OWSI

How far I've come. I'm now a scuba instructor!

Ding! Dong!

12th July 2009

MJ

Right. Big news of the day, Michael Jackson has passed away. A little bit of a shock there. Now all the speculation and the tributes will come pouring in. And no doubt blogs all over will have something to say.

No doubt also from those quarters which not too long ago were so delighted to crucify him.

I had always thought that he had lead an impossible life what with his eccentricities and how the media had portrayed him. He was strange no doubt but I have only always thought of him as a brilliant singer, songwriter, composer, dancer, choreographer and producer. With emphasis on production. The one massive talent he had that most people fail to recognise. As for his private life, well, it's his private life. I never cared. Not that there was much very private about it. He could have just simply given a massage chair a try and the press would be screaming he sleeps in one or more likely that he gets his rocks off from the chair.

He couldn't fart without anyone knowing and without someone trying to get it into a bottle.

Never mind the abuse scandal. That was weird. The press would have trampled over little old ladies to get their story and the devout fans would have lynched anyone who declared him guilty.

Now everyone will be gushing what a loss, what a tragedy and all that shit.

To gain the love, respect and even adulation he craved, perhaps the best thing he could have done was to die.

Rest in peace.

Gain the peace you never had while you walked this planet.

Stupid question

Nat and I went diving at Sipadan again. I got a few photos of the Napoleon wrasse. I've remembered that I've posted a picture of this magnificent creature before. Here it is.




And this is the picture I took at Barracuda Point.



Which picture do you think is more pleasant to look at?

Bear in mind. The Napoleon aka humphead wrasse is endangered.

As a footnote, it's strange how things happen. Nat and my own turning point in diving came at Barracuda Point in Sipadan when we got into all sorts of trouble and culminated in being swept off the reef. I blogged about it so it's somewhere here. At this point, Barracuda Point is the dive site we have dived the most anywhere and we absolutely love it.

Oh hullo

Oh hullo.... you might have noticed the gap between postings. You might also have noticed I am not using my own domain name any longer. I have allowed it to expire.

I have moved up another notch in the PADI ladder in my quest to achieve Divemaster level. I am not rushing it though. There are just some things which are so much better done with experience.

I am now trying my hand at underwater photography.

I am also about to get married.

US of Arrogance

Speaking of diving forums. Here is a posting of mine:

"I came across a discussion on a primarily American forum regarding diver limits and park fees for Sipadan. Mainly divers complaining about how risky it is to go to Sipadan when it isn't guaranteed that they'll be able to dive there. Anyway, it got kinda interesting from a Malaysian's (esp. a Malaysian diver's) point of view in the end. Here are some quotes:

"All that will do will ensure that access to this special place is further limited to those who can afford a substantial extra cost, which isn't fair at all."

"Fair? Is it fair to Malaysians that a precious national resource is being trashed by (mostly) American and Japanese divers to put pocket change into the hands of a few dive operators? Is it fair to Malaysians that many can't afford a dive trip to Sipadan and when their children can, it won't be worth going to? Malaysia has no obligation to be fair to foreign divers--their obligations are to preserve their national heritage and to exploit their resources to their maximum benefit."

"I would argue that Sipadan is in better shape as a dive destination then it ever would be as an unprotected site-- fished out, dynamited, exploited. That doesn't excuse poor stewardship of the park, which cannot be sensibly improved by charging a lot more for access to the park (please note that I am completely in support of park fees, just not ridiculously high ones). The solution of capping numbers and operating on a first come, first serve basis (which is the way I think Sipadan was supposed to be operated) is still better than charging more money. Charging more money will absolutely ensure that many Malaysians won't be able to afford it."

"The fact that most Malaysians can't afford to go to Sipadan is due to bigger issues than how much a daily entrance is to Sipadan--and even if the daily fee was waived for Malaysian citizens probably many would not be able to afford scuba equipment."

"But this highlights my point--which is that increasing fees to a very high amount will only serve to limit the opportunities of those who happen to make less than others."

Take it with a pinch of salt.

However.

I must remember to work harder and to pick more coconuts to sell to foreign tourists. That is, when the tiger goes away and I can come down from my treehouse. Even if eventually I can't afford scuba gear and to go to Sipadan, it is my hope than I can pick enough coconuts so my children can. "

If you want the full thread, which I posted to as well before the references to poor, backward and inferior started, it's here.

Well meaning as they might be and think they are, from here all I see are large caucasian nostrils.

Pricks.

Incidently, I posted that in a Malaysian divers forum. At first, they didn't get it either or didn't want to reply. Then a couple discussed the Sipadan situation and nothing else. Finally someone posted that I had taken offense to the American divers' comments. No shit Sherlock.

And then, I get chided for being petty.

What are we Asians frightened of? That they won't give us Levi's and Britney Spears anymore? Fuck you backward, inferiority complex, village idiots. Pick coconuts and live in your tree house.

Please watch this

You might think it's a typical, useless and ineffective public awareness program. Another one. Yes? No? It probably is. Chinese people are tragically more impressed by showings of wealth and prosperity. If they could eat hummingbird tongues, mermaid tails and unicorn horns, they would.

In the video you see a Napoleon Wrasse being taken out of holding pens on the sea and the swimming in an aquarium in a restaurant. Don't be fooled. That's not a fish farm. Some time back someone posted a picture of a large Napoleon Wrasse in an aquarium in a shop on a dive forum. I felt I had to reply to that particular thread.

The picture in question is from the Malaysian Underwater forum and posted by a member with the nick 'arrifin'. I hope no one objects to my using the picture here.



You might have seen this fish in a restaurant. It may appear big but it is a young fish. They grow slowly and live long. Up to 6 feet in length and an average of 30 years. This fish is just a juvenile. I have seen this fish while diving (Mid Reef, Sipadan). It is a beautiful and magnificent fish. Leave it where it belongs.

It is said that most divers end up eating farmed fish. I've already commited to it a while back and I don't eat sea food at all.

This is what I posted:

"I seriously doubt this is a cultivated fish. It matures and grows slowly to 2m/6ft and has a long lifespan, about 30 years. This fish is listed as endangered on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. Conservation action has been taken by a number of countries including Australia, Indonesia, China, Philippines, Palau and Papua New Guinea. How effective, I don't know. However, Malaysia is not on the list. Basically, a Napoleon Wrasse's hope to stay off the dinner table is to live in marine reserve parks and perhaps popular dive locations.

Below is an edited excerpt from the Napoleon Wrasse's entry by the Species Survival Commission.

Wherever it is fished, even if only moderately, density quickly declines to 25% or less. It is particularly heavily exploited in key supply countries for the live reef fish trade, Malaysia and Indonesia, and out of Palawan, its stronghold in the Philippines. In these countries all available fishery-dependent and trade-related data suggest declines over 10–15 years in exploited areas of 10–fold or more with fish now considered rare in areas where once it was common. Buyers of this fish are continually having to source new areas as numbers decline and the pattern of fishing reported is one typical of rapid serial depletions. Much of the capture in all major source countries for live fish are of small fish, mainly juveniles, according to all reliable accounts. Moreover, juveniles are the preferred size range for retailers of live Humphead Wrasse. Such is the concern for this species that it is one of the only reef fish protected by name (i.e., species name) across a range of countries. Some spawning aggregations have been noted to decline or have disappeared in eastern Malaysia and Australia.

Malaysia

An extensive series of underwater visual census surveys at more than 30 survey sites around Sabah (the major supplier and source of this species in Malaysia) found that, after extensive and uncontrolled fishing had occurred, only 2 sites had more than 1 Humphead Wrasse per km squared with only two reproductive sites identified. Population declines determined from these surveys to have occurred since 1974 were 99.91% in Humphead Wrasse numbers, when compared with similar unfished reefs. Sabah is the principle source of Humphead Wrasse in Malaysia, and a location central to the geographic range of the species with habitat suitable for the species (TRACC 2004). It is also thought that spawning aggregations may have eased in the area as a result of overfishing (T. Daw, pers. comm., based on WWF Malaysia Project Report 2002).

This species is found in marine protected areas (MPA) of peninsular Malaysia (e.g., Pulau Payar, west coast) and, in a survey of Sabah, was noted from Mabul Is., Bodgaya Is. (Semporna district) and Sipadan Is. (A. Cabanban, pers. comm.; G. Allen, unpublished data; World Wildlife Fund, unpublished data). The Humphead
Wrasse is nowadays rarely seen by divers in much of eastern Malaysia, where most of the country’s coral reefs are located. Exceptions are at Pulau Layang Layang where an estimated 350 fish measuring 60-120 cm TL were noted, and west of Sabah and Pulau Sipadan where an estimated 70 fish were recorded in the late
1990s) (TRACC 2004). These locations are protected by the Royal Malaysia Navy and by dive resorts, respectively. The TRACC study around coasts of Sabah yielded only 2 sites with more than 1 fish noted per km with most fish in the immature size range (TRACC 2004).

However good it may taste, I'm not having any. It's no damn different from shark fins. I bought that t-shirt too."

Nat bought me a book entitled Reef by Scubazoo, a team of underwater videographers and photographers. I met one of them, a friend's husband, some years back in Kota Kinabalu. He mentioned in the book that he tries to portray the true nature of sharks while he is photographing them. I think I know what he means. He photographs the large predators, the tiger sharks, the altantic white tip and the sand tiger to name a few. People ask him if being so close to such predators and proven man killers frighten him. As wary of the shark as he may be, he's seen and filmed the slaughter of sharks. He's filmed a sea bed littered with shark heads and unwanted parts discarded after the fin harvest. Fearsome predator it may be but it's actually very very vulnerable.

STOP EATING SHARK FINS YOU FUCKERS.

Abort, Retry, Fail?

No idea why brainspillage.com went offline.

Quite likely bloody eternal solutions' (the pricks my domain name is registered with) name server crapped up.

My 2 cents

If there's a male equivalent to Paris Hilton, it has to be Kevin Federline.

Thank you.

Good night.

Nouveau Riche

Nat and I had dinner in Delicious at 1 Utama recently. I have to say though that we wouldn't ordinarily have eaten there. Nat had vouchers for the place so we decided to use them. I don't quite like these places. It is my opinion (you don't have to agree with me) that such places are more flash and not much substance.

This is what I think of the place. It has really nice decor. Obviously a lot of money went into sprucing up the place. The staff is not well trained. For the bucks one has to blow, I fully expect the staff to be professional, well trained and polite. Rude foreign bitch, what can't really understand and speak English, was getting on my nerves when the supervisor noticed and stepped in. The food is at best, ordinary.

This is the age of bling-bling. We're still in it and I bloody well hate it. Nothing represents it more than a teenaged black American holding up his $100,000 diamond pendant with both thumbs up to the camera. Usually it'll have some fucking dumb statement on it written in diamonds.

My theory is of the nouveau riche. The ones who made good in the economic boom. The ones who never had so much money before. The ones who don't know what to do with the money and how to spend it. I don't begrudge anyone from making as much money as possible. It's anyone's right and it's what keeps the economy going. It's the fakery and the flash and the pretense that I disagree with.

Since when were we happy to pay ten bucks for a cup of coffee?

Anyway, at Delicious I had something I can blog about and bitch about. Hey, it's what I'm good at no? It's not the place itself. I already said it's all flash and no substance. No no no. Here's what I saw to get the bitchyness going.

I saw a young couple. They'd been shopping. For her. Lots of bags. Expensive labels. She was very well dressed. I'll also say she is very very pretty. Nice clothes. Nice watch. Make up very nicely done. Nothing really to gawk about you think? Well, she could not have been any older than 16.

What kind of school girl dresses up like that? Wears make up? And I certainly hope she paid for her own shopping. If not, I certainly hope for the boy's sake that she's an absolute whore in bed and that he's getting some.

There's a new lifestyle to be had. I've heard about it but I hadn't really seen it with my own eyes. It's called the heiress lifestyle. I prefer to call a spade, a spade. I call it the prostitute-myself lifestyle. It's kinda stupid. Girls aspiring to be spoilt rotten and to have all their wants and whims satisfied. Funny bit is, I don't think many of them have billionaire parents.

I don't really know what's going to happen when the crash comes and believe me, it is coming. Rich kids still asking for their thousand a week pocket money when dad's looking at letters from lawyers because they can't understand that money doesn't grow on trees. What it might do is create children of the great depression like they had in America. A new age of tight fistedness.

I don't know which is worse. Young rappers showing off a very large and expensive diamond encrusted ding-a-dong or that little tramp.

Goddamn.

Is this next line familiar?

I blame goddam Paris Hilton.

Into The Blue - For Real This Time

Diving at Sipadan, Mabul and Kapalai was a wonderful experience. Huge amounts of fish of many many different species and huge fish, bigger than I've ever seen. I can't quite begin to describe it. In fact, I can't. Only another diver who appreciates nature and thinks people are killing the planet can understand how I felt diving at Sipadan. It's paradise. From the massive giant trevally and groupers to little nudibranches and dragonets. No dive was ever alike. I did 12 dives in total including 6 dives at Sipadan itself and a sunset dive (I think night diving quite agrees with me!). I also dived amongst wrecks of fishing boats and saw huge potato cods, groupers, coral trout and batfish. There was a scorpion fish as well in the wooden structure but of course I stayed well away from it. I saw so many things I had on my 'Things To See While Diving' list. Lionfish, garfish, barracuda, clown triggerfish, emperor angelfish, pompano, napoleon wrasse, bumphead parrotfish, requiem sharks (in this case, the silvertip), reef sharks (whitetip), turtles and on and on and on.

It was amazing.

We kinda went a little too deep but at 30 metres, we got to see silvertip sharks. Oh yeh! I had my little shark encounter. I had a whitetip swim head on and past me off the reef. It was almost close enough to touch. I distinctly remember when it fixed it eye on me. It was quite a thrill!

We also had a lesson to learn. In actuality, I'm glad it happened.

Nat and I had difficulties at the Barracuda Point dive at Sipadan. There was a down current off the reef and we weren't very comfortable in it. I could tell we were being pushed down by the pressure on my ears. One minute at 20m, the next minute at 30m. We ended up in the drift section of the dive which is on the north east edge of Sipadan. The next thing I know before we can react, Nat and I got swept off the reef and into the blue. A currrent pushing us away from the island and down deeper as well. I grabbed Nat's tank valve and held on tight so we wouldn't get separated.


Orange hand tells you how deep you've been. I have no idea why 30+ is in the red zone. Should be 40+. Chill.

In times of crisis, one learns about oneself and I'm pleased to say neither of us panicked. We both have surface markers. If we get swept away we can be found by the boat. Also, we were diving with our instructors. They knew what happened to us as they saw us miss the turn. Not fun though was trying to get out of the current. I sucked up 50bar of my tank just trying to get out of it.

No one came to rescue us and I'm ever grateful no one did. Our instructor didn't come rushing in. He instead moved to a spot where we could get out of the current and signalled us to swim to him. Which we did. He made us get out of trouble ourselves. I am also very grateful that no one else in our group gave us grief. In fact, a few of them quietly gave us words of encouragement during the break between dives. The dive was videoed. Those who know, can see Nat and I off the reef and into the blue in the DVD.

I surfaced with under 20bar of air in my tank. It didn't help that another down current interrupted our safety stop by pushing us down from 5 to 10 meters so we had to start the 3 minutes at 5 meters all over again! In any case, Ian let me breath off his octopus (emergency second stage).

There are some things that can be understood and some things that say a lot without needing to have a parade and balloons.

Our instructor, Ian, is a remarkably sarcastic and niggly individual. Yet he only pointed out the positives to the incident and gave us none of the cliches. I think I said it all and he knew what I meant when I quietly said, "Thanks Ian."

Thanks for helping us out.
Thanks for not putting the boot in.
Thanks for not destroying our confidence.
Thanks for making us save ourselves.
Thanks for calming me down in a stressful situation.
(although I assure you I wasn't about to freak out)
Thanks for giving us more confidence in our abilities.
Thanks for saying the right things without being condescending nor patronising.


Quiet words before the next dive

Anyway, 2 dives and almost exactly 24 hours later, we dived Barracuda Point again. Conditions were exactly the same. Down current on the earlier part of the dive and drift conditions before the corner. And you know what? Nat and I agree, it was one of the best dives we've ever been on. It was brilliant. A thoroughly fantastic dive.

At the airport as we were about to make our separate ways home, Ian asked me if I enjoyed the trip. I understood that he was asking me a lot more than that. I've now been in a current, been in a stressful situation, been deeper than ever before - almost twice an Open Water Diver's limit and had to learn to look after myself underwater. In short - I'm on my way to becoming a competent and capable diver. And so is Nat.

I grinned. And nodded. That time, I didn't even need to say anything.

Can't wait for the next trip!

And Mom! Told you not to read my blog!!

Sipadan

Yeah! We're here!


Our lovely chalet on the water. Turtles come to visit if you're quiet!


Preparing for sunset dive to see the Mandarin fish.


On my way to see the giant clam


Happy divers!


A: Look! A turtle!
B: I've already seen 20 of them. To Pluto with the turtle!


Nat and I wondering what we're looking at.


Drying gear means packing to go home! *Sob*

Full albums can be viewed through these links:

On the Surface

Sipadan 30/8/08

Andrew's Sipadan Proposal to Alicia

Finger

I suppose some of you, or one of you - namely Nick, had wondered if I was going to blog regularly again. In my defense, I could have, I wanted to certainly, but have not been able to because I buggered a finger. One can appreciate that a football travelling at a rapid pace towards you deserves some attention. One can also appreciate that said football packs quite a wallop especially if (and when) it whacks one on the tip of the finger.... Doesn't sound so bad? Well, it is if the damn blasted bloody ball smacks the tip of my finger threatening to drive the unfortunate digit into the palm of my hand. Yes. The ball hit my finger dead on. Not sideways. I was about sure the ring finger on my right hand was a lot shorter than before the incident. An x-ray revealed a small chip on one of the finger bones. It hurt like hell. It wouldn't be a bad thing except I am going diving again.

Good timing. I've now been banned from playing futsal at least a week before a dive trip. A terrible fate but seemingly, quite a wise one looking at the situation I'm in. I didn't tell mum I busted my finger four days before leaving on a dive trip. I'm keeping mum you might say. Four days? Well, in my experience, it takes two months for this kind of injury to heal.

Merde.

We're going to Sipadan this time. The mecca for divers the world over. Jacques Cousteau gave very high praise. It's one of the best places in the world to go diving.

If you'd been reading when I'd been blogging, you'd know I have a shark phobia. Well, in Sipadan it isn't a possibility of seeing sharks. It's quite a definite thing. Wish me and my unfortunate digit luck. Me, so I don't shit myself and my finger because I don't know as yet what it's going to be like struggling into my wetsuit. If I had the dosh I'd have bought one of those Scubapro suits with zippers for the hands and feet, easy-access-the-use-of.

I'd been reading a dive in Malaysia guide by Jack Jackson (how original) and it mentioned great white sharks. Jackson, Jack claimed that it is very highly unlikely to see a great white in Malaysian waters as they prefer colder temperatures. All I read is that it is not impossible to see a great white in Malaysian waters. Merde. Anyway, great whites eat food with high fat (read blubber) content and happily although I have been putting on weight alarmingly, I can safely say that there are divers in our group who would be more appetizing to a great white. I'd be well down on the pecking (eating) order although somewhere in the middle. Jack Jackson goes on to comfort the reader by saying, no no no, you probably won't see a great white. You might see a tiger shark though.

Fuck.

Merde.

Ah well.

On a different note, I hadn't realised what a snooty little bastard I can be. I hadn't been happy with a real estate agent I had been dealing with. I had been corresponding with the happy chappie via email and he'd been writing his emails to me like he was sending me a friggin' SMS. No 'Dear sir' or 'Dear Mr. Tan'. No 'yours sincerely'. Apparently also I have become a 'u' and not 'you'. It got right up my nose it did. It was probably accelerated by the fact that I thought this guy wasn't dealing straight with me. It turns out.... he was. Oh dear oh dear oh dear....

I suppose I am snooty. I don't send SMSes in SMS-speak. I do not abbreviate. You is 'you' and 'already' is not 'd'. I'm one of the twits that actually writes SMSes in full. Complete with punctuation and capitals in the right places. I don't know why. Maybe cos I'm a snooty bastard.

Anyway, do you know the English sentence most Malaysians will fuck up? I do.

"I have tuition on Wednesday evenings."

Figure it out. I'll tell you why when I get back from Sipadan. Assuming I don't meet any tiger sharks. Or great whites....

This is where we're going.

http://www.swvresort.com/

Feel free to feel envious. Hahaha!

Hippo Material

Have you noticed how swanky eateries are getting? And we're all paying top dollar for it? It's ridiculous. Let me start with something close to home. The Oldtown Kopitiam franchise. You've probably heard of it. It's everywhere.

It pleases me that a corner coffee shop in Ipoh has exploded onto the scene and it appears to be a very very profitable thing. It does however represent all that is right and wrong about it. Let me quickly explain. Oldtown Kopitiam, is for intents and purposes, NOT a kopitiam. It's a fake to appeal to the the present generation's money happy ways. The biggest example I can give to you is the upgraded McDonald's "restaurants". It looks upmarket now but let me tell you it still serves the same shitty fattening fast food. After McDonald's got rid of the plastic furniture and provided wi-fi, it was suddenly trendy.

The point I am trying to make is how easily we part with our money for bad product just as long as it's nicely wrapped.

Back to Oldtown. I'm happy that the explosion has occurred while the original (and real) kopitiam still exists, still has its regular clientele, is still doing very well and pretty much looks the same as it's done for decades. The franchise however is no better than the people who bought the franchise and run it. Of all the Oldtown's I've been to, I'm only frequenting just one outlet. The rest, while they look really nice, serve horrible food and drink. I'm pretty certain that there are standard recipes but apparently only this one outlet in Kota Damansara sticks to it. Nat and I went to an Oldtown in Penang for a drink. It was bursting at the seams with customers. The coffee really really really sucked. Were we the only ones that noticed or are we now content to pay for the atmosphere and damn the food and service.

Speaking of service. It reeks these days. We went to eat in Sushi Groove in 1Utama this week. It took a while when we were ready to order to get the attention of the staff there. When we did, this guy comes over and says very curtly, "yah?" He might as well have said, "well, what the fuck do you want?"

The last server to do this to us was in Delifrance at Bangsar Shopping Complex. I glared him down and chewed him out and told him to his face that the service had to be better than what was on offer. We walked out that time. I don't think I'm overly fussy. Again, it took a long time to be served. Again the guy seemed like he wanted to be somewhere else. He wasn't overly rude but he wasn't polite either. When Nat ordered something he snapped, "no more, no more." Then without saying anything, he walked off and when he came back, I had had enough and I chewed on him a bit. Nat was totally pissed off and we left. At premium price for a croissant, I expect better.

It's pretty much the same in most places. Expensive decor (although I have to admit, Delifrance doesn't fall into this category), ambience and atmosphere and all that shit. Maybe sometimes the food is decent but way too often the service is crap or indifferent.

In the beginning, Nat was quite surprised that I can cook. I was surprised she likes my cooking! Anyway, we have an inside joke which is called the Hippo. The Hippo will be the name of the restaurant we open with the combination of our culinary skills. Above all, not only will the food be good but you will feel very welcome there. The staff will be polite, friendly and they will make you feel happy to be there.

The best example I can give you is Pasta Zanmai in 1Utama. The food, yes, is expensive but the food is very good and the staff are Hippo material. If the Hippo really existed, I'd be trying to poach them. Another good example will be one of the staff from BBQ Chicken in Desa Sri Hartamas. She was friendly, polite, cheerful and ready to smile. Not only that, she anticipated our dining needs. Hippo material I tell you!

These days however, in the age of the bling bling, many consumers are willing to pay high prices for superficial rubbish.

Tragic isn't it?

?

Somehow, I recently remembered (vaguely I have to admit) I had something called a blog. Somewhere in the back of my mind resided the necessary information and it needed a catalyst. Two in fact. They are called Jeremy Clarkson and Bill Bryson.

They both write. I suppose no one should be surprised about that. However in respect to both men, they are alike like chalk and cheese.

I have been familiar with Clarkson for quite a while now. I had watched some BBC Top Gear shows taped in jolly old Blighty by my uncle who resides there. He also wrote a column for a car magazine. Clarkson is balls out, unashamedly anti conformist and a petrol head. He loves machinery that do quite anti social things. Zero to hundred in less time it takes for Paris Hilton to flash a tit or two. Top speed in excess of 2000% the legal speed limit. That kind of macho (and totally uncessary thing) gets his knickers wet with excitement. Don't forget he's the guy that bought a brand new Perodua Kelisa, drove it off the car lot and took a sledgehammer to it in full view of the dealership. It ended with the demise of the unfortuntate Kelisa by a good amount of explosives.

Mind you, I laughed. You yourself can watch it on youtube. But that's because I'm familiar with the chest beating apeman that is Clarkson. The Kelisa was accused of being devoid of character and manufactured for the sole purpose of profit for the manufacturer.

Excuse me. But isn't that the exact fucking point?

The absolute intention for a business, any business, from car manufacturer to your aunt Sally's curry mee stall is to make profit and as much of it as possible. More importantly I think, is that most people need to have the option of a cheap car to get from A to B (and hopefully back again) and also an easy car to drive. Character in a car means the back end's likely to overtake the front end if you get it slighty wrong. Clarkson can spout about his Farraris, Porsches, Lamborghinis, Saleens and whatnot. Only 0.1% of the world's population can actually afford and want to buy such montrosities of engineering. A road car that is capable of 320km/h is like having an industrial sized incinerator in your home. Walk the 10meters to the garbage can you lazy bastard. It's free. A car that does 320km/h uses the GDP of a small country to move that same amount of distance too.

Once, I was fully on Clarkson's side and wholeheartedly agreed with his viewpoint but that was almost 20 years ago. Back then I was a teenager suffering raging hormones, rebelliousness and zits.

So Clarkson can celebrate his Need for Speed. It's okay. It's his right. I however think Clarkson is anti-conformist and anti-social for the mere sake of being so. You can tell of the obvious guilt the man feels from the occasionally self-depracating remarks he makes.

But. I genuinely enjoyed his writings and still do. Even if I think the man's a cerebral menace, I have to admit he writes it well.

Bryson on the other hand, I simply love. An American who opened one eye and learnt how American America is. That's not a compliment actually. Bryson is an American who travelled to England to have a look see in his youth and didn't leave. He did eventually return to the YOO EHS AY but by then with a wife and four children in tow. By then Bryson pretty much grasped half of what the rest of the world do. The YOO EHS AY are a planet all on their own. I find white people adorably stereotypical be they Australian, American or British but the Americans have to take the cake in the Being White Stakes. I'd explain but my brain will probably not be able to take strain right now. It's nearly 4 in the morning. I guess have a long nap after lunch isn't a good idea.

Regardless of which and although it is stereotypical I will say that all white countries are inherently racist. The British because they used to rule us and now the the empire days are over, long for the past. The Australians because they feel threatened by us (look at an atlas sometime, mate); and The Americans because they are simply, arrogant (and delightfully unaware of this) and quite likely the new global Aryan.

Which brings me to my next bit of bitching. Es Pee Gees. I fucking hate SPGs. Not for the obvious reason which is since they only put out for white boys, we get less pussy. No no no. It makes no difference to me now anyway, not being single. Not at all. I hate them because there is no forgiveness for gross, irresponsible and blatant stupidity. One fine day, it might do them good to look up these lines:

1. Me so horny.

2. Fucky sucky, 10 doh-lar.

3. Me love you long time.

White boys love you bitches because you lot throw yourselves legs spread akimbo at them all the time. And us local boys couldn't give you the time of day because:

1. We can't stand your goddamn fake accents which none of us who have travelled almost the entire English speaking world can place let alone have heard before.

2. We think the tired old excuse than white men treat you all so much better is bullshit anyway. If I was trying to get some pussy gratis, I'd be real nice to you too.

3. This is sour grapes but we do recognise that white boys quite likely have heapo money. This does however, make you materialistic mercenary whore.

Of course I do realise we can't expect preferential treatment of the sort you crave from an Ah Beng but they're not all of us. That's stereotypical and not fair! Hahaha!

It is funny though when you tag along with us, there aren't any white boys around and you haven't a clue why no one is even remotely interested in speaking to you. So at least you do have entertainment value. Minor as it is.

Anyway, you've probably sussed out by now that this is nothing really to do with Jeremy Clarkson or Bill Bryson but mainly that I wanted to bitch and whine about something. Anything. It's what I'm good at in front of a keyboard. I've been reading Bryson and had been reading Clarkson. The fingers got kinda itchy.

I will leave you with this though, I discovered something new in the course of my work in which I meet quite a few expatriate families. I've discovered that the white boys who come over to work here.... well, their wives hate you fucking bitches too!

Truly wonderful. We're going to start a union soon.

Into the blue

Oh gosh. More than 2 weeks without a post! Well, I've been quite busy. Have to prepare 5 properties for rental and one more needs maintenance. It never rains but it pours eh? Been quite busy and other time is spent just chillin'. I've been frequenting 1 Utama quite recently and just wandering about. I've bought more books for my new hobby/sport/passion which is of course, recreational diving. Quite unlike the morbid first book, Diver Down, I've bought a book on identifying reef fish and one more on dive sites in Malaysia. Identifying fish can be quite ridiculous. Two fish which look very alike can be two different species altogether. And the same species can have varying colours as well depending on location and environment. My mother and sister who are birdwatchers, I'm sure, are secretly pleased that Nat and I have about the same headaches they do when it comes to identifying species.

It's an expensive hobby. We've already blown thousands and have to be prepared to blow thousands more as we're slowly buying our own equipment. Nothing would suck more than dying or nearly drowning using someone else's equipment! I'd rather we own and maintain our own equipment. I know Nat feels the same.

So anyway, the plunge has been successfully taken as Nat and I are now certified open water divers.

To illustrate The Plunge:



That is me, by the way, doing the back roll off the boat.



Happy faces no? Dripping wet but very happy I assure you!



Dive buddies! I'm in the foreground, Nat's in the background.



This is a Teira Batfish. It was one of my aims to get to see this fish during the trip. Here's one being cleaned by a cleaner wrasse. There are little blue and yellow damsel fishes in the background.



Nat waving at the camera. The diver disappearing to the right is me!



And that's me. I'm sure you've noticed the visibility wasn't so good this dive and lots of floating particles.



Hovering vertically head down. If you're wondering what the white thing floating by my elbow is, it's my writing slate. It came free from my cummerbund.



As a test of bouyancy control, we took off our fins and tried to run on the bottom. Not easy! That's me giving my fins a cuddle.



You can pass the theory and practical tests but you're only officially done with the snorkel test!

Life Will Never Be The Same

I''m back.

Firstly, Nat and I are now certified divers. We did it!

It wasn't the easiest of things. I had to find my comfort zone and learn to handle myself, my equipment and my immediate environment. The first time I went back below the surface (and the very first time in open water) I struggled a bit. There was a bit of mental block about sinking beneath the surface and breathing through the regulator. There was a role reversal here. Nat had a few problems in the pool whilst I had none. She happily went below the waves and I was stuck for a bit just below the surface trying to do everything at once. Breathe through my mouth. Coming to terms that I can't inhale with my nose, even if I tried I couldn't because of the face mask. Trying to equalise the air space in my mask (water pressure and air compression tightens the mask to the face) and equalise the air spaces in my ears. All at the same time! LOL! I was confused for a little while. We finished the open water tests and I'd like to think we did well. In total we did 4 open water tests dives, 3 leisure dives and one games dive. 2 of those were shore dives and 6 were boat dives. At the end of the trip, we pretty much found our comfort zones and are very happy to be in the water.

Secondly, Life Will NEVER Be The Same Again.

Our second leisure dive took us to Tokong Laut which is a rock which rises from the sea floor to just above the surface. This is a healthy reef. Visibility was good and there were thousands (and I mean THOUSANDS!) of fish of many many many colours and varieties. A lot of corals and anemonies. There was once we stopped and we were totally surrounded by hundreds of fish. It was absolutely beautiful. There is one thing looking at pictures of reef life in a book. It is also another thing watching it on TV. It is a whole different ball game being in the water, being in this underwater environment, being there, seeing, hearing, feeling. I tell you, it is a wonder. Life will never be the same again. Life anywhere else in the world is not so diverse and so colourful.


Titan Triggerfish

It was here that I saw my first sharks! :) I saw three in total. It was brilliant! I loved it! I also found out another thing. Recreational divers aren't scared of sharks. No sir. Recreational divers are scared of trigger fish! Hahaha! Trigger fish a territorial and extremely aggressive during nesting season. They attack divers without warning and without provocation. Consider this, trigger fish eat crustaceans and coral. They have very very sharp, strong and hard mouths. They can take chunks off divers and they have. Their bites can also be ciguatoxic. Ciguatera isn't something anyone wants to mess with. On a previous dive I had seen a small trigger less than a foot long. This time, on Tokong Laut, we came across a Titan Trigger which was at least two feet long. It was really really beautiful. I remember going "Wow!" more than "Oh shit!". It was absolutely fearless. It stared down five divers and refused to budge. That's when we decided to turn around and go another direction! Nat was the last to leave and when she noticed everyone had turned around she left plenty quick too!. She was finning like hell and thinking, "Oh SHIT!" LOL! Titans are the largest of the triggerfish species. It can grow to 30 inches. Which is a lot of triggerfish!

On a previous dive we saw bumphead wrasses. They were huge! Three feet long. They came to check us out and came to within 3 feet of us. It was fantastic.


Humphead Parrotfish

The most memorable fish I saw were the bamboo sharks, the triggerfish, humpheads, batfishes (big ones too!), blue spotted stingrays and various parrot fishes, butterfly fishes and angelfishes.

And of course we found Nemo! And nudibranches! We saw nudibranches! Woooooo!

There are photos and videos of our trip. We just haven't gotten them yet. There are photos of us underwater. There are also hilarious videos of us trying to run underwater on the bottom without fins, playing rugby with a mineral water bottle loaded with sand and of course, of our snorkel test! Will post them when we get them.

I am so pleased we did it. It's opened up a whole new world. We are well and truly hooked.

On the way back, I bought a t-shirt near the boat jetty. Its slogan is: Scuba Divers Go Down Longer!

And they do y'know? LOL!

Buzz

I haven't felt this for a while. The buzz the day before. I'm so buzzed about the trip, I can't sleep. Unlike Nat - who is blissfully in the arms of sleep! I'm off to Perhentian - today; and I figure in about 12 hours, I should be lunching on the island possible having already made the first off-shore dive.

I'm just waiting to see if checking in at the airport is going to pose any problems. The scuba gear bag alone which contains (you guessed it) only scuba gear weighs 16 kilos, nevermind our own personal luggage. Air Asia has a limit of 15 kilos per person and you can't combine baggage weight with other persons according to their website.

That sucks.

That's like having a meal at Mum's Place in Damansara Perdana and discovering that you've had an excellent meal for four which came to over 70 Ringgit and they don't and won't refill your iced water. The four glasses of water came to 3.20 by the way. No refills though.

That sucks.

It's just fucking cold water!

Black Canyon, which is almost as good and a lot cheaper, will. I heartily recommend Set A for two persons at Black Canyon. You get all the iced water you can drink too at almost half the price!

That aside, I'm goin' divin'! Yay!

There

Been busy!

Tomorrow, we're off for the diving trip!

Bzzzzz

Y'all have to forgive the slowdown in posts. I'm busy busy busy!