My Oldest Living Relative

The weekend I was in Singapore, my great grandmother had her 105th birthday party in Taiping. Not that she could really appreciate it anymore as her mind had failed her before her body did. I suppose my cousins and I are guilty of not elevating her to great-great grandmother status. Of the lot of us, three are in our 30s and the rest all in their 20s already. It was quite possible, just that none of us came to the circumstances of having children. My great grandmother attended the funerals of both my grandmother (her eldest daughter) and my grandfather. She outlived them both which is terrible in itself but the price of an extraordinarily long life.

My great grandmother passed away on 28th November. The day I returned from Singapore.

The picture below is of my great grandmother and myself at her birthday dinner in 2003.

Goodbye Ah Chor.



Mdm Lim, (Ong Geak Ho) November 1901 - 28 November 2006

Back Home

I had a really good holiday in Singapore. There was not a time when I was not fed well by my friends (Greg, Cheryl and Kenneth) and my sister and her husband. I've gained two kilos. Had a real fright when I stepped onto a weighing scale. I was very pleasantly surprised on my last night in Singapore. I had really good chicken rice in Toa Payoh. Almost on par with the ultimate in my hometown of Ipoh if not as good as.

I had originally planned on blogging every day while I was in Singapore which I did manage to do the first three days but this got rather difficult to do as I was mostly out. I then discovered that my sister's connection was paid by the hour and not unlimited. Also the modem was in my sister's bedroom. So the last few days, it didn't really happen.

I thoroughly enjoyed my stay south of the border. I will catch up on the missing two blog days soon.

Fergie's Humps Spotted in Singapore

Well, I've finally discovered what all that hump hump was about in the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps". Having figured out that if anyone in the BEP had humps, it would be Stacy Fergie. I found her humps all right. All over Singapore. I am now trying to find her lady lumps. So far, no luck.



Singapore - Day 3

Upper Class Nipples

Spent the day with Greg - my buddy, footy team mate and all round good guy from my days in Perth. Well, for all the gloss Singapore has, apparently it’s run like it’s a Sdn Bhd (Pty Ltd). Well, no matter. There isn’t a country in the world where there isn’t any corruption within the government. Or stupidity for that matter. That kind of thing abounds in politics. The only thing that proliferates more than stupidity is greed. Basically Greg bitched about the government half the time.

Anyway, happy thoughts. After all, I am on holiday.

I bought footy gear in Queensway Shopping Centre. Good stuff, cheaper than if I’d bought it in KL although I’ve never seen fingerless Adidas Sala keeper gloves in KL before.

I’ve been eating really really well since I got here. I didn’t have, in the end, teppanyaki like I said I was going to have. I had instead soup, ciabatta bread and spaghetti carbonara for dinner. Coffee and a really fantastic cheesecake for dessert. I was doing the blogger thing at first, which was taking pictures of my food. I first took a picture of the ciabatta bread and olive oil.

Next I took a picture of my soup which was served in a really unusual but attractive soup bowl.

I had wanted to take a picture of my carbonara as well except that by then I didn’t want to (didn’t dare) bring out my camera phone anymore.

I’ll explain why.

In the table in front of me, there was a young attractive Singaporean mother with her two young children. I think junior needed a feed so she popped a tit out and plugged the baby in. With junior being fed, there was no way I was going to be seen with a camera in my hand.

I remember going out with Cynthia when Joshua was just a wee baby. When he needed a feed she placed a large napkin (or nappy) over Joshua and herself. I already remember being a little taken aback then. This was the same only a bit more with the being taken aback.

I dined in a posh restaurant today too. Young attractive Singaporean mother had an upper class accent.

In conclusion, upper class nipples are light brown.

Singapore – Day 2

Singaporean Japanese

I've been in Singapore since yesterday. It's been very Japanese so far. I had a teriyaki chicken bento box yesterday for dinner and I had yakitori and sashimi for lunch today. Tonight I will be having teppanyaki for dinner with Greg. Mind you, all my meals will be from three separate places. I think tomorrow I'd like to explore what else Singapore has to offer besides Japanese food. I must say though that I've thoroughly enjoyed it. It's of good quality, very tasty and very reasonably priced.

Day 2 - Singapore

The Journey South

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Off I Go

Will be in Singapore until next week. I haven't been for three years and that was only for a night. Prior to that my last visit was in 1983. This could be interesting. I'm taking my laptop with me. Will be blogging as usual.

iPod Accessories

I've just got an iPod Nano with 8Gb capacity as a gift. Now that's generosity. All along I've been using my cell phone as a portable mp3 player. This changes everything. Including the potential weight of my wallet and my health. I had absolutely no idea how much original iPod accessories cost till I dropped into I.T. World in Megamall. I nearly had a heart attack. RM120 for the stupid little leather case. RM600 for aftermarket headphones. RM169 for a carry strap. RM400+ for a dock with speakers.

Holy moly.

Good thing I'm heading to Singapore on Thursday. I'd only got footy shoes on my shopping list. I'll have a look at accessories there as well. What is most likely is that I will come back and buy the stuff through lelong.com as anything else is just too expensive.

Can anyone tell me where to get the 'chapelang' iPod stuff? A couple of bucks for a silicone cover is my kinda shopping style.

Daddy's Girl

What is with fathers and daughters? When girls are little, they automatically become daddy's little princesses. Fathers themselves are more protective over daughters than sons.

It is very obvious that I approach both Lydia and Luke differently. This is not deliberate but it's there. Everyone says she's got me round her little finger. I don't spoil her or intentionally favour her over her brother but she wants special attention from me and most of the time she gets it. If Lydia misbehaves, she gets it from me no different than Luke. I've learnt to teach them by way of reason. I'll only smack them for two things, blatant misbehaviour and telling lies. They merely get severely yelled at for disobedience.

Naturally I coddle Lydia more and typically among dads (even honorary ones like myself) I seem to be pushing for Luke to be more independent. I do it to both of them but more so on Luke. It's not a fair life for them. Even if they don't realise it yet. Abandoned by their biological father and have to be raised by a single mom. That guy needs to have his fingers broken one by one. Children need both parents. My ex is a good parent but kids need balance. They need to have both parents. The biggest threat that can be used on them is, "I'm going to tell daddy!" They don't like it when I'm angry or disappointed with them. Especially Lydia. Her bambi eyes become very watery for mere things like disapproval or disappointment from me.

What's tragic is that one day I will abandon them myself. It's inevitable. I have no future with their mother other than being good friends. In time I will probably want to seek a new relationship with someone else and what girlfriend and potential wife would like an ex girlfriend in the background. Add two children to that and it's a mix for trouble. If I ever became interested in someone I think that would be the end of it anyway. I am fully expecting my ex to have nothing to do with me after I tell her I've met someone.

How is this going to be explained to the kids? Right now I am single not looking. Still. Eventually.

Last night I sat on Lydia's bed and rubbed her back till she fell asleep. I felt sad. Maybe one day I will have children of my own but I'll always remember the little girl who loved me and needed me just because she was daddy's little girl.

Fish Pond Blues

Argh. The mechanics of a fish pond is giving me a headache. I am designing by myself, a fish pond for my new house. It's not just a rectangular hole in the ground, there's more to it than that. My pond tentatively will be 12 feet in length, 7 feet width and 6 feet depth of which 4' is dug down and 2' is built up above ground. Of the 2 feet built up, only one foot will have water. I'm not sure about aesthetics but building up the 2 feet is definitely safer. Ponds at ground level have a certain notoriety in having people and animals falling in. My parents' front pond has claimed every single dog we've had (till they learn it's there) and a certain number of children.... including myself!

My headache is the filter. I don't know the pond volume to filter volume ratio for a comprehensive pump driven filter. It's causing me a headache in the design as my first design showed its glaring errors when I drew it out. To by pass the need for an extensive filter system I was going to use two cannister filters which could filter up to 1000 gallons each. Here's the trouble, I had them designed sunk down to fit level with the 2 foot build up. Once looking at an actual diagram of it last night I realised that the outflow works on gravity i.e. they need to be higher than the surface of the water. Crap crap crap.

Back to the drawing board.

That Face Recognition Thing

I did that Face Recognition thingy that's so in fashion right now. I don't necessarily agree with all of the selection. I mean, even Julian Lennon was in there. I submitted more than one of my pictures. There appears to be consistent faces in there. Joi Ito for one. He's in two out of three and at always the highest percentage. While he didn't get the highest percentage, Stephen Chau is in every one of them. Strange. I don't think I look like him but I've been told otherwise before. It's not a bad thing that I will probably look like John Woo when I'm older. I just hope I have more hair than he does. Lastly, it's a good thing that the absolutely delectable Shu Qi is only at 74%. If it were 90% and above I might go blind within a week!

http://www.myheritage.com

What was that again?

Originally posted in Strange Highs and Strange Lows, September 30th.

I was in Subang Jaya on Friday. Was there in Subang Parade to buy a TV and a home theatre system for the condo in Mont Kiara. Being a cheapskate and really hating Parade's parking payment system I parked in Carrefour (free!) and walked over. As I crossed the road I came across quite an attractive girl. Have no idea why she looked slightly alarmed and quickened her pace. I walk faster than most people myself and I wasn't keeping up. It's all okay in the end after all as I got to ogle at her ass in the tight skirt and the half sprint greatly increased posterior sway and shake. I am startled though. I was minding my own business and I certainly didn't give her a funny look nor did I leer at her. The tragedy of being a cheapskate, and deliberately walking faster and clomping away behind her just to let her know I was still there, took me to the doorway of the mall. That's when I realised my cheque book was in the glove compartment of my car which in turn was in another building entirely.

D-oh!

Once I returned with cheque book, the damn shop wasn't open. So I killed time by going upstairs to MPH. I found 'Thud!' (I actually wrote it as 'Bonk!' before remembering that wasn't the actual title; Thud, Bonk; what's the difference eh?) in paperback. Something I have been looking for for about a year now. Quite a lucky thing then since I wouldn't have visited the MPH if the electrical goods store had been open when I got there. The hardcover copy is all I've seen up to now and being a cheapskate, it's RM99.90. Hooray for paperbacks! I had a theory once that the book was only released in hardcover because of the title, which is 'Thud!' (not 'Bonk!'). So all good. I found a book I'd been wanting to find for ages.

I also searched the store database for Durrell (G. M.) books. Grand total: 2. I spoke to the guy at the customer service desk about it and he said they would be ordering more Durrell books which delighted me no end. But then the guy said that Durrell had a new book coming out soon. That's when I blinked and informed the guy that Durrell died years ago. Jan 30, 1995 to be precise.

What was that again?

Just Rambling About Blogs

I suppose I have to clear something up. Even an old friend from years back asked a few questions. In a few of my posts you might see me refer to my children or to Luke and Lydia. Let me explain, my ex-girlfriend is a single mother with two children, Lydia (5) and Luke (3). I am not their biological father though they still call me daddy. Their mother and I split up after two years in May this year though we're still friends now. This leads to some complications and a sad sorry state should I meet someone and decide pursue a new relationship. It wasn't easy and it still sometimes gets into a mess. Life, it ain't easy.

Now, about the blogs I've listed on my sidebar. I do read the blogs I have listed there. I list them because I do think they're worth reading. By having them there I would hope other people reading my blog and who approve of my writing would move on to the others. I do think that the blogs I list are, to a degree, reflective of my own self. I was startled only today when I was reading one of the blogs and came across very strong and extreme views on race and religion. He has a right to his own opinion despite being a radical racist but there's no way I'm linking my blog to his now. Instantly deleted. I couldn't do anything else. I first I thought it might be shock tactics or satrical, so I read the whole thing. Nope. Just one of those guys who dig the dude ranting about Ketuanan Melayu (Malay Master Status) in parliament whilst brandishing a keris. If you're Chinese, Indian, homosexual or Jewish, he had a crack at you. What disturbed me was the apparent criticism of Islam. I read that while Islam is being touted as promoting peace, it actually advocates war or warlike behaviour.

On a happier note, I just noticed earlier than Ben of Just Sewjin added this blog onto his links page. Thanks Ben! Also, in Maine Ideas, I thought this was a good posting, Malaysia Bodoh? Ooohh Noowhhh...

I should state that I didn't ask nor inform the writers that I was putting up links to their blogs nor did I ask for them to link me in return. In hindsight, perhaps I should have asked permission. Well, if you own one of the blogs I listed and don't want it there, let me know and I will remove it and issue you an apology.

You might or might not have also realised that two of the blogs listed are rather adult oriented in nature. AwesomeZara, I think is a good blog. It's regularly updated, she writes well and is extremely opinionated. Opinionated is good to me as long as it doesn't promote hatred. Like deleted blog guy for example. I actually became a fan of her blog after she wrote a piece on mean kids and bullies. Which pretty much inspired my own posting about bullying, Growing Up Bullied. Recently though, she's been writing a lot about sex. Have no idea why but I'm not removing it of my links. Sex is a big part of our lives, loves, social standing, behaviour, appeal, politics, religion, ego, et cetera. It's a whole posting on its own. I like her writing. It stays.

Anal Amy however would cause lots of the tsk tsk tsk, shaking of heads to the downright outraged. Gimme a break. Anyone who doesn't like sex is either (i) dead, (ii) got a broomstick up their ass, (iii) impotent, or (iv) isn't getting any. I bet you those moral crusaders have a mini dungeon in their basement or four wives. Maybe both. It's another whole posting on its own. However. I like sex. As much as the next guy.... or girl. Amy's blog stays too.

What's my criteria of a good blog? Open, honest, personal, well written, regularly updated and occasionally thought provoking and occasionally light hearted. Regardless of topic or nature, the blogs listed on my sidebar are worth reading. At least, they are to me.

Learn a New Word Today

On the lead up to last night's footy game, emails were being trading back and forth between the team. As it was only seven of us showed up but we still managed a hard fought win at 6 - 3. Back to the emails. For some reason, Dario signed his email 'Mr. Bustamante'. In a flash of inspiration, I signed my email, 'Mr. Bukkake'. Upon arrival at the footy, I started getting flak about making jokes 'only you would understand' lead by Adrian and Danny. Dario, I'm sure, knew what 'Bukkake' meant. He just wasn't going to confirm it. Instead he deflected the attention to Khalil who apprently does know what it means.

So what? It's just a word. It's a word which describes a sexual practice or act. That's about it. I refuse to believe the numbnuts in the team did not know what 'bukkake' means. There are definately no angels in FC Rojak. Are they embarassed as to what the word describes?

Bukkake (n), (boo-ka-key) is a group sex practice wherein a series of people take turns ejaculating onto someone, usually multiple males onto a female. There can be overtones of erotic humiliation in this practice. Various styles exist, but let's not get into that eh?

Bukkake is the noun form of the Japanese verb bukkakeru (to dash [water]), and means simply "splash" or "dash." The compound verb can be decomposed into two verbs: butsu and kakeru. Butsu literally means to hit, but in this usage it appears to be an intensive prefix as in buttamageru ("completely astonished") or butchigiri ("overwhelming win"). Kakeru in this context means to shower or pour. The word bukkake is often used in Japanese to describe pouring out water (or other liquids) with sufficient momentum to cause splashing or spilling.

Indeed, bukkake is used in Japan and Tanzania to describe a type of dish where the toppings are poured on top of noodles, as in bukkake-udon and bukkake-soba.

But of course, if I ever heard (overheard) someone order either dish, I will probably be unsophisticated enough to giggle my ass off.

Wishing everyone a super happy banzai bukkake fun-time.

Angry Cunt Music

Someone, I cannot remember whom, remarked that all the angsty music ranging from mildly annoyed to angry to raging was brilliant. He called it 'Angry Cunt Music' and absolutely loved it all.

There're quite a few categories of Angry Cunt. From being pissed off with life and people to the world in general. The biggest category of ACM is however, "Being Pissed Off With Men". Alanis Morrisette started it going big with You Oughta Know. Of course she made it happen by using the word 'fuck' in her lyrics. She sang it at the Grammys and probably got a standing ovation for being a chick with balls. Hell, they give you a standing ovation at Grammys just as long as your song is angry, demanding change or about homeless and/or abused people.

We then encountered the strong female lead by Shania Twain. If You're Not In It For Love, You're Outa Here. And she'll probably kick you outa wherever 'here' is. With a chick that looked and had a body like that, not every guy woulda been in it for love actually. Personally, I would have been there for the money. After that came That Don't Impress Me Much. Which was good for people like me who couldn't compete with other guys who had the looks, money and muscles. Along with all that came The Sensitive Male Poofter who would swear to love some girl forever regardless of her looks, intelligence or state of health. You know what? Neither Angry Cunt nor Sensitive Poofter ever believed what they were singing.

Shania Twain earns enough not to give a flying fuck about some guy's wealth, looks or car. Also she's married to her producer and songwriter. Better not piss off the goose with the golden eggs.

Sensitive Poofter just wants pussy.

He ain't getting any.

The songs and videos making the big time now are black guys who may or may not have served time who want chicks to take off all their clothes (cos it's gettin hot wherever they happen to be) and get jiggy with it. This is what proves what girls have always known and guys are only beginning to realise. If a guy goes out making it goddamn obvious that he thinks a girl is hot and he wants to fuck her, chances are he is in fact, going to get to fuck her. Only these days the phrase 'fucking' is the last bit of machismo that guys can hang on to. Guys don't get fucked. Girls do. Only these days you'd better have a orgasm ratio of your one to her five or the word that you can't fuck properly is making the rounds. Guys had better walk around with chests out saying they fucked Britney or Zoe last night while they can cos the way things are going one day fucking might end up referring to guys being fucked no matter who does the actual penetrating.

Anyway. Back to the Angry Cunt Music.

Case in question: Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone vs. Marion Raven - Break You.

You may call me 'Your Honor'.

Here we have two young females obviously pissed off with their ex-boyfriends. First ruling goes against Ms. Clarkson for the unimaginative Prince style spelling error which went out long ago with shoulder pads and Sensitive Black Male Poofters. In her favour, the only thing which sells the whole song is the absolutely brilliant use of the words, "yeah...yeah!" in the chorus. I love it.

Marion Raven has the unfair advantage that I've seen her in person and think that she's absolutely beautiful. More so than her pictures and videos. The blonde girl in M2M, Marit What's-her-name, is as is.

Never mind the lyrics. Not hard to figure out. Don't even have to. What speaks absolute volumes in each situation are the respective videos.

Kelly trashes her ex's place gleefully and exits just before ex comes home with new girlfriend.

Marion throws her ex's stuff out of HER place and burns the shit up.

Having seen both videos, lyrically, this is what I figure. Kelly was friends with this guy who tried and succeeded to get into her pants. I'm guessing 'that stupid love song' she fell for was by a Sensitive Poofter. Once she got dumped she went bananas and smashed up his place. Did she need to do that if she was so moving on? Opinions welcome.

Marion loses points for appearing to be a wide eyed blur girl who can't tell her boyfriend's sticking his dipstick into other cars. Gains points for the chorus bit which implies that once she's realised what's going on he can go fuck himself (or the other birds he's been fucking instead of her). Here's the thing, the setting is that the place is hers and she burns all his shit outside since he's too chicken to come back to get it. I would be too if I were him. Hell hath no fury like an Angry Cunt.

So Kelly is this whiney little bitch who'll break the toys you don't let her play with while Marion stands up for herself and gets on with it after reversing the situation.

Now, who got the Grammys?

Ankle Woes

Damn damn damn! I've sprained my ankle while playing futsal. Can't play footy and can't even play my old man game, golf. What a bitch....

I'm of course quite grateful that I live in this age. In the stone age, had I done this to my ankle, I'll probably expect to be left behind and eventually eaten by a sabre toothed tiger or something. Of course in those days I doubt I'd be doing something recreational. Back then I think staying alive was a full time occupation.

You Mutha Fukka in the Kancil

Well, my last post seemed to be rather prophetic. Yesterday my friend Barbs was driving to work and came across two accident scenes around the Semantan area. At the second accident site, one of the cars was being towed to the side of the road. I think drivers are so cute. They harangue and swear while stuck in the bottleneck up to the incident then slow down and rubberneck while going past it. I hate you bastards. Anyway, the tow truck was at the time blocking the left two lanes. The rightmost lane was moving along at about 50km/h now. This one Kancil who was doing the Small Car Chop and Change chops into the rightmost lane, into moving traffic, causing the cars it's cut off to hit the anchors. What results is a three car end-to-end and the Kancil dashes away in the distance. Barbs was the third car in the melee. My little girl was in the backseat of the car. She's only 5 years old. I want to kill the cock smoker in the little bastard Kancil. I can only be really relieved that she was wearing her seatbelt. We've always insisted that the children wear their seatbelts no matter how short the drive. I am always amazed to see unrestrained children in cars.


Anyway, when Barbs and the other two drivers were exchanging details, there was a screech and a crash. All turned just in time to see a motorcycle sliding down the road and the rider rolling down the road behind it. When he stopped rolling, he sat up, with his back to traffic. That's when someone screamed, "TAXI!!!!!". There was a taxi bearing down on him. He took one look behind him and instantly curled up flat on the road. The taxi actually went over the top half of his body. He was saved by the anonymous lady who screamed, his quick reflexes and the fact that he's a small chap.

When I went out myself later that day, I came across two accidents and saw a near accident. Barbs is hurting on the right side of the face, head, arm, hip, buttock. Lydia's tummy is hurting from the seatbelt. Not that I'm blaming the seatbelt. If she was like your typical kid in a car, she would have been in the backseat, in the middle, unrestrained. Were she there she would have flown through the gap between the front seats and been stopped either by the center console or worse, the windscreen. I'm very angry that this happened to two people I love. The average stupid dumbfuck Malaysian driver only gives a damn about shaving a few seconds off his/her journey and is the most selfish moron while in control of a car.

I dare say this. I am a good driver. In every sense of the word 'good'. I drive, handle and control my car better than what would be considered competant. I am suitably curteous and considerate to other drivers. Think about it. Your husband/wife/children/parents/siblings/blah fucking blah, share the road with me. Similarly, people I know and care about, share the road with YOU. So, if I ever catch the driver of the Kancil, I am very willing to consider vigilante justice. I will kill you, whoever you are, with my bare hands.

Every Malaysian driver is a potential criminal (manslaughter, grevious bodily harm) with a weapon (a car, a truck, a 4WD, whatever). For God's sake. Wake up. Fellow human beings share the road.

I will play the kid factor card as well.

There are children in the vehicles around you.

Yesterday, the child in the accident happened to be mine.

Rear Window Screens

Rear window screens. They're those bastard things in the back window of a car which supposedly block out the sun from shining on the passengers in the back seat. What they are to me is a bloody nuisance. I can see the sense in it, my mom would probably like having such a thing if she were a passenger in the back. I don't like them because when they're in the car in front of me, I can't see through the car. Don't read me wrong. I don't care who's in the car in front nor do I care what they're doing. Why I don't like these screens is because I can't see what's happening in front of the car. I like to read ahead. It's no different from driving behind a big 4 wheel drive car or a truck. And I hate following 4WDs and trucks. You have not a clue what's going on in front of them.

Defensive driving involves anticipating what's going to happen and more importantly what the traffic around you might do. For this you need to know what's going on around you 360 degrees. I've seen enough rear enders to know this could be more avoidable. One thing about rear enders, is that the guy at the back always gets it worse. My buddy tapped his BMW into a back of a Chairman. His car looked like it hit a wall. I had a Kancil hit my Waja from behind. I compared the damage and let the offending driver off. Of course, I didn't expect to get a mild case of whiplash but that was later.


Back to the screens. I hate them. Nothing I can do about it. Here's a piece of advice. Don't tailgate. Sounds simple but quite hard for the average Malaysian driver to do for some strange reason.

Damned Spammers!

Well, I had intended to write about something else when I logged in but discovered that some moron had spammed my postings comments. I know not may people actually read this but I still get found by an idiot spammer who offers the rare and wonderful opportunity to make more money. Instead I get to waste some minutes deleting all that crap from my blog. I pretty much understand now why other blogs here have word verification for comments enabled.

Have to write later. I have to make a new passport. I'm going to chill down south in Singapore. The last time I stayed more than a night in Singapore was 1983. I was 9 years old. What can a 32 year old do down in Sg? I doubt I'd be shopping for Star Wars toys this time round.

Friday Night. Heritage Row.

Friday night. Same old same old. We start at The Ivy at 10:30pm and make our way through our favourite clubs. Which is about standard operating procedure for us now. The unpredictability of the club scene on the weekend in KL decided that that Friday was when everyone decided to haunt Heritage Row. Plenty of things going on and lots of beautiful people around. The strip was bouncin'.

Observing what was going on around me, there were underage girls at one of the clubs. Any intention or idea to follow up on them quickly evaporated when Max overheard them in the washrooms and sussed out they were 16 to 17 years of age. Right.

Another good piece of advice for anyone who's taken out a bevy of beauties is to make sure you have a bottle on the table and obviously drinks for the girls. If you don't, your harem is in danger of becoming spread out to all points of the compass in the room.

I don't get single pervs wondering around alone who try to schmooze on girls. Especially if they're with a large group which contains 75% testosterone.

It's very interesting to see social and sexual hierarchy within a group. Can be quite interesting. My role is the guy everyone likes and thinks is nice. That's not good. Trust me. It's not.

Max is a champion. He scored on two different women that night. Might have been quickies in some quiet (or not so quiet) corner but I don't think he's complaining.

Lastly, thanks to the girls for universally deciding to expose acres of cleavage that night. The prize though has to go to Nat who went as far as to have a nipple pop out of her top.

See you on the strip next week.

Changing of the Guard

The latest footy gear? What the stars are wearing? Nope, not me. I have stuck to Puma shoes for footy just for the fact that they last. I destroy Adidas shoes in a matter of a two to three months. I bought these two pairs together last year at a stock clearance sale for about half the price. I had already owned one pair of the exact same model already. I've just started wearing the pair on the left. The one on the right's retired. I'm about four models behind though I did have the model immediately after this one. Who cares? My Adidas: David Beckham shoes lasted 3 months. They were crap as well. I didn't like them. My Pumas aren't a trendy brand and no superstar endorses them but they're good shoes. Good shoes are important. No matter what they're for. That's all that matters in the end.

Beer, Ghosts and Rearview Mirrors

There is pretty much no doubt that I lead a very different life from most of my peers. I don't know whether it's conclusive evidence to tie one's lifestyle to choice of friends. There aren't many people who will be out on a Monday night having a booze up and if so, they might not have friends who are similarly so available.

Anyway, my friends and I ended up in Beach Club for a CNN night. CNN = Cheap N Nasty. We just boozed up and hit on a few women. For the hell of it really. None of us were really out on the hunt. I've never been appreciative of Sarong Party Girls. It did do me a world of good to overhear a girl telling *ahem* someone, "You pay cash, okay?!?". Well, anyone who's been to the Beach Club should know what the damn place is like.

The night ended with the three of us having some nosh in Bangsar. I have no idea how but the topic lead to ghosts and hauntings. Of the three of us, I'm the only one with no 'experience' and also the only one with no religion. Coincidence? I dunno. Really creepy though, the stories my friends have. Though they came to no harm for the experience. I'm quite sure they're not making things up but also I'm not quite sure what to believe either. I don't know about vibes and all that but I do know that when I was house hunting, I never ever went back to any house I didn't feel comfortable in. Needless to say, I settled on one I didn't just like but felt good in as well.

Well anyway, as a kid, Bob has had a ghost bang on the outhouse door while he was taking a dump. Lucky him. He also had the ghost of an Engineer at his former workplace sit in the back seat of his car. Seen through the rearview mirror. He drove on without ever looking at the mirror again.

Jayse has had a ghost follow him home before. His maid saw someone follow him into the house when no one did. The maid quit the next day after learning he came home alone. He also has an uncle who has been sleeping with the lights on for the last three decades after encountering 'something' in rural Sabah.

At night's end, I drove home feeling kinda creepy but defiantly looking into my rearview and side mirrors when I needed to. If I did see something that wasn't meant to be there, I have no idea what I'd have done. Probably drive straight home, get out of the car, never look back and get into the house. Where I can change my pants. I'd probably sell the car too.

Books I Read

These are the books which have made me laugh, think and wonder.

* Gerald Durrell - A truly remarkable man. This man pioneered zoo keeping and conservationalism. My all time favourite author. His best books? Can't really say, they're all good but these are my favourites. Bear in mind that only the first one is a novel. The rest are all non-fiction. This man not only had a full and admirable life but wrote like no other. The best descriptive writer I have ever come across.

Rosy is My Relative, My family and Other Animals, The Bafut Beagles, Zoo in My Luggage, Three Singles to Adventure, The Drunken Forest, The Whispering Land, The Picnic and Such Like Pandemonium.

* James Herriot - Another autobiographic author like Durrell. And similarly like Durrell, it's about a profession in the animal world except Herriot (real name, Alf Wight) was a vetinarian. Next to Durrell, a very good descriptive writer. Herriot loved his wife, children, friends, animals and countryside (Agricultural Yorkshire). What made his stand out are his experiences and the fact that you could feel the love he had for all stated above in his words.

All Things Bright and Beautiful, All Creatures Great and Small, All Things Wise and Wonderful

* Frank Herbert - Frank Herbert wrote the Dune series. Quite possibly the greatest science fiction book. There will be arguments whether it is or not but no one will deny it's right up there.

Dune, Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, God Emperor of Dune, Heretics of Dune, Chapterhouse: Dune

* J.R.R. Tolkien - I discovered Tolkien through my mum who's a big fan. So one fine day, tired of studying for my Penilaian (Std 5 exam) I picked up Lord of the Rings. Finished it in 5 days. Not bad for an 11 year old. Next, after the exam, I read The Hobbit. I make it a point to read Lord of the Rings every few years.

The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings

* Michael Crichton - A really good writer whose books were unfortunately massacred by Hollywood. If you really think about it, Jurrasic Park was a crap movie and all the successive films just kept getting worse.

Jurrasic Park, The Lost World, Congo

* Richard Preston - Preston wrote one truly captivating and terrifying book called The Hot Zone. The network which is the international travel routes can carry a virus around the globe at anytime and to anywhere. There was an outbreak of a strain of the Ebola virus in Reston, just outside Washington D.C. some years back. Just dumb luck had this strain as the only one which was non-lethal to humans. Every other strain killed about 8 to 9 out of 10 people. Maimed the rest. Ebola and its sister virus Marburg can be transmitted by touch, air and through sexual intercourse. Horrifically infectious. Imagine if a lethal strain travelled via infected passengers on airline planes. From one point to spread to wherever the planes took them to. We might end up having a situation not unlike Stephen King's The Stand.

The Hot Zone

* Terry Pratchett - Possibly the most talented satrical writer I am familair with. Created the Discworld and its various characters. Absolutely brilliant humour. Two Dogs Fighting. Blink and you've missed it. The books I've listed are his best. Pratchett occasionally misses the mark.

Going Postal, Jingo, Night Watch, Thief of Time, The Truth

* Dean Koontz - Made girls cry with Watchers. Over a dog too. Had a good book, Phantoms, massacred by Hollywood as well. Come to think of it, Watchers received the same B-movie treatment. Totally pissed me off with Tick Tock. Were it my book, it would have flown out the window.

Watchers, Phantoms

* Stephen King

The Stand, Delores Claiborne

* Murray Ball - Creator, writer and artist of Footrot Flats. A very honest, simple yet powerful series of cartoons.

Footrot Flats

* Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes. A very very clever comic series.

Calvin and Hobbes

* Gary Larson - The Far Side. A very very clever comic series in the other direction.

The Far Side

Growing Up Bullied

Kids are fucking little monsters. What I mean is, of course they're not engaging in coital activity with small supernatural entities, rather, kids are fucking little monsters. Note how I cleverly cleared things up with the clever use of italics. I should explain myself right? Of course I should. Just so I don't get buried by hate mail.

The urge to dominate is a primitive instinct to establish social order. Sometimes it means who gets sex and who doesn't. I'm sorry. I mean it establishes mating and procreational rights. It's not exclusive to primates though one of the best examples you might see of this behaviour is at night clubs. These days all you have to do to be Alpha Male is to be white. Or at least half white.

But anyway. Back to it.

Kids themselves tend to have their own social order. A lot of what you come across is the need to empower themselves. That's why they run around in groups cos there's strength in numbers. In the group itself you can bet your ass they have their own social order. It's never the smartest kid. It'll be the biggest kid. Individually, kids will bully other kids to get that sweet high of the all important power rush. That's why kids like to play with toy guns. Cos on TV when you've got the gun and no one else does, they yo bitches - while you still got the gun. Don't lose the gun okay?

Kids target kids who are different. Of course the smaller weaker kids are natural targets. They resort to another one of nature's wonderful things. It's called symbiosis. It's a fancy word but it happens everywhere. Even in prison. When a big dood is happy harry cos he's got himself a cell bitch and his cell bitch is assured of being protected from the other inmates, that's symbiosis.

Carrying on, all you have to be to be bullied is different. The only different kids that don't get bullied are those that are already shaving in pre-school and have nicknames like 'Mongo'. Then again, they probably get it from other Mongos from higher grades. Eventually they group together to extort lunch money. Mongos Inc is now a gang. To be different, all you got to be is one of the following: smart, stupid, ugly, beautiful, retarded, disabled, weak, rich, poor, the wrong color, six fingers, one eye.... you get the drift.

All it is is a natural process of growing up. Kids need boundaries, guidance and example. If a kid is a rotten kid, blame the parents. There's something wrong there. Beating seven kinds of crap out of a kid at home for misbehaving doesn't work either. Now that that social order's established it fuels the urge for this kid to do some establishing of his own so he establishes royally on his younger sister who in turn does her bit in the classroom. Especially if there's no cat at home to kick.

My parents decided that my sister and I would grow up like any other kid. This means we pretended that living in a house where my bedroom was bigger than the living room in some of my friends' houses was normal. I was given less allowance than my small-house-living friends. To learn the value of money apparently. In all, it must have worked. I'm a stingy bastard when it comes to money. As the younger of two I tended to try to dominate my peers except that I was one of the smallest kids around and I was frightened of everything. I got beat up by my sister at home and the cats at home had died by then but I assure you that was nothing to do with me. Just the recipe for a complete bastard by 21 but no one accounted for my mum. My mother may not have done a perfect job but I think she did a damn good one. We were brought up with a proper balance of love and discipline and with enough protection from outside influences that we were protected but no so much that we became dependant on that. I love my father. I carry many of his personality traits myself and learnt a lot from him. All I'm saying is is that it was my mother that did all the delicate balancing.

As for being the rich kid. I paid my dues. I was put on a school bus like any normal kid. Every other kid on the bus lived in a low cost housing area. They'd be on the bus and I'd get picked up. These little bastards were like ninjas. I'll tell you why. It first started with the verbal assault. They'd talk loudly amongst each other about me and I'll bet you it wasn't about how nice my parents' house is. Luckily for me my cantonese is shit. My cantonese is still shit 25 years on so you can imagine I didn't know diddly squat back then. I was one of those sensitive cry babies. It would have really hurt my feelings if I understood them. I always had my head down and I didn't ever say a thing. That didn't change when the physical assault started. I got punched, kicked and slapped around like a little bitch but I never reacted. Could be what saved me, could be what condemned me to more of the same. Anyway, the fucking little monsters would fuck me up quietly enough just so the bus driver wouldn't notice. Right little ninjas those bloody kids.

When I was 12, I grew seven inches in that one year I was in Standard 6. I went from something like 4 feet 5 inches to 5 feet 2 inches. In a single year. This is the single most important thing that happened to me as far as bullying was concerned. One, it chilled me out totally. I didn't need to bully anyone anymore. I didn't have to be able to fend for myself either. I was one of the biggest kids in class. I could fend like anything if I needed to. And I didn't. I didn't need to. But. When I was 12, I beat up, no, I royally beat up one of my classmates. I beat this kid so bad it was the last physical fight I ever had in school. No one messed with me after that. Talk about stupid, the kid I smashed was the aggressor and I don't mean he just called me names.

I stopped growing when I was 14 and reached the height of 5' 7". That bummed me out but from the perspective of this blog posting, I was already a giant. Kids remember. To this day, some of my friends from school still think I'm taller than they are when they overtook me about 15 years ago.

Which comes to the main theme of all this. There're mean people out there. People who are mean just for the sake of being mean. Even nice people can be mean. I'm nice. But I can be mean. Usually to someone who can't retaliate. In the end, all of us, every single one of us. Look at how people behave towards one another, in life, in love, in business, everything. Look back at everything I've written so far and tell me adults don't do the same shit. In the end, we're all just a bunch of fucking kids.

100 Thousand Smackers

A milestone in my car's life. It's run well but like every Proton, has dodgy build quality.

Damn! It's a fish!

One of my old buddies from uni days in Perth just got in contact with me. I was happy that Alvin found me. I looked at his friendster profile and I saw he had posted pics with me in them. Damn! I was a fat bitch with a classic Aussie MULLET! Check it out! I cracked up and laughed myself silly.

My housemates and I. Perth 1999.

Ramesh, Dayan, Alvin and me.

Creativity at 3am

I was chatting to Janice, my Ungodly Hour Chat Buddy. I told her my latest favourite insult is "cock smoker". She replied that a good one would be "monkey spanker". I nearly split my sides. I live alone so it's no problem. She laughed so hard I think she woke her boyfriend. Being creative at 3am does have it's drawbacks.