Monday, October 30, 2006

Ask. Nicely. Thou should receive.

I just got home from having a meal at McDonald's Bandar Utama. I'm quite pleased with the outcome. At 3am it's not likely that anything on the rack is fresh. It might be but most probably it's not.

I was polite, I was friendly and I was nice. I asked about the food on the rack and they readily admitted that the burgers there had been there for a while. I asked for a fresh McChicken to be made and it wasn't a problem if I didn't mind waiting for 5 minutes.

So I waited 5 minutes. I got a freshly made burger and even fries straight out of the fryer. That's worth waiting 5 minutes for I think. I even apologised for being fussy but de nada, it was nothing. Many Malaysians I suspect, would have taken the burger off the rack, found it to be somewhat stale and grumbled privately to themselves or whoever was with them at the time. How many times have you gotten soggy fries from McDonald's?

Don't settle for poor quality from the service industries. If you don't ask, you're not always going to get what you want. So ask but ask nicely. We are known for being a friendly and generous nation of people. Yeah. To foreigners. It's time we extended such behavior amongst ourselves.

I can accept that at 3am the staff can afford to be more accommodating to me than at a busy hour. I'm also not likely to be pushy at a fast food outlet at lunch hour. If however, I am at a proper restaurant and I get sub standard food or service you can bet I'm going to say something about it.

But I'll be nice about it. Until or unless I'm treated otherwise.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Cold Nuts

I'm feeling particular and unusual. I had a good day on the fantasy football league and I'm feeling really happy. I'm about to have a shower and hit the sack. I think I will do something outrageous before I do. I am going to go have my smoko. I intend to stand in my porch butt naked and have a cigarette. The last time I did this I was in Perth and it was -3 degrees C. It was a balcony that time not a porch. This is not a clever statement. This is just me flipping the bird at society. I'm sure the alcohol I have consumed tonight has nothing to do with it!

80's Music

It's 4am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. I am drunk off my ass. Here's one of my favourite posts for October. The original post was done on the 2nd of October 2006 here.

All you need is a reminder. I haven't up till now realised how much I love music from the 80s. Hell, I even love porn from the 80's. Real women didn't shave their pubes back then. I liked 80's porn for the hairstyles, especially the hairstlyes, and to a lesser extent, shoulder pads. Butt naked, big haired, slim women with so much hairspray, the guys wore dentist masks not condoms. The only people on the planet with bigger hair than 80's pornstars were the hair metal bands.

I love hair metal bands. I love bands like Motley Crue and Poison and the slightly more serious (just cos they didn't wear makeup) metal bands like Def Leppard, Bon Jovi and Van Halen. I liked the excesses of the 80's rather than the excesses of today because the difference between the two are worlds apart. Back then 80's band excesses were of a more unrealistic nature. You didn't take it seriously and that was the fun of it. Just look at the videos these guys made. No one would wear the stuff these guys wore, the clothes, the makeup and the poses, the outrageous behaviour. There are music videos made by 80s metal bands that can almost kill me from laughter. MTV was still in its early years. No one really had a big video budget in those days. The result - one motorcycle, a poorly made sparse stage in the middle of the desert, four guys in drag and makeup trying to look tough, a little bit of fireworks and two foxes. Video women in the 80s were foxes, nowadays they're ho's. The usual formula is the lead singer on his big bad bike riding up to the stage in the desert, does his bit amidst the sneers and metal guitar poses which really overshadow the fireworks and foxes, gets on his bike and rides off with one fox on the back to a hotel room in Tucson, leaving his band to share the remaining fox amongst the saguaros.

These days, the excesses is about how rich these people are. Their suits and cigars, mansions and cars, bitches and hos, the parties and shows. Jeezuz. I just wrote P. Diddy's next hit. Or one of those rappers you've never heard of but would see on MTV Cribs living large.

The music? There were many advances in music in those days. Of course, like I mentioned, MTV was still young. The 80s was the steep learning curve for making music videos. Back to the music, a lot of these guys were good musicians in actuality but it was the Reagan era. As long as you were flashy, no one cared. It was a good time for music though underneath the layers. Metallica had just formed and were taking the Bay area by storm. Eddie Van Halen had burst onto the scene taking guitar another step ahead. Def Leppard brought the twin guitar attack to mainstream. Bon Jovi had formed and were paving the way for New Jersey bands. Motley Crue called every man and his dog 'dude' and Poison were brilliant even under all the hair and makeup. Duran Duran deserves a mention. Brilliant musicians, songwriters and producers. They got more attention for their music videos (the original kings of video) and their good looks. John Taylor, who was prettier than any of his girlfriends, is an excellent bass player. I'm not talking about technical proficiency. I'm talking about playing exactly what's right for the song.

Poison is another good example of what melodically selective playing can do for a song. The foundation of Poison's music however, was at the hands (and fingers) of just one man, C.C. de Ville, guitar extrordinaire. CC wasn't a guitar visionary. He didn't create anything new and he didn't pioneer anything nor did he change the way guitar was played. He was however, extremely, extremely good at bringing a song to life. Listen to about any Poison song to see (hear?) what I mean. Try comparing it to when Ritchie Kotzen took over guitar duties from CC on the album Native Tongue. CC played absolutely the right thing at the right time in any Poison song and a lot of the time carried the song on his guitar.

I was listening to my Motley Crue and Poison albums last night and marvelled at how alive the songs are. Then I was at Breakers, where they played nothing but 80s pop. I have to say, I absolutely loved it.

We might have had a brief 80's revival but the 80's was so good it'll swing by another time. Wait for it.

The 80's in my opinon without research:

Front man: David Lee Roth. Couldn't really sing but there's only one Diamond Dave.

Bassist: John Taylor. He played almost as good as he looks.

Guitarist: C.C. de Ville. See above.

Drummer: Tommy Lee. The only drummer who managed to have a personality.

Boy band: Duran Duran. They stepped up what a music video was.

Girl group: The Bangles. Look past how ubercute Susanna Hoffs was and you'll find a really good band.

Honorable mention: a-ha. Good songwriting, good composition, good production, good band.



Saturday, October 28, 2006

Beep beep! Beep beep! Yeah!

I like driving. I always have. Unfortunately, it is difficult in Malaysia to enjoy your driving.

I used to think I was a moron magnet on the road when I was in my car. Sadly it's clear now that the moronic drivers brigade aren't after me. There are that many idiots driving their cars on the road that every other car you come across is exactly that. An idiot driving a car.

You know what? That idiot is someone's (probably yours and mine) mom, dad, friend, husband, wife, et cetera. Once they get out of the car they regain their humanity and identity. In their cars, all they were was just another bunch of idiots who pissed you off. The beauty of it is, you've pissed someone else off as well. Don't doubt it. I don't.

The problem with that is easily traced to our driving culture. I honestly, honestly believe that it's not worse out there just because so many of us Malaysians went overseas for higher education. I can tell because more people than usual use their indicators these days. Not a lot but it's a start. It's a government plan to improve driving here. That young Malaysians leave and come back with a little driver culture. I did my bit. I'm a patriot. I never once considered going to uni in Malaysia. I loved driving in Australia. Morons were few and very far in between. Once I was home though I went through the driving equivalent of culture shock.

Here, you don't learn how to drive when you sign up with a driving school. You learn how to pass the driving test. Which is all for bollocks anyway 'cos everyone pays the extra money in the end. So, we have a whole bunch of kids with new drivers' licenses getting behind the wheel. It is very likely that they are going to drive like their parents and/or their peers. It scares me to think that their parents and their buddies have been frightening and enraging me for the past 15 years.

Every time I get into my car, someone is going to, at the very least, annoy me.

Malaysian drivers don't:
- use their indicators
- let you change lanes in front of them if they have to slow down
- get into the correct lane until they start running out of road
- thank you for your courtesy
- know how to stay in their lane

Malaysian drivers:
- drive slowly in front of you
- drive fast behind you
- run red lights, slowly
- cut queues
- let you know they want to overtake by tailgating you
- have no patience
- make new lines in traffic jams
- cut into your lane if the road deviates a little

Did I miss anything? Sure I did. Of course I did.

What else irritates me are the ones who mess with their tail light clusters. You know the ones I mean. Reverse lights come on when they brake, tinted the light cluster thereby dimming it and crap like that.

Our driver education system is non existent. The JPJ spits out new drivers like Mama Alien lays eggs. NONE of us were given an EDUCATION in driving. We were taught how to make a car move. We weren't taught how to drive. We took a stupid pointless test knowing we just had to not crash the car to get our license. We paid in advance for our licenses.

Did you catch it? I hope you did. And if you understand why 'drive' was in italics then you really know what my point is.

I don't think I am a bad or irresponsible driver. Trouble is, no one does. I do try to drive responsibly, safely and courteously. That's all I ask of my fellow drivers.

Hang on a minute! What about Malaysian motorcyclists?

Make it legal for us to run them down.

Please.

Them Shanks

This was originally posted here on October 19th 2006. Strange Highs and Strange Lows

An interesting thing happened yesterday at the golf course. I was lining up my shot over a little pond to get to the green. The golf cart was off to my right and a bit ahead. I remember thinking to myself that maybe I should move it. Then I thought that it's not in the way.

Of course, I shanked the ball.

The damned thing cannoned into the golf cart with a bloody great big bang and shot back across in front of me and headed right for Bob and Jayse. I yelled, "LOOK OUT!!!!" and saw Bob's eyes bulge and open as big as saucers. The ball flew right over his head and I mean right over. By a few inches. If he'd been taller it would have nailed him in the forehead. If he'd been Peter Crouch, he'd have had his teeth knocked out.

No one got hurt so we laughed our nuts off about it.

"When a brother has the shanks there's really no place to hide" - Samuel L. Jackson


A New Home

Hi.

Welcome.

It took me a while to find a new home for my blog. I've finally settled here. I hope this will be a good home for my words, thoughts, ideas and opinions.

I will start posting here from now on and once in a while post an article from my old blog.

If I offend you, I apologise but I will not retract. If I have stirred your mind, your emotions or your funny bone, I will be pleased.