we got to see silvertip sharks. Oh yeh! I had my little shark encounter. I had a whitetip swim head on and past me off the reef. It was almost close enough to touch. I distinctly remember when it fixed it eye on me. It was quite a thrill!

We also had a lesson to learn. In actuality, I'm glad it happened.

Nat and I had difficulties at the Barracuda Point dive at Sipadan. There was a down current off the reef and we weren't very comfortable in it. I could tell we were being pushed down by the pressure on my ears. One minute at 20m, the next minute at 30m. We ended up in the drift section of the dive which is on the north east edge of Sipadan. The next thing I know before we can react, Nat and I got swept off the reef and into the blue. A currrent pushing us away from the island and down deeper as well. I grabbed Nat's tank valve and held on tight so we wouldn't get separated.

Orange hand tells you how deep you've been. I have no idea why 30+ is in the red zone. Should be 40+. Chill.

In times of crisis, one learns about oneself and I'm pleased to say neither of us panicked. We both have surface markers. If we get swept away we can be found by the boat. Also, we were diving with our instructors. They knew what happened to us as they saw us miss the turn. Not fun though was trying to get out of the current. I sucked up 50bar of my tank just trying to get out of it.

No one came to rescue us and I'm ever grateful no one did. Our instructor didn't come rushing in. He instead moved to a spot where we could get out of the current and signalled us to swim to him. Which we did. He made us get out of trouble ourselves. I am also very grateful that no one else in our group gave us grief. In fact, a few of them quietly gave us words of encouragement during the break between dives. The dive was videoed. Those who know, can see Nat and I off the reef and into the blue in the DVD.

I surfaced with under 20bar of air in my tank. It didn't help that another down current interrupted our safety stop by pushing us down from 5 to 10 meters so we had to start the 3 minutes at 5 meters all over again! In any case, Ian let me breath off his octopus (emergency second stage).

There are some things that can be understood and some things that say a lot without needing to have a parade and balloons.

Our instructor, Ian, is a remarkably sarcastic and niggly individual. Yet he only pointed out the positives to the incident and gave us none of the cliches. I think I said it all and he knew what I meant when I quietly said, "Thanks Ian."

Thanks for helping us out.
Thanks for not putting the boot in.
Thanks for not destroying our confidence.
Thanks for making us save ourselves.
Thanks for calming me down in a stressful situation.
(although I assure you I wasn't about to freak out)
Thanks for giving us more confidence in our abilities.
Thanks for saying the right things without being condescending nor patronising.

Quiet words before the next dive

Anyway, 2 dives and almost exactly 24 hours later, we dived Barracuda Point again. Conditions were exactly the same. Down current on the earlier part of the dive and drift conditions before the corner. And you know what? Nat and I agree, it was one of the best dives we've ever been on. It was brilliant. A thoroughly fantastic dive.

At the airport as we were about to make our separate ways home, Ian asked me if I enjoyed the trip. I understood that he was asking me a lot more than that. I've now been in a current, been in a stressful situation, been deeper than ever before - almost twice an Open Water Diver's limit and had to learn to look after myself underwater. In short - I'm on my way to becoming a competent and capable diver. And so is Nat.

I grinned. And nodded. That time, I didn't even need to say anything.

Can't wait for the next trip!

And Mom! Told you not to read my blog!!

Sipadan

2008-09-02T18:02:00.013+08:00

Yeah! We're here!

Our lovely chalet on the water. Turtles come to visit if you're quiet!

Preparing for sunset dive to see the Mandarin fish.

On my way to see the giant clam

Happy divers!

A: Look! A turtle!
B: I've already seen 20 of them. To Pluto with the turtle!

Nat and I wondering what we're looking at.

Drying gear means packing to go home! *Sob*

Full albums can be viewed through these links:

On the Surface

Sipadan 30/8/08

Andrew's Sipadan Proposal to Alicia

Finger

2008-08-28T00:27:00.003+08:00

I suppose some of you, or one of you - namely Nick, had wondered if I was going to blog regularly again. In my defense, I could have, I wanted to certainly, but have not been able to because I buggered a finger. One can appreciate that a football travelling at a rapid pace towards you deserves some attention. One can also appreciate that said football packs quite a wallop especially if (and when) it whacks one on the tip of the finger.... Doesn't sound so bad? Well, it is if the damn blasted bloody ball smacks the tip of my finger threatening to drive the unfortunate digit into the palm of my hand. Yes. The ball hit my finger dead on. Not sideways. I was about sure the ring finger on my right hand was a lot shorter than before the incident. An x-ray revealed a small chip on one of the finger bones. It hurt like hell. It wouldn't be a bad thing except I am going diving again.

Good timing. I've now been banned from playing futsal at least a week before a dive trip. A terrible fate but seemingly, quite a wise one looking at the situation I'm in. I didn't tell mum I busted my finger four days before leaving on a dive trip. I'm keeping mum you might say. Four days? Well, in my experience, it takes two months for this kind of injury to heal.

Merde.

We're going to Sipadan this time. The mecca for divers the world over. Jacques Cousteau gave very high praise. It's one of the best places in the world to go diving.

If you'd been reading when I'd been blogging, you'd know I have a shark phobia. Well, in Sipadan it isn't a possibility of seeing sharks. It's quite a definite thing. Wish me and my unfortunate digit luck. Me, so I don't shit myself and my finger because I don't know as yet what it's going to be like struggling into my wetsuit. If I had the dosh I'd have bought one of those Scubapro suits with zippers for the hands and feet, easy-access-the-use-of.

I'd been reading a dive in Malaysia guide by Jack Jackson (how original) and it mentioned great white sharks. Jackson, Jack claimed that it is very highly unlikely to see a great white in Malaysian waters as they prefer colder temperatures. All I read is that it is not impossible to see a great white in Malaysian waters. Merde. Anyway, great whites eat food with high fat (read blubber) content and happily although I have been putting on weight alarmingly, I can safely say that there are divers in our group who would be more appetizing to a great white. I'd be well down on the pecking (eating) order although somewhere in the middle. Jack Jackson goes on to comfort the reader by saying, no no no, you probably won't see a great white. You might see a tiger shark though.

Fuck.

Merde.

Ah well.

On a different note, I hadn't realised what a snooty little bastard I can be. I hadn't been happy with a real estate agent I had been dealing with. I had been corresponding with the happy chappie via email and he'd been writing his emails to me like he was sending me a friggin' SMS. No 'Dear sir' or 'Dear Mr. Tan'. No 'yours sincerely'. Apparently also I have become a 'u' and not 'you'. It got right up my nose it did. It was probably accelerated by the fact that I thought this guy wasn't dealing straight with me. It turns out.... he was. Oh dear oh dear oh dear....

I suppose I am snooty. I don't send SMSes in SMS-speak. I do not abbreviate. You is 'you' and 'already' is not 'd'. I'm one of the twits that actually writes SMSes in full. Complete with punctuation and capitals in the right places. I don't know why. Maybe cos I'm a snooty bastard.

Anyway, do you know the English sentence most Malaysians will fuck up? I do.

"I have tuition on Wednesday evenings."

Figure it out. I'll tell you why when I get back from Sipadan. Assuming I don't meet any tiger sharks. Or great whites....

This is where we're going.

http://www.swvresort.com/

Feel free to feel envious. Hahaha!

Hippo Material

2008-08-21T00:47:00.003+08:00

Have you noticed how swanky eateries are getting? And we're all paying top dollar for it? It's ridiculous. Let me start with something close to home. The Oldtown Kopitiam franchise. You've probably heard of it. It's everywhere.

It pleases me that a corner coffee shop in Ipoh has exploded onto the scene and it appears to be a very very profitable thing. It does however represent all that is right and wrong about it. Let me quickly explain. Oldtown Kopitiam, is for intents and purposes, NOT a kopitiam. It's a fake to appeal to the the present generation's money happy ways. The biggest example I can give to you is the upgraded McDonald's "restaurants". It looks upmarket now but let me tell you it still serves the same shitty fattening fast food. After McDonald's got rid of the plastic furniture and provided wi-fi, it was suddenly trendy.

The point I am trying to make is how easily we part with our money for bad product just as long as it's nicely wrapped.

Back to Oldtown. I'm happy that the explosion has occurred while the original (and real) kopitiam still exists, still has its regular clientele, is still doing very well and pretty much looks the same as it's done for decades. The franchise however is no better than the people who bought the franchise and run it. Of all the Oldtown's I've been to, I'm only frequenting just one outlet. The rest, while they look really nice, serve horrible food and drink. I'm pretty certain that there are standard recipes but apparently only this one outlet in Kota Damansara sticks to it. Nat and I went to an Oldtown in Penang for a drink. It was bursting at the seams with customers. The coffee really really really sucked. Were we the only ones that noticed or are we now content to pay for the atmosphere and damn the food and service.

Speaking of service. It reeks these days. We went to eat in Sushi Groove in 1Utama this week. It took a while when we were ready to order to get the attention of the staff there. When we did, this guy comes over and says very curtly, "yah?" He might as well have said, "well, what the fuck do you want?"

The last server to do this to us was in Delifrance at Bangsar Shopping Complex. I glared him down and chewed him out and told him to his face that the service had to be better than what was on offer. We walked out that time. I don't think I'm overly fussy. Again, it took a long time to be served. Again the guy seemed like he wanted to be somewhere else. He wasn't overly rude but he wasn't polite either. When Nat ordered something he snapped, "no more, no more." Then without saying anything, he walked off and when he came back, I had had enough and I chewed on him a bit. Nat was totally pissed off and we left. At premium price for a croissant, I expect better.

It's pretty much the same in most places. Expensive decor (although I have to admit, Delifrance doesn't fall into this category), ambience and atmosphere and all that shit. Maybe sometimes the food is decent but way too often the service is crap or indifferent.

In the beginning, Nat was quite surprised that I can cook. I was surprised she likes my cooking! Anyway, we have an inside joke which is called the Hippo. The Hippo will be the name of the restaurant we open with the combination of our culinary skills. Above all, not only will the food be good but you will feel very welcome there. The staff will be polite, friendly and they will make you feel happy to be there.

The best example I can give you is Pasta Zanmai in 1Utama. The food, yes, is expensive but the food is very good and the staff are Hippo material. If the Hippo really existed, I'd be trying to poach them. Another good example will be one of the staff from BBQ Chicken in Desa Sri Hartamas. She was friendly, polite, cheerful and ready to smile. Not only that, she anticipated our dining needs. Hippo material I tell you!

These days however, in the age of the bling bling, many consumers are willing to pay high prices for superficial rubbish.

Tragic isn't it?

?

2008-08-19T03:11:00.008+08:00

Somehow, I recently remembered (vaguely I have to admit) I had something called a blog. Somewhere in the back of my mind resided the necessary information and it needed a catalyst. Two in fact. They are called Jeremy Clarkson and Bill Bryson.

They both write. I suppose no one should be surprised about that. However in respect to both men, they are alike like chalk and cheese.

I have been familiar with Clarkson for quite a while now. I had watched some BBC Top Gear shows taped in jolly old Blighty by my uncle who resides there. He also wrote a column for a car magazine. Clarkson is balls out, unashamedly anti conformist and a petrol head. He loves machinery that do quite anti social things. Zero to hundred in less time it takes for Paris Hilton to flash a tit or two. Top speed in excess of 2000% the legal speed limit. That kind of macho (and totally uncessary thing) gets his knickers wet with excitement. Don't forget he's the guy that bought a brand new Perodua Kelisa, drove it off the car lot and took a sledgehammer to it in full view of the dealership. It ended with the demise of the unfortuntate Kelisa by a good amount of explosives.

Mind you, I laughed. You yourself can watch it on youtube. But that's because I'm familiar with the chest beating apeman that is Clarkson. The Kelisa was accused of being devoid of character and manufactured for the sole purpose of profit for the manufacturer.

Excuse me. But isn't that the exact fucking point?

The absolute intention for a business, any business, from car manufacturer to your aunt Sally's curry mee stall is to make profit and as much of it as possible. More importantly I think, is that most people need to have the option of a cheap car to get from A to B (and hopefully back again) and also an easy car to drive. Character in a car means the back end's likely to overtake the front end if you get it slighty wrong. Clarkson can spout about his Farraris, Porsches, Lamborghinis, Saleens and whatnot. Only 0.1% of the world's population can actually afford and want to buy such montrosities of engineering. A road car that is capable of 320km/h is like having an industrial sized incinerator in your home. Walk the 10meters to the garbage can you lazy bastard. It's free. A car that does 320km/h uses the GDP of a small country to move that same amount of distance too.

Once, I was fully on Clarkson's side and wholeheartedly agreed with his viewpoint but that was almost 20 years ago. Back then I was a teenager suffering raging hormones, rebelliousness and zits.

So Clarkson can celebrate his Need for Speed. It's okay. It's his right. I however think Clarkson is anti-conformist and anti-social for the mere sake of being so. You can tell of the obvious guilt the man feels from the occasionally self-depracating remarks he makes.

But. I genuinely enjoyed his writings and still do. Even if I think the man's a cerebral menace, I have to admit he writes it well.

Bryson on the other hand, I simply love. An American who opened one eye and learnt how American America is. That's not a compliment actually. Bryson is an American who travelled to England to have a look see in his youth and didn't leave. He did eventually return to the YOO EHS AY but by then with a wife and four children in tow. By then Bryson pretty much grasped half of what the rest of the world do. The YOO EHS AY are a planet all on their own. I find white people adorably stereotypical be they Australian, American or British but the Americans have to take the cake in the Being White Stakes. I'd explain but my brain will probably not be able to take strain right now. It's nearly 4 in the morning. I guess have a long nap after lunch isn't a good idea.

Regardless of which and although it is stereotypical I will say that all white countries are inherently racist. The British because they used to rule us and now the the empire days are over, long for the past. The Australians because they feel threatened by us (look at an atlas sometime, mate); and The Americans because they are simply, arrogant (and delightfully unaware of this) and quite likely the new global Aryan.

Which brings me to my next bit of bitching. Es Pee Gees. I fucking hate SPGs. Not for the obvious reason which is since they only put out for white boys, we get less pussy. No no no. It makes no difference to me now anyway, not being single. Not at all. I hate them because there is no forgiveness for gross, irresponsible and blatant stupidity. One fine day, it might do them good to look up these lines:

1. Me so horny.

2. Fucky sucky, 10 doh-lar.

3. Me love you long time.

White boys love you bitches because you lot throw yourselves legs spread akimbo at them all the time. And us local boys couldn't give you the time of day because:

1. We can't stand your goddamn fake accents which none of us who have travelled almost the entire English speaking world can place let alone have heard before.

2. We think the tired old excuse than white men treat you all so much better is bullshit anyway. If I was trying to get some pussy gratis, I'd be real nice to you too.

3. This is sour grapes but we do recognise that white boys quite likely have heapo money. This does however, make you materialistic mercenary whore.

Of course I do realise we can't expect preferential treatment of the sort you crave from an Ah Beng but they're not all of us. That's stereotypical and not fair! Hahaha!

It is funny though when you tag along with us, there aren't any white boys around and you haven't a clue why no one is even remotely interested in speaking to you. So at least you do have entertainment value. Minor as it is.

Anyway, you've probably sussed out by now that this is nothing really to do with Jeremy Clarkson or Bill Bryson but mainly that I wanted to bitch and whine about something. Anything. It's what I'm good at in front of a keyboard. I've been reading Bryson and had been reading Clarkson. The fingers got kinda itchy.

I will leave you with this though, I discovered something new in the course of my work in which I meet quite a few expatriate families. I've discovered that the white boys who come over to work here.... well, their wives hate you fucking bitches too!

Truly wonderful. We're going to start a union soon.

Into the blue

2008-05-20T15:57:00.014+08:00

Oh gosh. More than 2 weeks without a post! Well, I've been quite busy. Have to prepare 5 properties for rental and one more needs maintenance. It never rains but it pours eh? Been quite busy and other time is spent just chillin'. I've been frequenting 1 Utama quite recently and just wandering about. I've bought more books for my new hobby/sport/passion which is of course, recreational diving. Quite unlike the morbid first book, Diver Down, I've bought a book on identifying reef fish and one more on dive sites in Malaysia. Identifying fish can be quite ridiculous. Two fish which look very alike can be two different species altogether. And the same species can have varying colours as well depending on location and environment. My mother and sister who are birdwatchers, I'm sure, are secretly pleased that Nat and I have about the same headaches they do when it comes to identifying species.

It's an expensive hobby. We've already blown thousands and have to be prepared to blow thousands more as we're slowly buying our own equipment. Nothing would suck more than dying or nearly drowning using someone else's equipment! I'd rather we own and maintain our own equipment. I know Nat feels the same.

So anyway, the plunge has been successfully taken as Nat and I are now certified open water divers.

To illustrate The Plunge:

That is me, by the way, doing the back roll off the boat.

Happy faces no? Dripping wet but very happy I assure you!

Dive buddies! I'm in the foreground, Nat's in the background.

This is a Teira Batfish. It was one of my aims to get to see this fish during the trip. Here's one being cleaned by a cleaner wrasse. There are little blue and yellow damsel fishes in the background.

Nat waving at the camera. The diver disappearing to the right is me!

And that's me. I'm sure you've noticed the visibility wasn't so good this dive and lots of floating particles.

Hovering vertically head down. If you're wondering what the white thing floating by my elbow is, it's my writing slate. It came free from my cummerbund.

As a test of bouyancy control, we took off our fins and tried to run on the bottom. Not easy! That's me giving my fins a cuddle.

You can pass the theory and practical tests but you're only officially done with the snorkel test!

Life Will Never Be The Same

2008-05-08T23:03:00.005+08:00

I''m back.

Firstly, Nat and I are now certified divers. We did it!

It wasn't the easiest of things. I had to find my comfort zone and learn to handle myself, my equipment and my immediate environment. The first time I went back below the surface (and the very first time in open water) I struggled a bit. There was a bit of mental block about sinking beneath the surface and breathing through the regulator. There was a role reversal here. Nat had a few problems in the pool whilst I had none. She happily went below the waves and I was stuck for a bit just below the surface trying to do everything at once. Breathe through my mouth. Coming to terms that I can't inhale with my nose, even if I tried I couldn't because of the face mask. Trying to equalise the air space in my mask (water pressure and air compression tightens the mask to the face) and equalise the air spaces in my ears. All at the same time! LOL! I was confused for a little while. We finished the open water tests and I'd like to think we did well. In total we did 4 open water tests dives, 3 leisure dives and one games dive. 2 of those were shore dives and 6 were boat dives. At the end of the trip, we pretty much found our comfort zones and are very happy to be in the water.

Secondly, Life Will NEVER Be The Same Again.

Our second leisure dive took us to Tokong Laut which is a rock which rises from the sea floor to just above the surface. This is a healthy reef. Visibility was good and there were thousands (and I mean THOUSANDS!) of fish of many many many colours and varieties. A lot of corals and anemonies. There was once we stopped and we were totally surrounded by hundreds of fish. It was absolutely beautiful. There is one thing looking at pictures of reef life in a book. It is also another thing watching it on TV. It is a whole different ball game being in the water, being in this underwater environment, being there, seeing, hearing, feeling. I tell you, it is a wonder. Life will never be the same again. Life anywhere else in the world is not so diverse and so colourful.

Titan Triggerfish

It was here that I saw my first sharks! :) I saw three in total. It was brilliant! I loved it! I also found out another thing. Recreational divers aren't scared of sharks. No sir. Recreational divers are scared of trigger fish! Hahaha! Trigger fish a territorial and extremely aggressive during nesting season. They attack divers without warning and without provocation. Consider this, trigger fish eat crustaceans and coral. They have very very sharp, strong and hard mouths. They can take chunks off divers and they have. Their bites can also be ciguatoxic. Ciguatera isn't something anyone wants to mess with. On a previous dive I had seen a small trigger less than a foot long. This time, on Tokong Laut, we came across a Titan Trigger which was at least two feet long. It was really really beautiful. I remember going "Wow!" more than "Oh shit!". It was absolutely fearless. It stared down five divers and refused to budge. That's when we decided to turn around and go another direction! Nat was the last to leave and when she noticed everyone had turned around she left plenty quick too!. She was finning like hell and thinking, "Oh SHIT!" LOL! Titans are the largest of the triggerfish species. It can grow to 30 inches. Which is a lot of triggerfish!

On a previous dive we saw bumphead wrasses. They were huge! Three feet long. They came to check us out and came to within 3 feet of us. It was fantastic.

Humphead Parrotfish

The most memorable fish I saw were the bamboo sharks, the triggerfish, humpheads, batfishes (big ones too!), blue spotted stingrays and various parrot fishes, butterfly fishes and angelfishes.

And of course we found Nemo! And nudibranches! We saw nudibranches! Woooooo!

There are photos and videos of our trip. We just haven't gotten them yet. There are photos of us underwater. There are also hilarious videos of us trying to run underwater on the bottom without fins, playing rugby with a mineral water bottle loaded with sand and of course, of our snorkel test! Will post them when we get them.

I am so pleased we did it. It's opened up a whole new world. We are well and truly hooked.

On the way back, I bought a t-shirt near the boat jetty. Its slogan is: Scuba Divers Go Down Longer!

And they do y'know? LOL!

Buzz

2008-05-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

I haven't felt this for a while. The buzz the day before. I'm so buzzed about the trip, I can't sleep. Unlike Nat - who is blissfully in the arms of sleep! I'm off to Perhentian - today; and I figure in about 12 hours, I should be lunching on the island possible having already made the first off-shore dive.

I'm just waiting to see if checking in at the airport is going to pose any problems. The scuba gear bag alone which contains (you guessed it) only scuba gear weighs 16 kilos, nevermind our own personal luggage. Air Asia has a limit of 15 kilos per person and you can't combine baggage weight with other persons according to their website.

That sucks.

That's like having a meal at Mum's Place in Damansara Perdana and discovering that you've had an excellent meal for four which came to over 70 Ringgit and they don't and won't refill your iced water. The four glasses of water came to 3.20 by the way. No refills though.

That sucks.

It's just fucking cold water!

Black Canyon, which is almost as good and a lot cheaper, will. I heartily recommend Set A for two persons at Black Canyon. You get all the iced water you can drink too at almost half the price!

That aside, I'm goin' divin'! Yay!

There

2008-05-02T11:40:00.002+08:00

Been busy!

Tomorrow, we're off for the diving trip!

Bzzzzz

2008-04-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

Y'all have to forgive the slowdown in posts. I'm busy busy busy!

Asshole Gallery #2

2008-04-18T14:08:00.005+08:00

What's wrong with this picture? Is the taxi really in reverse gear? Nope. This is one of the many many assholes who fuck about with their car lights array. Blinking reverse lights while braking. Reverse lights on when they brake. Reverse lights permanently on. You know the ones. You've definitely seen them about. This has to be illegal and rightly so. It's idiotic.

And here we are back to my pet peeve. Queue cutters! This is Jalan Damansara in TTDI leading to the LDP, opposite the Petronas and post office. The lane one the left is for people to turn into Damansara Kim where the Specialist Centre is. I noticed in my wing mirror, this asshole leave the queue at the back and drive up past everyone on the left. It's a nice car. I do love the new Camry but it's got a kurang ajar no road etiquette queue cutter at the wheel! The plate is WRA 1918. Might be and probably is a nice guy in person but is just another fucking Malaysian driver behind the wheel. Whassa matter? Whassa rush? Bad curry izzit?

I don't really understand the junction up ahead. I don't know why it's been fucked about with. What we have now is a three lane road becoming a 2 lane road just before the traffic lights. Which is a really stupid idea. Cars bottleneck, bunch up and argue for space at the lights. I don't know what is going on, maybe when they finish the works at the lights, it might make sense. But I'm not holding my breath.

Diver Up

2008-04-16T19:32:00.006+08:00

As you may know, I've just taken up scuba diving. I'm going for open water certification. I've been frequenting book stores recently to obtain some literature (and colour pictures!) about diving or aquatic life. Book stores for some reason tend to be quite cold and after much shivering and swearing by the girlfriend I finally picked a book. It's called Diver Down, subtitled Real Life Accidents and How to Avoid Them, by Michael R. Ange. It's a book on real life incidents and accidents by recreational divers. Of all the books out there eh? I go and pick this one?

I do think it's rather typical of myself that I bought this one to be honest. I'm just not letting my mum anywhere near the book. Of the stories in the book, many of the divers concerned lost their lives, a few were permanently damaged and even fewer escaped permanent injury. None survived unscathed, all being damaged one way or another mentally or physically.

And I'm glad I bought it. It proves a few things my instructor had been saying. He didn't ever repeat himself much but that's cos he thinks we (Matt, Nat and I) are smart enough to realise what he's saying is mucho mucho importanto. I also now realise that I made quite a few mistakes during the confined water sessions. Our instructor keeps telling us to think. To figure things out. Stop. Breathe. Think. Act. In that order. There's only so much training and instructions can do. A diver must first be responsible for himself/herself.

It would be an interesting point to note that of all the stories, only one was due to Murphy's Law or the proverbial shit happens. An experienced diver suffered an embolism which paralysed him while he was still in the water despite not doing anything wrong. He survived.

Panic is the number one killer of divers. Not surprisingly, ego is number two. There are divers who were gung ho and macho and went beyond their limits and training and were killed in the process. Needless to say, they panicked at the end of it. Sometimes justice isn't served as one of these divers recovered completely but his girlfriend drowned and his divemaster will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. That must be a terrible cross to bear.

However, ego is not always apparent. New divers always consume air faster than experienced divers. A new diver, subject to ribbing from other divers for having to cut short his (and his dive buddy's) dive from a rapidly lightening air tank, was determined to stay down longer on the next dive. He ran out of air and died along with the new divemaster whose own tank couldn't support himself and the hyperventilating new diver to make it to the surface.

Regardless of how exciting, new risky endeavours should be taken up progressively and carefully with advice and learnings taken seriously from the more experienced. Divemasters and instructors can always tell the ones who are going to be high risk. They're the ones who can't wait to get the gear on. The ones who want a bigger dive knife. The ones who can't wait to go deeper, further, longer. The ones who go beyond the limits of their training.

My own instructor had a story about diving. An instructor had two new students with him in open water. He had a camera with him. One student signalled low on air. The instructor signalled back to chill while he got his photo and they'd go up. After he got his shot he looked back and the divers were missing. He did a quick search and then went up. The divers were on the boat. One was dead and the other dying.

My mum told me that she read in the paper that a student diver got washed away from the group by a current and drowned. That's probably because that was a production factory type training. My group will have an instructor, 4 divemasters, an experienced diver, 2 Advanced Open Water students and 3 new Open Water students. Rather than 1 divemaster for 5 students, we will be having a 1 divemaster to 1 student ratio. Sure, I'm paying almost twice the price but I have someone qualified to certify new instructors as my instructor. I like the philosophy of my dive school which is to teach students how to dive and to do it safely. Production line schools tend to be like Malaysian driving academies. They teach you how to pass the test and that's about it.

After reading this book and reflecting on it, I would like to be qualified as an Advanced Diver and to also take up the Rescue Diver course. Not that I plan to be rescuing anybody (and I hope to never have to) but it would teach me to deal with emergencies and situations better should they arise. I certainly don't want anyone to be looking at me to deal with things cos, 'You're the rescue diver!'. A diver is only as good as his/her training and attitude.

I am rather pleased with comments filtered down to me from my pool sessions. It seems the instructors thought I was quietly confident and competent and doing better than I thought I was. A fellow student thought I did everything asked of me without fuss. So yeah.... very pleased with such feedback.

The reality of it is that I couldn't wait to get the gear on! Haha! BUT! I thought I should have a damn good listen to the instructor first. The last thing I want to be is to be in a book titled Diver Down, Part 2. I'd rather be in one titled "Diver Up, Who's Next?". Who knows? I might write it meself!

Spill and Overflow

2008-04-16T19:11:00.003+08:00

Woah! Got to catch up with my blog! I have had so many things to blog about plus more pics for the Asshole Gallery (hahaha!) but have hardly had the time to do anything about it. Busy busy busy and it's gonna get busier with the handover of another apartment coming up about the same time with outfitting two other apartments. Also there's the pergola for the bungalow and the washing machine for the studio. I'm beat!

First! American Idol. How the hell did Michael Johns get voted off???? I'm waiting for Dread-head Boy to go but he's still there! What the #$%^&???? It's as Simon Cowell said, it's a popularity contest not strictly a talent contest. Didja see Stacey Ferguson on Idol Gives Back? Holy moly, that girl can sing. I really liked it when she sang with Heart. She sounded like a young Ann Wilson. And instead she gives us absolute rubbish like London Bridge and Fergalicious. Cos that's the kind of crap that sells and the people who buy crap like that is why Michael Johns is no longer in the running. I just saw David Cook sing Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby. After that, his version of Hello and Chris Cornell's Billie Jean, if he doesn't win, we definitely know it because of people who like crap like London Bridge and Fergalicious. I have to say though, that Big Girls Don't Cry is a fantastic song. The rose bush growing out of a heap of manure.

And speakin' of crap....

Now! I just cut the grass today. Got the electric mower out and mowed the lawn. There's already cat crap on the freshly cut grass. If only I had a shotgun.... The smell of cat pee in the mornings and cat crap on my lawn. I had considered myself an animal lover but no longer. Dead cats sound like an increasingly good idea. Fertilizer anyone?

It's of constant amazement to me how badly people drive in this country. It has improved though. You know why? Because many many people in my generation went overseas for higher education. We learnt some sort of driving courtesy over there. Fuck the system that gives Malaysians a license to be in (and out of) control of thousands of pounds of fast moving metal. Anyone pay for your license cos you knew if you didn't you'd fail? Your driving school will even arrange it for you!

I'm now going to publish this posting and start on my next one.

Still Here

2008-04-14T21:22:00.002+08:00

No, I haven't been neglecting my blog. Just been very busy. Will update on a heapo stuff soon. This is the 300th post! Woohoo!

Open Water

2008-04-09T17:31:00.002+08:00

My PADI Open Water confined water sessions are over and it wasn't difficult at all! Next month I will be in Perhentian and by the time I come back I should be a certified open water diver. Woohoo!

The most obvious thing to me so far is how much of a mental thing diving is. Kids have less inhibitions than adults. They actually make better diving students than adults. They don't have the hangups adults have. So far I've heard the stories from my instructor. There are those who are convinced they will drown. Those who have to be coaxed to put their heads underwater. Those who are sure they can't breathe with scuba gear even though there's no reason as to why they can't. And. Those who are frightened of fish! It's a strange mix, diving and a fear of fish. But that's how much diving can snare you and keep you hooked. The Frightened of Fish One is going for advanced open water certification! Fish are one thing but there are sharks in the reef where we're going! LOL!

I have to say I'm really proud of Nat. She handled it very well. Although she doesn't think she did. She did everything she was asked to do and she did it competently. Trouble was she was comparing herself to me. I'm not good at a lot of things. There are only a few things I'm good at and these are 1. Outdoor activities, 2. Racing car video games; and 3. E***** ****y.

Hahahaha!

Confined Water

2008-04-09T16:23:00.008+08:00

Taking the plunge. Welcome to the underwater!

The confined (pool) water sessions are over. We made it! Using scuba gear is a lot easier than I had thought it'd be. My only issues were with having a dry throat from breathing dry air for extended periods of time. I've been teaching myself to swallow saliva with the second stage in my mouth! Other than that was an ill fitting mask and a cheap snorkel which will be easily solved by buying my own. Also, we've decided that we have to get wetsuits. Nat and I both get plenty cold even in 3m of pool. 18m in the sea is gonna be really cold then especially if there's a thermocline.

It was quite an experience. The first questions were asked even before any gear was pulled on. First was the 200m swim and then the 10 minute unassisted float. I didn't count the laps, I just swam and the 10 minutes of treading water (I can't float for some reason) wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

As long as you pay attention and listen to your instructor, the various tests are simple and easy enough. It's as I'd said, anyone who goes into scuba diving all gung ho and macho is going to get killed. Either by own stupidity or by the instructor!

Annual

2008-04-09T16:23:00.006+08:00

brainspillage.com, mine for another year!

I know I had said I'd wanted to change my domain name provider but it got kind of ridiculous. I made, or tried to make, a couple of phone calls. My first choice provider had a disconnected phone when I tried to call the number listed on the website. The second choice, no one picked up the phone when I called.

Two words. Fuck it.

I just paid up to the current one. Saves a lot of hassle and irritation.

Service Interruption!

2008-04-07T21:25:00.002+08:00

brainspillage.com may go offline for a few days while I sort out my domain name. I want to switch to a different company. Hang tight!

www.brainspillage.com might be available at brain-spillage.blogspot.com at that time though.

1st Session

2008-04-05T21:17:00.002+08:00

Have completed Day 1 of the confined (pool) water sessions. Day 2 tomorrow. Very tired. Will blog about it another day when I have the energy. All I have to say is that it was fun! I now have a strange sensation like I'm still floating around still though.

Blacktip

2008-04-01T11:28:00.005+08:00

Open water session has been changed to Bubbles Diving Resort. They have a 'house reef'. Quaint name for the natural reef off their shore. I just had a look at their website. They claim to have blacktip reef sharks.

This is a blacktip reef shark.

Isn't it cute?

This is also a blacktip reef shark.

Obviously the one in the first picture is a little one. The kind you find in house reefs. Hahah! If I met the mommy shark in the second picture while diving, I'd shit myself and then some.

Ghost in the House

2008-04-01T10:55:00.002+08:00

I read Nick's blog and he opened with scratchings from the ceiling. Although it has no relation to this latest flashback, it reminded me of something my friends and I got up to in the dirty bastard teen aged years.

I've told this story many times to much mirth but have not blogged about it for some reason. Celebrating April Fool's Day with this little joke. Mean as it is.

There are a number of factors in this story to consider before getting into the details.

#1. The antagonists. A bunch of us Ipoh guys were in Subang Jaya studying in various colleges. Away from home and out from under the parental thumb for the first time.

#2. The annoying cousin. My friend, Alex, stayed in his uncle's house in SS15 with his female cousin. His uncle had been transferred to Jakarta and wasn't around. Female cousin, MY for this story, once rendered a room full of otherwise very loud boys speechless once. We were once watching TV and commenting on the various female body shapes and builds appearing in the ads. A voice piped up from the back. "Actually my body also quite proportionate one...." She had a body like a beer keg!

#3. The faulty cassette player. When it recorded from it's mic, it didn't erase and record over what was previously on the tape. What was recorded played with whatever was there previously enabling us to multitrack.

#4. The child's pull toy. Remember those things with the string that you pulled and it'd play a song? Very eerie at night in the dark. The idea stemmed from the fact that once one guy pulled on the string in the dark and no one knew what it was and where it was coming from. Having Are You Sleeping Brother John tinkling in the dark with no obvious source was quite unnerving.

#5. The hole in the ceiling. The cousins' bedrooms were next to each other. On my friend's side, an asbestos panel in the ceiling could be pushed out of the way.

#6. The idea that grew. It started with the cassette player and the pull toy and the snoring.

Let's start with the snoring. Joe insisted his room mate, Hoong Chiew snored like an angry beehive to which was regarded by the culprit as fiction. One night Joe recorded it and played it the next day to a room full of guys at the volume he claimed it to be in reality. Much mirth abounded. This was shortly after the Pull Toy Incident. Someone came up with the bright idea of recording the pull toy. On playback, it was discovered that the cassette player was faulty. We had a mix of the pull toy and Hoong Chiew's snoring. After the laughter subsided naturally The Idea emerged and more sounds were put into the mix. Chains rattling. Some clown going 'woooooooooo' in a stereotypical imitation of a ghost. Another clown moaning MY's name. Various moans and groans which built up in volume and number of voices to a climax. Laughter which wasn't intentional but it hard not to in a mob environment.

That night the plan was put into action. The asbestos panel was removed. The speakers put into the ceiling and pushed over MY's room. I'd imagine anyone in the other room would have a very hard time tracing the source of the sounds. All that was left was to push the play button.

What an anti climax. We'd expected her to burst out of her room trailing muslin and hair curlers screaming for protection.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

A number of scenarios were discussed. The first one was that she slept like the dead. The next scenario assumed that she was dead. From a fatal heart attack from the fear. Sam was sent out to moan her name and bang on her door.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

With much disappointment, the speakers were removed and the panel replaced.

The next morning, we were asked if we heard anything 'strange' the night before. Success! Trying to keep the triumph out of our expressions and voices we strenuously denied we did. And the very next day, she brought over her church group from her college (INTI, if anyone's interested) and held a prayer/exorcism. Everyone held hands in a circle in the house. They called on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to banish the demons and devils in the house....

....not knowing that there were a few devils in the circle holding hands!

Hahahah!

Asshole Gallery #1

2008-03-31T20:56:00.007+08:00

Yay! It's something new for my blog! It's the Asshole Gallery! Piss me off on the road with bad behaviour and if you're a lucky lucky fellow in the chance that I am either stationary or have someone take the photo for me, you'll be an instant inductee into the gallery! I'm not going to be a candidate for the gallery myself and try to take a picture while I'm driving. And also NO. I'm NOT blanking out number plates if they're visible.

And here we have.... the very first inductee into the asshole gallery! This is the turning into Mont Kiara. You'll notice Asshole #1 to be waiting in the middle of two lanes over the broken lines separating the lanes. Left lane is to go straight and right lane is to turn right into Mont Kiara. This is because Asshole #1 is waiting for the lights to change so he can zoom up on everyone's left and turn from the outer lane. What a classic case of cutting queue. Asshole #1 also did a good job of pissing off drivers going straight because drivers of larger cars had to slow down to squeeze past him.

And this on the same day is Asshole #2. This is at the Riana Green traffic light where the school is. Asshole #2 is in the lane to go straight but he's going to cut across me and turn left. If you're wondering where the traffic light is, he's gone past it. The taxi you see on my right and I are lined up where the lights are. Hell, he's damn near even gone past the pedestrian crossing.

Let's hear it for the first two inductees into the Asshole Gallery! Yay!!!!

Assholes....

Swim

2008-03-31T13:04:00.002+08:00

No, I haven't been lazy, I've been busy. Hence blog didn't get updated. We did the study review and Open Water Certification exam on the weekend and aced it! I scored 96% and Nat scored 94%. Woohoo! Gear fitting was done as well. We got to pull on expensive bits of diving equipment. Next week is the confined water sessions in the pool.

Just one change. The resort at Tioman has been fully booked. This means we're going to Perhentian instead. At least I'm not worrying about driving all the way to Mersing anymore. We'll be flying to Kota Bharu instead. Thank goodness for Air Asia.

First, we have to pass a swim test. After the exam and all that, we headed off to the pool to swim. Nat won't have any trouble. She did the requisite 200m and more. I however, am in trouble. I can't seem to manage it without getting really really tired. I'm also sunk (what a pun!) with the 10 minutes unassisted float. It's basically staying afloat any old how without any floatation device/assist. I naturally sink like a stone. I have no idea why. It takes me back to when my mum tried to teach me to float when I was still a pre-school kid.

We have a pond in the front of the house. One time it was cleaned out and refilled. No fish. My sister and I played in it every day. My mum thought she'd teach me to float. She supported my body and she told me to relax. I distinctly remember wondering what 'relax' meant! Anyway, everytime she let go, I sank. Instantly. It seems to be no different now about 30 years later.

I guess I'll have to tread water for ten minutes.

Sigh....

The pool sessions, as I've mentioned, are this weekend. I'm not going to be able to play with scuba gear if I can't swim the 200m or stay afloat for 10 minutes!

Sigh....

Ya'all gotta excuse me. I'm going swimming. Every day. Till the weekend.

Sigh....

Dive

2008-03-26T13:44:00.003+08:00

The dates leading up to our first open water dive in Tioman are coming closer and closer. This weekend is gear fitting, study review and test. The weekend after that is the confined water dives. A couple of weeks after that is a refresher course in confined water and then another weekend and it's the actual open water dives and an extra day for leisure dives.

I am looking forward to it although I am a little afraid of it. It's something I've always, always wanted to do.

I grew up on Jacques Cousteau's adventures on TV. My dad has a book of his with many many colour illustrations. I used to pull the book out on lazy afternoons and look at the pictures over and over again. Then I'd get in trouble for not putting it back over and over again! My uncle is a marine biologist. I've pretty much always been in wonder and awe of the sea. The multitude of colour and life on reefs and the vastness of deep water has always fascinated me. Of course, watching Jaws 2 when I was 6 years old wasn't a good idea.

I would like to think that I'm not blindly going into recreational scuba diving. I would also like to think that I'm not going to be arrogant about it, thinking I already know a lot about it. I've not done it, how can I know? I might know the theory behind the diving and the names of many sea creatures and which ones are dangerous but when I jump in for the first time, I am going to assume I know nothing. It is a safe enough activity but naturally there are risks. The most obvious being human beings can't breathe underwater. Other obvious factors are that the sea can be a dangerous place. There're things that can bite, sting, cut, snag and generally fuck a person up. Then there are the not so obvious things. Underwater navigation, oxygen poisoning, nitrogen narcosis, decompression sickness, lung overexpansion, dive time and depth, currents and a whole heap of other things. If someone thinks he can just put on the gear, jump in and swim about like The Little Mermaid is going to be seriously injured or get killed.

I watched Water Horse a few days ago. I remember thinking that the little kid was going to have severe lung injuries and quite likely ruptured ear drums as well. But that's just bitching. It is a movie after all.

I hope I can open a new world not just for myself but for Nat as well. I hope she will love it but somehow I think she will once the pressure and stress of the tests are over.

Pictures next month.

P.S. 2008 is International Year of the Reef!

Plant Growth

2008-03-26T13:40:00.003+08:00

Well, bitch about something and have to deal with the situation all over again.

Last night I was pottering about the back porch late at night when I heard a kitten mewing. I thought it was either coming from the garden shed or the stack of pots beside the shed. I grabbed a torch and went looking.

Nope. Not in the garden shed. Not among the pots either. Then I shine the torch light downwards.

Kitten. Newly born.

!@#$%^&*

I put it in a box with newspapers and leave it in the garden shed with the door open. It didn't survive the night unfortunately.

It's fertilizer now.

What's in a name?

2008-03-25T09:38:00.006+08:00

Discussions not to have in public: Names you would NOT give to your children.

For the simple reasons such as:

1. You know too many people with the name.
2. You don't like the name.
3. You don't like somebody who goes by the name.
4. It's not the sort of name you'd name your kids.
5. It's a plain stupid name for a little chinese kid to have.

Anyway, the list got long and it's only a matter of time before you hit someone near you who may or may not be intentionally listening. One girl walked off with in a huff. She quite likely goes by one of these names:

Doris, Phyllis, Mabel, Gladys, Arthur, Albert, Aloysius, William, Marion, Fanny (pussy in England, ass in the US), Britney (for obvious reasons), Paris (for Obvious OBVIOUS reasons), Tata (the name of a little Eurasian ho' and an Indian motor manufacturer), Jamie, Lynn, Traci, Brittany, Chloe (Aussie stripper name), Zoe (Aussie stripper name), Christina, Cynthia (for some reason, most Cynthias I know are rather naughty), Madison (not even a proper name until the movie Splash!), George (tea and crumpets with that?), Elizabeth, Victoria, Henry, Herbert, Hector, Molly, Carol, Jenna (porn name, 41 women have used the name according to IAFD), Ashley (porn name, 141 women, source: IAFD), Shanice, Connor (white name), Wyatt (Super White name), Dylan, Tyrone (black name), Benjamin, Michael (other kids will call him Mai Kai Tan because kids are mean little bastards), Samuel (too bible for me), John (John is slang for the toilet, a prostitute's customer, and add 'Doe' and you've got an unidentified dead body), Jane (Plain Jane, Jane Doe), Peter (slang for penis though it doesn't sound like one particularly impressive in size, length and girth), Richard (in England, Dick is short for Richard, don't ask me why) Tiffany (I always think of a spoilt little rich bitch, probably because of the jewelery company), Jessie (popular self bestowed name from my time), Ricky (popular self bestowed name from my parents time), Brandon, Fiona (a slut I knew and I mean a slut), and on and on (my head hurts).

No abbreviated names (or cute names). I'd rather give a full name and abbreviate it myself informally. No Andy, Billy, Mickey, Vicky, Ricky, Dicky, Nicky, Rick, Dick, Nick, Terry, Davy, Danny, Frankie, Larry, Robbie and crappy likey that.

Also no names which are obviously going to explode with this generation. No David (of 1.3 million Davids on planet Earth born in the last 6 years, 680 000 of them are named after David Beckham primarily by middle class asian families. Well. No. I made that up!), Wayne, Steven, Gerrard, Britney, Ronald (anyone dare add an 'o'?), I know one Malay kid is named Zidain in tribute to the mad head butting French genius (before the head butting incident though). My footy buddy Ross named his kid, Kino after Roy Keane then discovered the alternate spelling is a Japanese casino game. Sometimes kids get named after celebrities. My friend Kevin is named after Kevin Keagan. Someone special I know is named after Natalie Wood. Heck, I knew a girl named Domino, her dad's a James Bond fan. It'd be a great story if her sisters' names were Pussy, Kissy, Bibi and had chinese names like Chew Mee. Unfortunately for this story, they have rather normal names. Still, I dare asian families to name their kids Beyonce and Rihanna.

And finally - English Names Chinese Stars Give Themselves - Hakken, Koma, Banky, Chelsia, Natalis, Power, Sammul, Clifton, Devily, Loletta, Gallen, Halina, Tavia, Ridley, Myolie, and on and on and on. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before There's an Orgasm Lee or a Clitoris Lam.

If you go by one of those names, no offense meant eh? What worked for your parents (assuming if you have an English name, it's one you didn't give yourself) might not work for me. For the record, I don't have and I don't use an English name. I don't go by any name my folks didn't give me. Many of my old schoolmates go by English names now. To make it easier for work I guess. I refuse to.

Names are important. Your kid's identity relies on your judgement. Unless you can afford the psychiatric bills eh? Go Moon Unit!

Signs and Profound Announcements

2008-03-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a day of written signs for me. I have no idea why I took more notice of them today but fact is, I did.

The first one was when I was going to the Damansara Specialist Centre with Nat. I noticed beside a house, a home painted sign which said, "NO DOG SHIT". Seriously. I could have pissed myself laughing on the spot. I do understand the feeling of frustration this poor house owner is feeling. I myself have debated the wisdom of a number of actions I could follow regarding my problem with the cats in my neighbourhood.

The first is to shoot them and bury them in the garden. Instant fertilizer. The obvious flaw in my plan: no gun. I also had intended to murder these pesky pussies and stick their little heads on spikes in front of their owners' houses. The trouble is of course, I would have to figure out how to kill them and I also don't think I can stomach decapitating cats in the back yard. AND after that I'd have to identify which cat belonged to which house.

Ding! Dong! Excuse me? Is this your cat? Yes? Splork! Splork? That's the sound of a cat head being stuck on a spike. Not likely to happen.

I had also thought of leaving out poison so that the cat would eat it and go back and die in their own houses saving me disposal issues.

I didn't use to hate cats. Now I positively despise them. My garden shed, front porch and back yard smells of cat pee and my garden smells of cat crap. My walls and drain pipes are muddy with cat prints. Our cars are left with paw prints and scratches. They yowl and fight all fucking night.

If I owned a shot gun I'd have very healthy plants.

The whole problem is that pet owners just won't be responsible for their pets. These cats in the first place should not be allowed to be running around pissing off the neighbours. I've had my umbrellas, shoes, gardening gloves, boxes, and porches pissed on. Anyone know what cat pee smells like? It fuckin' stinks okay? And not to say I've been mean to any cats. One cat give birth to kittens on my back porch. I let it stay there until it was ready to take the kittens away. I'm really irritated with the owners of the neighbourhood cats though.

Okay! Next sign. At the Damansara Specialist Centre itself. Saw this guy smoking outside the building in a quiet corner. I didn't at first see a No Smoking sign. Then I did. He was standing on it. Whether he ripped it off the wall and stood on it to hide the evidence, I dunno. But it was a sight to see anyway. LOL!

Next was a car outside the Specialist Centre. It had Classic Mecca Cola advertising all over it. And a Halal sticker.... Halal cola? Is there such a thing?

The third sign was at a bank where I went to open an account immediately after leaving the Specialist Centre. It was one that, to me, was very Japanese in the Super Happy Fun kind of way. I verified my thumb print to my IC. I would have expected the message on screen to say "Positive Match" or "Verified". It didn't. It said "Triumphant Match"! Why, I'm not quite sure!

Anyway, it's late. I should be getting some sleep. Night all!

Down Payment

2008-03-22T22:52:00.002+08:00

Ah....! The memories.... All came flooding back and I've still got it. What is it? Well.... negotiating a price for one. Two is the thrill of the game. Three is that I'm still good at it.

Quite simply it was negotiating the trade in price of a car and the price of a new car. A Wira Aeroback for a new Vios.

And I must admit some disappointment along the way. And it's all to do with Toyota sales people. I went to three different Toyota dealerships to get the best price possible. One thing I do know now is that Toyotas sell themselves. Their sales staff are pretty much not very good. To be fair, just the ones I dealt with although I must say that at the Aman Suria dealership, it wasn't really the guy's fault. He's young and 2 months into his first job.

We live in an area where we have many dealerships to choose from. Too bad for them. When buying a new car, always, always play them off each other to get the best deal. They are after sales targets don't forget. I have TTDI, Aman Suria, Dataran Sunway, Bangsar and Section 19 to choose from.

Dealer 1. TTDI dealership. The sales woman sided the second hand dealer for the trade in and his first price was a full two and a half thousand what I finally negotiated in the end with the dealer we put the down payment with. Sales woman didn't handle herself well for someone who should have experience behind her. Not impressed. One pushy broad with eyes only to sell as quick as possible and commit us to a down payment.

Dealer 2. Dataran Sunway, Kota Damansara. Sales man handled himself well. Second hand dealer on hand at the showroom. Made a reasonable offer. Sided customer in negotiation with second hand dealer. One thousand more than TTDI's final offer on trade in. Appeared quite professional. He shot himself in the foot after I rang him later to tell him I got a better price from the Aman Suria dealer. Lost his composure and became pushy.

Dealer 3. Aman Suria. Young guy who seems somewhat unsure of what he's doing. 2 months into the job and 4 cars sold so far. Committed to a trade in price 500 bucks more than Dataran Sunway. Obviously desperate for a sale. Messed up trying to get the trade in guy to view the car although I didn't hold it against him. Committed to a price two and a half thousand more than the first offer we got. I shook on it and we booked the car the very next day. We were pleased to give him the sale though we think he's too sweet a guy to be a sales person. Anyway, if you're buying a new Toyota, go see Edward at the Aman Suria showroom. You can tell him the Mr. Tan who bullied him over the trade in of a Wira for a Vios sent you. LOL!

Perhaps I should sell cars to pass the time. Although it will be very different on the other end of the stick. One thing I've always realised is that the guy with the buying power and a few choices always has the advantage. Don't you forget it eh?

Something new

2008-03-15T21:16:00.002+08:00

I a couple of weeks, I'm going, with Nat, for the confined water sessions of what is to certify the both of us as PADI Open Water Divers. For me, this is something I've always wanted to do. On one side, I can't really wait; and on the other I'm feeling nervous to take the plunge. Only for the fact that I am finally about to embark on a long, long awaited journey. I supposed I'm afraid I may find it too difficult or that I may not like it or panic and die in 3 feet of water.

The trauma of being taken to see Jaws 2 when I was 5 or 6 by my parents should not be a factor. Hahaha! Mum.... it wasn't a good idea. I was frightened of even taking a bath after that!

Should be fun.

Catching up

2008-03-12T10:29:00.000+08:00

Wow. I have so much catching up to do with everyone's blog....

The Dangers of Voting

2008-03-12T09:42:00.004+08:00

I was in Penang on 8th March. I had accompanied my girlfriend back to Penang so's she could cast her vote. We spent a couple of nights in Penang getting fat and wandering around and made our way back home via Ipoh (where I'm from) that day itself. I won't get into the political aspect of things this post. Penang caused quite a stir and while I was in Penang we visited my aunt and uncle who are quite actively interested in politics. What I'm going to be blogging about is something entirely different.

After spending some time with my parents in Ipoh, we were making our way back home by way of the North-South Highway. It was raining and the roads were wet. If you'd been traveling that day in the evening, you might have noticed the massive jam between Bidor and Tapah. Here's how it looked from my eyes.

I had been driving. It was my shift. She drove from Penang to Ipoh and I drove back from Ipoh after lunch. It had been raining. It was still raining lightly as I broached the crest of a 'hill' and there at the bottom were two cars who had obviously come into some contact with each other. One car was parked on the side in the emergency lane and the other was stationary in the left lane where I was. I didn't want to pull into the right lane as I didn't know what was there and what was coming. I braked gradually and turned on the hazard lights. A quick glance in the rear view mirror told me the car behind me was pretty clued in as I saw his hazard lights come on as well. I slowed to a stop behind the car blocking the left lane. There was a guy standing beside that car. He was trying to open an umbrella. The car was empty. The man had either been travelling alone or the occupants were out of the car already. The accident must have just happened as (i) the driver hadn't even gotten his umbrella open; and (ii) the batch of the cars I was leading pulled right up to the accident scene.

Once I had the car stopped. I had wanted to look in the side mirror to see if I could go around the car. I didn't even have the chance. I saw a flash of white fly by on my right. The car was going fast and it was already skidding, out of control. What happened next was a curious mixture of slow motion and blink-and-you'll-miss-it. The car already going sideways, hit the divider on the right and was flung into the car in front of me. I'm still very thankful he didn't slam into me. I remember bits flying everywhere. The car ended up in the drain on the left behind the other stopped car.

I'll always remember the look on the face of the guy trying to open his umbrella. He looked like he'd shit himself. He was standing next to his car when the other car slammed into it and mercifully, it missed him and he wasn't hit by any of the flying debris either. He hadn't managed to get his umbrella open either but I don't think he really cared at that precise point in time.

Here's the thing, the original accident had happened in the trough of two crests. The guy in the white car had a lot of time to see and react to what happened like I and the guy in the car behind me (kudos to you sir, whoever you are) did.

Much later when I was back on my way home, my mum rings me to ask if I'd been caught in "a massive jam between Bidor and Tapah". I only gave my mum the full story later when I'd reached home.

What I've learnt/re-enforced/realised:

1. Shit happens.

2. Most Malaysians don't know how to drive. We just get taught how to pass our driving test which itself is already laughable.

3. I don't panic under pressure and where instant decision is needed. In fact my heart rate didn't increase but stayed normal.

4. When it's raining, some people actually speed up thinking that there will definitely be no speed traps.

5. Stopping 2 tons of fast moving metal is really really hard to do with limited time and space, especially in wet weather.

6. The guy holding the umbrella at that precise point in time was the luckiest bastard on planet earth. Although he might have needed to change his underwear after that. Assuming he wears underwear that is.

You all be safe on the roads now okay?

Time to think

2008-03-11T23:09:00.002+08:00

Hullo!

Well, I don't suppose I have any readers left. It's been a while since I was posting regularly. I have a decision to make I suppose. My domain name is up for it's annual payment/renewal and if anyone remembers, I was severely pissed off and downright furious with the company which registered my domain name. Well, I got an email from them and they've skied their prices. It's okay, I hadn't intended to give them any more money (eternalsolutions.com can fuck off), the issues are mainly (i) do I keep my domain name?; and (ii) do I keep blogging?

Oh, I said it a year ago, and I'll say it again. Don't use eternalsolutions. They're fucked up! Click here to last year's post where I bitched about them.

So.... I think I will keep my domain name. Whatever it is, it's mine and the few people who read my blog know the url and if it drops out, they'd think my blog's gone. So yeah. I'll keep it. This time however I will get someone else to hold the domain name for me. I will take Erin's (of erintan.com) advice this time and use interunix this time. I may not be able to import my blog to it (I don't know yet) but it's preferable to paying those con job bastards at eternalsolutions.

I don't really have to analyse why I stopped blogging. The answer is so, so simple. I have someone to talk to and share with at home. There ya go! All in one sentence. I do think however, that I would like to continue blogging. I've always liked writing. And also I did really like having my blog friends and being connected to them. People like Nick, Kevin, Tiong, Bobo, Jen, Brenda, Sew Jin, Abby, Grace, (Feon) Rabbit. I miss (in a cyberspace sort of way) you guys!!!

My mum asked me why I had stopped blogging. And I gave her the one sentence. Also I told her bloggers like me are lonely, pissed off and/or unhappy. We blog to reach out and find other people who can approve and agree of us and our opinions. Failing that, we can always find someone to argue with.

I think it's time I started blogging again. For the simple reason that I enjoy writing. I may not be lonely, pissed off and unhappy anymore but I think I would still like to be heard. Most of all, I would also like to have my blog buddies back.

Dear Bobo,

2008-01-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is good news! She's about everything I ever hoped to find.

We were actually in Singapore just before Christmas. I had wanted to send you a text greeting but I wasn't sure if you were even in the country at the time. I had thought I had read something on your blog that you'd be away (China, was it?).

You take care. And much love to you and all of us eh? Makes the world go round it does....

Bulletin

2008-01-07T22:02:00.001+08:00

Now, if you were planning on cheating on your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, here's a bunch of tips for you.

1. Realise that you might get caught. Prepare to get caught.

2. Prepare for other people (family, friends, colleagues; yours/his/hers) to find out what a rat you are.

3. Thus, prepare yourself to be labelled an asshole.

Cos undoubtedly, you are an asshole, asshole.

Window

2008-01-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

It's a beautiful world out there. Take a look. Venture out. As far as I'm concerned with metaphors and what not, it's 2008 out there. New beginnings. New lives. It's gonna be great!

Love

2008-01-02T08:08:00.000+08:00

2008

2008-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy New Yeee-ah!

Levels

2007-12-28T09:42:00.000+08:00

I saw something about a week ago which had me shaking my head in disbelief. I was at 1 Utama and I saw a bunch of people, not many, but still a bunch of people waiting for an elevator. Needless to say, they were crowding the door. When the doors opened, they streamed in and after they had all got on, I saw an elderly lady in a wheelchair emerge from the lift being pushed by, what I presume is the family maid and followed by the (again I presume) lady's daughter. Who was, blamelessly and understandably, looking quite pissed off.

The crowd weren't all young people. I've always bitched and whined about today's younger generation but I would think even they'd have the sense and respect to have allowed the wheelchair and its occupant to have exited first. These people rather were the people who will be raising the future generation.

Sad isn't it?

I was in Singapore for a number of days before Christmas. No one can pack shopping malls like the Singaporeans! Crowded. Not a complaint though. Merely an observation. Why I've mentioned this is what I noticed at the MRT stations. The level of desperation at the doors of the MRT is in relation to how many people are waiting to get on the train plus the number of people already on the train. If there is ample room on the train and not many people waiting to get on, the niceties are observed and people wait for others to exit first before getting on and stand to the side of the doors. If however, the trains are packed, people get on at the first opportunity regardless of other people trying to get off.

The level of politeness in these types of situations is adverse to the level of desperation.

It would be fair I'm sure if I had used the LRT in KL/PJ as a comparison but I haven't taken the LRT in years. Based on what I saw in 1 Utama, I dread to think what it's like now as it was already pretty bad when I did take the LRT all those years ago. And from what I've been told,
it's even worse now - with untold levels of desperation.

What is.... This is....

2007-12-27T04:05:00.000+08:00

What is marriage?

Or rather.....

What is the thingy you mumble when you get married?

A vow.

Oh.

This is what a marriage vow is to me.

* It is a vow to love and cherish my wife.

* It is a vow to protect her in heart, body, mind and soul.

* It is a vow to place her first and foremost.

* It is a vow to commit to a lifetime relationship and that I accept it wholly.

* It is a promise to her parents and family to love her and care for her now that I have accepted responsibility for her.

* It is a promise to my parents and family to uphold the values they have imparted on me and to carry my family name with honour.

In as such, I expect no less from the girl I would marry.

And I've never been married. Am I deluded, misguided and idealistic?

Jezzuz! I am pathetic.

My friend when I am in need

2007-12-27T03:06:00.001+08:00

Hullo blog.... It's been a while!

This has always been my space. My space when I need to voice my thoughts, my expressions and my mind. I've always liked writing. Even if I say it myself, I write well. Sometimes I write to entertain, sometimes I write because I need to organise the mess in my head and sometimes I write because I'm severely pissed off. But I've always written because I needed an outlet for my individuality.

Hello blog.... It has been a while!

I stopped writing sometime back because I felt no need to express myself outwardly anymore. All that was pretty much taken care of in my life. Which has in fact, taken a ridiculously huge leap in direction and hope.

No expectations. Only hope. My dictum for golf is, upon reflection, a guide to life. I must remember that. Not for the fact that life is bad but for the fact that life is unpredictable (in good ways and bad ways) and one must always hang on for the ride. And life is good! But sometimes even the best horses stumble even on little things which largely should be insignificant.

At this point in time, I am severely pissed off. So much so that I can't sleep. I am awake, brain buzzing, although I am quite tired myself. I played futsal earlier. The gods of futsal were paying attention apparently. As a defensive player I hardly score goals. I struggle to score one per game. This night I scored five. Maybe six (via deflection ala Fat Frank). And they were all fucking good goals. The gods of futsal decreed: You Are Going To Be Severely Pissed Off Later.... Here, Have Some Goals On The House. There Must Be Some Balance Here. Speaking of balance.... I cannot.

I have been muzzled.

Shit.

Permit me to just say the following lines. I have always taken responsibility for myself and my actions. I was brought up right (although I once remarked to my mother that I wished I wasn't. Then I could be a total dickweed like everyone else and life wouldn't be so goddamn frustrating). I believe in balance. Misguided as I am, I believe in JUSTICE. Or at least I hope for some justice. I had once believed in TRUTH until I discovered what a fucking whore she turned out to be. The ONE HOPE I can cling on to (no expectations, only hope) is that KARMA comes around and is a real bitch when she needs to be.

I'm quite possibly in the happiest time of my life so far. And here I am. Severely pissed off. When KARMA comes round, I hope her teeth are really, really sharp.

Lies. Betrayal. Insincerity. Deceit. Disloyalty. Cunning. Selfishness. Pride. This collection of turpis nothus can't shouldn't won't get away with everything. When the shit hits the fan, I won't giggle my ass off. Though I should. I will merely nod my head sagely that balance has been restored and that justice has been done.

And it fucking will be. Why should the wronged party have the hardship, the pain and the distress? What irks me further is that dickweeds don't get it. It's all about The Man isn't it? Yes. I've written about this kind of thing before. June 5th, 2007. It's just a different person. Nothing changes does it?

But First....

2007-12-12T08:20:00.000+08:00

Yep. I'm back.

But first.... I will be catching up with all your blogs. I've missed so much that it's going to be heavy reading! LOL!

I hope to find good things.

I'm sure I will.

I'm Back....

2007-12-10T15:58:00.000+08:00

Hi out there.

I'm back after what feels like a really long time away from my blog. I hadn't even looked at it since. It wasn't a conscious decision to stop writing and as it is, I haven't decided to stop writing either.

My blog is my outlet. It's how I assess, arrange and make sense of what's going on in my head. The past month, I've felt like I've been muzzled. There's a lot that's going on in my head and of course this is because there's a lot that's going on in my life.

I just can't put it here.

But I will however write about the things that I can and maybe one day my blogger friends will find out what has been happening without the fine details which I feel are unnecessary. All you guys will need to know is the big picture thing. Thank you to my friends who were concerned but I assure you that there was nothing to be concerned about. It feels nice that people care.

I'm really happy and everything's all right. Better than all right in fact.

In the time past I've reorganised myself and my priorities and lifestyle have changed. For the better I might add.

I've been planting up the garden. It's starting to look nice and I'm just getting started.

I've been eating very well.

I'm more interested in life and the simple and beautiful things around me.

The better parts of my inner self are being rediscovered and/or encouraged.

There is so much to look forward to everyday.

There's a particular special smile. It's unique. It's not like the other smiles. I see it more and more frequently these days. It radiates pure joy. It makes me really happy to see it.

I'm back.

:)

And don't worry.... I'll be whining and bitching about everything else as per normal!

2007-11-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

Watch the video before you scroll down. Turn the sound up, it's part of the joke. My debut as a director! LOL!

What will they think of next? All they need to do now is build flash memory into the dog.

Humping Dog - USB meets LOVE!!!

Cuspian

2007-11-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

I've always viewed astrology with a pinch of salt. Actually not really a pinch but a lorry load of the stuff. Over the years I've developed quite a cynical side and astrology falls right into the category of complete bollocks. Anyone can write a horoscope. I'll bet you sure as the sun will shine that I can.

"Beware the woman in the red dress. She is not all she seems to be. You might have an opportunity to invest. Take caution in this endeavour!"

Yah right.... complete bollocks.

The other reason I've always thought it was cobblers is that I hadn't really any idea what star sign I was. My birthday is on the 21st of June. Some will list 21/6 as gemini and others will list as cancer. So without a proper clue as to which sign to go under, I'm not really bothered. People for some reason need to reason, analyse and question our existence. I never have. I live. I feel. I am. That's about it.

Then I discover that there is a term for people like me. A 'cuspian'. Okay.... whatever. By pure chance or lack of judgement or even a need to define, I have been told that the description of a Gemini-Cancer hybrid does somewhat describe me.

That's why I'm such a mess. With the twins and the crab, I'm three people rolled into one.

Anyway, here's the copy and paste.

Gemini/Cancer
June 19 to June 23

Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac. Geminis examine the world through intellect. Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiac. Cancers are emotional and traditional. Those born on the Gemini/Cancer cusp display great imagination and tend to be very expressive. They are interested in heredity and ancestors, and this is reflected in their desire to care for relatives and propagate the family line. They love to learn, and their lives are generally centered around the home.

The astrological symbol of Gemini is the Twins. Like twins, Geminis often have a dual nature and are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem. The astrological symbol of Cancer is the Crab. Like the Crab, Cancerians go through life with a strong shell around them that is not easily broken. Gemini/Cancers are the first to express emotion in any given situation -- the first to laugh and the first to tears. Gemini/Cancers tend to have many different interests that they study in great detail. Gemini exemplifies the mutable quality assigned to it by being adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously. Cancer exemplifies the cardinal quality assigned to it by being strong-willed, persistent and initiating.

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury. In ancient Roman mythology, Mercury (and his Greek equivalent, Hermes) was the messenger god. He was associated with travel and transportation. He was a communicator, quick-witted and inventive. Cancer is ruled by the Moon. In ancient times, the Moon, which represents fertility and instinct, was perceived as the Great Mother, responsible for nurturing all life. The Moon controls the tides and all water on Earth, and it has a strong effect on human emotions. Gemini/Cancers tend to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon, their moods changing with the Moon's passage. Their facility in adapting to new challenges may seem like opportunism, but it is really just a highly intuitive curiosity that leads them to the right people at the right time. Generally domestic and peaceful, Gemini/Cancers often have many friends and acquaintances, and they won't sit still when loved ones are threatened.

The element associated with Gemini is Air. The element associated with Cancer is Water. Gemini/Cancers are very intuitive, and their broad-minded outlook and capacity for abstract reasoning enables them to make strong contributions to projects. Emotion is a key part of their lives and is checked and balanced with logic and objectivity. Their awareness and intellectual approach to life is refreshing, and their emotional honesty is something to be admired.

Gemini/Cancers have close family ties with their brothers and sisters. They often remain youthful and lighthearted their whole lives. These people have a strong association with food and a willingness to always try something new; they often make excellent cooks. Their many interests make them entertaining and stimulating conversationalists who really love people. In their leisure time, Gemini/Cancers enjoy pairing up with a partner for recreation. They often enjoy team sports because of the family feeling a team often provides. Gemini/Cancers are more likely to be ambidextrous than other signs. Physical exercise and artistic endeavors, written or on canvas, allow them to channel their swirling emotions into productive output. Their love for conversation and food ensures that leisurely dinners with friends are highly enjoyable for them, and their inquisitive and literary orientation means they enjoy mentally challenging pursuits as well.

In love relationships, Gemini/Cancers are caring, flirtatious, playful and romantic. The great strength of the Gemini/Cancer-born is in their blending of intellectual and conversational skills. They have the ability to understand the difficulties their loved ones must work through. Their affectionate nature makes them among the most caring characters of the zodiac.

Heapo2

2007-11-01T10:40:00.000+08:00

I actually played the song twice.

This is the first try. Double the mistakes, double the fun!

Ball Bearing

2007-10-31T12:15:00.000+08:00

Two days ago I woke up and discovered that the ball at the end of my tongue stud had come loose and fallen out. The first time this happened I recall waking up, spitting it out and going back to sleep. When I woke up I realised that no, it wasn't a dream and I located the ball rolling around somewhere on the bed. So this time I searched the bed and couldn't find it. Giving up, I got hold of replacements.

Yesterday I found the missing ball.

In the toilet bowl.... Y.U.C.K. I know.... Ewwww....!!!!

Natalie laughed her ass off and took a picture of the ball at the bottom of the bowl. I couldn't stop her, she's disgusting. I am not publishing the picture. You'll thank me for it too. Flushing didn't do anything so I got hold of the toilet brush and with the aid of some toilet paper, removed the ball.

Now, I could let the thing soak in methylated spirit for years, boil it in water for days and borrow my dad's autoclave and put it in for hours but there is no way, NO WAY!, it is going back in my mouth.

YUCK!!!!

Cause and Effect

2007-10-26T01:25:00.000+08:00

We are the products of our upbringing, experiences and observations.

True?

I think so.

I made a comment today about my children. I said that I do see something of myself in them. I have to be aware that they learn from me. Not just the things I tell them but the things they see me do and the things they hear me say. It's a heck of a responsibility being a parent.

Some of my friends seem to be oblivious to the fact that they liberally use bad language around children. One of them should be in trouble sometime real soon because he's already an uncle from his sister's marriage. I'm surprised she hasn't already sat him down and given him an earful. I'd have.

As a parent though, you can only control so much. You teach your children your values and your ideals. Then you hope that what happens to them and around them in the big bad world doesn't push them too far into the red areas of your morality, values and manners. How much do you do to protect them? Would you be able to pick and choose their friends for them? What do you do when they reach the rebellious stage? How do you determine punishment when you feel lines have been crossed?

Times have changed. I feel that there is so much more now to fear for our children. The rules are constantly changing. Social structure, morality, priority, tolerance, values, people and parenting are different from generation to generation. What the world was like and what people were like is vastly different between my parents' generation and mine. And my generation compared to today's youth is a whole different world. I actually think we've gone too far. Children are allowed to get away with too much these days and this is also an opinion I have watching my friends' children. Some of these people I grew up with. I still think sometimes their kids deserve a smack upside the head or a good scolding after.

Apparently their mother and I are too strict with the children in this day and age.

Apparently.

But I also notice my children are a lot better behaved than a lot of other little brats out there.

Spontaneous

2007-10-23T07:51:00.001+08:00

Have you people been playing with that facebook thingy? For now, it's fun. Something to do. There's this application where you can describe your facebook friends in 5 words from a list of 50 or some number like that. But you gotta pick just 5 words.

A friend of mine, Farhan, decided I am 'spontaneous'. I wondered why for a moment and then came to a decisive moment.

There was a bunch of us at Chemistry in Bangsar and for reasons best known to himself, Vince shows up in a manky sleeveless top. He gets drunk and falls asleep on the padded bench with his arm stretched out. Upon seeing this, I get hold of a lighter and set fire to his armpit hair. Farhan thinks this is quite funny. However, when he does the same thing, Vince's eyes pop open and he gets up and starts windmilling on Farhan.

I had to grab Vince and try to hold him off. Not easy cos he's a big guy and perhaps it was insight as to what should have happened had Vince opened his eyes and seen me instead. I didn't think much about it. I just had an idea pop into my head and I went ahead and did it. I think that would justify the label of 'spontaneous'. What should be noted is that my timing and luck is pretty good as well!

Hazard

2007-10-22T17:41:00.000+08:00

Hit the golf course at Bukit Utama on a whim. It's brilliant having a golf course 5 minutes away from home. Okay, so it's only 9 holes but hell, it's 5 minutes away!

I didn't play particularly well today but it was alright. Not too bad.

But the hazards on the course are pretty formidable. Undulating fairways, multi-tiered greens, varied elavation, blind greens, water and the like. I can't talk about the bunkers today because I didn't go into any. But nothing beats what happened to me today.

I hit a good drive off the 4th hole and watched it land a distance away with satisfaction. Then we drive up in the golf cart and that's when I see a dog dropping a ball out of its mouth. The damned mutt had picked up my ball from the fairway and dropped it at the trees. What's the rules book say about that? Damned if I know. The dog was chased away by some brandishing of the golf clubs. It sat there wagging its tail looking quite proud of itself with the ball at its feet and somehow managed to look like it had its feelings hurt when it was chased off.

It wasn't a game of fetch!

Fucking mutt!

18th October

2007-10-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

18th October is my father's birthday. Happy Birthday!

Only when I wished him it was a little bit weird. He called me up in the morning to talk to me relating to some property that belongs to the company. So we talked about that and he was about to hang up so I quickly said, "Hey! Pop! Happy Birthday!" And he said, "Oh. Yeh. Thanks. Bye." and hung up.

That's my father for you.

I think he was pleased though that I remembered because he went home later and asked my mum if she had reminded me.

Plus I sent the card via Pos Express to make sure it arrived on time. And it did. Way to go, Pos Malaysia. Just don't send anything via ordinary post is my tip for the day.

The card said something along the lines of "Dad! Remember when I had an awkward question to ask you and needed to tap your wisdom, your experience, your knowledge? And you always told me...."

And inside the card, it said, "Ask Your Mother."

He pretends like he doesn't.... but my dad's got a sense of humour.

Which is good or else he'd have drowned me in the fish pond years ago.

Happy Birthday Pop!

The Second Hole

2007-10-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

I know I've been neglecting my blog. Well, that much is quite obvious. At this time I've got, once again, nothing much to say. The difference this time is that it's not bothering me like it did before. Well anyway, last night I had something blogworthy happen. Yeh, finally! And it's so mundane but never mind. It's something I can write about.

I had my ears pierced in 1992 when I was 18. At 20 I added 2 more. I had 2 on the left and one on the right. This was in college of course. In uni, I let the one on the right side close. Then I had two on the left ear and then I started work when I came back. Of course I couldn't wear them at work so I took them off. That was in 2001. I'd put them back when I wasn't at work, like on weekends. I had thought then that the second hole on my left ear closed. Then last night, six years later, I experimentally stuck an earring into it.

It went in. Six years and I never knew it.

From a Window

2007-10-12T09:46:00.001+08:00

As seen this morning from my bedroom window.

Someone's getting balloons. Lots of balloons.

How to Injure a Footballer

2007-10-04T06:50:00.000+08:00

I just watched the roundup of the second day of the second games of the group stages of the European Champions League. The game in question is of course Celtic's defeat of AC Milan. The incident in question though is of course, a Celtic fan running onto the pitch and giving Milan goalkeeper, Dida, a tap on the collarbone.

The words the media used and indeed are using are fucking ridiculous.

at·tack [uh-tak]
to set upon in a forceful, violent, hostile, or aggressive way, with or without a weapon
to make a sudden, violent attempt to hurt or damage

al·ter·ca·tion [awl-ter-key-shuhn]
a heated or angry dispute; noisy argument or controversy

What I saw was neither of these things. Fair enough, the guy should never have been on the field of play but for fuck's sake, call a spade - a spade. After Celtic scored their second (and winning) goal, a fan ran onto the pitch and in running past Dida, tapped him on the top of his chest. The 6'5" goalkeeper built like a brick shithouse at first started to chase the fan but suddenly collapsed to the ground clutching his face. He was carried off on a stretcher holding an ice pack to the side of his face and didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. You pathetic piece of animal waste.

Compare that to another player with a reputation for diving. When Cristiano Ronaldo went down the night before in Manchester United's game against Roma, at least he had the decency to bleed. And he damn well walked back to the dressing room himself. Without an ice pack I might add. Although he did have to hold a bit of dressing to his head to contain the bleeding.

It's already in the media as an attack and an altercation. That makes the headline writers just as lame. Sensationalism is too mild a word for it.

The man should have never been on the pitch but whatever it is, facts are facts. What I saw was a huge hulk of a professional athlete go down dying from a tap on the shoulder from a Glaswegian who probably has too much beer and chips in his diet.

Nélson de Jesus Silva, also known as Dida, that stinked a lot worse than a dog with diarrhea.

This recent incident far outshines the last piece of brilliant footballing I've seen. At the 2002 World Cup when Hakan Unsal kicked a ball at Rivaldo's legs and he went down holding his face. Unsal was subsequently sent off from a second yellow card.

It spawned the joke: How do you poke a Brazilian in the eye?

Answer: Kick him in the knee.

Don't go to Brazil for your holidays. You just might really hurt someone while you're there.

Graduation

2007-10-02T10:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday was my little girl's pre-school graduation concert. Of course I went for it and watched with immense pride as my little one danced away with confidence and enthusiasm. I think she'd been stressing out over it but it's done and done well too. And of course she got to don a mini gown and a cap after to receive her mini diploma. After it was over she ran to me and jumped into my arms.

I remember her concert from just a couple of years back. She lacked confidence and didn't exactly dance with the rest of her class. Then there was the sports day when she got distracted in her race and was chatting to her competitors mid-race.

It seems not long ago and yet an age since my children came into my life. I can look at them and see a slight reflection of myself in them. I have, after all, had a bit of a hand in bringing them up. But it's been easy. They're such good kids that sometimes I fear for them in this great big ugly world. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to them about recycling. It was a little irritating for me that my daughter had been taught about recycling at school but there was no recycling project or bins in her school and she didn't know enough about it. I was explaining paper is made from trees and trees make oxygen and how CO2 is a greenhouse gas and we're already at the tail end of the latest ice age and we need the trees and so many things are made of wood, wood comes from trees and blah blah blah. And they were like okay, daddy's upset, better nod head and absorb the overload. They've come such a long way. I'm so proud of them.

I wonder about the future though. My girl had been looking through old pictures and is wondering who the man holding her in her baby pictures is. She asked her mother. I was there. I could offer no help and no answer. She was told that that man is her father. Perhaps the word 'real' was missing and maybe used if I wasn't there, I don't know. My heart had sunk into my feet and was staying there.

"Two daddies?" Then she asked if father could be found.

Yup. How to tell a six year old and expect her to understand? That the daddy she knows is actually mummy's ex-boyfriend? I made my first appearance in their lives when she was two and a half and he was 18 months. My boy is fine because he knows no other and there are no pictures of him with his real father. Nothing really for him to question.

Yet.

All I can say to my little girl is daddy loves you and always will.

I'm proud you call me your daddy.

Off the Hornonometer

2007-09-24T15:53:00.000+08:00

Before we start, here's how you pronounce it. Hor-non-noh-meter. Good. Thanks. Glad that's out of the way. And yes. I did make it up.

And before you read any further, this postings is about sex. You have been warned!

Here's the run of events that lead up to the material for this posting.

1. Went out with A Girl to dinner and then to club for drinks with her and her friends. She's a nice girl, friendly, generous. The good sort. Nevertheless, I had intended to try to conduct a feasibility study on the possibility of pork happening cos my hornonometer readings have been quite high of late.

2. Was having tea with Natalie and I was running my mouth as usual and my mouth was on autopilot i.e. I don't really think before I speak. So, what I say is usually pretty downright honest. I have caused offence before this way. Don't really mean it but it happens. Anyway, amongst the things I said was that any male human with a working set of testicles that still produces decent amounts of testosterone would have a sex drive. Before you fuckers start jumping to conclusions, it was a philosophical discussion. Okay??

I've been saving up my latest and greatest Errol Flynn line and had thought to have the opportunity to use it last week. There's a difference between pickup lines and Errol Flynn lines. Pickup lines are ice breakers to enable one person to talk to/chat up someone else not known to the first person. Errol Flynn lines are the ones that indicate intentions, correlating to high hornonometer readings, to someone you are already talking to.

What's my latest Errol Flynn line? Bugger off and make up your own. Intellectual property rights in operation. It's a lot better than my last one, which was said in an inquiring tone, "Pork?" Strange that it never worked.

Yeah. I made up the 'Errol Flynn lines' thing too. In like Flynn, ya know?

I did have a good night out with A Girl and her friends. Got to chill, make new friends and have a coupla drinks. But it occurred to me that dear sweet A Girl, in all her goodness and sweetness, has no concept of casual sex. Not that it's an alien concept to her. It just that I think she's one of them girls that has never ever had casual sex in her life. So.... no. Feasibility study returned negative value. I'm glad to be her friend though. Make no mistake about that. I think she's a lovely girl. Optional extras not included that's all.

I wonder if it's becoming more of a rare phenomenon. By that I mean People Who In This Day And Age Have Never Had Casual Sex. Like VHS. Rare! People of our generation who still have VHS at home are classic porn connoisseurs. Trust me on that one. I don't have a VHS at home. That's just cos I won't get found out. Hahaha.

It's the new millennium. Some things are just rare these days. Like what? Example 1. Women with full unaltered pubes. I kid you not. In all my years of acquainting myself with girls' naughty bits, only 3 weren't shaved, trimmed and/or plucked/waxed. Eh? What? Oh for fuck's sake, I'm already 33. Of course I would've had a fair share by now. Example 2. Girls who don't give blowjobs. In this day and age?? It's not even VHS, it's Betamax. They still make you???

Not exactly fair is it? There are plenty of men who won't go down on a woman but still expect a wet dick and women to grow an instant moustache and best impressions of a rooster. You know? Rooster? Get it? Don't get it? Sigh.... Picture a rooster. It's got that useless dangly bits of skin on its chin. So with that in mind, .... oh fuck it. Never mind. Anyway yeh! If women ever want to campaign for Oral Sex Equality Rights, I will support you. Me? What about me? Well.... put it this way, I've eaten so much and so many.... that any more and I might just grow whiskers.

Let me know if you got that last one okay? Thanks.

Hahahaha!

I think I shuttup now. I'm off the hornonometer for sure.

But you did read the whole damn thing didn't you?

!!!!

Colour

2007-09-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

Was having dinner with a few of my footy friends after the game and a topic of conversation was how Adrian's friend's brown Labrador bitch went on heat, ran out the gate, got shagged and eventually gave birth to eight puppies. The big laugh was that all the puppies turned out black when the bitch is brown. We had a good laugh over that and Adrian said one more time for emphasis.

"They all came out black wey!"

That's when I noticed this Indian family at the next table and they were staring at us in mild outrage.

The only word they probably registered was 'black'. Did they actually know what we were talking about? No offense was meant.

It could have been any other doggy colour. Just so happens the puppies all have black hair. Dogs don't have racial issues although apparently, we do.

Why it was so funny, to me anyway, was probably because I was thinking of the Jerry Springer episode where this racist redneck white man's daughter had a nig... sorry, bla... sorry, African American boyfriend and was pregnant by him.

I don't know if my friends were thinking along the same lines. The 'nightmare' interracial thing. Where's the line? Do we draw it ourselves? Was the joke racist? It probably was though I don't actually think it was intended to come out that way.

Sad isn't it?

If there is a god we would all be the same colour. I suppose someone thought it was funny to play with the crayons when the drawings were still on the draftsman's board. We may all be equal in His eyes but we sure as hell aren't in our own. Problem could have been easily solved if we were all the same fucking colour. Which colour?

Would we be black or white?

Let me tell you an old story. It doesn't have a title but I call it irony.

When god made men, he made them out of clay. He made three and put them in his oven. The clay man in the front of the tray was too far away from the fire and didn't get cooked. The clay was still white. God threw away the white man and he landed in Europe. The man at the back of the tray was also ruined. He was too near the fire and was burnt. God threw away the black man and he fell to Africa. The man in the middle of the tray was done just right. The clay was perfectly baked and the colour was just right. God placed the perfect man tenderly into China.

Probably Comrade Communist China Chinese Mind Control Propaganda. But an interesting take on the black or white issue nonetheless. Some things should be floated around in grey areas. Most things, if you think about it, aren't a case of black or white.

Heapo

2007-09-22T04:56:00.000+08:00

Alright. Here is the full song of the test video I did. Yes, it is plagued with mistakes but I don't think I'm going to sit and play until I nail it in front of a crash happy mobile phone. Don't have a camcorder so the Sony Ericsson's the best I can do. It also explains the crappy video and audio. If you can, enjoy!

Test Video

2007-09-19T10:47:00.000+08:00

I thought I'd do the YouTuber thing. I'd get my guitar, play a little song and get it on video. So I set it up to record on my cell phone.

First I do a little trial run. Wanted to see that the framing, the sound and such was okay.
I smack the first 15 seconds or so of the song out. The timing's not right, I miss a couple of notes, the synchronisation with the backing track is out and the backing track can hardly be heard.

But it's okay. It's just the Test Video.

Then I start recording the Actual Video. And after I finish the song I discover my cell phone's done the famous Sony Ericsson thing and has fucked up i.e. crashed. By the time I finish swearing and cussin', it's past 10pm and I generally don't play past 10pm. Give the neighbours a break. I play electric guitar and my housemate plays violin. They must be on edge sometimes.

Anyway. Yeah.... the phone fucked up. So all you get is the crappy Test Video!

Ridiculous

2007-09-14T14:10:00.000+08:00

It didn't occur to me how ridiculous my situation has become. What situation? Well, eventually I do think I will tie the knot with someone though when I have no clue. I am at present, still single and staggering my way through life.

It's been a bit of an eye opener to me recently. My housemate/tenant told me of a ridiculously high figure of the percentage of divorcees in our generation. I thought it was startling to say the least. And divorces, while already painful can be ugly sometimes. I had written about finding out a good friend was getting divorced and this week, I'm was told by another friend that she is for now separated from her husband. I find myself wishing it wasn't happening to them. It's not a happy thing and not something you'd like your friends to go through. Additionally I've been hearing about more separations/divorces from my housemate, Janice.

What gives?

What's going on?

I suppose what has shielded me a lot from all this is that most of my friends are still single. Like me.

So I've gone overboard and become overly cautious and paranoid. Overly cautious that I'm already deciding what kind of girl I'd allow myself be married to. Trying to identify the pitfalls and problems that beset marriages and devising ways to overcome them or identifying traits where this can be avoided.

And then there was already a contingency plan should things go wrong. I hadn't been entirely happy that my major fixed assets are in my name. I had wanted these things to be in my mother's name. I wouldn't really have cared if I'd earned and paid for them myself but I didn't. In some ways I consider myself as somewhat of a trustee for what I perceive as my family's assets. It's not mine to lose. Even though my parents will tell me different. I was told last night that it is perfectly reasonable for me to fight tooth and nail (if I have to) for such assets without handing over a cent. Well.... that's a comfort....

So here I am. Single. No girlfriend. And already worrying about divorce.

That's pretty fucking stupid isn't it? Anyone will tell you that but somehow I had shoehorned myself into a tight hole with no room for rationality.

Last night, I had some sense gently knocked into me by Ivy, a friend whose friendship I treasure. It's a balance of friendship and professionalism. I don't swear in front of her. Well, not much anyway...! We have worked together before and became friends. We met on the job of course. I'm a property manager, she's an estate agent. My apartment, her tenant. (The only active agent I completely trust in case you ever need to talk to one!) Other people could have told me the same things but I suppose I needed the touch that she or our kind of friendship has.

There are some pretty good marriages. Examples of which are evident. My parents would be the perfect example. My sister's marriage is very harmonious despite being unbalanced on paper. We also can pretty much deduce that Nick has a very strong marriage himself. I could envy him but of course I don't. I think it's great. It gives one hope and I hope to be able to emulate such a situation for myself.

So here I am. With some sensibility finally banged into my brain. I'm awake now, thanks. What next? I don't really know. When my uncle got married he said that you just know when you're with the girl you're going to marry. Well, he divorced his first wife but his second marriage seems good.

Thanks Unca Gary. Good one.

I suppose you can't really determine nor can you plan for things like this. I would really like to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. So much so that I'm really afraid of getting it wrong.

I've decided to just live life as I've been doing. Plodding about sometimes with purpose and sometimes quite aimlessly. It would be nice to find love along the way.

The Best Of.... Needs YOU!

2007-09-13T13:21:00.000+08:00

The Best Of.... Archive is up and running. Thanks to Nick for joining me and contributing but I'd hoped that more of you would join us.

Yes, I do mean you.

Don't make me name names.

The Best Of....

My latest tattoo

2007-09-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

Ok. It's not really a tattoo. And I'm sure it's not permanent. I really really hope it's not permanent anyway.

Have a look at Exhibit A. Which is a bit of the footy top I wear to play futsal.

Now we move on to Exhibit B which is a picture of what I discovered after my shower once I'd gotten home.

It's not very clear in the photo but I assure you in the flesh (pun intended, ha ha) it's much clearer. I'm sure you've pretty much realised already that I have 'ASICS' imprinted on my chest.

I shouldn't be surprised really. Last month I had the ball pattern imprinted on my upper arm. A ball traveling at a speed that could leave a mark like that must have been Mach something but the bastards probably called for handball anyway! I should have taken a picture of that one. That had to be seen to be believed!

The Best Of.... Archive

2007-09-06T20:02:00.000+08:00

I post rubbish here and there but occasionally I come up with individual posts which I personally quite like and feel personally is significant. With time, these occasional better posts get lost in the archive and will probably not be read.

I would like to start another blog to archive these better posts and naturally have titled it somewhere along the lines of 'The Best Of' and 'Greatest Hits'. LOL!

thebestof-archive.blogspot.com

I would however like to invite my fellow bloggers to join me in this. It would mean much to have my favourite bloggers archive their best posts in the same blog. Definition of best post? Nothing, except that it means something to the writer. Nothing new, just the various posts we feel have value, which we have written since we started blogging.

It would mean much to have the bloggers whose blogs I am familiar with to be fellow contributors. We're practically our own little community now.

Birfday

2007-09-06T13:02:00.000+08:00

Whee! Tagged by Nick of Anything Goes!

Is nice also cos wikipedia is one of my daily visits.

Instructions:
1. Go to Wikipedia and type in the month and day of your birth.
2. Write three events, two births, one holiday and then tag 5 more buddies with it.
3.There are 5 slots in this Birthday Meme. As you are tagged, remove the name in the first slot and move everyone one place up, adding your name to the bottom.

My birthday is the longest day of the year, the summer solstice. 21st June.

I have no idea whether I am a Gemini or Cancer. Not that it really matters as I take horoscopes with a sack of salt but it might explain my complex personality. With the gemini twins, that makes me astrologically, three people. He he he....

3 events

1. 1940 - World War II, France surrenders to Germany without even a whimper and thus become the butt of all jokes English till the end of time.

2. 2002 - The World Health Organization declares Europe polio free.

3. 2004 - SpaceShipOne becomes the world's first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.

2 birthdays

1. 1982 - Prince William of Wales, British royal family.

2. 1984 - Alicia Alighatti, American pornographic actress.

1 holiday

1. Summer solstice (Northern hemisphere) and winter solstice (Southern hemisphere) celebrations.

List:
Teacher Julie
Mommyness is Happiness
This is a miracle
Maurica
Anything Goes!
Nessa
Hui Sen
Bobo
Cbenc12
Sharon

Tag:
You Only Live Once
Ninien
Barbsie

50

2007-09-05T15:33:00.000+08:00

I like living here. It's a lovely country and has a lot of wonderful people. I'm happy enough to be Malaysian. This is home. If I go about my life as usual and mind my own business, all is well. It's a beautiful enough country. The people are wonderful in their own ways. The ones I know anyway. Normal everyday people. You and me.

Victor Ostrovsky is a former Mossad secret agent who wrote an expose on the dealings of the Israeli secret service. There are some who view Ostrovsky as a patriot. There are some who view Ostrovsky as a traitor.

It is said he saw all that was wrong with the Mossad. He alleged they were corrupt, manipulative and self serving. He said he loved his country and sought to take what proved to be the futile first steps to try to make it a good nation. An idealist no doubt but on a fool's errand.

People should stay under the radar. Mind their own business. Make themselves a living and not stick their noses where it's not wanted. Trust the leaders. Love the leaders. They cannot but have the nation's best interests can't they?

Here are some pictures of our country's stalwarts. Happy 50th Birthday Malaysia!

Hanging up the balls

2007-09-03T21:35:00.000+08:00

It's a strange thing. I've never felt so normal in a long time. It came to the forefront of my thoughts with a mug of hot tea. I've always had a ballsy edge which I think showed up sometimes in my writing and therefore in my blog. This morning I awoke at 8am after going to bed at ten the night before. I've done this a week now and while it might appear to be nothing spectacularly world changing, it's something new to me. This morning in particular I thought that it would be nice to have toast with my tea, maybe with marmalade or maybe strawberry jam.

It was a revelation.

It's not just normal, no no no, it isn't your everyday usual run-of-the-mill normal normal. It's fucking normal. And I thought, oh god.... I'm probably going to have a normal job soon. 9 to 5. Up in the morning. Have my tea and toast. Off to work and back in the evening. A bit of gardening before dinner. In bed before midnight. On weekends I'll be having tea and scones and a game of tennis. I'll be wearing whites. With a goddamn white headband.

Next thing you know I'll be looking for a nice girl to settle down with. She's not even going to be hot. And hot is pretty much what I would love to have. Head turner. Loves me for my personality (Ha fuckin' Ha). Nice. Polite. Pleasant. And a total slut in bed (Woohoo!). Oh, but no. She. Is. Going to be. Nice, polite, pleasant and probably will have wide generous hips not unlike that of a brontosaurus so's she can pop out the grandkids my father secretly craves with a nowt but a sneeze.

Christ.

Tea and toast. Bloody hell!

Which is in the end, probably what I really want for myself. A bit of normality. I don't think I'm going to ever totally lose the ballsy edge which I absolutely love having as part of me as a whole. I think a normal life with a hint of balls on the side.

And I know what you fuckers are thinking. He's feeling his age!!!

Really? Well, yeh. In a way. Maybe. So what?

Well, come over. Have some tea and toast. After that I'll dunk yer head in the aquarium so's the crayfish can nibble on your face. Nothing personal. Just to prove normal and balls can co-exist quite well thank you. And we can all have a giggle about it after.

The conclusion? I crave a bit more stability with my life. Running about living life in the opposite end doesn't help. The sleep in the day and up and night doesn't work for me. I feel quite useless anyway since there's nowhere to go and no one to see at blasted 3 in the blasted morning.

So.

I'll have my job, my tea and my toast. Gardening in the evenings. And on weekends - tennis, tea and crumpets (or was it scones?).

But I'll bet you all the tea in China that when I'm playing tennis in my tennis whites and fucking white tennis headband, I'll be aiming the wee green tennis ball at my opponent's testicles every chance I get.

What is life without having a laugh? And nothing's funnier than a respectable dignified grown man, preferably a Dato' or Tan Sri rolling about the tennis court in a respectable club clutching his privates and moaning softly so as to not disturb the other prancing respectable fairies on the other tennis courts.

I'll bet you all the curry in India that I will help the man up, make the appropriate noises of sympathy, sorrow and infinite regret, dust him down and pour him a cup of tea to help him recover his poise.

Then I will go home and giggle my ass off. Tell the wife and in mid giggle she might even pop out a grandkid. You know, hee hee hee oops hee.

Hang up the balls? Fuck that. They'd get dusty. And dust in the testi-hair is quite unpleasant probably. I like them exactly where they are.

A scrotum is not particularly attractive to the eye is it? They bear resemblance to your granny's elbow skin no? But to me, a scrotum looks like hairy brain (sometimes dependent on the ambient temperature). Which is why, I suppose, I sometimes let them do the thinking.

So I end this with a quote from the wise, the sagely, the one and only, Billy Connolly.

"Life, is funny with its knickers down.

And - I love life with its knickers down."

Innocuous

2007-08-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

It's a simple question. One you ask many times to a whole variety of people. Acquaintances, friends, family, etc.

"How was your weekend?"

It's along the lines of, "How are you?" except in a sense it's more sincere and can be elaborated on. It's not as broad and meaningless. I say I'm fine even when I'm not.

Anyway, this time it backfired on me spectacularly.

The answer to the question?

"I've been stressed. Hardly slept."

And after a pause, "I'm getting divorced."

Oops.

I felt quite bad for her because she's a lovely person and good friend and I wasn't sure what or how much to say. Somehow I managed to bumble my way through it. I suppose it was inevitable. In a way, I had seen it coming and wasn't taken by surprise but I had hoped it would somehow work out and they could find a reason, maybe something consistent from day one which made them a couple in the first place, to remain married.

It had shocked me when it turned out I have met her husband before but such was the situation that I had at that point thought they were friends. It was a group outing which she invited me to and I was meeting nearly everyone for the first time. I had no inkling at the time that he was her husband.

I am pleased though that she has many good friends and so has a good network of support should she ever need it.

It's one thing to have realised something. It's another whole different matter when things come to a head and something actually happens.

I've been told that the divorce rate amongst Malaysians in my age group is spectacularly high. But when it's someone you know and like, it's not really a statistic anymore. They're real people. And they're hurting right now.

So.

How was your weekend?

Barbsie Loaded

2007-08-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy Birthday!

Honey, My Eggs Are Ready

2007-08-27T10:31:00.000+08:00

On Saturday I went to the last day of the Culinary trade show at KLCC. I had a invitation and a pass courtesy of a supplier I'd met in my last job. Everyone else was walking around with passes that said 'Visitor' while mine had 'VIP' on it although what additional benefits a VIP was supposed to have I have no idea. It was good, I got to walk around and meet many people I'd met in the course of "The Last Job". Got to look at the latest and greatest, renew acquaintances, say hello and meet new people.

I met an old friend from Perth days. We were housemates and good friends my last semester. I haven't seen him for over seven years. Malaysian but lives in Kota Kinabalu. It was good chatting and catching up with him. From him I've learnt my latest revelation.

I'll share it with you.

When you're trying for a kid, it's not fun, it feels like work.

You wake up, get dressed and get ready to go to work when the wife pipes up, "Honey, I'm ovulating."

One foot is out the door, briefcase in hand. You think to yourself, "oh, fuck" then close the door, get undressed and proceed to do exactly that.

Memes to do with crocked fingers

2007-08-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

Ah, I love memes. These ones came from Nick from Anything Goes!

4 jobs I’ve had

Pizza Delivery Driver
Shop Owner/Manager
IT Executive
Property Manager

4 films I could watch over and over

Groundhog Day
Project A II
The Fifth Element
Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind

4 Places I have lived

Ipoh
Perth, Western Australia
Damansara Utama
Bandar Utama

4 Favorite TV shows

Mythbusters
The Simpsons
Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy
Spongebob Squarepants (but it's funny!)

4 Favorite Foods

Chicken Rice
Lamb Chops with fried onions and potatoes
Fried Crispy Chicken
Pork!

4 Websites I visit everyday (Only four? I visit more than four ...)

soccernet.com
football365.com
wikipedia
The blogs listed on my own

4 Places I would love to be

Perth
Kota Kinabalu
Corfu
Pangkor Laut

4 Favorite Colors

Silver
Black
Red
Yellow

4 Names I love but would/could not use for my children

Elisa
Jennan

Can only think of two.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now for the second meme. This one is about 8 questions you shouldn't ask me.

1) Have you put on weight?

2) Why don't you get a real job?

3) Why aren't you married yet?

4) When are you going to get married?

5) Aren't you a Korean serials actor?

6) At any time in your life have you ever gone by the name Luc Francois Thierry Bob Jones?

7) Is that a torchlight in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

8) So.... how many men, women and transgenders have you slept with?

Sorry. Some of the eight are just made up (really!). There just aren't that many questions I react badly to.

Fingered

2007-08-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not neglecting my blog.

I've been reduced to one good hand again and I'll tell you typing with one hand is too much of a bother. Another footy injury, whee! I took a shot to the fingers and it looks like I have sausages attached to my right hand instead of fingers.

On the bright side, I could be popular with the ladies.

On the downside, I won't be doing a lot of blogging till the swelling goes down and it doesn't hurt so damn much.

Enforced

2007-08-20T14:55:00.000+08:00

Ah! I'm back.

Latest hiatus twofold and was forced upon me when my modem died a quiet death without even as much as a whimper. I swear that manufacturers engineer their products to expire shortly after their warranty period ends. The second part of the enforced hiatus was when the cable on my laptop's power adapter broke. Looking at it, it's designed to break if the cable is repeatedly wound up. A new one costs RM250. I tell you, these people are utter and complete bastards.

My next modem is going to be a Belkin wireless modem/router. Belkins come with lifetime warranties. That's got to be worth the price.

So yeh, here I am again. I'll get something down soon as I can think of something to put down.

Job Personality

2007-08-20T14:48:00.000+08:00

I did one of those online thingies. It's a quick thing and this is the page generated as the result:

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

Novelist
Photographer
Vet
Medical Technician
Paralegal
Geologist
Marine Biologist
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Computer Security
Producer
Computer Programmer
Technical Writer
Systems Analyst
Meteorologist
Artist

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be involved deeply in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others at all costs.

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like things to be left in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something.

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them.

Are these things for real? I feel it's all pretty accurate till the last paragraph. I'm the exact opposite! I wrestle and stumble my way towards objectives (though I achieve them in the end) and I'd rather play now and work later!

Test is here.

Threshold

2007-08-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

What is pain and why? It's a simple question but one I think has to do with self preservation and survival. I'm no scientist. Have never claimed to be. I don't do much research. All I do is type out what I think. This is a blog. Not a white paper!

Pain, to me, is a self preservation tool. Picked up a hot potato? You'd drop it plenty quick. Because if you didn't, it'd cause damage to your fingers. Walked into the side of a table? It'd hurt. You wouldn't do it again. And your shins would thank you for it. I barked my own shin in the dark while I was in Singapore staying in my sister's guest room. I'd switched off the lights and didn't really know the geography of the place. I spent a few minutes in the dark rolling around on my back while clutching the aggrieved bit of leg, whimpering softly so as to not awaken my sister and bro in-law.

Sometimes pain comes immediately. Sometimes it takes a while. Why?

Just on Sunday I was playing futsal as usual and I had three separate incidents. First, I did my ankle after being pushed while jumping for a high ball. Then I aggravated an existing injury when I landed on my knee while I had a stint in goal. Then I got kicked (really kicked) in the thigh from someone else's follow through.

I still played right up to the end of the game. When I got home later, things were a bit different. After I'd taken off my shoes and all the football armour, my ankle started to swell and my thigh became increasingly sore. This was almost two hours after I'd stopped playing. The next morning I couldn't walk. It's Tuesday and I'm still lurching about like Igor from any horror film involving reanimated corpses.

My thinking is this. If I'd lived 10,000 years ago, one time or another I'd be running from something big and hairy with lots of teeth. If I fell and sprained my ankle theoretically I'd be chopped meat. However, I'd been able to get up and keep running at the same pace even on the bad ankle (left) and the bad thigh (right). I think adrenalin has a whole heap to do with it. After I got to safety and the adrenalin wore off, that's when I'd feel how much damage was really done.

That's what happened to me. With the adrenalin flowing I could keep going. Once I slowed down, everything started to swell up and hurt. The 10,000 year reasoning that I've already gotten to safety. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter would it? One thing for sure, if I'd been chased again the next day, chopped meat. So I'd lie low and hide away till I got better. Damn good thing humans are social animals.

So, I have to rest until my legs are better. If I tried to play again too soon, I might damage something really quick. Still, it's better than being chopped meat.

The Living After Death

2007-08-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

I have a few childhood friends whom I'm still in touch with. One of my buddies TK, I've known since I was seven years old. We were on the same school bus till he moved house and I kinda lost contact with him. We were in the same school but he was a year older.

A year later, a family friend wanted to introduce my sister and I to her lawyer's son. It turned out to be TK. How the wheels of fortune and fate turn. A few years later he moved back to my area but our friendship was already pretty secure by then.

His mother and him were considered family friends and his mom would take us fishing, we'd go out for meals and she once took a bunch of us noisy kids for a holiday. It was brilliant.

We stayed in touch even after we went overseas. On the day he found that he'd been accepted to Bonn University in Australia, I was with him in PJ. He bought the beers that night and it started a tradition of taking turns to buy the beers whenever we met up when he came back and it continued when I went over to Australia myself. This then changed from the Australian summer holidays to Chinese New Year after I'd started work in KL.

Over the years we've seen a lot, done a lot and the friendship has stood the test of time. Until something happened. Something I've written about on this blog before.

His mother took her own life last year after a few years of depression. It shocked me to the core and greatly saddened my whole family. Since that day I haven't called, spoken to or seen TK. It was nothing but plain cowardice. I didn't know what to say to him and I didn't think any words would be adequate. People told me that as a friend, he'd know what I was trying to say but I just couldn't do it.

We had a brief chat on MSN half an hour ago. He initiated it. First contact in a year and a half. He'd like to meet up when he comes to KL at the end of the month. Of course I accepted immediately, somewhat gratefully I might add. He might not be looking for it but I have to tell him how sorry I am and how I have remembered his mother.

I know I still carry the sadness with me cos I'm feeling it now.

Aquarium

2007-08-13T13:40:00.000+08:00

I hate moving. I love my new house but I have always hated moving. All the packing, disposing, transporting, lifting and all that.

The most difficult things for me to move though are my aquariums. They're big, fragile and heavy. Had to catch all the fish, empty out the tanks which includes water, sand, stones, wood and plants. Have to disassemble the stands, lights, aerators, pumps and filters. Move everything and back to square one. Set everything up again. Since it's going to be such a pain, I thought I'd document it. Cos you're going to see why it's going to be worth it.

4 foot tanks, 3 days ago.

4 foot tanks, yesterday

2 and half foot tank, 3 days ago

2 and a half foot tank, yesterday

Cannister filters

It would have been good to be able to be planting the tanks by this week but I've had a bit of a setback. What else but footy injuries. I got pushed while I was jumping for a ball so I landed badly on an ankle. And I also got kicked in the thigh so this means I can hardly walk right now. Anyway I'll be posting updates as the aquariums progress. There are still a number of stages to go.

Bootay!

2007-08-09T18:05:00.001+08:00

There was an exchange between Bobo and myself on the chatterbox if you'd noticed it.

Bobo : Well you could flash yours for advertising!
huisen : Too dangerous. My butt is too delicious for this blog!
Bobo : Too dangerous?! haha maybe it'll be FLOODED with traffic.........

It all came about when I found and posted a picture of a girl flashing her panty clad rear end at the camera. There was the legend "You Only Live Once" across her cute butt. Since that's the title of my buddy's blog I mentioned that I wish I had advertising like that. Which of course lead to the exchange on the chatterbox.

I wonder if it's known that once, for the hell of it, I did post a picture of my extra fine naked buttocks on the internet. The picture's long gone. Lost in the Great Hard Disk crash of 2005. Who knows though. It may be still floating around cyberspace. It's being used by other people claiming it's their ass. Royalties. Pay up.

One? No, it was two!

Haha!

Living creatures as pawns

2007-08-09T14:35:00.001+08:00

A Singapore post from home. Been home a week actually!

My last two days were pretty good. As I'd said, we'd got Greg married off to Cheryl and didn't have to hold either of them down. That was over the weekend. My last two days were spent chillin' with my sister. She took half days off and we went to Underwater World one day and Singapore Zoo the next.

For someone who is as cynical and critical as I am, I can be naive and innocent as well. I don't know where I got the idea that modern day housing of living creatures are beneficial to the species, educational and in the direction of conservation. I think it's in the happy little world of my own.

Underwater World on Sentosa Island was a tourist trap. Should have realised that since Sentosa is a tourist trap. The tanks and ponds are overcrowded, badly designed and in a single word, crap. I don't know why I expected it to be like the aquaria in Perth. Maybe it was more in hope. The sensationalisation that it had the most sand tiger sharks of any aquaria might be true but all I saw was a bunch of small sand tigers crammed together in a space way too small. The underwater walkway here is small, shallow and compartmentalised. And when you see rubbish like plaster simulations of underwater ruins you have to know it's complete bollocks. There might have been a pirates treasure chest as well. Another lasting vision is the one of the coconut robber crab. It was in a space where it could move one and a half feet left and that's if it were on the right side of the tank. Maybe three inches forwards and backwards.

This bloody place should be renamed, "If It Dies - We'll Just Replace It!"

My ideal that all nature parks, zoos and aquaria have the working philosophy of educating the public, maintaining the animals, research and conservation has pretty much blown up in my face. This place is all about tha munny. All exits ensure everyone goes through the souvenir shops.

I have no idea what KLCC's aquaria is like. Maybe I'm just scared to find out.

The next day, sis and I went to Singapore Zoo. This place I like. It isn't perfect but it's on the other end of the scale compared to the bloody Underwater World. It's lovely. So much green all around. Grand old trees and so much natural life around. It seemed that it wasn't only the zoo's animals on display. The trees were full of birds, native and migratory, and every piece of water had fish in it. My sister is an avid bird watcher and I'm a fish kinda guy so it was bonus time. It makes me wonder though about people in general. That the zoo has to put up signs saying "Do NOT touch the Arapaima. They may bite." The Arapaima is the world's largest freshwater fish. Someone trying to touch a fish which is six feet long, torpedo shaped, feeds by the implosion method and has a mouth full of teeth must be trying to impress his girlfriend or his wee gay person. Yes, his. That's the wonderful thing about being female. Males do stupid things even when they know it's stupid 'cos their egos are saying "do it you pansy!".

Not all the animal enclosures are best suited to their occupants. Can't really blame the zoo I guess. The lions did look out of place padding about on rumput lembu. This is so easily forgivable because the zoo has research and breeding programs. It's still not much space but effort is put into utilising the space for the needs of the occupants. Zoos charge tourist prices but at least here I know the money is needed for maintaining the zoo and the other stuff you don't see in the foreground.

We spent hours at the zoo, leaving only nearing closing time when some animals were already being put in their night pens. It was a far cry of seeing everything in an hour and leaving the place muttering, "tourist trap".

I've been to Sentosa. First time since 1983. I need never go again.

Visit the zoo though. It's worth it. See, listen, smell, observe, learn and appreciate.

Busted

2007-08-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

The Blog Police came a'knockin'.

"Update or else....", they said.

Oh Four

2007-08-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

I'm back home in BU. I got back yesterday. It's pretty cool there's a bus line running from 1 Utama to Singapore and back. Beats having to go into KL to catch the bus down. But when I got off yesterday, I might have travelled over 300km on the bus but damn if I couldn't get home from 1U on my own two feet. I still have some things to share about my trip to Singapore. I shall write about it soon.

I've ended my term with the F&B Consultancy I was working for. So I'm back to the old lifestyle for a while. I woke up today and I don't really know what to do or where to start. Clean house? Gardening? Tidying up? Set up aquariums?

Gah.

My cell phone number starts with a 4. Should have been a 5 since I bought it in my home town of Ipoh but anyway, whatever. It started off as a prepaid but of course is now one of them horrible Maxis plans.

I have a number which suggests I'm in Penang. I'm from Ipoh and I now reside in Selangor. So, whenever I get a call from a number which on the caller ID is from Penang, I pretty much know it's a wrong number.

Me: Hello.
Caller: Uh, hello.
Me: Yes?
Caller: Uh, wrong number?
Me: Probably.
Caller: Sorry.
Me: No worries.

That's pretty much a typical example of the exchange with a call from Penang. And no, not once has any of them even sounded like a babe.

And finally;
I've just discovered Nyomi Zen is Malaysian. Ah.... Finally a reason for a slight touch of patriotism. Malaysia Boleh!

Nutritious Lunch

2007-08-01T13:31:00.001+08:00

I suppose it is reflective of my time here in Singapore that lunch for me today is spongecake topped with Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

I look in the mirror and see one tubby bitch.

LOL!

Babes and not Babes

2007-08-01T12:06:00.000+08:00

If anything, I've been getting an eyeful. Shorts and tans seem to be in and as far as I'm concerned, quite appreciated visually.

After the first couple of days seemed like Singapore was suffering some hiccups in the babe department, the babe count has roared back convincingly. Though not always. There is some measure of subtlety I feel so I was surprised when I came across blatant.

We had gotten Greg safely married off in church (didn't even have to hold him down!) and a few of us were on the way back when in the light rain we saw a tall figure in a top with a plunging neckline and tight three quarters. Standing - standing in a sexually agressive pose.

I managed to blabber out, "Look at this!" And we drove past her. Wide eyed and disbelieving. It's the sort of thing you'd expect in a nightclub not in front of HDB flats in the middle of the day. Anyway....

After we'd gone past Ronnie, who was driving, and I looked at each other and blurted out, "That's a man!"

Yeah. Only a woman who was born a man would be that sexually blatant.

Alive!

2007-07-30T08:50:00.000+08:00

I'm somewhere in Singapore. Alive and kicking.

Having fun and stuffing my face.

Will update when I have time.

Big thank you to Bobo for the text greeting!

The chicken rice I have been raving about? Lee Fun Nam Kee Restaurant, Toa Payoh. Lorong 4, Block 94.

I'm extending my stay.

Pinch Pinch Pinch

2007-07-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

It's been a good time in Singapore. Having been out and with my friends most of my stay so far means I haven't been able to update my blog. I'm back at my sister's place now and now that her internet's back up, I can put something down.

I was reminded of an incident some years back when I was still in Australia. At the post wedding dinner, a friend wasn't very good with crab and would send pieces flying every now and then. It when a piece rebounded off her face that I was reminded of the story. Two things triggered it. One, she's Australian and two, crabs.

Of course this story has nothing to do with her. She's just a memory trigger.

It was when I was living in Australia and had subleased the second bedroom in the apartment out to an Aussie girl.

Who is a Total Slut. In the classic way. Not fussy just needs to get fucked. In case you're wondering, I never did her. And the story I'm going to tell you will tell you why I could supress the primal urge to pork.

I woke up one morning to the strong smell of kerosene wafting in clouds in the apartment. I found the source of the smell. It was the flatmate. She had washed her hair with kerosene. If I had lit a cigarette in the apartment, the whole place would have blown up. Naturally I enquired to the purpose of her dousing herself with a highly flammable liquid.

Lice, she said. Okay, maybe lice is embarassing enough but later I found out that the lice she had was Phthirius pubis, literally 'pubic louse' (from Greek φθειρ : louse).

She had crabs.

Fucking hell.

I dunno who she had been bonking but then again none of us could ever keep track anyway. He couldn't have been very clean so at least it was no one I knew.

I did get a front row seat once when two of my friends had her but that's another story. Maybe I should have told them about the crabs.

Nah.

South

2007-07-26T08:26:00.000+08:00

Right. I'm off to Singapore.

Bought Singaporean Dollars yesterday. Staggered backwards a little but bit the bullet and handed my hard earned money over.

Not going shopping as yesterday I bought myself new footy shoes.

This time was smart enough to enable auto-roam but happily I bought a SIM card last year over in Singapore. SMS me if you like. This number only gets used once or twice a year. 8209 2122.

Dinner in Toa Payoh tonight! Chicken rice!

Doink Splash

2007-07-23T01:04:00.000+08:00

It's 1am. I've been watching the live coverage of the lastest golf major, the Open Championship, on TV.

I've been willing Padraig Harrington to win. I just saw him tee off from the 18th and put it in the water. It actually was running on a bridge over the water before it fell in.

I ejaculated, "Paddy, you bitch!" and turned off the TV and now I am going to bed.

I wonder who won....

Monday 11am

Just read on the net that Paddy double bogied the 18th but Sergio could only bogey the 18th and Paddy won the resulting playoff. Well done Paddy. The Irish eyes are smiling.

Sing

2007-07-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

Ya know, I think I'll be able to make it to Singapore next week.

The number of times I've been to Singapore can still be counted on the fingers on one hand.

Here are the things I like about Singapore:

1. Cheap footy gear. I bought shin guards and keeper gloves (Queens Way?) on my last visit. It's becoming increasingly difficult in KL to find shinnies I like. Full size with ankle guards attached. If I have the time I may go just to buy a new pair. And I will definitely buy new footy shoes too.

2. Babes. Singapore has a lot of beautiful people. Well, as far as I know. I only ogle women.

3. Transport. I have no idea about the geography of Singapore. Put on the street, I'd get lost and die of thirst and starvation somewhere far from where I need to go. But it's beautiful. I get on the feeder bus from my sister's place, end up at a train station and hop on the train to get where I need to go.

4. Good food. The advantage of having friends and family in Singapore is that they know where to eat. And I've not been disappointed at all.

5. Free accomodation. Thanks sis!

Here I come?

Sweet

2007-07-20T16:40:00.000+08:00

Tribute to my buddy Kev and his cohorts, Tiong and Chaister.

I wish I had advertising like this.

You Only Live Once

Gawlf

2007-07-19T13:38:00.000+08:00

Had a long, slow and deep trawl of various golf product and review sites on the internet some days back.

If I had a bag wishlist, this would be it. (In brackets: What I'm using now)

Driver : Cleveland Golf HiBore XL
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 421)

Fairway Wood : Cleveland Golf HiBore Fairway 19 degrees
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 3 Wood)

Hybrid : Cleveland Golf HiBore Hybrid 22 degrees
(Dunlop LoCo 24 degree Hybrid)

Irons : Cleveland Golf CG Gold
(Cleveland Golf CG4)

Wedges : Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees
(Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees)

Putter : Burrows Golf ION III
(Burrows Golf ION II)

It's a shame Burrows Golf went bust. They made very very good clubs. I love their products and what they made, I bought. I have the driver, fairway wood, 2 wedges, a putter and 3 caps. At the Malaysian Open, when Thomas Bjorn teed off into the oil palms I yelled at him - from the safety of (1.) the other side of the fairway, (2.) on a hill and (3.) in a big crowd - that he shouldn't have stopped using Burrows Golf products. You don't wanna fuck with a big, irate, belligerent bastard like Thomas Bjorn, trust me. But yes, he was formerly one of Burrows Golf's touring pros.

That's my dream bag, what's yours?

Life on Earth

2007-07-19T10:11:00.000+08:00

Stop. This post might upset the sensible.

It is not cheerful.

It is not happy bunny having tea time on the toadstools with the fairies.

It is my dark side speaking today.

Every decade or so the moral police go out on a witch hunt for a specific type of crime or situation. While I can agree with the idea and the intent behind the action, I've also noticed how everything else fades into the background and the one biggest weapon the moral police use is public sympathy, reaction and hysteria.

The most common one now almost always involves children. Save the children! Protect the children! A sure fire way to get heaps of cash fast is to provide statistics on how many children have died, die per day and will have died. Just like when the rest of the world was pouring money into Africa during the famine times which of course were caused by the wars in Africa. A lot of this money ended up being used to purchase more weapons and a lot went into the African bigwigs' pockets. "Here's money! Feed your people!", big countries who were happy they weren't African said. "Tank yoo masa, tank yoo masa!" said the African bigwigs who went away grinning happily to themselves. Quite a few million richer. And please note that they spoke English quite well too.

A definite way to sway public opinion is to use children. Doesn't have to be many, can be just one. A person arrested for a crime against a child is seriously walking a tightrope and long presumed guilty first. Mainly because the general public (spurred on by the media and self appointed champions) want a scapegoat and they want blood. Even in a prison system, prisoners who have committed crimes against children are targeted and shunned by other prisoners. Which makes murdering, raping, assaulting and maiming young adult, adults and the elderly a lot more acceptable I guess.

It's the perception that children don't know any better (lack of situational experience and teaching) and are unable to protect themselves (lack of size and strength obviously, small kids can't stand up to big kids, big kids can't even match up to an adult). That's what it is. And it's for the most part, quite accurate.

Why we react so badly to child crimes is the inborn caveman mammalian instinct to protect and preserve the young ones. That's what love is also. The ability to is not a wonderful human exclusive right but rather a reward based system built into the more intelligent beings to create bonds for the purpose of procreation and to protect the products of procreation. Similarly, procreation itself has its own reward and motivational system of the orgasm.

It's supposed to be a really really simple thing. It takes the highest form of intelligence to pervert such rewards. Admit it, human beings are a pretty fucked up species.

And while we're at it, while researchers are examining animal populations and coming up with the famous predator/prey ratio, human beings are multiplying at an overwhelming rate and straining resources. All that infomercial you see on Nat Geo about the Earth essentially being an island is pretty much true. In a bunch of years to come, we will not have expended nor exhausted Earth's resources, rather we will hit a plateau where the Earth cannot cope with the demands placed on its natural resources. That's when we then exhaust what's left.

In a couple of hundred years (or less), faced with extinction, will there be policies such as euthanasia of disabled or retarded births, regulated procreation or licensed birthing rights subject to genetic approval, be the norm? When such practices will elicit utmost horror at this present time, it may be all that's left to ensure the human race survives. The alternative? Wage war and destroy the smaller nations to lighten the burden on resources. I'm glad that I'll be long gone before the Earth is really in trouble as opposed to the mere bruising it's getting now. Forget the science fiction of colonising other habitable planets. Unless an new all encompasing type of physics is discovered, it's not going to happen. Not to mention we'll have to destroy the colonised planet's sapient beings in order to take it over.

These, in my opinion, are the world's biggest criminals. POLITICIANS, HATE MONGERS, IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTS, and the GULLIBLE. POLITICIANS especially. Necessary evil? Evil being the key word from my point of view.

Back to it, if anyone ever causes harm to my children, I will personally cut off their ears and force feed it to them. In the meantime, all I can do is bring them up to be good people and to educate them on the perils of life. If I protect them and hide the realities of life from them all I can, they will grow up inadequate to the challenges their lives will throw at them.

This is a dark post, I know.... I think I'll go back to pretending everything is alright now.

Thank you for you time. Now forget what you just read.

With love....

2007-07-18T15:12:00.000+08:00

Hand written notes.

Yer gonna get a cap in yo ass for eatin' the wrong burrito! And I thought burrito was an affectionate name, in Spanish, for a donkey.

Dwyer apparently is a passive man. Or Sean's much bigger than Dwyer. If this had happened to me I'd have cracked Sean on the bonce and then some. And I wouldn't have waited either.

You draw your own conclusions....