Levels

I saw something about a week ago which had me shaking my head in disbelief. I was at 1 Utama and I saw a bunch of people, not many, but still a bunch of people waiting for an elevator. Needless to say, they were crowding the door. When the doors opened, they streamed in and after they had all got on, I saw an elderly lady in a wheelchair emerge from the lift being pushed by, what I presume is the family maid and followed by the (again I presume) lady's daughter. Who was, blamelessly and understandably, looking quite pissed off.

The crowd weren't all young people. I've always bitched and whined about today's younger generation but I would think even they'd have the sense and respect to have allowed the wheelchair and its occupant to have exited first. These people rather were the people who will be raising the future generation.

Sad isn't it?

I was in Singapore for a number of days before Christmas. No one can pack shopping malls like the Singaporeans! Crowded. Not a complaint though. Merely an observation. Why I've mentioned this is what I noticed at the MRT stations. The level of desperation at the doors of the MRT is in relation to how many people are waiting to get on the train plus the number of people already on the train. If there is ample room on the train and not many people waiting to get on, the niceties are observed and people wait for others to exit first before getting on and stand to the side of the doors. If however, the trains are packed, people get on at the first opportunity regardless of other people trying to get off.

The level of politeness in these types of situations is adverse to the level of desperation.

It would be fair I'm sure if I had used the LRT in KL/PJ as a comparison but I haven't taken the LRT in years. Based on what I saw in 1 Utama, I dread to think what it's like now as it was already pretty bad when I did take the LRT all those years ago. And from what I've been told,
it's even worse now - with untold levels of desperation.

What is.... This is....

What is marriage?

Or rather.....

What is the thingy you mumble when you get married?

A vow.

Oh.

This is what a marriage vow is to me.

* It is a vow to love and cherish my wife.

* It is a vow to protect her in heart, body, mind and soul.

* It is a vow to place her first and foremost.

* It is a vow to commit to a lifetime relationship and that I accept it wholly.

* It is a promise to her parents and family to love her and care for her now that I have accepted responsibility for her.

* It is a promise to my parents and family to uphold the values they have imparted on me and to carry my family name with honour.

In as such, I expect no less from the girl I would marry.

And I've never been married. Am I deluded, misguided and idealistic?

Jezzuz! I am pathetic.

My friend when I am in need

Hullo blog.... It's been a while!

This has always been my space. My space when I need to voice my thoughts, my expressions and my mind. I've always liked writing. Even if I say it myself, I write well. Sometimes I write to entertain, sometimes I write because I need to organise the mess in my head and sometimes I write because I'm severely pissed off. But I've always written because I needed an outlet for my individuality.

Hello blog.... It has been a while!

I stopped writing sometime back because I felt no need to express myself outwardly anymore. All that was pretty much taken care of in my life. Which has in fact, taken a ridiculously huge leap in direction and hope.

No expectations. Only hope. My dictum for golf is, upon reflection, a guide to life. I must remember that. Not for the fact that life is bad but for the fact that life is unpredictable (in good ways and bad ways) and one must always hang on for the ride. And life is good! But sometimes even the best horses stumble even on little things which largely should be insignificant.

At this point in time, I am severely pissed off. So much so that I can't sleep. I am awake, brain buzzing, although I am quite tired myself. I played futsal earlier. The gods of futsal were paying attention apparently. As a defensive player I hardly score goals. I struggle to score one per game. This night I scored five. Maybe six (via deflection ala Fat Frank). And they were all fucking good goals. The gods of futsal decreed: You Are Going To Be Severely Pissed Off Later.... Here, Have Some Goals On The House. There Must Be Some Balance Here. Speaking of balance.... I cannot.

I have been muzzled.

Shit.

Permit me to just say the following lines. I have always taken responsibility for myself and my actions. I was brought up right (although I once remarked to my mother that I wished I wasn't. Then I could be a total dickweed like everyone else and life wouldn't be so goddamn frustrating). I believe in balance. Misguided as I am, I believe in JUSTICE. Or at least I hope for some justice. I had once believed in TRUTH until I discovered what a fucking whore she turned out to be. The ONE HOPE I can cling on to (no expectations, only hope) is that KARMA comes around and is a real bitch when she needs to be.

I'm quite possibly in the happiest time of my life so far. And here I am. Severely pissed off. When KARMA comes round, I hope her teeth are really, really sharp.

Lies. Betrayal. Insincerity. Deceit. Disloyalty. Cunning. Selfishness. Pride. This collection of turpis nothus can't shouldn't won't get away with everything. When the shit hits the fan, I won't giggle my ass off. Though I should. I will merely nod my head sagely that balance has been restored and that justice has been done.

And it fucking will be. Why should the wronged party have the hardship, the pain and the distress? What irks me further is that dickweeds don't get it. It's all about The Man isn't it? Yes. I've written about this kind of thing before. June 5th, 2007. It's just a different person. Nothing changes does it?

But First....

Yep. I'm back.

But first.... I will be catching up with all your blogs. I've missed so much that it's going to be heavy reading! LOL!

I hope to find good things.

I'm sure I will.

I'm Back....

Hi out there.

I'm back after what feels like a really long time away from my blog. I hadn't even looked at it since. It wasn't a conscious decision to stop writing and as it is, I haven't decided to stop writing either.

My blog is my outlet. It's how I assess, arrange and make sense of what's going on in my head. The past month, I've felt like I've been muzzled. There's a lot that's going on in my head and of course this is because there's a lot that's going on in my life.

I just can't put it here.

But I will however write about the things that I can and maybe one day my blogger friends will find out what has been happening without the fine details which I feel are unnecessary. All you guys will need to know is the big picture thing. Thank you to my friends who were concerned but I assure you that there was nothing to be concerned about. It feels nice that people care.

I'm really happy and everything's all right. Better than all right in fact.

In the time past I've reorganised myself and my priorities and lifestyle have changed. For the better I might add.

I've been planting up the garden. It's starting to look nice and I'm just getting started.

I've been eating very well.

I'm more interested in life and the simple and beautiful things around me.

The better parts of my inner self are being rediscovered and/or encouraged.

There is so much to look forward to everyday.

There's a particular special smile. It's unique. It's not like the other smiles. I see it more and more frequently these days. It radiates pure joy. It makes me really happy to see it.

I'm back.

:)

And don't worry.... I'll be whining and bitching about everything else as per normal!

Watch the video before you scroll down. Turn the sound up, it's part of the joke. My debut as a director! LOL!



What will they think of next? All they need to do now is build flash memory into the dog.

Humping Dog - USB meets LOVE!!!

Cuspian

I've always viewed astrology with a pinch of salt. Actually not really a pinch but a lorry load of the stuff. Over the years I've developed quite a cynical side and astrology falls right into the category of complete bollocks. Anyone can write a horoscope. I'll bet you sure as the sun will shine that I can.

"Beware the woman in the red dress. She is not all she seems to be. You might have an opportunity to invest. Take caution in this endeavour!"

Yah right.... complete bollocks.

The other reason I've always thought it was cobblers is that I hadn't really any idea what star sign I was. My birthday is on the 21st of June. Some will list 21/6 as gemini and others will list as cancer. So without a proper clue as to which sign to go under, I'm not really bothered. People for some reason need to reason, analyse and question our existence. I never have. I live. I feel. I am. That's about it.

Then I discover that there is a term for people like me. A 'cuspian'. Okay.... whatever. By pure chance or lack of judgement or even a need to define, I have been told that the description of a Gemini-Cancer hybrid does somewhat describe me.

That's why I'm such a mess. With the twins and the crab, I'm three people rolled into one.

Anyway, here's the copy and paste.

Gemini/Cancer
June 19 to June 23

Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac. Geminis examine the world through intellect. Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiac. Cancers are emotional and traditional. Those born on the Gemini/Cancer cusp display great imagination and tend to be very expressive. They are interested in heredity and ancestors, and this is reflected in their desire to care for relatives and propagate the family line. They love to learn, and their lives are generally centered around the home.

The astrological symbol of Gemini is the Twins. Like twins, Geminis often have a dual nature and are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem. The astrological symbol of Cancer is the Crab. Like the Crab, Cancerians go through life with a strong shell around them that is not easily broken. Gemini/Cancers are the first to express emotion in any given situation -- the first to laugh and the first to tears. Gemini/Cancers tend to have many different interests that they study in great detail. Gemini exemplifies the mutable quality assigned to it by being adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously. Cancer exemplifies the cardinal quality assigned to it by being strong-willed, persistent and initiating.

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury. In ancient Roman mythology, Mercury (and his Greek equivalent, Hermes) was the messenger god. He was associated with travel and transportation. He was a communicator, quick-witted and inventive. Cancer is ruled by the Moon. In ancient times, the Moon, which represents fertility and instinct, was perceived as the Great Mother, responsible for nurturing all life. The Moon controls the tides and all water on Earth, and it has a strong effect on human emotions. Gemini/Cancers tend to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon, their moods changing with the Moon's passage. Their facility in adapting to new challenges may seem like opportunism, but it is really just a highly intuitive curiosity that leads them to the right people at the right time. Generally domestic and peaceful, Gemini/Cancers often have many friends and acquaintances, and they won't sit still when loved ones are threatened.

The element associated with Gemini is Air. The element associated with Cancer is Water. Gemini/Cancers are very intuitive, and their broad-minded outlook and capacity for abstract reasoning enables them to make strong contributions to projects. Emotion is a key part of their lives and is checked and balanced with logic and objectivity. Their awareness and intellectual approach to life is refreshing, and their emotional honesty is something to be admired.

Gemini/Cancers have close family ties with their brothers and sisters. They often remain youthful and lighthearted their whole lives. These people have a strong association with food and a willingness to always try something new; they often make excellent cooks. Their many interests make them entertaining and stimulating conversationalists who really love people. In their leisure time, Gemini/Cancers enjoy pairing up with a partner for recreation. They often enjoy team sports because of the family feeling a team often provides. Gemini/Cancers are more likely to be ambidextrous than other signs. Physical exercise and artistic endeavors, written or on canvas, allow them to channel their swirling emotions into productive output. Their love for conversation and food ensures that leisurely dinners with friends are highly enjoyable for them, and their inquisitive and literary orientation means they enjoy mentally challenging pursuits as well.

In love relationships, Gemini/Cancers are caring, flirtatious, playful and romantic. The great strength of the Gemini/Cancer-born is in their blending of intellectual and conversational skills. They have the ability to understand the difficulties their loved ones must work through. Their affectionate nature makes them among the most caring characters of the zodiac.

Heapo2

I actually played the song twice.

This is the first try. Double the mistakes, double the fun!

Ball Bearing

Two days ago I woke up and discovered that the ball at the end of my tongue stud had come loose and fallen out. The first time this happened I recall waking up, spitting it out and going back to sleep. When I woke up I realised that no, it wasn't a dream and I located the ball rolling around somewhere on the bed. So this time I searched the bed and couldn't find it. Giving up, I got hold of replacements.

Yesterday I found the missing ball.

In the toilet bowl.... Y.U.C.K. I know.... Ewwww....!!!!

Natalie laughed her ass off and took a picture of the ball at the bottom of the bowl. I couldn't stop her, she's disgusting. I am not publishing the picture. You'll thank me for it too. Flushing didn't do anything so I got hold of the toilet brush and with the aid of some toilet paper, removed the ball.

Now, I could let the thing soak in methylated spirit for years, boil it in water for days and borrow my dad's autoclave and put it in for hours but there is no way, NO WAY!, it is going back in my mouth.

YUCK!!!!

Cause and Effect

We are the products of our upbringing, experiences and observations.

True?

I think so.

I made a comment today about my children. I said that I do see something of myself in them. I have to be aware that they learn from me. Not just the things I tell them but the things they see me do and the things they hear me say. It's a heck of a responsibility being a parent.

Some of my friends seem to be oblivious to the fact that they liberally use bad language around children. One of them should be in trouble sometime real soon because he's already an uncle from his sister's marriage. I'm surprised she hasn't already sat him down and given him an earful. I'd have.

As a parent though, you can only control so much. You teach your children your values and your ideals. Then you hope that what happens to them and around them in the big bad world doesn't push them too far into the red areas of your morality, values and manners. How much do you do to protect them? Would you be able to pick and choose their friends for them? What do you do when they reach the rebellious stage? How do you determine punishment when you feel lines have been crossed?

Times have changed. I feel that there is so much more now to fear for our children. The rules are constantly changing. Social structure, morality, priority, tolerance, values, people and parenting are different from generation to generation. What the world was like and what people were like is vastly different between my parents' generation and mine. And my generation compared to today's youth is a whole different world. I actually think we've gone too far. Children are allowed to get away with too much these days and this is also an opinion I have watching my friends' children. Some of these people I grew up with. I still think sometimes their kids deserve a smack upside the head or a good scolding after.

Apparently their mother and I are too strict with the children in this day and age.

Apparently.

But I also notice my children are a lot better behaved than a lot of other little brats out there.

Spontaneous

Have you people been playing with that facebook thingy? For now, it's fun. Something to do. There's this application where you can describe your facebook friends in 5 words from a list of 50 or some number like that. But you gotta pick just 5 words.

A friend of mine, Farhan, decided I am 'spontaneous'. I wondered why for a moment and then came to a decisive moment.

There was a bunch of us at Chemistry in Bangsar and for reasons best known to himself, Vince shows up in a manky sleeveless top. He gets drunk and falls asleep on the padded bench with his arm stretched out. Upon seeing this, I get hold of a lighter and set fire to his armpit hair. Farhan thinks this is quite funny. However, when he does the same thing, Vince's eyes pop open and he gets up and starts windmilling on Farhan.

I had to grab Vince and try to hold him off. Not easy cos he's a big guy and perhaps it was insight as to what should have happened had Vince opened his eyes and seen me instead. I didn't think much about it. I just had an idea pop into my head and I went ahead and did it. I think that would justify the label of 'spontaneous'. What should be noted is that my timing and luck is pretty good as well!

Hazard

Hit the golf course at Bukit Utama on a whim. It's brilliant having a golf course 5 minutes away from home. Okay, so it's only 9 holes but hell, it's 5 minutes away!

I didn't play particularly well today but it was alright. Not too bad.

But the hazards on the course are pretty formidable. Undulating fairways, multi-tiered greens, varied elavation, blind greens, water and the like. I can't talk about the bunkers today because I didn't go into any. But nothing beats what happened to me today.

I hit a good drive off the 4th hole and watched it land a distance away with satisfaction. Then we drive up in the golf cart and that's when I see a dog dropping a ball out of its mouth. The damned mutt had picked up my ball from the fairway and dropped it at the trees. What's the rules book say about that? Damned if I know. The dog was chased away by some brandishing of the golf clubs. It sat there wagging its tail looking quite proud of itself with the ball at its feet and somehow managed to look like it had its feelings hurt when it was chased off.

It wasn't a game of fetch!

Fucking mutt!

18th October

18th October is my father's birthday. Happy Birthday!

Only when I wished him it was a little bit weird. He called me up in the morning to talk to me relating to some property that belongs to the company. So we talked about that and he was about to hang up so I quickly said, "Hey! Pop! Happy Birthday!" And he said, "Oh. Yeh. Thanks. Bye." and hung up.

That's my father for you.

I think he was pleased though that I remembered because he went home later and asked my mum if she had reminded me.

Plus I sent the card via Pos Express to make sure it arrived on time. And it did. Way to go, Pos Malaysia. Just don't send anything via ordinary post is my tip for the day.

The card said something along the lines of "Dad! Remember when I had an awkward question to ask you and needed to tap your wisdom, your experience, your knowledge? And you always told me...."

And inside the card, it said, "Ask Your Mother."

He pretends like he doesn't.... but my dad's got a sense of humour.

Which is good or else he'd have drowned me in the fish pond years ago.

Happy Birthday Pop!

The Second Hole

I know I've been neglecting my blog. Well, that much is quite obvious. At this time I've got, once again, nothing much to say. The difference this time is that it's not bothering me like it did before. Well anyway, last night I had something blogworthy happen. Yeh, finally! And it's so mundane but never mind. It's something I can write about.

I had my ears pierced in 1992 when I was 18. At 20 I added 2 more. I had 2 on the left and one on the right. This was in college of course. In uni, I let the one on the right side close. Then I had two on the left ear and then I started work when I came back. Of course I couldn't wear them at work so I took them off. That was in 2001. I'd put them back when I wasn't at work, like on weekends. I had thought then that the second hole on my left ear closed. Then last night, six years later, I experimentally stuck an earring into it.

It went in. Six years and I never knew it.

From a Window

As seen this morning from my bedroom window.

Someone's getting balloons. Lots of balloons.

How to Injure a Footballer

I just watched the roundup of the second day of the second games of the group stages of the European Champions League. The game in question is of course Celtic's defeat of AC Milan. The incident in question though is of course, a Celtic fan running onto the pitch and giving Milan goalkeeper, Dida, a tap on the collarbone.

The words the media used and indeed are using are fucking ridiculous.

at·tack [uh-tak]
to set upon in a forceful, violent, hostile, or aggressive way, with or without a weapon
to make a sudden, violent attempt to hurt or damage

al·ter·ca·tion /ˌɔltərˈkeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[awl-ter-key-shuhn]
a heated or angry dispute; noisy argument or controversy

What I saw was neither of these things. Fair enough, the guy should never have been on the field of play but for fuck's sake, call a spade - a spade. After Celtic scored their second (and winning) goal, a fan ran onto the pitch and in running past Dida, tapped him on the top of his chest. The 6'5" goalkeeper built like a brick shithouse at first started to chase the fan but suddenly collapsed to the ground clutching his face. He was carried off on a stretcher holding an ice pack to the side of his face and didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. You pathetic piece of animal waste.

Compare that to another player with a reputation for diving. When Cristiano Ronaldo went down the night before in Manchester United's game against Roma, at least he had the decency to bleed. And he damn well walked back to the dressing room himself. Without an ice pack I might add. Although he did have to hold a bit of dressing to his head to contain the bleeding.

It's already in the media as an attack and an altercation. That makes the headline writers just as lame. Sensationalism is too mild a word for it.

The man should have never been on the pitch but whatever it is, facts are facts. What I saw was a huge hulk of a professional athlete go down dying from a tap on the shoulder from a Glaswegian who probably has too much beer and chips in his diet.

Nélson de Jesus Silva, also known as Dida, that stinked a lot worse than a dog with diarrhea.

This recent incident far outshines the last piece of brilliant footballing I've seen. At the 2002 World Cup when Hakan Unsal kicked a ball at Rivaldo's legs and he went down holding his face. Unsal was subsequently sent off from a second yellow card.

It spawned the joke: How do you poke a Brazilian in the eye?

Answer: Kick him in the knee.

Don't go to Brazil for your holidays. You just might really hurt someone while you're there.

Graduation

Sunday was my little girl's pre-school graduation concert. Of course I went for it and watched with immense pride as my little one danced away with confidence and enthusiasm. I think she'd been stressing out over it but it's done and done well too. And of course she got to don a mini gown and a cap after to receive her mini diploma. After it was over she ran to me and jumped into my arms.

I remember her concert from just a couple of years back. She lacked confidence and didn't exactly dance with the rest of her class. Then there was the sports day when she got distracted in her race and was chatting to her competitors mid-race.

It seems not long ago and yet an age since my children came into my life. I can look at them and see a slight reflection of myself in them. I have, after all, had a bit of a hand in bringing them up. But it's been easy. They're such good kids that sometimes I fear for them in this great big ugly world. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to them about recycling. It was a little irritating for me that my daughter had been taught about recycling at school but there was no recycling project or bins in her school and she didn't know enough about it. I was explaining paper is made from trees and trees make oxygen and how CO2 is a greenhouse gas and we're already at the tail end of the latest ice age and we need the trees and so many things are made of wood, wood comes from trees and blah blah blah. And they were like okay, daddy's upset, better nod head and absorb the overload. They've come such a long way. I'm so proud of them.

I wonder about the future though. My girl had been looking through old pictures and is wondering who the man holding her in her baby pictures is. She asked her mother. I was there. I could offer no help and no answer. She was told that that man is her father. Perhaps the word 'real' was missing and maybe used if I wasn't there, I don't know. My heart had sunk into my feet and was staying there.

"Two daddies?" Then she asked if father could be found.

Yup. How to tell a six year old and expect her to understand? That the daddy she knows is actually mummy's ex-boyfriend? I made my first appearance in their lives when she was two and a half and he was 18 months. My boy is fine because he knows no other and there are no pictures of him with his real father. Nothing really for him to question.

Yet.

All I can say to my little girl is daddy loves you and always will.

I'm proud you call me your daddy.

Off the Hornonometer

Before we start, here's how you pronounce it. Hor-non-noh-meter. Good. Thanks. Glad that's out of the way. And yes. I did make it up.

And before you read any further, this postings is about sex. You have been warned!

Here's the run of events that lead up to the material for this posting.

1. Went out with A Girl to dinner and then to club for drinks with her and her friends. She's a nice girl, friendly, generous. The good sort. Nevertheless, I had intended to try to conduct a feasibility study on the possibility of pork happening cos my hornonometer readings have been quite high of late.

2. Was having tea with Natalie and I was running my mouth as usual and my mouth was on autopilot i.e. I don't really think before I speak. So, what I say is usually pretty downright honest. I have caused offence before this way. Don't really mean it but it happens. Anyway, amongst the things I said was that any male human with a working set of testicles that still produces decent amounts of testosterone would have a sex drive. Before you fuckers start jumping to conclusions, it was a philosophical discussion. Okay??

I've been saving up my latest and greatest Errol Flynn line and had thought to have the opportunity to use it last week. There's a difference between pickup lines and Errol Flynn lines. Pickup lines are ice breakers to enable one person to talk to/chat up someone else not known to the first person. Errol Flynn lines are the ones that indicate intentions, correlating to high hornonometer readings, to someone you are already talking to.

What's my latest Errol Flynn line? Bugger off and make up your own. Intellectual property rights in operation. It's a lot better than my last one, which was said in an inquiring tone, "Pork?" Strange that it never worked.

Yeah. I made up the 'Errol Flynn lines' thing too. In like Flynn, ya know?

I did have a good night out with A Girl and her friends. Got to chill, make new friends and have a coupla drinks. But it occurred to me that dear sweet A Girl, in all her goodness and sweetness, has no concept of casual sex. Not that it's an alien concept to her. It just that I think she's one of them girls that has never ever had casual sex in her life. So.... no. Feasibility study returned negative value. I'm glad to be her friend though. Make no mistake about that. I think she's a lovely girl. Optional extras not included that's all.

I wonder if it's becoming more of a rare phenomenon. By that I mean People Who In This Day And Age Have Never Had Casual Sex. Like VHS. Rare! People of our generation who still have VHS at home are classic porn connoisseurs. Trust me on that one. I don't have a VHS at home. That's just cos I won't get found out. Hahaha.

It's the new millennium. Some things are just rare these days. Like what? Example 1. Women with full unaltered pubes. I kid you not. In all my years of acquainting myself with girls' naughty bits, only 3 weren't shaved, trimmed and/or plucked/waxed. Eh? What? Oh for fuck's sake, I'm already 33. Of course I would've had a fair share by now. Example 2. Girls who don't give blowjobs. In this day and age?? It's not even VHS, it's Betamax. They still make you???

Not exactly fair is it? There are plenty of men who won't go down on a woman but still expect a wet dick and women to grow an instant moustache and best impressions of a rooster. You know? Rooster? Get it? Don't get it? Sigh.... Picture a rooster. It's got that useless dangly bits of skin on its chin. So with that in mind, .... oh fuck it. Never mind. Anyway yeh! If women ever want to campaign for Oral Sex Equality Rights, I will support you. Me? What about me? Well.... put it this way, I've eaten so much and so many.... that any more and I might just grow whiskers.

Let me know if you got that last one okay? Thanks.

Hahahaha!

I think I shuttup now. I'm off the hornonometer for sure.

But you did read the whole damn thing didn't you?

!!!!

Colour

Was having dinner with a few of my footy friends after the game and a topic of conversation was how Adrian's friend's brown Labrador bitch went on heat, ran out the gate, got shagged and eventually gave birth to eight puppies. The big laugh was that all the puppies turned out black when the bitch is brown. We had a good laugh over that and Adrian said one more time for emphasis.

"They all came out black wey!"

That's when I noticed this Indian family at the next table and they were staring at us in mild outrage.

The only word they probably registered was 'black'. Did they actually know what we were talking about? No offense was meant.

It could have been any other doggy colour. Just so happens the puppies all have black hair. Dogs don't have racial issues although apparently, we do.

Why it was so funny, to me anyway, was probably because I was thinking of the Jerry Springer episode where this racist redneck white man's daughter had a nig... sorry, bla... sorry, African American boyfriend and was pregnant by him.

I don't know if my friends were thinking along the same lines. The 'nightmare' interracial thing. Where's the line? Do we draw it ourselves? Was the joke racist? It probably was though I don't actually think it was intended to come out that way.

Sad isn't it?

If there is a god we would all be the same colour. I suppose someone thought it was funny to play with the crayons when the drawings were still on the draftsman's board. We may all be equal in His eyes but we sure as hell aren't in our own. Problem could have been easily solved if we were all the same fucking colour. Which colour?

Would we be black or white?

Let me tell you an old story. It doesn't have a title but I call it irony.

When god made men, he made them out of clay. He made three and put them in his oven. The clay man in the front of the tray was too far away from the fire and didn't get cooked. The clay was still white. God threw away the white man and he landed in Europe. The man at the back of the tray was also ruined. He was too near the fire and was burnt. God threw away the black man and he fell to Africa. The man in the middle of the tray was done just right. The clay was perfectly baked and the colour was just right. God placed the perfect man tenderly into China.

Probably Comrade Communist China Chinese Mind Control Propaganda. But an interesting take on the black or white issue nonetheless. Some things should be floated around in grey areas. Most things, if you think about it, aren't a case of black or white.

Heapo

Alright. Here is the full song of the test video I did. Yes, it is plagued with mistakes but I don't think I'm going to sit and play until I nail it in front of a crash happy mobile phone. Don't have a camcorder so the Sony Ericsson's the best I can do. It also explains the crappy video and audio. If you can, enjoy!

Test Video

I thought I'd do the YouTuber thing. I'd get my guitar, play a little song and get it on video. So I set it up to record on my cell phone.

First I do a little trial run. Wanted to see that the framing, the sound and such was okay.
I smack the first 15 seconds or so of the song out. The timing's not right, I miss a couple of notes, the synchronisation with the backing track is out and the backing track can hardly be heard.

But it's okay. It's just the Test Video.

Then I start recording the Actual Video. And after I finish the song I discover my cell phone's done the famous Sony Ericsson thing and has fucked up i.e. crashed. By the time I finish swearing and cussin', it's past 10pm and I generally don't play past 10pm. Give the neighbours a break. I play electric guitar and my housemate plays violin. They must be on edge sometimes.

Anyway. Yeah.... the phone fucked up. So all you get is the crappy Test Video!

Ridiculous

It didn't occur to me how ridiculous my situation has become. What situation? Well, eventually I do think I will tie the knot with someone though when I have no clue. I am at present, still single and staggering my way through life.

It's been a bit of an eye opener to me recently. My housemate/tenant told me of a ridiculously high figure of the percentage of divorcees in our generation. I thought it was startling to say the least. And divorces, while already painful can be ugly sometimes. I had written about finding out a good friend was getting divorced and this week, I'm was told by another friend that she is for now separated from her husband. I find myself wishing it wasn't happening to them. It's not a happy thing and not something you'd like your friends to go through. Additionally I've been hearing about more separations/divorces from my housemate, Janice.

What gives?

What's going on?

I suppose what has shielded me a lot from all this is that most of my friends are still single. Like me.

So I've gone overboard and become overly cautious and paranoid. Overly cautious that I'm already deciding what kind of girl I'd allow myself be married to. Trying to identify the pitfalls and problems that beset marriages and devising ways to overcome them or identifying traits where this can be avoided.

And then there was already a contingency plan should things go wrong. I hadn't been entirely happy that my major fixed assets are in my name. I had wanted these things to be in my mother's name. I wouldn't really have cared if I'd earned and paid for them myself but I didn't. In some ways I consider myself as somewhat of a trustee for what I perceive as my family's assets. It's not mine to lose. Even though my parents will tell me different. I was told last night that it is perfectly reasonable for me to fight tooth and nail (if I have to) for such assets without handing over a cent. Well.... that's a comfort....

So here I am. Single. No girlfriend. And already worrying about divorce.

That's pretty fucking stupid isn't it? Anyone will tell you that but somehow I had shoehorned myself into a tight hole with no room for rationality.

Last night, I had some sense gently knocked into me by Ivy, a friend whose friendship I treasure. It's a balance of friendship and professionalism. I don't swear in front of her. Well, not much anyway...! We have worked together before and became friends. We met on the job of course. I'm a property manager, she's an estate agent. My apartment, her tenant. (The only active agent I completely trust in case you ever need to talk to one!) Other people could have told me the same things but I suppose I needed the touch that she or our kind of friendship has.

There are some pretty good marriages. Examples of which are evident. My parents would be the perfect example. My sister's marriage is very harmonious despite being unbalanced on paper. We also can pretty much deduce that Nick has a very strong marriage himself. I could envy him but of course I don't. I think it's great. It gives one hope and I hope to be able to emulate such a situation for myself.

So here I am. With some sensibility finally banged into my brain. I'm awake now, thanks. What next? I don't really know. When my uncle got married he said that you just know when you're with the girl you're going to marry. Well, he divorced his first wife but his second marriage seems good.

Thanks Unca Gary. Good one.

I suppose you can't really determine nor can you plan for things like this. I would really like to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. So much so that I'm really afraid of getting it wrong.

I've decided to just live life as I've been doing. Plodding about sometimes with purpose and sometimes quite aimlessly. It would be nice to find love along the way.

The Best Of.... Needs YOU!

The Best Of.... Archive is up and running. Thanks to Nick for joining me and contributing but I'd hoped that more of you would join us.

Yes, I do mean you.

Don't make me name names.

The Best Of....

My latest tattoo

Ok. It's not really a tattoo. And I'm sure it's not permanent. I really really hope it's not permanent anyway.

Have a look at Exhibit A. Which is a bit of the footy top I wear to play futsal.



Now we move on to Exhibit B which is a picture of what I discovered after my shower once I'd gotten home.




It's not very clear in the photo but I assure you in the flesh (pun intended, ha ha) it's much clearer. I'm sure you've pretty much realised already that I have 'ASICS' imprinted on my chest.

I shouldn't be surprised really. Last month I had the ball pattern imprinted on my upper arm. A ball traveling at a speed that could leave a mark like that must have been Mach something but the bastards probably called for handball anyway! I should have taken a picture of that one. That had to be seen to be believed!

The Best Of.... Archive

I post rubbish here and there but occasionally I come up with individual posts which I personally quite like and feel personally is significant. With time, these occasional better posts get lost in the archive and will probably not be read.

I would like to start another blog to archive these better posts and naturally have titled it somewhere along the lines of 'The Best Of' and 'Greatest Hits'. LOL!

thebestof-archive.blogspot.com

I would however like to invite my fellow bloggers to join me in this. It would mean much to have my favourite bloggers archive their best posts in the same blog. Definition of best post? Nothing, except that it means something to the writer. Nothing new, just the various posts we feel have value, which we have written since we started blogging.

It would mean much to have the bloggers whose blogs I am familiar with to be fellow contributors. We're practically our own little community now.

Birfday

Whee! Tagged by Nick of Anything Goes!

Is nice also cos wikipedia is one of my daily visits.

Instructions:
1. Go to Wikipedia and type in the month and day of your birth.
2. Write three events, two births, one holiday and then tag 5 more buddies with it.
3.There are 5 slots in this Birthday Meme. As you are tagged, remove the name in the first slot and move everyone one place up, adding your name to the bottom.

My birthday is the longest day of the year, the summer solstice. 21st June.

I have no idea whether I am a Gemini or Cancer. Not that it really matters as I take horoscopes with a sack of salt but it might explain my complex personality. With the gemini twins, that makes me astrologically, three people. He he he....

3 events

1. 1940 - World War II, France surrenders to Germany without even a whimper and thus become the butt of all jokes English till the end of time.

2. 2002 - The World Health Organization declares Europe polio free.

3. 2004 - SpaceShipOne becomes the world's first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.

2 birthdays

1. 1982 - Prince William of Wales, British royal family.

2. 1984 - Alicia Alighatti, American pornographic actress.

1 holiday

1. Summer solstice (Northern hemisphere) and winter solstice (Southern hemisphere) celebrations.

List:
Teacher Julie
Mommyness is Happiness
This is a miracle
Maurica
Anything Goes!
Nessa
Hui Sen
Bobo
Cbenc12
Sharon

Tag:
You Only Live Once
Ninien
Barbsie

50

I like living here. It's a lovely country and has a lot of wonderful people. I'm happy enough to be Malaysian. This is home. If I go about my life as usual and mind my own business, all is well. It's a beautiful enough country. The people are wonderful in their own ways. The ones I know anyway. Normal everyday people. You and me.

Victor Ostrovsky is a former Mossad secret agent who wrote an expose on the dealings of the Israeli secret service. There are some who view Ostrovsky as a patriot. There are some who view Ostrovsky as a traitor.

It is said he saw all that was wrong with the Mossad. He alleged they were corrupt, manipulative and self serving. He said he loved his country and sought to take what proved to be the futile first steps to try to make it a good nation. An idealist no doubt but on a fool's errand.

People should stay under the radar. Mind their own business. Make themselves a living and not stick their noses where it's not wanted. Trust the leaders. Love the leaders. They cannot but have the nation's best interests can't they?

Here are some pictures of our country's stalwarts. Happy 50th Birthday Malaysia!

Hanging up the balls

It's a strange thing. I've never felt so normal in a long time. It came to the forefront of my thoughts with a mug of hot tea. I've always had a ballsy edge which I think showed up sometimes in my writing and therefore in my blog. This morning I awoke at 8am after going to bed at ten the night before. I've done this a week now and while it might appear to be nothing spectacularly world changing, it's something new to me. This morning in particular I thought that it would be nice to have toast with my tea, maybe with marmalade or maybe strawberry jam.

It was a revelation.

It's not just normal, no no no, it isn't your everyday usual run-of-the-mill normal normal. It's fucking normal. And I thought, oh god.... I'm probably going to have a normal job soon. 9 to 5. Up in the morning. Have my tea and toast. Off to work and back in the evening. A bit of gardening before dinner. In bed before midnight. On weekends I'll be having tea and scones and a game of tennis. I'll be wearing whites. With a goddamn white headband.

Next thing you know I'll be looking for a nice girl to settle down with. She's not even going to be hot. And hot is pretty much what I would love to have. Head turner. Loves me for my personality (Ha fuckin' Ha). Nice. Polite. Pleasant. And a total slut in bed (Woohoo!). Oh, but no. She. Is. Going to be. Nice, polite, pleasant and probably will have wide generous hips not unlike that of a brontosaurus so's she can pop out the grandkids my father secretly craves with a nowt but a sneeze.

Christ.

Tea and toast. Bloody hell!

Which is in the end, probably what I really want for myself. A bit of normality. I don't think I'm going to ever totally lose the ballsy edge which I absolutely love having as part of me as a whole. I think a normal life with a hint of balls on the side.

And I know what you fuckers are thinking. He's feeling his age!!!

Really? Well, yeh. In a way. Maybe. So what?

Well, come over. Have some tea and toast. After that I'll dunk yer head in the aquarium so's the crayfish can nibble on your face. Nothing personal. Just to prove normal and balls can co-exist quite well thank you. And we can all have a giggle about it after.

The conclusion? I crave a bit more stability with my life. Running about living life in the opposite end doesn't help. The sleep in the day and up and night doesn't work for me. I feel quite useless anyway since there's nowhere to go and no one to see at blasted 3 in the blasted morning.

So.

I'll have my job, my tea and my toast. Gardening in the evenings. And on weekends - tennis, tea and crumpets (or was it scones?).

But I'll bet you all the tea in China that when I'm playing tennis in my tennis whites and fucking white tennis headband, I'll be aiming the wee green tennis ball at my opponent's testicles every chance I get.

What is life without having a laugh? And nothing's funnier than a respectable dignified grown man, preferably a Dato' or Tan Sri rolling about the tennis court in a respectable club clutching his privates and moaning softly so as to not disturb the other prancing respectable fairies on the other tennis courts.

I'll bet you all the curry in India that I will help the man up, make the appropriate noises of sympathy, sorrow and infinite regret, dust him down and pour him a cup of tea to help him recover his poise.

Then I will go home and giggle my ass off. Tell the wife and in mid giggle she might even pop out a grandkid. You know, hee hee hee oops hee.

Hang up the balls? Fuck that. They'd get dusty. And dust in the testi-hair is quite unpleasant probably. I like them exactly where they are.

A scrotum is not particularly attractive to the eye is it? They bear resemblance to your granny's elbow skin no? But to me, a scrotum looks like hairy brain (sometimes dependent on the ambient temperature). Which is why, I suppose, I sometimes let them do the thinking.

So I end this with a quote from the wise, the sagely, the one and only, Billy Connolly.

"Life, is funny with its knickers down.

And - I love life with its knickers down."

Innocuous

It's a simple question. One you ask many times to a whole variety of people. Acquaintances, friends, family, etc.

"How was your weekend?"

It's along the lines of, "How are you?" except in a sense it's more sincere and can be elaborated on. It's not as broad and meaningless. I say I'm fine even when I'm not.

Anyway, this time it backfired on me spectacularly.

The answer to the question?

"I've been stressed. Hardly slept."

And after a pause, "I'm getting divorced."

Oops.

I felt quite bad for her because she's a lovely person and good friend and I wasn't sure what or how much to say. Somehow I managed to bumble my way through it. I suppose it was inevitable. In a way, I had seen it coming and wasn't taken by surprise but I had hoped it would somehow work out and they could find a reason, maybe something consistent from day one which made them a couple in the first place, to remain married.

It had shocked me when it turned out I have met her husband before but such was the situation that I had at that point thought they were friends. It was a group outing which she invited me to and I was meeting nearly everyone for the first time. I had no inkling at the time that he was her husband.

I am pleased though that she has many good friends and so has a good network of support should she ever need it.

It's one thing to have realised something. It's another whole different matter when things come to a head and something actually happens.

I've been told that the divorce rate amongst Malaysians in my age group is spectacularly high. But when it's someone you know and like, it's not really a statistic anymore. They're real people. And they're hurting right now.

So.

How was your weekend?

Barbsie Loaded

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy Birthday!

Honey, My Eggs Are Ready

On Saturday I went to the last day of the Culinary trade show at KLCC. I had a invitation and a pass courtesy of a supplier I'd met in my last job. Everyone else was walking around with passes that said 'Visitor' while mine had 'VIP' on it although what additional benefits a VIP was supposed to have I have no idea. It was good, I got to walk around and meet many people I'd met in the course of "The Last Job". Got to look at the latest and greatest, renew acquaintances, say hello and meet new people.

I met an old friend from Perth days. We were housemates and good friends my last semester. I haven't seen him for over seven years. Malaysian but lives in Kota Kinabalu. It was good chatting and catching up with him. From him I've learnt my latest revelation.

I'll share it with you.

When you're trying for a kid, it's not fun, it feels like work.

You wake up, get dressed and get ready to go to work when the wife pipes up, "Honey, I'm ovulating."

One foot is out the door, briefcase in hand. You think to yourself, "oh, fuck" then close the door, get undressed and proceed to do exactly that.

Memes to do with crocked fingers

Ah, I love memes. These ones came from Nick from Anything Goes!

4 jobs I’ve had

• Pizza Delivery Driver
  
• Shop Owner/Manager
  
• IT Executive
  
• Property Manager
  

4 films I could watch over and over

• Groundhog Day
  
• Project A II
  
• The Fifth Element
  
• Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind
  

4 Places I have lived

• Ipoh
• Perth, Western Australia
  
• Damansara Utama
  
• Bandar Utama

4 Favorite TV shows

• Mythbusters
  
• The Simpsons
• Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy
  
• Spongebob Squarepants (but it's funny!)

4 Favorite Foods

• Chicken Rice
• Lamb Chops with fried onions and potatoes
  
• Fried Crispy Chicken
  
• Pork!

4 Websites I visit everyday (Only four? I visit more than four ...)

• soccernet.com
• football365.com
• wikipedia
• The blogs listed on my own

4 Places I would love to be

• Perth
• Kota Kinabalu
• Corfu
• Pangkor Laut
  

4 Favorite Colors

• Silver
• Black
• Red
• Yellow

4 Names I love but would/could not use for my children

• Elisa
• Jennan

Can only think of two.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now for the second meme. This one is about 8 questions you shouldn't ask me.

1) Have you put on weight?

2) Why don't you get a real job?

3) Why aren't you married yet?

4) When are you going to get married?

5) Aren't you a Korean serials actor?

6) At any time in your life have you ever gone by the name Luc Francois Thierry Bob Jones?

7) Is that a torchlight in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

8) So.... how many men, women and transgenders have you slept with?

Sorry. Some of the eight are just made up (really!). There just aren't that many questions I react badly to.

Fingered

I'm not neglecting my blog.

I've been reduced to one good hand again and I'll tell you typing with one hand is too much of a bother. Another footy injury, whee! I took a shot to the fingers and it looks like I have sausages attached to my right hand instead of fingers.

On the bright side, I could be popular with the ladies.

On the downside, I won't be doing a lot of blogging till the swelling goes down and it doesn't hurt so damn much.

Enforced

Ah! I'm back.

Latest hiatus twofold and was forced upon me when my modem died a quiet death without even as much as a whimper. I swear that manufacturers engineer their products to expire shortly after their warranty period ends. The second part of the enforced hiatus was when the cable on my laptop's power adapter broke. Looking at it, it's designed to break if the cable is repeatedly wound up. A new one costs RM250. I tell you, these people are utter and complete bastards.

My next modem is going to be a Belkin wireless modem/router. Belkins come with lifetime warranties. That's got to be worth the price.

So yeh, here I am again. I'll get something down soon as I can think of something to put down.

Job Personality

I did one of those online thingies. It's a quick thing and this is the page generated as the result:

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

• Novelist
  
• Photographer
  
• Vet
  
• Medical Technician
  
• Paralegal
  
• Geologist
  
• Marine Biologist
  
• Graphic Designer
  
• Online Content Developer
  
• Webmaster
  
• Computer Security
  
• Producer
  
• Computer Programmer
  
• Technical Writer
  
• Systems Analyst
  
• Meteorologist
  
• Artist

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be involved deeply in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others at all costs.

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like things to be left in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something.

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them.

Are these things for real? I feel it's all pretty accurate till the last paragraph. I'm the exact opposite! I wrestle and stumble my way towards objectives (though I achieve them in the end) and I'd rather play now and work later!

Test is here.

Threshold

What is pain and why? It's a simple question but one I think has to do with self preservation and survival. I'm no scientist. Have never claimed to be. I don't do much research. All I do is type out what I think. This is a blog. Not a white paper!

Pain, to me, is a self preservation tool. Picked up a hot potato? You'd drop it plenty quick. Because if you didn't, it'd cause damage to your fingers. Walked into the side of a table? It'd hurt. You wouldn't do it again. And your shins would thank you for it. I barked my own shin in the dark while I was in Singapore staying in my sister's guest room. I'd switched off the lights and didn't really know the geography of the place. I spent a few minutes in the dark rolling around on my back while clutching the aggrieved bit of leg, whimpering softly so as to not awaken my sister and bro in-law.

Sometimes pain comes immediately. Sometimes it takes a while. Why?

Just on Sunday I was playing futsal as usual and I had three separate incidents. First, I did my ankle after being pushed while jumping for a high ball. Then I aggravated an existing injury when I landed on my knee while I had a stint in goal. Then I got kicked (really kicked) in the thigh from someone else's follow through.

I still played right up to the end of the game. When I got home later, things were a bit different. After I'd taken off my shoes and all the football armour, my ankle started to swell and my thigh became increasingly sore. This was almost two hours after I'd stopped playing. The next morning I couldn't walk. It's Tuesday and I'm still lurching about like Igor from any horror film involving reanimated corpses.

My thinking is this. If I'd lived 10,000 years ago, one time or another I'd be running from something big and hairy with lots of teeth. If I fell and sprained my ankle theoretically I'd be chopped meat. However, I'd been able to get up and keep running at the same pace even on the bad ankle (left) and the bad thigh (right). I think adrenalin has a whole heap to do with it. After I got to safety and the adrenalin wore off, that's when I'd feel how much damage was really done.

That's what happened to me. With the adrenalin flowing I could keep going. Once I slowed down, everything started to swell up and hurt. The 10,000 year reasoning that I've already gotten to safety. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter would it? One thing for sure, if I'd been chased again the next day, chopped meat. So I'd lie low and hide away till I got better. Damn good thing humans are social animals.

So, I have to rest until my legs are better. If I tried to play again too soon, I might damage something really quick. Still, it's better than being chopped meat.

The Living After Death

I have a few childhood friends whom I'm still in touch with. One of my buddies TK, I've known since I was seven years old. We were on the same school bus till he moved house and I kinda lost contact with him. We were in the same school but he was a year older.

A year later, a family friend wanted to introduce my sister and I to her lawyer's son. It turned out to be TK. How the wheels of fortune and fate turn. A few years later he moved back to my area but our friendship was already pretty secure by then.

His mother and him were considered family friends and his mom would take us fishing, we'd go out for meals and she once took a bunch of us noisy kids for a holiday. It was brilliant.

We stayed in touch even after we went overseas. On the day he found that he'd been accepted to Bonn University in Australia, I was with him in PJ. He bought the beers that night and it started a tradition of taking turns to buy the beers whenever we met up when he came back and it continued when I went over to Australia myself. This then changed from the Australian summer holidays to Chinese New Year after I'd started work in KL.

Over the years we've seen a lot, done a lot and the friendship has stood the test of time. Until something happened. Something I've written about on this blog before.

His mother took her own life last year after a few years of depression. It shocked me to the core and greatly saddened my whole family. Since that day I haven't called, spoken to or seen TK. It was nothing but plain cowardice. I didn't know what to say to him and I didn't think any words would be adequate. People told me that as a friend, he'd know what I was trying to say but I just couldn't do it.

We had a brief chat on MSN half an hour ago. He initiated it. First contact in a year and a half. He'd like to meet up when he comes to KL at the end of the month. Of course I accepted immediately, somewhat gratefully I might add. He might not be looking for it but I have to tell him how sorry I am and how I have remembered his mother.

I know I still carry the sadness with me cos I'm feeling it now.

Aquarium

I hate moving. I love my new house but I have always hated moving. All the packing, disposing, transporting, lifting and all that.

The most difficult things for me to move though are my aquariums. They're big, fragile and heavy. Had to catch all the fish, empty out the tanks which includes water, sand, stones, wood and plants. Have to disassemble the stands, lights, aerators, pumps and filters. Move everything and back to square one. Set everything up again. Since it's going to be such a pain, I thought I'd document it. Cos you're going to see why it's going to be worth it.


4 foot tanks, 3 days ago.


4 foot tanks, yesterday


2 and half foot tank, 3 days ago


2 and a half foot tank, yesterday



Cannister filters

It would have been good to be able to be planting the tanks by this week but I've had a bit of a setback. What else but footy injuries. I got pushed while I was jumping for a ball so I landed badly on an ankle. And I also got kicked in the thigh so this means I can hardly walk right now. Anyway I'll be posting updates as the aquariums progress. There are still a number of stages to go.

Bootay!

There was an exchange between Bobo and myself on the chatterbox if you'd noticed it.

Bobo : Well you could flash yours for advertising!
huisen : Too dangerous. My butt is too delicious for this blog!
Bobo : Too dangerous?! haha maybe it'll be FLOODED with traffic.........

It all came about when I found and posted a picture of a girl flashing her panty clad rear end at the camera. There was the legend "You Only Live Once" across her cute butt. Since that's the title of my buddy's blog I mentioned that I wish I had advertising like that. Which of course lead to the exchange on the chatterbox.

I wonder if it's known that once, for the hell of it, I did post a picture of my extra fine naked buttocks on the internet. The picture's long gone. Lost in the Great Hard Disk crash of 2005. Who knows though. It may be still floating around cyberspace. It's being used by other people claiming it's their ass. Royalties. Pay up.

One? No, it was two!

Haha!

Living creatures as pawns

A Singapore post from home. Been home a week actually!

My last two days were pretty good. As I'd said, we'd got Greg married off to Cheryl and didn't have to hold either of them down. That was over the weekend. My last two days were spent chillin' with my sister. She took half days off and we went to Underwater World one day and Singapore Zoo the next.

For someone who is as cynical and critical as I am, I can be naive and innocent as well. I don't know where I got the idea that modern day housing of living creatures are beneficial to the species, educational and in the direction of conservation. I think it's in the happy little world of my own.

Underwater World on Sentosa Island was a tourist trap. Should have realised that since Sentosa is a tourist trap. The tanks and ponds are overcrowded, badly designed and in a single word, crap. I don't know why I expected it to be like the aquaria in Perth. Maybe it was more in hope. The sensationalisation that it had the most sand tiger sharks of any aquaria might be true but all I saw was a bunch of small sand tigers crammed together in a space way too small. The underwater walkway here is small, shallow and compartmentalised. And when you see rubbish like plaster simulations of underwater ruins you have to know it's complete bollocks. There might have been a pirates treasure chest as well. Another lasting vision is the one of the coconut robber crab. It was in a space where it could move one and a half feet left and that's if it were on the right side of the tank. Maybe three inches forwards and backwards.

This bloody place should be renamed, "If It Dies - We'll Just Replace It!"

My ideal that all nature parks, zoos and aquaria have the working philosophy of educating the public, maintaining the animals, research and conservation has pretty much blown up in my face. This place is all about tha munny. All exits ensure everyone goes through the souvenir shops.

I have no idea what KLCC's aquaria is like. Maybe I'm just scared to find out.

The next day, sis and I went to Singapore Zoo. This place I like. It isn't perfect but it's on the other end of the scale compared to the bloody Underwater World. It's lovely. So much green all around. Grand old trees and so much natural life around. It seemed that it wasn't only the zoo's animals on display. The trees were full of birds, native and migratory, and every piece of water had fish in it. My sister is an avid bird watcher and I'm a fish kinda guy so it was bonus time. It makes me wonder though about people in general. That the zoo has to put up signs saying "Do NOT touch the Arapaima. They may bite." The Arapaima is the world's largest freshwater fish. Someone trying to touch a fish which is six feet long, torpedo shaped, feeds by the implosion method and has a mouth full of teeth must be trying to impress his girlfriend or his wee gay person. Yes, his. That's the wonderful thing about being female. Males do stupid things even when they know it's stupid 'cos their egos are saying "do it you pansy!".

Not all the animal enclosures are best suited to their occupants. Can't really blame the zoo I guess. The lions did look out of place padding about on rumput lembu. This is so easily forgivable because the zoo has research and breeding programs. It's still not much space but effort is put into utilising the space for the needs of the occupants. Zoos charge tourist prices but at least here I know the money is needed for maintaining the zoo and the other stuff you don't see in the foreground.

We spent hours at the zoo, leaving only nearing closing time when some animals were already being put in their night pens. It was a far cry of seeing everything in an hour and leaving the place muttering, "tourist trap".

I've been to Sentosa. First time since 1983. I need never go again.

Visit the zoo though. It's worth it. See, listen, smell, observe, learn and appreciate.

Busted

The Blog Police came a'knockin'.

"Update or else....", they said.

Oh Four

I'm back home in BU. I got back yesterday. It's pretty cool there's a bus line running from 1 Utama to Singapore and back. Beats having to go into KL to catch the bus down. But when I got off yesterday, I might have travelled over 300km on the bus but damn if I couldn't get home from 1U on my own two feet. I still have some things to share about my trip to Singapore. I shall write about it soon.

I've ended my term with the F&B Consultancy I was working for. So I'm back to the old lifestyle for a while. I woke up today and I don't really know what to do or where to start. Clean house? Gardening? Tidying up? Set up aquariums?

Gah.

My cell phone number starts with a 4. Should have been a 5 since I bought it in my home town of Ipoh but anyway, whatever. It started off as a prepaid but of course is now one of them horrible Maxis plans.

I have a number which suggests I'm in Penang. I'm from Ipoh and I now reside in Selangor. So, whenever I get a call from a number which on the caller ID is from Penang, I pretty much know it's a wrong number.

Me: Hello.
Caller: Uh, hello.
Me: Yes?
Caller: Uh, wrong number?
Me: Probably.
Caller: Sorry.
Me: No worries.

That's pretty much a typical example of the exchange with a call from Penang. And no, not once has any of them even sounded like a babe.

And finally;
I've just discovered Nyomi Zen is Malaysian. Ah.... Finally a reason for a slight touch of patriotism. Malaysia Boleh!

Nutritious Lunch

I suppose it is reflective of my time here in Singapore that lunch for me today is spongecake topped with Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

I look in the mirror and see one tubby bitch.

LOL!

Babes and not Babes

If anything, I've been getting an eyeful. Shorts and tans seem to be in and as far as I'm concerned, quite appreciated visually.

After the first couple of days seemed like Singapore was suffering some hiccups in the babe department, the babe count has roared back convincingly. Though not always. There is some measure of subtlety I feel so I was surprised when I came across blatant.

We had gotten Greg safely married off in church (didn't even have to hold him down!) and a few of us were on the way back when in the light rain we saw a tall figure in a top with a plunging neckline and tight three quarters. Standing - standing in a sexually agressive pose.

I managed to blabber out, "Look at this!" And we drove past her. Wide eyed and disbelieving. It's the sort of thing you'd expect in a nightclub not in front of HDB flats in the middle of the day. Anyway....

After we'd gone past Ronnie, who was driving, and I looked at each other and blurted out, "That's a man!"

Yeah. Only a woman who was born a man would be that sexually blatant.

Alive!

I'm somewhere in Singapore. Alive and kicking.

Having fun and stuffing my face.

Will update when I have time.

Big thank you to Bobo for the text greeting!

The chicken rice I have been raving about? Lee Fun Nam Kee Restaurant, Toa Payoh. Lorong 4, Block 94.

I'm extending my stay.

Pinch Pinch Pinch

It's been a good time in Singapore. Having been out and with my friends most of my stay so far means I haven't been able to update my blog. I'm back at my sister's place now and now that her internet's back up, I can put something down.

I was reminded of an incident some years back when I was still in Australia. At the post wedding dinner, a friend wasn't very good with crab and would send pieces flying every now and then. It when a piece rebounded off her face that I was reminded of the story. Two things triggered it. One, she's Australian and two, crabs.

Of course this story has nothing to do with her. She's just a memory trigger.

It was when I was living in Australia and had subleased the second bedroom in the apartment out to an Aussie girl.

Who is a Total Slut. In the classic way. Not fussy just needs to get fucked. In case you're wondering, I never did her. And the story I'm going to tell you will tell you why I could supress the primal urge to pork.

I woke up one morning to the strong smell of kerosene wafting in clouds in the apartment. I found the source of the smell. It was the flatmate. She had washed her hair with kerosene. If I had lit a cigarette in the apartment, the whole place would have blown up. Naturally I enquired to the purpose of her dousing herself with a highly flammable liquid.

Lice, she said. Okay, maybe lice is embarassing enough but later I found out that the lice she had was Phthirius pubis, literally 'pubic louse' (from Greek φθειρ : louse).

She had crabs.

Fucking hell.

I dunno who she had been bonking but then again none of us could ever keep track anyway. He couldn't have been very clean so at least it was no one I knew.

I did get a front row seat once when two of my friends had her but that's another story. Maybe I should have told them about the crabs.

Nah.

South

Right. I'm off to Singapore.

Bought Singaporean Dollars yesterday. Staggered backwards a little but bit the bullet and handed my hard earned money over.

Not going shopping as yesterday I bought myself new footy shoes.

This time was smart enough to enable auto-roam but happily I bought a SIM card last year over in Singapore. SMS me if you like. This number only gets used once or twice a year. 8209 2122.

Dinner in Toa Payoh tonight! Chicken rice!

Doink Splash

It's 1am. I've been watching the live coverage of the lastest golf major, the Open Championship, on TV.

I've been willing Padraig Harrington to win. I just saw him tee off from the 18th and put it in the water. It actually was running on a bridge over the water before it fell in.

I ejaculated, "Paddy, you bitch!" and turned off the TV and now I am going to bed.

I wonder who won....

Monday 11am

Just read on the net that Paddy double bogied the 18th but Sergio could only bogey the 18th and Paddy won the resulting playoff. Well done Paddy. The Irish eyes are smiling.

Sing

Ya know, I think I'll be able to make it to Singapore next week.

The number of times I've been to Singapore can still be counted on the fingers on one hand.

Here are the things I like about Singapore:

1. Cheap footy gear. I bought shin guards and keeper gloves (Queens Way?) on my last visit. It's becoming increasingly difficult in KL to find shinnies I like. Full size with ankle guards attached. If I have the time I may go just to buy a new pair. And I will definitely buy new footy shoes too.

2. Babes. Singapore has a lot of beautiful people. Well, as far as I know. I only ogle women.

3. Transport. I have no idea about the geography of Singapore. Put on the street, I'd get lost and die of thirst and starvation somewhere far from where I need to go. But it's beautiful. I get on the feeder bus from my sister's place, end up at a train station and hop on the train to get where I need to go.

4. Good food. The advantage of having friends and family in Singapore is that they know where to eat. And I've not been disappointed at all.

5. Free accomodation. Thanks sis!

Here I come?

Sweet

Tribute to my buddy Kev and his cohorts, Tiong and Chaister.

I wish I had advertising like this.



You Only Live Once

Gawlf

Had a long, slow and deep trawl of various golf product and review sites on the internet some days back.

If I had a bag wishlist, this would be it. (In brackets: What I'm using now)

Driver : Cleveland Golf HiBore XL
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 421)

Fairway Wood : Cleveland Golf HiBore Fairway 19 degrees
(Burrows Golf Powersphere M.A.C. 3 Wood)

Hybrid : Cleveland Golf HiBore Hybrid 22 degrees
(Dunlop LoCo 24 degree Hybrid)

Irons : Cleveland Golf CG Gold
(Cleveland Golf CG4)

Wedges : Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees
(Burrows Golf M.A.C. Tour Bounce 56 and 60 degrees)

Putter : Burrows Golf ION III
(Burrows Golf ION II)

It's a shame Burrows Golf went bust. They made very very good clubs. I love their products and what they made, I bought. I have the driver, fairway wood, 2 wedges, a putter and 3 caps. At the Malaysian Open, when Thomas Bjorn teed off into the oil palms I yelled at him - from the safety of (1.) the other side of the fairway, (2.) on a hill and (3.) in a big crowd - that he shouldn't have stopped using Burrows Golf products. You don't wanna fuck with a big, irate, belligerent bastard like Thomas Bjorn, trust me. But yes, he was formerly one of Burrows Golf's touring pros.

That's my dream bag, what's yours?