Bzzzzz

Y'all have to forgive the slowdown in posts. I'm busy busy busy!

Asshole Gallery #2

What's wrong with this picture? Is the taxi really in reverse gear? Nope. This is one of the many many assholes who fuck about with their car lights array. Blinking reverse lights while braking. Reverse lights on when they brake. Reverse lights permanently on. You know the ones. You've definitely seen them about. This has to be illegal and rightly so. It's idiotic.



And here we are back to my pet peeve. Queue cutters! This is Jalan Damansara in TTDI leading to the LDP, opposite the Petronas and post office. The lane one the left is for people to turn into Damansara Kim where the Specialist Centre is. I noticed in my wing mirror, this asshole leave the queue at the back and drive up past everyone on the left. It's a nice car. I do love the new Camry but it's got a kurang ajar no road etiquette queue cutter at the wheel! The plate is WRA 1918. Might be and probably is a nice guy in person but is just another fucking Malaysian driver behind the wheel. Whassa matter? Whassa rush? Bad curry izzit?

I don't really understand the junction up ahead. I don't know why it's been fucked about with. What we have now is a three lane road becoming a 2 lane road just before the traffic lights. Which is a really stupid idea. Cars bottleneck, bunch up and argue for space at the lights. I don't know what is going on, maybe when they finish the works at the lights, it might make sense. But I'm not holding my breath.

Diver Up

As you may know, I've just taken up scuba diving. I'm going for open water certification. I've been frequenting book stores recently to obtain some literature (and colour pictures!) about diving or aquatic life. Book stores for some reason tend to be quite cold and after much shivering and swearing by the girlfriend I finally picked a book. It's called Diver Down, subtitled Real Life Accidents and How to Avoid Them, by Michael R. Ange. It's a book on real life incidents and accidents by recreational divers. Of all the books out there eh? I go and pick this one?

I do think it's rather typical of myself that I bought this one to be honest. I'm just not letting my mum anywhere near the book. Of the stories in the book, many of the divers concerned lost their lives, a few were permanently damaged and even fewer escaped permanent injury. None survived unscathed, all being damaged one way or another mentally or physically.

And I'm glad I bought it. It proves a few things my instructor had been saying. He didn't ever repeat himself much but that's cos he thinks we (Matt, Nat and I) are smart enough to realise what he's saying is mucho mucho importanto. I also now realise that I made quite a few mistakes during the confined water sessions. Our instructor keeps telling us to think. To figure things out. Stop. Breathe. Think. Act. In that order. There's only so much training and instructions can do. A diver must first be responsible for himself/herself.

It would be an interesting point to note that of all the stories, only one was due to Murphy's Law or the proverbial shit happens. An experienced diver suffered an embolism which paralysed him while he was still in the water despite not doing anything wrong. He survived.

Panic is the number one killer of divers. Not surprisingly, ego is number two. There are divers who were gung ho and macho and went beyond their limits and training and were killed in the process. Needless to say, they panicked at the end of it. Sometimes justice isn't served as one of these divers recovered completely but his girlfriend drowned and his divemaster will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. That must be a terrible cross to bear.

However, ego is not always apparent. New divers always consume air faster than experienced divers. A new diver, subject to ribbing from other divers for having to cut short his (and his dive buddy's) dive from a rapidly lightening air tank, was determined to stay down longer on the next dive. He ran out of air and died along with the new divemaster whose own tank couldn't support himself and the hyperventilating new diver to make it to the surface.

Regardless of how exciting, new risky endeavours should be taken up progressively and carefully with advice and learnings taken seriously from the more experienced. Divemasters and instructors can always tell the ones who are going to be high risk. They're the ones who can't wait to get the gear on. The ones who want a bigger dive knife. The ones who can't wait to go deeper, further, longer. The ones who go beyond the limits of their training.

My own instructor had a story about diving. An instructor had two new students with him in open water. He had a camera with him. One student signalled low on air. The instructor signalled back to chill while he got his photo and they'd go up. After he got his shot he looked back and the divers were missing. He did a quick search and then went up. The divers were on the boat. One was dead and the other dying.

My mum told me that she read in the paper that a student diver got washed away from the group by a current and drowned. That's probably because that was a production factory type training. My group will have an instructor, 4 divemasters, an experienced diver, 2 Advanced Open Water students and 3 new Open Water students. Rather than 1 divemaster for 5 students, we will be having a 1 divemaster to 1 student ratio. Sure, I'm paying almost twice the price but I have someone qualified to certify new instructors as my instructor. I like the philosophy of my dive school which is to teach students how to dive and to do it safely. Production line schools tend to be like Malaysian driving academies. They teach you how to pass the test and that's about it.

After reading this book and reflecting on it, I would like to be qualified as an Advanced Diver and to also take up the Rescue Diver course. Not that I plan to be rescuing anybody (and I hope to never have to) but it would teach me to deal with emergencies and situations better should they arise. I certainly don't want anyone to be looking at me to deal with things cos, 'You're the rescue diver!'. A diver is only as good as his/her training and attitude.

I am rather pleased with comments filtered down to me from my pool sessions. It seems the instructors thought I was quietly confident and competent and doing better than I thought I was. A fellow student thought I did everything asked of me without fuss. So yeah.... very pleased with such feedback.

The reality of it is that I couldn't wait to get the gear on! Haha! BUT! I thought I should have a damn good listen to the instructor first. The last thing I want to be is to be in a book titled Diver Down, Part 2. I'd rather be in one titled "Diver Up, Who's Next?". Who knows? I might write it meself!

Spill and Overflow

Woah! Got to catch up with my blog! I have had so many things to blog about plus more pics for the Asshole Gallery (hahaha!) but have hardly had the time to do anything about it. Busy busy busy and it's gonna get busier with the handover of another apartment coming up about the same time with outfitting two other apartments. Also there's the pergola for the bungalow and the washing machine for the studio. I'm beat!

First! American Idol. How the hell did Michael Johns get voted off???? I'm waiting for Dread-head Boy to go but he's still there! What the #$%^&???? It's as Simon Cowell said, it's a popularity contest not strictly a talent contest. Didja see Stacey Ferguson on Idol Gives Back? Holy moly, that girl can sing. I really liked it when she sang with Heart. She sounded like a young Ann Wilson. And instead she gives us absolute rubbish like London Bridge and Fergalicious. Cos that's the kind of crap that sells and the people who buy crap like that is why Michael Johns is no longer in the running. I just saw David Cook sing Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby. After that, his version of Hello and Chris Cornell's Billie Jean, if he doesn't win, we definitely know it because of people who like crap like London Bridge and Fergalicious. I have to say though, that Big Girls Don't Cry is a fantastic song. The rose bush growing out of a heap of manure.

And speakin' of crap....

Now! I just cut the grass today. Got the electric mower out and mowed the lawn. There's already cat crap on the freshly cut grass. If only I had a shotgun.... The smell of cat pee in the mornings and cat crap on my lawn. I had considered myself an animal lover but no longer. Dead cats sound like an increasingly good idea. Fertilizer anyone?

It's of constant amazement to me how badly people drive in this country. It has improved though. You know why? Because many many people in my generation went overseas for higher education. We learnt some sort of driving courtesy over there. Fuck the system that gives Malaysians a license to be in (and out of) control of thousands of pounds of fast moving metal. Anyone pay for your license cos you knew if you didn't you'd fail? Your driving school will even arrange it for you!

I'm now going to publish this posting and start on my next one.

Still Here

No, I haven't been neglecting my blog. Just been very busy. Will update on a heapo stuff soon. This is the 300th post! Woohoo!

Open Water

My PADI Open Water confined water sessions are over and it wasn't difficult at all! Next month I will be in Perhentian and by the time I come back I should be a certified open water diver. Woohoo!

The most obvious thing to me so far is how much of a mental thing diving is. Kids have less inhibitions than adults. They actually make better diving students than adults. They don't have the hangups adults have. So far I've heard the stories from my instructor. There are those who are convinced they will drown. Those who have to be coaxed to put their heads underwater. Those who are sure they can't breathe with scuba gear even though there's no reason as to why they can't. And. Those who are frightened of fish! It's a strange mix, diving and a fear of fish. But that's how much diving can snare you and keep you hooked. The Frightened of Fish One is going for advanced open water certification! Fish are one thing but there are sharks in the reef where we're going! LOL!

I have to say I'm really proud of Nat. She handled it very well. Although she doesn't think she did. She did everything she was asked to do and she did it competently. Trouble was she was comparing herself to me. I'm not good at a lot of things. There are only a few things I'm good at and these are 1. Outdoor activities, 2. Racing car video games; and 3. E***** ****y.

Hahahaha!

Confined Water

Taking the plunge. Welcome to the underwater!

The confined (pool) water sessions are over. We made it! Using scuba gear is a lot easier than I had thought it'd be. My only issues were with having a dry throat from breathing dry air for extended periods of time. I've been teaching myself to swallow saliva with the second stage in my mouth! Other than that was an ill fitting mask and a cheap snorkel which will be easily solved by buying my own. Also, we've decided that we have to get wetsuits. Nat and I both get plenty cold even in 3m of pool. 18m in the sea is gonna be really cold then especially if there's a thermocline.



It was quite an experience. The first questions were asked even before any gear was pulled on. First was the 200m swim and then the 10 minute unassisted float. I didn't count the laps, I just swam and the 10 minutes of treading water (I can't float for some reason) wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

As long as you pay attention and listen to your instructor, the various tests are simple and easy enough. It's as I'd said, anyone who goes into scuba diving all gung ho and macho is going to get killed. Either by own stupidity or by the instructor!

Annual

brainspillage.com, mine for another year!

I know I had said I'd wanted to change my domain name provider but it got kind of ridiculous. I made, or tried to make, a couple of phone calls. My first choice provider had a disconnected phone when I tried to call the number listed on the website. The second choice, no one picked up the phone when I called.

Two words. Fuck it.

I just paid up to the current one. Saves a lot of hassle and irritation.

Service Interruption!

brainspillage.com may go offline for a few days while I sort out my domain name. I want to switch to a different company. Hang tight!

www.brainspillage.com might be available at brain-spillage.blogspot.com at that time though.

1st Session

Have completed Day 1 of the confined (pool) water sessions. Day 2 tomorrow. Very tired. Will blog about it another day when I have the energy. All I have to say is that it was fun! I now have a strange sensation like I'm still floating around still though.

Blacktip

Open water session has been changed to Bubbles Diving Resort. They have a 'house reef'. Quaint name for the natural reef off their shore. I just had a look at their website. They claim to have blacktip reef sharks.

This is a blacktip reef shark.

Isn't it cute?

This is also a blacktip reef shark.


Obviously the one in the first picture is a little one. The kind you find in house reefs. Hahah! If I met the mommy shark in the second picture while diving, I'd shit myself and then some.

Ghost in the House

I read Nick's blog and he opened with scratchings from the ceiling. Although it has no relation to this latest flashback, it reminded me of something my friends and I got up to in the dirty bastard teen aged years.

I've told this story many times to much mirth but have not blogged about it for some reason. Celebrating April Fool's Day with this little joke. Mean as it is.

There are a number of factors in this story to consider before getting into the details.

#1. The antagonists. A bunch of us Ipoh guys were in Subang Jaya studying in various colleges. Away from home and out from under the parental thumb for the first time.

#2. The annoying cousin. My friend, Alex, stayed in his uncle's house in SS15 with his female cousin. His uncle had been transferred to Jakarta and wasn't around. Female cousin, MY for this story, once rendered a room full of otherwise very loud boys speechless once. We were once watching TV and commenting on the various female body shapes and builds appearing in the ads. A voice piped up from the back. "Actually my body also quite proportionate one...." She had a body like a beer keg!

#3. The faulty cassette player. When it recorded from it's mic, it didn't erase and record over what was previously on the tape. What was recorded played with whatever was there previously enabling us to multitrack.

#4. The child's pull toy. Remember those things with the string that you pulled and it'd play a song? Very eerie at night in the dark. The idea stemmed from the fact that once one guy pulled on the string in the dark and no one knew what it was and where it was coming from. Having Are You Sleeping Brother John tinkling in the dark with no obvious source was quite unnerving.

#5. The hole in the ceiling. The cousins' bedrooms were next to each other. On my friend's side, an asbestos panel in the ceiling could be pushed out of the way.

#6. The idea that grew. It started with the cassette player and the pull toy and the snoring.

Let's start with the snoring. Joe insisted his room mate, Hoong Chiew snored like an angry beehive to which was regarded by the culprit as fiction. One night Joe recorded it and played it the next day to a room full of guys at the volume he claimed it to be in reality. Much mirth abounded. This was shortly after the Pull Toy Incident. Someone came up with the bright idea of recording the pull toy. On playback, it was discovered that the cassette player was faulty. We had a mix of the pull toy and Hoong Chiew's snoring. After the laughter subsided naturally The Idea emerged and more sounds were put into the mix. Chains rattling. Some clown going 'woooooooooo' in a stereotypical imitation of a ghost. Another clown moaning MY's name. Various moans and groans which built up in volume and number of voices to a climax. Laughter which wasn't intentional but it hard not to in a mob environment.

That night the plan was put into action. The asbestos panel was removed. The speakers put into the ceiling and pushed over MY's room. I'd imagine anyone in the other room would have a very hard time tracing the source of the sounds. All that was left was to push the play button.

What an anti climax. We'd expected her to burst out of her room trailing muslin and hair curlers screaming for protection.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

A number of scenarios were discussed. The first one was that she slept like the dead. The next scenario assumed that she was dead. From a fatal heart attack from the fear. Sam was sent out to moan her name and bang on her door.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

With much disappointment, the speakers were removed and the panel replaced.

The next morning, we were asked if we heard anything 'strange' the night before. Success! Trying to keep the triumph out of our expressions and voices we strenuously denied we did. And the very next day, she brought over her church group from her college (INTI, if anyone's interested) and held a prayer/exorcism. Everyone held hands in a circle in the house. They called on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to banish the demons and devils in the house....

....not knowing that there were a few devils in the circle holding hands!

Hahahah!