Inside

Them bastards do it for a high flying lifestyle.

No kidding.

I had a glimpse of a footballer's life some years back when the company I was working for organised an inter-company football competition. I slotted in as a defensive midfielder, instead of my usual position of defender, which should give my current footy teammates something to chuckle about.

I was part of the Subang Jaya warehouse team since my department was located there. The game was played in Klang and the Subang team was the best supported. I was very impressed and very appreciative that a lot of the warehouse staff turned up. A lot of them were foreign labour, many of them from Nepal and India. They chartered two buses and headed over to Klang.

I wore number 8 for the competition. I had a shirt number! Wooooo! I grew up in a house which had the number 8 so there was some significance.

There were 3 group stage games. We lost the first, drew the second and absolutely had to win the last one. The team we were playing against in the third and crucial game only needed to draw to progress. If we won then we would move on at their expense. First half was difficult and still 0-0. The were just trying to shut us out.... and succeeding. I remember that by then I had drifted out to the right wing cos the proper right winger was always missing. Once, I got the ball and was bumped off it and I went sliding face first in a big ass puddle. It had poured the night before and this was a typical Malaysian football field. I got up spitting water, dirt and grass out of my mouth! It was worse in front of the goals. It was a nowt but a mud sea.

Anyway, in the second half I beat the offside rule by running in diagonally onto a long ball from defense. There was one guy chasing me and nothing else in front of me except the goalkeeper. That's when, in the background, I could hear the crowd start up.

As I charged forward I wasn't thinking about the crowd just that I had to score but I have to admit hearing the roar from the spectators spurred me on. I was closing on the edge of the penalty box and I saw the keeper starting off his line. The guy chasing me had to do something and I launched himself into a tackle. By then I think I was just inside the penalty box. Just before he tackled me though, I pulled the trigger and everything went into slow motion.

Everything went quiet. Very quiet.

I saw the ball leave my foot and then I got hit from behind and I fell backwards. As I was going down I saw the goalkeeper's despairing attempt to save the shot and the last thing I saw before I hit the ground was the ball hitting the back of the net.

Everything erupted.

There couldn't have been more than 200 people there and only about 50-60 were from the warehouse but the noise I remember will stay with me forever. It felt so damn good. Being mobbed by my teammates and I really didn't know how to celebrate the goal. We won 2-0 in the end and we finished the competition in 3rd. The semi, I might add was a close thing, 2-1.

I of course got mobbed after the decisive 3rd group stage game. I got back to the stands and was hoisted up on shoulders and people were cheering and jumping. It was a blast although I was really hoping they wouldn't drop me! They didn't of course. On Monday, some of the accounts staff had no voice left from all the screaming. I heard later that when I scored the company director who was in charge of the warehouse jumped to his feet, yelled a bit and cheered. He then topped it off with a big ass grin at his brother who is the Managing Director of the company. The biggest Malaysian owned retail firm in the country, I might add.

It was brilliant.

Some pro footballers do this week in week out for millions in front of tens of thousands of people. I did for one day's pay and an experience I will always cherish.

I'd have done it for free.

Bravo Johnny Bravo

I played my hour's worth of footy last night with my erstwhile teammates. The Machas couldn't make it so we played the Italians instead. We had utterly hammered the Machas last week and this time round it looked like it was our turn for a spanking. We were 6-0 down in the first 20 minutes.

The Italians are a funny bunch. Olive coloured guys with frizzy hair and names like Francesco and Fabio. Fabio amused Adrian. He's so muscle bound Adrian calls him Johnny Bravo. Which of course is made all the more funny that they shout 'Bravo!' at each other often enough. They speaka da Italiano to each other of course.

I did my toe in about halfway as well. It's funny how small things can totally mess you up. I bled out under the toe nail. I know as much cos the thing is as black as night right now. I had to wear slippers to work today.

We won in the end though. A herculean effort was required and we won 13-8. I scored just the one but as my teammate, Dario said, "you don't score many but when you do they're really good goals." And it was good, even if I say it myself, and especially since I was already limping around the court by then.

I'd pounced on a loose ball and lobbed everyone in front of me almost from the halfway line. To borrow a basketball phrase, nothing but net.

Belissimo.

Bravo!

FA Cup Final Ramblings

I saw this on the football365.com letters section:

"On a quicker note... Evra instead of Heinze, O'Shea instead of Brown, Smith instead of Fletcher... please."
- Imran Laher

It's like an echo of my own opinions before the game even started.

Me? I was stunned when Fergie played Heinze instead of Evra who I've come to appreciate immensely, much like Vidic. I also really wanted to see 2 up front, Smith and Rooney instead of the complete bollocks which saw Giggs and Ronaldo playing in positions where they wouldn't maximise damage to Chelski. I wouldn't say Darren Fletcher had a bad game or is a bad player (he didn't and he's not), he just shouldn't have been there purely for tactical reasons. Right fullback? I personally had no preference to Wes Brown or John O'Shea.

Of course, this doesn't imply that MU would have won if these changes were made to the starting lineup. For all we know, with a weaker midfield, MU might have lost it in normal time. Although it can be argued with forwards like Smith and Rooney, the midfield would have cover even from the front. Ah, bollocks. In hindsight, everyone has 20/20 vision.

Forget it. But before I stop, I'd just like to mention that my man-of-the-match for that game is Michael Essien. A truly fantastic player but another of Chelski's whores. Not near as bad as that Jon Obi Mikel feller though. He actually photographed with an MU shirt before the complete bollocks that was to follow and culminated him in signing for Chelski. Looking at him now, thank the stars he's a football slut. MU even got 12million quid in Roman's pocket loose change as compensation. Essien though is a class player. Just not a class act. I'd love for him to be wearing red though.

Despite the tauntings of the Chelski fans on Sunday, I took it quietly and with food humour. I know one thing. Next season. Every EPL match they watch on TV, every EPL pre-game show, they will have to watch Gary Neville lift the Premiership trophy in the opening sequence. Over and over and over again for at least until this time next year. Cheers boys.

FA Cup Final

Two words.

Sucker. Punch.

Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!!!!

Reply to Nick's comment

Well, no sympathy deserved nor sought after, Nick. It was a poor game on MU's part. While I am disappointed, I know there's still a lot to look forward to. Been with MU since 1986 so I do know how to wait for success and I don't think there'll be a long wait again this time. There hasn't been a drought for quite a while now. I know worse. On the international stage I'm an England supporter.

I should add though that I love bandwagon supporters. They're the buggers that buy all the gear. Someone's got to pay for the purchase of players, the players' salaries and what not.

To be really honest, all I had wanted for MU right of the start of this season is the Premiership. The FA Cup if won, will be a bonus.

Manchester United vs AC Milan. Full Time.

Final score 3-2 to Manchester United.

What a second half. Games like this one make it all worthwhile.

At 2-2 I thought that I could accept the score as the MU players had played their hearts out and given their all. I can accept even defeat when the players have tried their best but maybe run out of luck. It's the same when I'm playing. I don't mind losing when my team is at least trying. In the same vein, I don't like it when the guys in my team don't put in a lot of effort even when we're winning.

I won't single out any of United's players for special praise. I will however give praise to the entire team as a whole and credit to Sir Alex for the way the team performed.

3-2 isn't the best score to take to the San Siro in Milan. Away goals by the opposition are always a dangerous thing. I am a bit concerned about the injury list MU is having at this time but as long as I see desire and commitment in the players on the pitch, I have a measure of confidence that Manchester United can indeed make it to the final in Athens.

Manchester United vs AC Milan. Half time.

We've been Kaka'ed.

Goddammit.

A central defensive pairing of Ferdinand and Vidic could have stopped the first goal. It was a little clueless of the MU defence to let it happen. I saw it coming. There was a huge ass hole for Kaka to run into and the made the most of it.

Evra made a bit of a mess up by jumping and crashing into Heinze which certainly helped Kaka find the space which lead to the second. Can't deny the talent of Kaka though. What a player.

Ca-ca happens baby. Ca-ca happens.

7 - 1

What happens when one team hits top form and the opposition are almost laughingly bad?

Manchester United 7 - 1 AS Roma

I fully accept that the score would not have been so ridiculous had Roma played at least a decent game. Their defence was having an off day and the goalkeeper was worse. Who cares? It was fun.

Woohoo!

When even the best make mistakes

Just this once I will call you a clown. Permit me that.

Dez? That you?

I wrote a posting in January slamming Dez Corkhill over his pronunciation of regional names and places. It's here.

I hadn't noticed a comment someone posted there until today.

Anonymous said...

I take the comments on board Brain. I'll work on those pronunciations.

There are more and more local Presenters making their mark on International TV.

Dez

The big question is, Dez? That you?

Well, it would be heartening to know that if Dez Corkhill did read what I wrote and left such a comment then I will gladly concede that Dez is a top bloke. I slammed him. Directly. I wouldn't blame him if he was offended and maybe left a nasty remark. But he didn't. It takes a big man for that.

Yes, more and more local presenters are making their mark but in my mind right now, there's only Asha. No one else at this time can really lead the line. Also, anyone else notice how it's almost necessary to be at least half white to make it on regional TV?

Cheers Dez. Whoever you are.

Andorra 0 - England 3. Worst win ever.

England won. Thank bollocks for that. The second half was much better but I still think England aren't going far with McClown in charge. Second half, Lennon finally appears on the right. What did he do first time? Cut in and cross with his left foot. The anguish I felt couldn't have been healthy. Next time of asking, he does what I had wanted to see him do since he broke into the squad. Beat the defender, cross with his right foot. Goal. Stevie got some skills. And Lennon stayed on the right. And looked really dangerous for the rest of the game.

England won. Yes. Verdict? Sack McClown before it's too late.

Second half:

Did the bizness:
Steven Gerrard
Aaron Lennon (played on the right!!!)

Did their job:
Wayne Rooney
Jermaine Defoe
Owen Hargreaves
Andy Johnson
Micah Richards

Either very bad or very good (the Jenas award):
Kieron Dyer

Not much to do:
Rio Ferdinand
John Terry
David Nugent

Tried to do his job:
Stuart Downing

Had a latte and read a book:
Paul Robinson

Bloody useless:
Ashley Cole
The referee

Andorra vs England. Half time

45 minutes of crap is what it is. England have been absolute pants so far. Ineffective and wasteful despite having something like 90% of the ball. I was so happy earlier that Fat Frank can't play. I was pleased that the midfield was going to employ two proper wingers. Well.... here's how the wingers have been doing. Stuart Downing appears to be not good enough despite Andorra being a team of part timers. Aaron Lennon is everywhere but the right. What the are they doing? What stupid 4-4-2 formation is this? Did McClown give them this bollocks strategy? Tell Lennon he could play wherever the hell he wanted? If so, don't sack him. Cut off his balls and hang them around his neck. Goddammit!!!!

Doing their job:
Owen Hargreaves
Micah Richards

Trying to do their job:
Steven Gerrard
Andy Johnson
Stuart Downing

Not very much to do:
John Terry
Wayne Rooney

Nothing to do:
Paul Robinson

Absolute bullshit:
Rio Ferdinand
Ashley Cole
Aaron Lennon

Hopes answered

Frank Lampard has been ruled out of England's Euro 2008 qualifier against Andorra on Wednesday night.

Hallelujah!

It is believed the damage was done after the 29-year-old got in the way of a Wayne Rooney shot.

Wayne Rooney is priceless. For club and country. Believe it.

Faaaat Frank!

I read the following sentence in soccernet.com a few minutes ago.

But Lampard called on the players to stand up and be counted in the matches ahead which include home and away fixtures with one of their main rivals, Russia, in the autumn.

What bloody bollocks is Fat Frank talking about? The man is dead weight in the England team he's calling the other players to stand up and be counted?

The next game means jack shit. It's not sorted out yet. The next game against Andorra I don't really care about. Everyone else in the table with England is going to beat Andorra. England can beat Andorra with Steve McClown's fucked up midfield of Lennon (again I say, on the left), Fat Frank, Hargreaves and Gerrard (on the right). Fat Frank would probably even score a goal or two himself.

Gareth Barry (left), Owen Hargreaves (center), Steven Gerrard (center), Aaron Lennon (right). That's what England's midfield should be.

Jeezuz. Get it right. Or sack McClown and gimme the fucking job.

Bloody Tossers!

England played Israel last night.

Here's soccernet.com's headline this morning: A Cure for Insomnia

And football365.com's headline is: Even McClown Admits: 'That was just not good enough'

England's midfield: Lennon (on the left), Owen Hargreaves, Fat Frank and Stevie G. Not that it really mattered. Just before I fell asleep I noted that the England defence were determined to bypass the midfield with their stupid long balls after 10 passes amongst themselves in their own half. Needless to say the midfield in the time I watched, when they did get the ball, looked hopelessly imbalanced and clueless.

All McClown did was stuff a bunch of players together. They looked fucking clueless. There didn't appear to be any prearranged strategy, plan or method.

A cure for insomnia indeed. I am an England fan. I nodded off after less than half and hour and went up to bed before half time.

1. Out with Fat Frank.

2. Steve McClown is a MUPPET.

3. Never mind Fat Frank. Get a manager who isn't afraid to drop Fat Frank.

Not so hot

These are excerpts from a letter sent into football365.com by a Richard Horley. No, I have no clue who he is. Just that he wrote to a website I read regularly.

Metallica and England. Both are due to play the new Wembley in July. I definitely know which one I would prefer to go and see at the moment.

When I go and see Metallica in July, I know I will leave the stadium thinking "Bloody hell. One of the best nights of my life and they are the best live act ever". I know when I next watch England, I know I will leave the stadium thinking "Bloody hell. I feel very underwhelmed and cheated out of my money by an act which really should live up to their billing. A bit like the Red Hot Chili Peppers".

That's a pretty accurate assessment. I saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers play in Perth. More like the Not Very Spicy Chili Peppers. Fabulous musicians no doubt. They just weren't very interested to be there. They came, they played and they fucked off with our money is what it was. As for the English national football team, please please please stop playing Stevie G and Fat Frank together in midfield!!!

Fat Frank has to go!

When are they going to figure out that lumping the biggest names in English football into the same team doesn't work? It's not about your best players (or overinflated reputations). It's about the best balanced team possible. Also, Steve McClaren's no different from Sven in that he only picks players from certain clubs and ignores more deserving players in other clubs. While we're at it we could bring back David Beckham. At least Becks always looked like he cared and tried his darndest.

This is my little campaign for a proper England midfield.

Out with Fat Frank!

Hang on a minute....

I watched the Manchester United vs UEFA Selection XI this morning. Among the stars on show was Marco Materazzi. According to the commentator, he's the man "who provoked Zinedine Zidane into headbutting him."

Just a goddamn minute.

Yes, Materazzi provoked Zidane. But how come he's "the man who provoked Zinedine Zidane into headbutting him." Why isn't he "the man whom Zidane disgraced himself and his country by headbutting"? Why is everyone so eager and intent on sucking Zidane's dick? Yes, he is a great player, no one will deny the skills. However. Zidane appears to be deified that he is beyond criticism. Last time I checked he's a citizen of planet earth no different from you or me.

Materazzi's only real crime was his chest was in the way of Zidane's head. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Zizou. I admire the man as a football player. If I were playing a footy game and an opponent gave me serious crap, I'd put my foot in his gonads. However, I'm a weekend player. I wouldn't do it if I were a professional player and playing a game for the team that employed my services. I'd just wish evil on the bastard is all.

Football is the world's most popular game (despite what some Americans think!). The World Cup is the biggest football competition. The final of the World Cup is therefore in my opinion, the biggest single game in the world. What a setting at which to do something like that. I loved the commentator's take on the event. He said it was 'uncharacteristic' and went on to say that Zidane has a 'history of having a short fuse'. Make up your fucking mind you moron. When you do, take the man's dick out of your mouth before you speak.

My point of this posting is that no one should be beyond criticism and justice and no one should be denied equal rights and a fair trial.

Football is just a metaphor for life after all.

In case you were curious as to what Materazzi said to Zidane it was this - "Hey, ci è una certa formula di sviluppo dei capelli sulla parte anteriore della mia camicia!"

It's Italian for "Hey, there's loads of hair growth formula on the front of my shirt!"

Now you know.

Ankle Woes

Damn damn damn! I've sprained my ankle while playing futsal. Can't play footy and can't even play my old man game, golf. What a bitch....

I'm of course quite grateful that I live in this age. In the stone age, had I done this to my ankle, I'll probably expect to be left behind and eventually eaten by a sabre toothed tiger or something. Of course in those days I doubt I'd be doing something recreational. Back then I think staying alive was a full time occupation.