More pics from Attu!

More lovely photos from Attu. First edition here. Why not contribute captions? Mine are below the pictures. Obviously!


Goddammit bitch! I told you not to wear low cut tops and sit near the door! Now people think you're the damn ticket machine!


Where Jim-Bob at? Oh. Dang.


Oh yeah bay-bee.... yeah.... yeah beb-bee....

With that last picture of the happy dog I actually wanted to make some reference to the word 'bitch' in its proper context i.e. female dog and current popular usage. But somehow I didn't work. I think it's come to the point where the word has had its meaning permanently altered. It seems irreversible.


What did you call my dog? A nice what?

Don't worry. You're not suddenly dyslexic.

Bolew is an etrxcat of a bolg pstonig taht I fnuod in Attu Sees All.

I culod raed it so I am fwroardnig it by way of psotnig it on my bolg.

If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Ptrety Naet huh?

Your hand! No no! Your HAND!

I was reading Mischique's blog and I had another one of them famous flashbacks.

Flashback #26B532

My very first job was with an IT department in its infancy. Early on I was tasked with my colleague to prepare a room for training purposes. This involved setting up PCs connected to a server. Lots of wiring required. I had a colleague with me. Young, female, Chinese-Malay hybrid. A bit skinny but had a nice rack on that frame.

We were working late and the warehouse had shut down. When we were done the guy that was locking up came upstairs to shut up shop and my colleague and I headed for the stairs. I made it, she didn't. She was right behind me and I had my feet on the top stairs of the staircase. That's when the lights went out.

It was like being in a cave. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

She was a bit freaked out cos she knew the stairs were just in front of her but she couldn't see anything. One wrong step and she'd have gone crashing down the stairs and probably taken me with her too. I told her to chill out and to give me her hand which I would put on the banister for her. I reached out, she reached out and somewhere along the way we missed each others' hands while groping about. Grope indeed. I groped around and put my hand square on one of her lovely breasts.

The next few seconds were chaotic.

She screamed. I gasped.

Since I knew where her boob was, I could locate her shoulder, then her arm and eventually her hand. I placed it on the banister for her and thundered down the stairs in the complete darkness.

She came down the stairs at a more sedate pace and nothing more was said, mentioned or hinted.

She did buy me dinner though!

Need a new drug

It's a former lover's birthday today. I sent her a message wishing her a Happy Birthday. She called me almost immediately. I was surprised. It's not like her. Then I found out why. She didn't know who the message was from. Hey it's cool. I haven't seen her for 3 years I don't expect her to still have my number. Not at the rate she loses cell phones anyway.

Later I got an SMS from her thanking me for remembering her birthday. Actually I didn't. It was a friendster reminder but hey, I made it a point to send her a b'day wish. I sent back a message (admittedly a few hours after) which read, "No worries. Hope you had a good birthday."

Which she replies almost immediately. It said, "Huh?"

Either one or the other reason but I remember why it was so hard when we were friends. Her mind's everywhere. Never mind marriage, I should be thankful I never reached the dating stage with her. I didn't mind where we were. She has a body only God himself could have sculpted and skin any female human being or gay man would commit genocide for.

Darling. Lay off the fucking drugs will you?

Dez? That you?

I wrote a posting in January slamming Dez Corkhill over his pronunciation of regional names and places. It's here.

I hadn't noticed a comment someone posted there until today.

Anonymous said...

I take the comments on board Brain. I'll work on those pronunciations.

There are more and more local Presenters making their mark on International TV.

Dez

The big question is, Dez? That you?

Well, it would be heartening to know that if Dez Corkhill did read what I wrote and left such a comment then I will gladly concede that Dez is a top bloke. I slammed him. Directly. I wouldn't blame him if he was offended and maybe left a nasty remark. But he didn't. It takes a big man for that.

Yes, more and more local presenters are making their mark but in my mind right now, there's only Asha. No one else at this time can really lead the line. Also, anyone else notice how it's almost necessary to be at least half white to make it on regional TV?

Cheers Dez. Whoever you are.

Andorra 0 - England 3. Worst win ever.

England won. Thank bollocks for that. The second half was much better but I still think England aren't going far with McClown in charge. Second half, Lennon finally appears on the right. What did he do first time? Cut in and cross with his left foot. The anguish I felt couldn't have been healthy. Next time of asking, he does what I had wanted to see him do since he broke into the squad. Beat the defender, cross with his right foot. Goal. Stevie got some skills. And Lennon stayed on the right. And looked really dangerous for the rest of the game.

England won. Yes. Verdict? Sack McClown before it's too late.

Second half:

Did the bizness:
Steven Gerrard
Aaron Lennon (played on the right!!!)

Did their job:
Wayne Rooney
Jermaine Defoe
Owen Hargreaves
Andy Johnson
Micah Richards

Either very bad or very good (the Jenas award):
Kieron Dyer

Not much to do:
Rio Ferdinand
John Terry
David Nugent

Tried to do his job:
Stuart Downing

Had a latte and read a book:
Paul Robinson

Bloody useless:
Ashley Cole
The referee

Andorra vs England. Half time

45 minutes of crap is what it is. England have been absolute pants so far. Ineffective and wasteful despite having something like 90% of the ball. I was so happy earlier that Fat Frank can't play. I was pleased that the midfield was going to employ two proper wingers. Well.... here's how the wingers have been doing. Stuart Downing appears to be not good enough despite Andorra being a team of part timers. Aaron Lennon is everywhere but the right. What the are they doing? What stupid 4-4-2 formation is this? Did McClown give them this bollocks strategy? Tell Lennon he could play wherever the hell he wanted? If so, don't sack him. Cut off his balls and hang them around his neck. Goddammit!!!!

Doing their job:
Owen Hargreaves
Micah Richards

Trying to do their job:
Steven Gerrard
Andy Johnson
Stuart Downing

Not very much to do:
John Terry
Wayne Rooney

Nothing to do:
Paul Robinson

Absolute bullshit:
Rio Ferdinand
Ashley Cole
Aaron Lennon

Hopes answered

Frank Lampard has been ruled out of England's Euro 2008 qualifier against Andorra on Wednesday night.

Hallelujah!

It is believed the damage was done after the 29-year-old got in the way of a Wayne Rooney shot.

Wayne Rooney is priceless. For club and country. Believe it.

Tee Up

I went to the driving range today. It was a mess. But that's another story.

Halfway through, a Tan Sri came to the driving range. I knew he was a Tan Sri because that's what everyone called him. D-uh. He had two body guards. Well dressed with good manners, this Tan Sri is probably a nice guy.

He's probably used to people sucking up to him though. That's what people at the range did anyway. He was hitting a wood less than 100metres but everyone kept telling him how well he was doing.

But that's not what I was impressed with.

I was impressed that he had someone to put the golf balls on his little rubber tee for him!

Faaaat Frank!

I read the following sentence in soccernet.com a few minutes ago.

But Lampard called on the players to stand up and be counted in the matches ahead which include home and away fixtures with one of their main rivals, Russia, in the autumn.

What bloody bollocks is Fat Frank talking about? The man is dead weight in the England team he's calling the other players to stand up and be counted?

The next game means jack shit. It's not sorted out yet. The next game against Andorra I don't really care about. Everyone else in the table with England is going to beat Andorra. England can beat Andorra with Steve McClown's fucked up midfield of Lennon (again I say, on the left), Fat Frank, Hargreaves and Gerrard (on the right). Fat Frank would probably even score a goal or two himself.

Gareth Barry (left), Owen Hargreaves (center), Steven Gerrard (center), Aaron Lennon (right). That's what England's midfield should be.

Jeezuz. Get it right. Or sack McClown and gimme the fucking job.