Jackass Got Nuthin' On Me

I've just seen the second Jackass movie. The first one was already pretty weird and the second went to new heights. I can deal with the painful and strange. I'm just not very keen on the disgusting. Leaving aside the stunts which involved feces (human or otherwise) and other bodily wastes, it's pretty much good brainless humour.

Which is why kids in America have been doing really stupid things while one of their dimwitted buddies holds the camcorder.

But this is not a post about that.

This is a flashback.

When I was really young I fell down the stairs. From the top of the stairs to the landing in the middle. By some freak chance I fell just like a stuntman would. The roll was perfect. After crashing and rolling down the first set of stairs I remember standing up and wondering how I managed to roll down the stairs completely unharmed. My mum was sitting on the sofa wide eyed and open mouthed. I think she was really really relieved to see me stand up and walk without fuss. However, as curious as one is at such an age (3 years old I think), I had to see if it could be done again. Before my mum could do anything sensible I promptly threw myself down the next set of stairs. The result was about the same.

I got to the end of the stairs.

The only difference was this time I really hurt myself. I remember howling away while being comforted by my mum. I think mum was more perplexed than anything else really. I also think that's when my sister decided I was the dimwitted one in the family and proceeded to treat me as such until our teenage years.

So yeh.... before Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera thought about doing shit where you get yourself hurt, well bugrem, I was already doing it.

Source of Pride

Why am I so proud of my new kitchen? Well, it's new for a start! But mainly of the simple issue of bring down part of the wall and removing a door and a window. It opened the whole place up. The window was particularly stupid. I've never liked the naco-window-inside-the-house thing.

My kitchen designer and I can argue all we want over whose idea it was. Initially, I wanted to knock down the wall to open up space and for airiness as well as for more light. Then it came down to the aesthetics.

So, bringing down the whole wall was my idea. Bringing down half the wall was the designer's idea.

I think it can be said then that the whole thing was my idea and only half hers'.

Haha!

Oh well.

Anyway, the lights over the breakfast table. That one I can claim all to myself as well as throwing out the naco windows and installing a ledge there instead.

SuperKitchen

It's done. It's fabulous. It's got everything. Yeah. Including the kitchen sink.

Click on the pic for full size.

The Kitchen

Picture taken at 10AM


Picture taken at 7PM

It's coming along nicely. Done tomorrow. Will post another picture then.

Squashed

O' squashed bug
O' little parasite
What is your meaning?
To wander about fulfilling yourself
Only taking from those you encounter
Leaving nothing but a stain when you meet your end
O' little squashed bug....

This is ART I tell you!

HAHAHAHA!!!!

SuperWaja

My car is a wonderful example of modern engineering and technology. It's got everything.

Including the kitchen sink.

Friendster Whores.... Continued.

Friendster. It was a good idea. Initially. Mostly now it's just an online popularity contest and a geek's superego. I posted the text below in August last year in my original blog which was on, um.... friendster.

"The idea of friendster is to link people for a variety of purposes, for friendships, relationships, business and what have you. The phenomenon of Friendster Sluts and Hos has basically ruined it. They're the ones with a few hundred or more than a thousand friends. Jeezuz. I don't even have that many acquaintances.

I actually wrote on my profile page that I do know the people on my friends list one way or another and that I am not interested in the numbers game. I still occasionally get friend requests with no introduction or greeting. Obviously, these people didn't even bother to read my profile first. It's not a problem. I now accept their requests and then delete them immediately. They'll receive confirmation that I have added them and I promise you they won't even know they were deleted straight away. They think they've boosted their numbers while I maintain my own list untarnished and untainted."

Well. Nothing's really changed since though it has slowed down. They do all have the same language though.

"Hi! Pleased meet you. Mind to be friends?"

Now, as to why it's slowed, let me elaborate. First I added 'sex' and 'erotica' to my list of hobbies.

Next, about a week later, I quoted, "If Ron Jeremy can fuck 'em, so can we!" on my shoutout.

Finally last Friday, I changed my shoutout quote to "Wanted: Fuck buddies. Apply within."

I haven't heard anything since. The silence is bliss.

Oh and by the way. You can apply here too.

Haha.

My friendster profile

A - Z

I saw this on Hsin's blog. I shall do it as well.

A is for Age:
# 32 physically, about 16 mentally.

B is for Beer of choice:
# Asahi. Japanese dry beer. Introduced to it in a Japanese Karaoke in Australia. Thank god for the Jaya Jusco supermarket in 1U.

C is for Career right now:
# Career? I've never had a damn career. Ever.

D is for your pet's name:
# Don't have any pets worth a name. Fish don't come when they're called and terrapins bite the hand that feeds them.

'D' is for your pet's name.... Hmmm.... Something's not quite right here.

E is for Essential items you use everyday:
# Laptop, cell phone, iPod, automobile, a good book to read at night.

F is for Favorite TV show at the moment:
# I'm not really one for TV shows. Right now though I'm watching the episodes of 'Bottom' which I downloaded off the net. It's rude, crude, disgusting and unashamedly so.

Ade Edmonson addressing the studio audience: "Fucking cunty bollocks. Which are words we're not supposed to use so we might as well get it out of the way, shoot tonight's show and then we can go back to talking like normal people do."

Fucking brilliant.

G is for favorite Game:
# GTA San Andreas. I'm into video games.

H is for Hometown:
# Ipoh, Perak. Ipoh mali y'know?

I is for Instruments you play:
# Piano and guitar. I reached grade 5 for piano but stopped when I bought a cheap guitar which I had to teach myself to play. I also can play the trumpet and the trombone, believe it or not.

J is for favorite Juice:
# OJ with orange pulp in it.

K is for whose butt you'd like to Kick:
# If I'm playing footy and you're on the other team, you. I'll be your best mate off the court. On it, your ass is mine or I die trying.

L is for Last place you ate at:
# Oh god. Shame on me. McShit. I'm so ashamed of myself. Gimme a break! I was in a hurry!

M is for Music:
# I love music though I'm constantly infuriated by the shite on the radio that's being passed off as music these days.

Here are the top ten most played songs on my iPod as of today:
1. Marion Raven - Here I Am
2. Nightwish - Phantom of the Opera
3. The Darkness - Growing On Me
4. Neil Zaza - I'm Alright
5. INXS - Lately
6. Meatloaf feat. Marion Raven - It's All Coming Back To Me Now
7. Sheryl Crow - Real Gone
8. Sixpence None The Richer - There She Goes
9. The Beatles - Nowhere Man
10. Evanescence - Going Under

N is for Next trip you will be taking
# Back to Ipoh for CNY.

O is for Overnight hospital stays:
# Only once when I was six. I had broke my arm.

There was once when I kept an ex-girlfriend company for the night when she went for an abortion. The sad sorry bitch got pregnant with the dickhead she had been cheating on me with and had dumped me for. There's a moral in there somewhere. I just don't know or care what it is.

P is for People you were with today:
# Big Poppa Joe and The Rojak Boys. Gosh. Sounds like a local rap band who think they're black Americans. In simple English, my good buddy Joe and the guys I play futsal with.

Q is for Quote:
# "Don't try, don't know. Don't ask, don't get." Lately replaced by "No expectations, only hope". Meant to describe my golf game but is rapidly becoming a metaphor for my life.

R is for biggest Regret:
# That I could have done so much better in life with the opportunities I had.

S is for Status:
# Single and not looking.

I'm open to indecent proposals though. Only if you're female and decent looking. As the wise man Eddie Murphy once said, "You gotta be good lookin' though, I ain't fuckin' no ugly bitch."

T is for Time you woke up today:
# Four. PM? AM?

U is for the color of your Umbrella:
# Grey. It's a Fairview International School umbrella.

V is for Vegetable you love:
# Bean sprouts. Guess I still have a lot of Ipoh in me!

W is for Worst habit:
# Farting in the car and turning off the power to the windows immediately after.

X is for X-rays you've had:
# My arm when I broke it when I was six and my wrist when I thought I'd broke it 2 weeks ago.

Y is for Yummy food you ate today:
# A chocolate muffin.

Z is for Zodiac sign:
# I'm either a Cancer or Gemini or both. I was born right on the border (cusp) of both signs. Might be why I'm so confused. Might be why I have so many contradicting aspects to my personality. Might be why I don't believe in this shit.

Thank you, Good Night!!!

What does it mean?!?!?

This posting is one of reminiscence. It took place when I was 14, a Form 2 student in St. Michael's Institution in Ipoh. We had a change of class teacher midway through the year and among the subjects she taught was English. In a government school it isn't difficult to be a star student in English given the ridiculously low standard of the subject taught.

Well, our new teacher, Mrs. Samuel was still early in her tenure as a SMI teacher and like most new teachers would have liked to learn that the class she had was a good class and not full of trouble makers. She was having us for English one fine day and I killed two birds with one stone while appearing completely innocent.

We were doing words ending with 'graphy' and already on the board were words like geography and photography. I could have been a smartass and given her 'cinematography' but felt like being quiet that day. Enter Lum Kai Hoong, my classmate, eager beaver to make a good impression on our new teacher. He asked me for a word and I gave him one. He shot his hand into the air and waited expectantly. Mrs Samuel turned a happy (class had been going well) benevolent eye on him and asked him what his word was. He shot to his feet gave her a winning smile and almost shouted out "pornography!!!". Of course being Malaysian, he pronounced it "Porno-Grafee".

That's when Mrs Samuel's smile became fixed.

Once he'd noticed, his smile became rather fixed as well. In the stunned (and also puzzled) silence of the class I had great difficulty smothering what was a quiet chuckle threatening to turn into loud gaffaws.

Still wearing the fixed smile Mrs Samuel turned away and asked if anyone else had a word ending in 'graphy'. Kai Hoong sat slowly down, his face a picture and was silent for about 2 seconds. Naturally he noticed 'his' word wasn't added to the words already written on the blackboard. After the 2 seconds had lasped, he turned on me in complete panic demanding to know what the word meant.

It was 19 years ago.

I still laugh about it every few years or so. I'm sharing it with you now.

Applause Please

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.



And eventually, the chicken died there from old age.

Thank you.