It's grey dammit!

Had an interesting phone conversation yesterday evening.

My glass sink and tap finally arrived. I have been waiting more than a month for these things to come. Apparently the sink needed to be imported in. So after a long wait, hallelujah! They arrived. Only the tap wasn't the right colour. They're supposed to match. They're supposed to be black glass. The tap was clear glass. In the business, black glass is called grey. So I ring up.

Me: I just got my delivery and the tap is clear glass. It's supposed to be grey.
Her: Let me call the driver and call you back.

I waited over and hour and I didn't get a return call. So I call again.

Me: Hi, it's me again.
Her: I called the driver. He said he delivered a grey tap to you.
Me: (thinks: so both of you think I'm an idiot and I don't know the difference between a grey and clear tap?!) He didn't. I have here a clear glass tap.
Her: He said he gave you a grey tap.
Me: Oh really? Should I bring the tap over to you and you tell me what colour it is?
Her: .........
Me: Tell your delivery driver his x-ray vision's not working properly because not only did he give me the wrong colour he also didn't open the box in front of me to verify its contents.
Her: (after a pause) We'll exchange the tap as soon as we can.
Me: Thank you.

Yeh, I know I haven't been posting at anything like the rate at which I was going before I moved house.

Sorry. My bad.

But it's been one thing after another. Of course with the shift I was totally occupied with that. After moving, I went back for CNY and after I got back home I had to move my phone line over and get my internet connection going. TM took a while with the phone line. That's okay. They didn't move over my broadband connection till I called to complain. It was supposed to be done within 3 days of my phone line being active. So on the 3rd day with still no connection I rang TM.

Me: Another two working days?!?! (This was when I realised they hadn't done anything about activating my line.)
TM rep: Sorry....
Me: (sighs) That's alright. It's not your fault.

It wasn't her fault. It's the damn system.

I did post a coupla postings after that but then I fell ill and some fuckhead broke into my car and stole among other things, my car road tax. WTF?!? If I wasn't ill I'd be hiding in the bushes right now with a baseball bat near where I'd parked my car. Them bastards took my road tax, my SmartTag, all the money the could find in the car and (get this) my air freshener. They left behind my cheque books and two pairs of expensive sunglasses. And I know they didn't look in the boot. Guess it could have been worse. However, if I smell Ambi Pur on some bastard hanging around that area, I won't wait. I'll tag the cunt with the bat and without asking questions first.

So yeh. I been stuck at home all week. Surely with all the time I spend at home now, I would be connected? Nope. Not really. I don't have a place to sit down properly with my laptop. Don't have wireless at home so I am plugged into my modem which is beside my bed. The phone outlet which is in my office doesn't work.... That, where an office is concerned, is a HUGE stick in the spokes. Sitting on the floor with my laptop on the bedside table tends to put pins and needles in my legs and my ass goes numb after a while. It's already started to happen as I type this. Sitting on my bed with the laptop on my (well....) lap kinda gets really hot after a while.

I plan to buy a wireless router modem. I just need to get my road tax so I can actually go places. On the bright side, I haven't been spending much money since I can't go anywhere. The downside is is that I haven't been eating regularly since I haven't been able to drive my car. Eat at home? Cook? Sure. I just need to go get groceries yeh? Hop in the car and head out to buy some. No wait. I can't drive my car. Well.... that's fucked that.

If it wasn't for Barbsie bringing food for me, I'd have starved by now.

Oh yeh. And you might have realised that there was no way I could have taken to tap to the sales rep so she could have told me what colour it really is unless I walked all the way there. It's a really good thing she didn't take me up on my offer!

SuperWaja

My car is a wonderful example of modern engineering and technology. It's got everything.

Including the kitchen sink.

Farewell Finally

Something I have been absolutely been able to take for granted is finally over. Since 1996 I have had my current driver's license. I had it renewed for 10 years then. 10 years of not needing to think about it. Just get in the car and drive. It expires today. Ah, it's the end of an era!

I'm Back Home

After 2 weeks of running around, I'm finally home.

There's a HUGE pile of clothes that need to be washed. The whole house needs cleaning and the kitchen sink's piled up with plates and cutlery.

Damn.

Maybe I should have stayed in Ipoh!



The Road Home

Prioritising

Well, I'm still here in Ipoh. I'm waiting to get my car to the head of a queue to have its cuts and scrapes painted and touched up. I've been in Perak since Friday. My great grandmother's funeral was on Sunday in Taiping. She was buried beside her husband who had died 29 years before. I have vague recollections of him but not much detail. I was only three when he passed away. That's about all I had come back to Ipoh for. Other than that I have been eating quite a bit (on my way to fat bastard) and dealing with the craving. I haven't had a cigarette since I came back. What's probably going to happen is that I take my traditional break at the Tapah rest stop, have the first fag in days and then pass out from the giddiness. I have to quit soon. Sigh. It's getting too expensive. Wallet first. Health later.

I'm itching for a party. I haven't been out to a club since I went to Singapore. One thing at a time I suppose. I really need to see to some things concerning work and I have a kitchens designer, an electrician, a plumber and a contractor running loose in my new house in BU. A very dangerous thing to let happen unsupervised. Happily, they all would like to stay on my good side as in my job I give them additional business and potentially new clients. That's my saving grace on the house. I also trust my contractor, he's in charge of the whole schmang so I think I'm pretty safe. Well, priorities and prioritising. I first look into my house, then work and a little footy. After that I can look for the boys and hit Heritage Row. Alcohol, tobacco and eye candy.

Sounds like a plan.

You Mutha Fukka in the Kancil

Well, my last post seemed to be rather prophetic. Yesterday my friend Barbs was driving to work and came across two accident scenes around the Semantan area. At the second accident site, one of the cars was being towed to the side of the road. I think drivers are so cute. They harangue and swear while stuck in the bottleneck up to the incident then slow down and rubberneck while going past it. I hate you bastards. Anyway, the tow truck was at the time blocking the left two lanes. The rightmost lane was moving along at about 50km/h now. This one Kancil who was doing the Small Car Chop and Change chops into the rightmost lane, into moving traffic, causing the cars it's cut off to hit the anchors. What results is a three car end-to-end and the Kancil dashes away in the distance. Barbs was the third car in the melee. My little girl was in the backseat of the car. She's only 5 years old. I want to kill the cock smoker in the little bastard Kancil. I can only be really relieved that she was wearing her seatbelt. We've always insisted that the children wear their seatbelts no matter how short the drive. I am always amazed to see unrestrained children in cars.


Anyway, when Barbs and the other two drivers were exchanging details, there was a screech and a crash. All turned just in time to see a motorcycle sliding down the road and the rider rolling down the road behind it. When he stopped rolling, he sat up, with his back to traffic. That's when someone screamed, "TAXI!!!!!". There was a taxi bearing down on him. He took one look behind him and instantly curled up flat on the road. The taxi actually went over the top half of his body. He was saved by the anonymous lady who screamed, his quick reflexes and the fact that he's a small chap.

When I went out myself later that day, I came across two accidents and saw a near accident. Barbs is hurting on the right side of the face, head, arm, hip, buttock. Lydia's tummy is hurting from the seatbelt. Not that I'm blaming the seatbelt. If she was like your typical kid in a car, she would have been in the backseat, in the middle, unrestrained. Were she there she would have flown through the gap between the front seats and been stopped either by the center console or worse, the windscreen. I'm very angry that this happened to two people I love. The average stupid dumbfuck Malaysian driver only gives a damn about shaving a few seconds off his/her journey and is the most selfish moron while in control of a car.

I dare say this. I am a good driver. In every sense of the word 'good'. I drive, handle and control my car better than what would be considered competant. I am suitably curteous and considerate to other drivers. Think about it. Your husband/wife/children/parents/siblings/blah fucking blah, share the road with me. Similarly, people I know and care about, share the road with YOU. So, if I ever catch the driver of the Kancil, I am very willing to consider vigilante justice. I will kill you, whoever you are, with my bare hands.

Every Malaysian driver is a potential criminal (manslaughter, grevious bodily harm) with a weapon (a car, a truck, a 4WD, whatever). For God's sake. Wake up. Fellow human beings share the road.

I will play the kid factor card as well.

There are children in the vehicles around you.

Yesterday, the child in the accident happened to be mine.

Rear Window Screens

Rear window screens. They're those bastard things in the back window of a car which supposedly block out the sun from shining on the passengers in the back seat. What they are to me is a bloody nuisance. I can see the sense in it, my mom would probably like having such a thing if she were a passenger in the back. I don't like them because when they're in the car in front of me, I can't see through the car. Don't read me wrong. I don't care who's in the car in front nor do I care what they're doing. Why I don't like these screens is because I can't see what's happening in front of the car. I like to read ahead. It's no different from driving behind a big 4 wheel drive car or a truck. And I hate following 4WDs and trucks. You have not a clue what's going on in front of them.

Defensive driving involves anticipating what's going to happen and more importantly what the traffic around you might do. For this you need to know what's going on around you 360 degrees. I've seen enough rear enders to know this could be more avoidable. One thing about rear enders, is that the guy at the back always gets it worse. My buddy tapped his BMW into a back of a Chairman. His car looked like it hit a wall. I had a Kancil hit my Waja from behind. I compared the damage and let the offending driver off. Of course, I didn't expect to get a mild case of whiplash but that was later.


Back to the screens. I hate them. Nothing I can do about it. Here's a piece of advice. Don't tailgate. Sounds simple but quite hard for the average Malaysian driver to do for some strange reason.

Beer, Ghosts and Rearview Mirrors

There is pretty much no doubt that I lead a very different life from most of my peers. I don't know whether it's conclusive evidence to tie one's lifestyle to choice of friends. There aren't many people who will be out on a Monday night having a booze up and if so, they might not have friends who are similarly so available.

Anyway, my friends and I ended up in Beach Club for a CNN night. CNN = Cheap N Nasty. We just boozed up and hit on a few women. For the hell of it really. None of us were really out on the hunt. I've never been appreciative of Sarong Party Girls. It did do me a world of good to overhear a girl telling *ahem* someone, "You pay cash, okay?!?". Well, anyone who's been to the Beach Club should know what the damn place is like.

The night ended with the three of us having some nosh in Bangsar. I have no idea how but the topic lead to ghosts and hauntings. Of the three of us, I'm the only one with no 'experience' and also the only one with no religion. Coincidence? I dunno. Really creepy though, the stories my friends have. Though they came to no harm for the experience. I'm quite sure they're not making things up but also I'm not quite sure what to believe either. I don't know about vibes and all that but I do know that when I was house hunting, I never ever went back to any house I didn't feel comfortable in. Needless to say, I settled on one I didn't just like but felt good in as well.

Well anyway, as a kid, Bob has had a ghost bang on the outhouse door while he was taking a dump. Lucky him. He also had the ghost of an Engineer at his former workplace sit in the back seat of his car. Seen through the rearview mirror. He drove on without ever looking at the mirror again.

Jayse has had a ghost follow him home before. His maid saw someone follow him into the house when no one did. The maid quit the next day after learning he came home alone. He also has an uncle who has been sleeping with the lights on for the last three decades after encountering 'something' in rural Sabah.

At night's end, I drove home feeling kinda creepy but defiantly looking into my rearview and side mirrors when I needed to. If I did see something that wasn't meant to be there, I have no idea what I'd have done. Probably drive straight home, get out of the car, never look back and get into the house. Where I can change my pants. I'd probably sell the car too.

100 Thousand Smackers

A milestone in my car's life. It's run well but like every Proton, has dodgy build quality.

Beep beep! Beep beep! Yeah!

I like driving. I always have. Unfortunately, it is difficult in Malaysia to enjoy your driving.

I used to think I was a moron magnet on the road when I was in my car. Sadly it's clear now that the moronic drivers brigade aren't after me. There are that many idiots driving their cars on the road that every other car you come across is exactly that. An idiot driving a car.

You know what? That idiot is someone's (probably yours and mine) mom, dad, friend, husband, wife, et cetera. Once they get out of the car they regain their humanity and identity. In their cars, all they were was just another bunch of idiots who pissed you off. The beauty of it is, you've pissed someone else off as well. Don't doubt it. I don't.

The problem with that is easily traced to our driving culture. I honestly, honestly believe that it's not worse out there just because so many of us Malaysians went overseas for higher education. I can tell because more people than usual use their indicators these days. Not a lot but it's a start. It's a government plan to improve driving here. That young Malaysians leave and come back with a little driver culture. I did my bit. I'm a patriot. I never once considered going to uni in Malaysia. I loved driving in Australia. Morons were few and very far in between. Once I was home though I went through the driving equivalent of culture shock.

Here, you don't learn how to drive when you sign up with a driving school. You learn how to pass the driving test. Which is all for bollocks anyway 'cos everyone pays the extra money in the end. So, we have a whole bunch of kids with new drivers' licenses getting behind the wheel. It is very likely that they are going to drive like their parents and/or their peers. It scares me to think that their parents and their buddies have been frightening and enraging me for the past 15 years.

Every time I get into my car, someone is going to, at the very least, annoy me.

Malaysian drivers don't:
- use their indicators
- let you change lanes in front of them if they have to slow down
- get into the correct lane until they start running out of road
- thank you for your courtesy
- know how to stay in their lane

Malaysian drivers:
- drive slowly in front of you
- drive fast behind you
- run red lights, slowly
- cut queues
- let you know they want to overtake by tailgating you
- have no patience
- make new lines in traffic jams
- cut into your lane if the road deviates a little

Did I miss anything? Sure I did. Of course I did.

What else irritates me are the ones who mess with their tail light clusters. You know the ones I mean. Reverse lights come on when they brake, tinted the light cluster thereby dimming it and crap like that.

Our driver education system is non existent. The JPJ spits out new drivers like Mama Alien lays eggs. NONE of us were given an EDUCATION in driving. We were taught how to make a car move. We weren't taught how to drive. We took a stupid pointless test knowing we just had to not crash the car to get our license. We paid in advance for our licenses.

Did you catch it? I hope you did. And if you understand why 'drive' was in italics then you really know what my point is.

I don't think I am a bad or irresponsible driver. Trouble is, no one does. I do try to drive responsibly, safely and courteously. That's all I ask of my fellow drivers.

Hang on a minute! What about Malaysian motorcyclists?

Make it legal for us to run them down.

Please.