Gawlf

Had a long, slow and deep trawl of various golf product and review sites on the internet some days back.

If I had a bag wishlist, this would be it. (In brackets: What I'm using now)

Driver : Cleveland Golf HiBore XL
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 421)

Fairway Wood : Cleveland Golf HiBore Fairway 19 degrees
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 3 Wood)

Hybrid : Cleveland Golf HiBore Hybrid 22 degrees
(Dunlop LoCo 24 degree Hybrid)

Irons : Cleveland Golf CG Gold
(Cleveland Golf CG4)

Wedges : Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees
(Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees)

Putter : Burrows Golf ION III
(Burrows Golf ION II)

It's a shame Burrows Golf went bust. They made very very good clubs. I love their products and what they made, I bought. I have the driver, fairway wood, 2 wedges, a putter and 3 caps. At the Malaysian Open, when Thomas Bjorn teed off into the oil palms I yelled at him - from the safety of (1.) the other side of the fairway, (2.) on a hill and (3.) in a big crowd - that he shouldn't have stopped using Burrows Golf products. You don't wanna fuck with a big, irate, belligerent bastard like Thomas Bjorn, trust me. But yes, he was formerly one of Burrows Golf's touring pros.

That's my dream bag, what's yours?

Why I'm Still Single

Contact

No. Not the lame ass Jodie Foster movie (it still drives me nuts that I actually watched the bloody movie). But instead, proof that aliens have been amongst us. Some of these aliens found a dealer on some dark street corner and bought some weed. Here's proof.



That's why they keep coming back. They like to have a choof. And anal probes? They've learnt that smuggler mules stuff drugs up their chutsies. They just haven't realised that the one time they stumbled on to a drug mule and discovered his stash was one in a few million.

Fuck watching the skies. You're better off watching out for your own ass.

And from collegehumor.com

Some gems. From collegehumor.com


Fido's Revenge


Freedom of Choice


SPGs take note


Justifying all the lawyer jokes


Don't ask. I don't know. I don't want to know.

Trivia for the day

This is The Kurgan. The main protagonist from the first Highlander film. Murderer, thief, rapist and all round crazy guy. Portrayed by Clancy Brown. Big guy with mean look and deep voice who naturally was often cast as a villian.



Clancy Brown also does voice acting for cartoons and video games. The trivia for today is that he voices this character.



Strange. But true. Especially if you've seen the Highlander film.

I Need A Laugh

Absolute quiet in the office. Everyone present is staring at their respective computer screens. All of a sudden, out of the blue, *click*. The simulated sound of a camera is heard echoing through the office.

Everyone turns to look in my direction. This is what they see.



Just trying out the some of the kitchen supply samples.

It's going to be a hard week. If I can't laugh maybe you can.

Optimism

This picture got me through a lot of difficulty and frustration at my first job years ago. I found it recently hidden away in an old email when I cleaned out my hard drive.

Whoops

Well.

I have no idea what happened.

Apparently when you view this blog with MS Internet Explorer, it turns out to be gray. With the white lettering, of course it then becomes unintelligible. If you'd been viewing with Mozilla Firefox, you'd have seen it as I had intended it to be.

So. I've had to change the template again. All the hours I put in yesterday working on the template is for Sweet FA.

Oh for Aunt Fanny in a bucket.

What's with Bill Gates? Why can my blog be seen in full glory using Mozilla but is a complete lump of mud with IE?

Whatever it is. Bill Gates is an alien. You know how I know? Watch Independence Day with Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum.

You remember that bit where Jeff Goldblum uploads a virus into the alien mothership servers? For that to have worked, he'd have to have to have his laptop able to communicate with the network on the alien mothership just to have a connection.

Connected? Yes. Here's how:

Start -> Connect To -> Show all connections -> Wireless Network Connection -> Refresh Network List -> Gates Mothership

He didn't even secure his wireless network. I suppose he figured anything close enough to piggyback the wireless network of a heavily armed mothership would be friendly or suicidal.

Most importantly, he would have to have a virus that would actually affect the alien mothership's operating system on its server(s).

Conclusion:
1. Alien mothership's wireless network runs 802.11g
2. Alien mothership runs on MS Windows.

Okay. I was kidding about the wireless network. If I remember right Jeff Goldblum used a cable to hook things up.

Then again, the alien fighter he was in would have to have sockets that accept RJ45 plugs....

Good gravy, somebody stop Bill Gates before it's too late!!!!

An iPod Game

Saw this in another blog. All it is, is bragging that I have an iPod.

Rules:
1. Put your iPod/music player in shuffle mode.
2. Answer the questions below through the song being played.
3. Click the forward button as you move along the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Garbage - Fix Me Now
* Yeh. Have not slept all night and I'm playing golf in a couple of hours.

Will you get far in life?
The Doors - Light My Fire
* Just need a spark I suppose!

How do your friends see you?
Nik Kershaw - The Riddle
* Hahaha!

Will you get married?
Linkin Park - One Step Closer
* Really?

What is your best friend's theme song?
The Shadows - Kon Tiki
* Ummm....?

What is the story of your life?
Low Millions - Eleanor
* Who?

What was high school like?
Anastacia - Left Outside Alone
* I feel dysfunctional all of a sudden

How can you get ahead in life?
Skid Row - In A Darkened Room
* Photographer? Spelunker? Projectionist? Male prostitute?

What is the best thing about your friends?
Shawn Colvin - When You Know
* When I know they're really friends I guess

What is today going to be like?
Edie Brickell - Good Times
* Oh yeah!!!!

What is in store for this weekend?
Nightwish - White Night Fantasy
* Have to figure out what a white night fantasy is. Sounds kinky though.

What song describes you?
Heart - These Dreams
* Ah.... All the shattered and unrealised dreams.

To describe your grandparents?
Nickelback - How You Remind Me
* Very apt!

How is your life going?
Soundgarden - Pretty Noose
* Nooooo. Surely not that bad!

What song will they play at your funeral?
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
* Hahahahah!!! Now this is funny!

How does the world see you?
Eva Cassidy - True Colours
* Awww....

Will you have a happy life?
Marion Raven - Heads Will Roll
* Uh.....

What do your friends really think of you?
Steve Winwood - Back In The High Life Again
* Well. There is a lot of truth in this

Do people secretly lust after you?
Regurgitator - I Like Your Old Stuff Better Than Your New Stuff
* ????

How can I make myself happy?
The Beatles - Let It Be
* Ah. Simple solutions!

What should you do with your life?
Caesars Palace - Jerk It Out
* Jerk IT out? Jerk what out? How?

Will you ever have children?
Emiko Shiratori - Melodies of Life
* Hmmmm.....!

Showers and errr.... ghosts and aliens?

Kind of a tag by Janice. I'm a bit stumped by how it swings from a simple thing like a shower to the unknown and extra-terrestrial life.

Here goes.

ABOUT YOUR SHOWERS:

Do you shower in the morning or evening?
Evening. Some mornings as well. I don't suffer from B.O. though. My natural smell is more like an aphrodisiac. I'm a scientific phenomenon.

Do you use liquid or bar soap?
Liquid.

Do you use shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo?
Just Shampoo. With conditioner every other week.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
Sometimes

Do you shave in the shower?
No. My Braun won't take kindly to it.

Do you sing in the shower?
Nope.

Do you use a washcloth?
Just a brush for scrubbing my back.

Do you have a door or a curtain on your shower?
Door.

Have you every taken a call in the shower?
No. My cell phone won't take kindly to it.

Have you ever showered in your swimsuit?
Yeh. On an island in the middle of nowhere.

Have you ever showered with a member of the same sex?
In a group, yes. It was supposed to save water.

Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex?
Yes. Details not available.

Do you share a bathroom with someone?
No. Mine!

Do you listen to the radio in the shower?
No.

Do you wear a shower cap?
No.

Do you wash behind your ears?
All the time.

Describe your shower in three words
Warm, clean, wet.

What one thing would you change about your shower?
I like my shower.

What would make your shower time better for you?
A naked attractive woman.

What celebrity would you like to shower with?
No one comes to mind strangely.

What celebrity would you NOT like to shower with?
Elton John. Good thing I use liquid soap but still....

What is the one thing you can't do without in your shower?
Soap?

What is the oddest thing that has happened to you in the shower?
Washing my face and while my eyes were closed there was a tug....

What is the best thing that has happened to you in the shower?
Woohoo! happened.

When was the last time you showered?
This afternoon.

When are you going to take a shower next?
After I'm done with this.

ABOUT YOUR BELIEF IN THE 3RD DIMENSION:

Do you believe in ghosts?
No.

Have you ever seen a ghost?
No.

Would you be scared if you saw a ghost?
I'd shit myself.

Who would you least like to see come back as a ghost?
I have no idea.

Who would you most like to see come back as a ghost?
No one coming to mind.

Do you think psychics are real?
Bollocks.

Which dead person would you like to talk to most?
My grandfather.

Have you ever had your fortune told?
No.

Would you ever visit a palm reader?
No. I'd be really upset if it proved to be accurate. It's not supposed to be real.

Do you read your horoscope?
No.

Has your horoscope ever come true?
Horoscopes are so general they could happen to anyone, anytime.

Do you have a good luck charm?
It used to be a fuzzy blue bear but I gave him to a former girlfriend when we were in a relationship.

Do you think we have powers in our brains we haven't unlocked yet?
No.

Which brain power would you most like to have unlocked?
Common sense.

Do you think there are aliens out there?
Yes of course. Billions upon billions of solar systems out there. At least one of them should meet the right conditions for life.

Have you ever been abducted by aliens?
No. They'd regret it if they tried. I'd try to shag a female alien.

Which famous person do you think is most likely to be an alien?
Elvis Presley. Tommy Lee Jones was right. He went home.

Do you think crop circles are real?
No.

Do you think aliens will be peaceful for will they attack us?
They'd kill us all and take our planet cos they need a new one and that's cos they fucked up their own home planet so bad. Kinda like what we're doing ourselves now.

What color are aliens most likely to be?
They'd be just like us. A planet has to have so many things right about it just to support life. Another planet which supports life is probably just like ours. Right size, right distance from sun, right type of sun, right rotation speed, right moon, right gravity, right content, liquid center, blah blah blah. There's no reason to think they'd not be just like us. Carbon based, oxygen dependent, bipedal, opposing digits, blah blah blah.

Since I got kind of tagged. I'm not tagging anyone. Don't matter. Although I don't mind being tagged, I don't tag anyone anyway. At least, I haven't yet!

DIY

How to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew.

This and That

F1 is coming to town! While staying on topic and flying off tangent all at the same time, here are a few pictures.

It's meant to show you Kimi Raikonnen's frickin' cool motorcycle. But what is obvious to me from the photos, is the the man also owns a Ferrari Enzo.

Prick.

5 things you may not know about me

Tag by rabbit! Out of hospital and she's got out her tagging gun. Ever see a rabbit armed and dangerous?

#1. Although I have currently only three piercings on my body, I have actually been pierced a total of 6 times. I can confirm so you don't need to ask. Being pierced hurts like hell. I'd rather be tattooed. Why do it? Cos it's worth the pain. My lip ring has become my signature so much so that I worry that I will lose my identity if I remove it. So much for "if you can't be somebody without it, you're nobody with it".


#2. You can tell when I'm stressed and anxious about something personal. I don't like to sleep during such times. As a result I will struggle to stay awake and fall asleep somewhere anywhere with the lights on for days on end. One day a indication to stress does not make!

#3. It's funny but I can draw from Rabbit for one fact. I was in my school's military band. I actually led the band the year before I left school when I was elected the band's Drum Major. My primary instrument was the trumpet but I could play every other instrument as well except for the fife. I didn't want to play that flute looking thing. Too poofy. Yes, rabbit. I can play the trombone too.

#4. I am the opposite now of what I was when I was growing up. Shy, inward, frightened, non-confrontational, quiet aren't words people would use to describe me now. It's not always a good thing. I compensate for years of being pushed around by being overly aggressive at times now. I'm too belligerent for my own good sometimes.

#5. I'm good in a lot of things but never very good in one thing. Hence the nomadic, aimless existence. Actually I am very good in one thing but it's not the sort of thing careers are built on.

There ya go!

More pics from Attu!

More lovely photos from Attu. First edition here. Why not contribute captions? Mine are below the pictures. Obviously!


Goddammit bitch! I told you not to wear low cut tops and sit near the door! Now people think you're the damn ticket machine!


Where Jim-Bob at? Oh. Dang.


Oh yeah bay-bee.... yeah.... yeah beb-bee....

With that last picture of the happy dog I actually wanted to make some reference to the word 'bitch' in its proper context i.e. female dog and current popular usage. But somehow I didn't work. I think it's come to the point where the word has had its meaning permanently altered. It seems irreversible.


What did you call my dog? A nice what?

Don't worry. You're not suddenly dyslexic.

Bolew is an etrxcat of a bolg pstonig taht I fnuod in Attu Sees All.

I culod raed it so I am fwroardnig it by way of psotnig it on my bolg.

If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Ptrety Naet huh?

Some pics from Attu Sees All

So that's the reason why ol' Ron's always smiling. And I thought it was because he makes billions by selling bits-of-animal-inna-bun that no one would eat at a dinner table but will happily wolf down in a fast food restaurant.*

* - Comment is just for comedic purposes. I don't want to get sued for slander and libel. For the record, I occasionally eat bits-of-animal-inna-bun and enjoy it.


Whatever you do.... if you're in the army.... DON'T piss off your superior officer.


Volvo tried really hard to revamp their image of making boxy boring tanks (sorry, cars) and station wagons (again, sorry, estates) and I think they succeeded of late. Volvo make some really nice cars now. In my opinion, they could have saved the millions upon millions that they spent on R&D, design and all that jazz. This picture proves Volvo's don't need to be boring. I just wonder what mum said when she saw her car the morning after her teenager borrowed it to go out on a date.

Gatorade anyone?

My own personal choice of isotonic drink is 100 Plus.

I knew there was a reason why I don't drink Gatorade.

Check out the Gatorade Conspiracy

*Smacks forehead*

It's been nice having my mum around the past few days. We got to hang out and I took my mum to the good eating around my house. The main purpose of my mum's visit was to sew my curtains and help me move the little things over from the old house to the new one.

Somehow I just know. Even if nothings been said or hinted at, I just know she came across my porn, condoms and tube of KY Jelly ('stick of butter' is just an expression!) sometime while clearing stuff and putting stuff away.

If I have to look for a silver lining, my heterosexuality would be confirmed by the porn, my safety and health consciousness by the rubber sonkies but I just can't think of anything good to say about the KY. To my folks, and people of that generation, a little off-roading is unheard of and darn near unimaginable. Maybe I should try butter. It's messier but it's a household object that can never raise any suspicion.

Yeah. You'd be smacking your forehead as well about now.

All together now!

*Smack!*

Chalk and Cheese

I made a racial/racist funny.

Ha. Ha.

$$$

I'm sure you've seen this on some blogs before. I have no idea how it is calculated or what the criteria and factors are. All I know is that when I took my enforced hiatus from my blog it was worth about two and a half grand. Now that I'm posting regularly again, it's worth $3,951.78.

My blog is worth $3,951.78.
How much is your blog worth?

Anyone want to buy this blog? Haha!

I've been feeding in the URLs of the blogs I read into it. See 'Blogs I Read' section, d-uh.

A quick summary:
Sewjin - $7339.02
Rabbit - $6209.94
Jen - $3,951.78 (the exact same amount as mine. this is where I cease to believe in its accuracy)
Patrick Teoh - $120,247.02 (Holy shit!!! And he hardly updates!)
Amy - $11,855.34

Thanks Patrick. You've really ruined my day.