Well, speaking of slogans on tees and jackets, this one is my ultimate favourite. It's a motorcycle t-shirt for guys (and butch lesbians I suppose). On the back in BIG letters are the words:
"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF".
Legendary.
You must have seen the picture on your email inbox by now.
I read in The Star today about a man in Hong Kong who is 107 and credits his longevity to celibacy. This guy hasn't had a shag in 70 years. He still smokes though. Wonderful news to smokers everywhere. Tobacco won't kill you just as long as you give up happy happy fun time.
It's quite a statement. Live forever! Just give up sex.
Novel idea it may be but I don't think I'll try it. If I gave up sex I don't think I'd live very long anyway.
I'd kill myself first.
Also in the same paper, a Kiwi fashion designer in trouble for making a baby tee for young girls with the legend "Future Porn Star" on the front. Young being little. Like little kiddie little. For a start it's funny. It'd be funny if I see a picture of a girl wearing this t-shirt in one of those mass sending emails that corporate companies hate their employees getting. It's like the picture of the little boy football fan caught flipping the bird on camera at a football game. I got that picture more than once and I still thought it was funny. Thank-god-that's-not-my-kid funny.
Future porn star. It's funny. It is. I'd buy it for my son. Only if I didn't have to explain what it meant though! Only an idiot dumbfuck of a parent buys a tee that says Future Porn Star for their daughter. That's like telling the world you suck as a mom or dad and that you've already spent her college fund on drugs and alcohol.
How old do you wish you were?
25. Prime of my life. Old enough for maturity, young enough to be fit and virile.
Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was in my room in a house I rented with friends. My buddy Joe came back, banged on my door all excited saying a plane had crashed into a building. My first thought: "Big deal!" When I came out to see what it was about we saw the next plane crash into the WTC live. Everyone's jaw dropped.
What do you do when vending machine steals your money?
Use a lot of harsh language on the thing.
Do you count yourself kind?
Yup.
If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
If?
If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish. Then I could chat up the hot latino mujer with the big pecho and the round culo.
Do you know your neighbours?
Yep. Is good to be neighbourly.
What do you consider a vacation?
Totally chilled out on a beach getting a tan in the day and getting laid at night.
Do you follow your horoscope?
What? That complete bollocks?
Would you move for the person you love?
No.
Are you touchy feely?
Yep!
Do you believe that opposites attract?
Totally dependent on which opposites we talking about.
Dream job?
Carpet muncher
Favourite channels?
Sports so I can watch the footy. Cartoon Network so I can watch, umm, cartoons.
Favourite place to go on weekends?
I don't really know come to think of it. Probably stay at home while everyone else is out.
Showers or baths?
Showers
Do you paint your nails?
Uh. No.
Do you trust people easily?
Not anymore.
What are your phobias?
Sharks and heights.
Do you want kids?
Yeah. But if it doesn't happen. I won't have missed out on too much as it is.
Do you keep a handwritten journal?
No. Why bother when I blog.
Where would you rather be right now?
On a beach somewhere.
Heavy or light sleeper?
Heavy.
Are you paranoid?
I think I'm paranoid and complicated. I think I'm paranoid, manipulated.
Are you impatient?
I'm a rather situational person where patience is concerned.
Who can you relate to?
Don't think I relate to anyone really. I'm too wierd.
How do you feel about interracial couples?
Doesn't bother me.
Have you been burned by love?
No, not by love. I've however been burnt by an ex-girlfriend who couldn't keep the exclusive use of the contents of her panties to me and a crazy aussie woman which included a drug overdose which fried her brain.
What's your favorite pick-up line?
You, me and a stick of butter baby!
What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
'I'm Alright' by Neil Zaza. Previously was 'Light My Fire' by The Doors.
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Waiting for the footy to come on.
What did the last text on your cellphone say?
"Cheers"
Whose bed did you sleep in last?
It was a sofa. I fell asleep before the footy started.
What colour shirt are you wearing?
One of my famous white t-shirts.
Most recent movie you watched?
Happy Feet
Name three things you have on you at all times.
Magnetised 'golf' bracelet, Jade bead on a string around my neck. Silver necklace. 'At all times' it said.
What colour are your bedsheets?
Bright yellow.
How much cash do you have on you right now?
None. It's all in the wallet.
What is your favourite part of the chicken?
Leg. Drumstick and thigh.
What's your favourite town/city?
Perth, Western Australia.
I can't wait till...?
I have a normal life.
What did you have for dinner last night?
Barbsie treated me to a smashing dinner at Black Canyon.
Do you own a gun?
No.
What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Juice
Where do you think you'll be in 10 years time?
Still living in the same place where I am now.
Last thing you ate?
Nasi Lemak with sambal chicken
What songs do you sing in the toilet?
Who sings in the dunny? I don't.
Last thing that made you laugh?
A total miskick someone made at footy.
Worst injury you've ever had?
Hairline fracture on my heel. It hurt for months.
Does someone have a crush on you?
I dunno.
What's your favorite candy?
Peppermints.
What song do you want played at your funeral?
'In My Life' by The Beatles.
I got tagged by pinksterzisme. Ages ago now. Sorry. I've been really busy and I don't have an internet connection yet in my new house. Have no idea why TM is taking so long with moving my line over. Anyway....
how:
Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.
1. I talk to myself occasionally when I'm alone.
Comes from living alone. I don't actually have conversations with myself. I just think out loud. I'm getting a dog soon. Maybe I'll start talking to the dog instead.
2. I talk in my sleep.
It seems the last time I did that I made a 'moo' sound like a cow.
3. I can speak whilst belching.
A hidden talent of mine. There's no word I can't burp and of course I can burp the alphabet.
4. I'm colour blind.
Red and green deficiency. Found out at an early age. Hasn't really bothered me at all.
5. I blow hot and cold.
I cannot be expected to react the same way everytime. On occasion I chill and other times I blow my stack. Other times I'm indifferent, other times I care what's going on.
6. I'm the only member of my footy team who can play in every position.
Useful no?
I'm sorry it's so boring but I don't think I care to discuss my sex life with so openly!
I'm still running about. I can spare a few minutes to type something out. I've been putting up blinds, curtains, pictures, clocks, shelves, etc and moving stuff over. I'm really tired but still runnin'. On empty it seems. Furniture is in on Thursday.
My house is looking awesome.
Pictures soon.
Hiya! Sorry I haven't been updating. Been really busy. I was back in Ipoh on the 7th to the 8th and spent the first night in the new place on the 8th. I've been moving stuff over and sorting things out. I should be settled soon.
Zis ees where zee majeek happenz baybee!
Well, whaddya know.... I'm in Ipoh.
I got into town at about 6:30pm today. It's nearly 8:30pm now and I am stuffed full of good Ipoh food. I'm supposed to be playing footy tonight at 9 till midnight. Instead I'm 200km away and I ate like a pig during dinner. Life's good sometimes.
I came back on a quick last minute decision. Decided at 3pm and left the house by 4pm. I will be back in KL tomorrow though. Here today. Back tomorrow.
I declare the 8th of February to be the official date I moved into my new house.
Wooohooooo!!!!
Argh. My hands are full of blisters. They're soft.
I've been swearing away at the people who thought it was a good idea to dump building materials in the garden of the new house. Probably the developers' people when the house was built. So far I've had to dig up and remove stones, bricks, floor marble, tiles and concrete. Damnit. I've got multiple blisters to show for it. Yeh. Soft hands.
I'm determined to get the garden done. It was weed heaven when I bought the place. Right now it's bare soil with hint of weed. The obvious thing is to get someone to level out the land and plant the grass but I have to do it myself.
Quite simply, it's my house.
I need to make something mine alone. There was a lot of stuff done to the house that I could have done. A lot of the electrical work, some of the plumbing but all of the fittings. Sure, I can paint but it isn't realistic for one guy to paint the whole house, in and out, all by himself.
The garden is mine. It's going to be tiring, painful and frustrating but I'm going to love it. It's just like a tattoo. It hurts but it's the end result that counts.
I showed a friend the blisters. Conversation follows.
"Dammit look at my hands man!"
"Like that you're not holding a golf club. You can't. You can't even hold your dick."
"That's okay. I'll find someone to hold it for me."
Some things you do yourself.
Some things you don't mind other people doing for you.
HAHA!!
Observations of a Swedish school teacher teaching in KL. Plus a few I added.
How to make your car more Malaysian.
1. Place non slip mats on the dashboard. Size doesn't matter.
2. Hang a CD from your rear view mirror.
3. If not a CD, hang your cell phone's hands free kit on the rear view mirror. You don't use the damn thing anyway.
4. Double (or triple) the size of your exhaust pipe.
5. If you are Malay, raise the height of the rear suspension while lowering the front. As an option, widen your tyres till they stick well out of the wheel arches. Regardless, don't forget the 'classy' decorative tissue box and pile the back windscreen with cushions till you can't see out the rear view mirror.
6. If you're Chinese, stick plastic figures of Snow White's seven dwarfs on your dashboard. Don't forget the fluffy cute decorative tissue box and the Hello Kitty doll. The CD hanging from the rear view mirror had better be an Andy Lau or Aaron Kwok CD or else. Oh yes, and the badly spelled plastic sign with the suction cup. Obscure your rear view window with soft toys.
7. If you're Indian, paint the car purple or yellow. Make sure the paint job is cheap and not very well done.
8. If you're a white or foreign expat. Don't worry. We know which ones are your cars because it looks no different than the day you bought it. Except it's dirtier now.
9. If you are from Ipoh, make sure you have 'A' license plates regardless of which state you live in now.
10. If you are from Kedah, place your state emblem on your rear license plate or rear windscreen.
11. Don't forget the decorative dents and scratches on your car. To do this right, park your car in any shopping mall parking lot preferably between 2 other cars. The occupants of these cars will ensure dents on your car with their doors and they will occasionally add scratches as well from their shopping trolley.
12. Somewhere and sometime during your ownership of your car, some bastard on a motorcycle will fuck up your car one way or another. It's fate. Whether you hit him or he hits you doesn't really matter. You can be sure it's going to be his fault.
