Tribute

I came across 'A Metal Tribute to Abba'. I just had to have it. I thought it would be really interesting how Abba songs could be interpreted by metal bands. I figured if not just for the novelty value, it would be the comedy album of the year.



The first few songs confirmed my worst fears. I had hoped to be pleasantly surprised and impressed by the various bands but it seemed like all they had wanted to do was throw in as much guitar crunch and rapid fire percussion as possible. The harder and faster the better. It seemed like the bands were like going for shock tactics or running ruthlessly roughshod over the songs. I don't really blame them. Think back to Abba lyrics. Songs like Thank You For The Music, Chiquitita and Take A Chance On Me. Maybe you'd have an inkling how hard it was for metal bands to interpret songs with lyrics like that.

Perhaps it's fitting then that when I got to Eagle with was played by Sargant Fury that I suddenly found something entirely believable and viable. The lyrics of Eagle would fit the pretentious melodic metal bands of past years which ran on themes of the mystical and the grand. The next song after Eagle was One Of Us with was played by Flowing Tears. They played it like a metal ballad dispensing with heavy, fast, down-picked, distorted guitar work but retaining the metal feel with melodic lead guitar lines. I really like it. As much as I liked Eagle. Maybe more.

By this time I'd brightened up and I found Waterloo by Nation to be fun. I'm listening to Super Trouper now by Custard. It was a valiant effort and a good metal interpretation but there's only so much can be done with a song like that as far as metal goes. The next song is Knowing Me Knowing You. Half of me is awash with anticipation. The other half is filled with dread and impending doom!

Footnote: If you have a copy of "Twang! A Tribute to Hank Marvin and The Shadows", please please let me have a listen. You will have earned my eternal gratitude.

Kitty Leather

Strange how things go. Just as soon as I had hit the Publish Post button for my last post....

Jingle jingle jingle....!

Bloody cat was walking across my front lawn. Right now, I'm on my front porch.

I threw a shoe at it.

That'll teach it to scare the crap out of me at three in the morning.

Kitty Golf

Since we're on the topic of kitty kats, the cats around my old house in DU used to drive me nuts. They'd fight and wail all night and they'd sleep on my car. I think it's when the hood is still warm. Once they even had a fight on the hood of my car. I didn't see it but there were enough scratches on my hood to convince me they did. It's not fun having muddy cat paw prints from the front of the car to the back as well. Once a cat left a souvenir on my hood. That must have been one sick pussy. A lump of cat puke isn't the best thing to look at first thing in the morning.

Once a cat sat on my porch roof wailing away like a banshee. It was 2 in the morning and making a hell of a racket. I went downstairs and grabbed my putter and climbed up on the wall dividing my house and the house next door. I popped my head up and the cat was a foot away from me, wailing away.

It had not a clue I was right behind it holding a golf club. I could have brained the bloody thing right there and then. But you can't can you? It'd take a really heartless bastard to do something like that.

I hissed, "Hey cat!" and when it turned around I swung at it with my putter. But I deliberately missed. The cat split like its tail had been scalded. As I watched its rapidly disappearing rear end I heard a voice from the bedroom window next door.

"Thank you!"

It wasn't worth it though. I'd damaged the putter face on the concrete. All it did was give me an excuse to buy a new putter.

Men are equipment whores.

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells....

Two nights ago I was tossing and turning trying to sleep. It was 3am. It was good weather too. It was the cool of having had an evening rain. My room is at the front of the house and is blasted hot. Taking advantage of the weather, I opened my room windows and drew back the curtains. Regardless, I still had trouble getting to sleep. Out of nowhere, I heard, all of a sudden, bells.

Jingle jingle jingle....

Jingle jingle jingle....

It got louder.

Jingle jingle jingle...!

I was half asleep, blur and puzzled. Was I dreaming?

Nope.

I thought I'd crap myself. All of a sudden there was a shape in the window.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It was a cat. With a bell on its collar. It peered into the window.

I bellowed "GO AWAY!!!!" at it in rage and fright.

It looked at me. Waited a second or two. And then casually sauntered off.

I fucking HATE cats.

The Shakes

I've got hypoglycemia.

The term hypoglycemia literally means "under-sweet blood". Hypoglycemia is a having a lower than normal amount of sugar (glucose) in the blood. Hypoglycemia can produce a variety of symptoms and effects but the principal problems arise from an inadequate supply of glucose as fuel to the brain, resulting in impairment of function . Derangements of function can range from vaguely "feeling bad" to coma, and potential brain damage or death.

I suppose I am thankful at the very worst, I feel a little funny. I sweat buckets and feel light headed. It sometimes hits a couple of hours after I play a particularly hard game of footy but not always. Naturally the harder I play, the worse it is, having lost more through sweat (and sometimes blood!). Never happens at any other time. I've been countering it by eating a Twix or a Snickers bar just before I play. I haven't had the shakes since. Not once.

It's kinda really really counter productive taking in that much sugar and calories when I'm supposed to be burning the calories instead. I've come to another solution.




No reason why it shouldn't work. I've never ever had Glucolin before. Not as a kid, not ever. I've a footy game tonight. I'll be very interested to see how well it works!

Ode

An ode! To me!

May your days be filled with sunshine
and kisses and rainbows
May your nights be filled with joy
laughter and good friends
May the dark and twisted never come round
to form shadows in your life
May you grow old with continued respect
to life and your fellow man
Never laying a hand on those who are unworthy
And shooting only when necessary

- Barbsie

The Man

Sorry. I'm just really really angry.

What happened to the golden rule?

Treat people as you would like to be treated, don't treat people as you wouldn't want yourself to be treated, blah bleeping blah.

Everything now is always about the man. I'm the man. What can I get out of this. How does this benefit me. You owe me for this. Who cares about you, I'm talking about me.

It's all about the man. Doesn't matter if there was a penis or a vagina between the man's legs. It's all about the man.

Yeh.

Sure.

What kind of messed up parents raised this current generation? I'm not an angel myself but I know honesty and I know decency. I actually rang my mum last night and told her I thought she and my dad did good raising me and my sister and giving us good values and morality. She was a little startled so I told her people out there, in and among us are moral vacuums.

If it were up to me, I'd take physical lesson to the tosser. Might make him think. It's never too late to learn. Does he really think friends sit around, see what's happening and do nothing?

What kind of idiot parents raised this generation? How messed up is the next one going to be? If I raise my kids right, wouldn't they then end up as fodder and victims for the next super generation of selfish self-centered lying cheating self-serving moral deviants? I should teach them to be the man themselves if only as a defensive weapon.

Fuck that.

They are not going to do anything their mother will be a ashamed of and I will not discredit my own upbringing that way. I won't fail my kids the way so many other parents have.

However.

If all else fails you can bet daddy's got the shotgun oiled and ready. I won't shoot the offending party. I'd shoot the offending party's mother and father for raising lousy kids. Pepper their asses with lead pellets. Then I'd chop off the re-pro-duc-tives of every male child they have with a rusty chinese chopping knife.

Except.

That's not the way I've been taught. Not the way I've been brought up. I'm not even supposed to think up shit like that.

What am I supposed to do? Scream at the sky?

Whoopsie

I just finished a meeting with a supplier. I'd forgotten to remove my lip ring. She didn't mention it though the startled look was what clued me in that it was still there.

Whoopsie.

As a side note, I'm ready to lead an employees strike at work.

When management gives in and asks, "What are your demands?!?"

I will roar defiance and scream, "Softer loo rolls in the bog!"

Honestly, it's like taking sandpaper to your arse....

8 and 6

I've just been tagged by Nick Phillips on 8 Random Facts about me.

I'd also been tagged by Barbsie on 6 Weird Facts about me.

Well, here are the 8 random facts of which at least 6 are weird:

1. I stopped growing when I was 14. It pissed me off no end.

2. I went for piano classes up to Grade 5. I gave up and taught myself to play guitar instead.

3. I can also play trumpet, trombone and their derivatives and variations.

4. I listen to heavy metal and operatic metal. I still prefer the old thrash or melodic style to the shit being passed off as metal nowadays.

5. I hate categorising music. (anyone spot the irony?)

6. I am very unhappy about current trends. (Hip hop, bling bling, SPGs!, Paris Hilton)

7. I am divided about Astro. I am so pleased with the awareness created socially, environmentally, geographically, politically and historically. I am so afraid for children, adolescents and impressionable idiots in regards to MTV, Cartoon Network, E!.

8. I am very old school in my ways. Respect women, respect your elders, obedience and honesty from children.

New Light

I'm not sure where the turning point was but I am becoming increasingly less amused and less enamoured with the trials and trivialities of the younger half generation.

I think I'm growing up.