Beep beep! Beep beep! Yeah!

I like driving. I always have. Unfortunately, it is difficult in Malaysia to enjoy your driving.

I used to think I was a moron magnet on the road when I was in my car. Sadly it's clear now that the moronic drivers brigade aren't after me. There are that many idiots driving their cars on the road that every other car you come across is exactly that. An idiot driving a car.

You know what? That idiot is someone's (probably yours and mine) mom, dad, friend, husband, wife, et cetera. Once they get out of the car they regain their humanity and identity. In their cars, all they were was just another bunch of idiots who pissed you off. The beauty of it is, you've pissed someone else off as well. Don't doubt it. I don't.

The problem with that is easily traced to our driving culture. I honestly, honestly believe that it's not worse out there just because so many of us Malaysians went overseas for higher education. I can tell because more people than usual use their indicators these days. Not a lot but it's a start. It's a government plan to improve driving here. That young Malaysians leave and come back with a little driver culture. I did my bit. I'm a patriot. I never once considered going to uni in Malaysia. I loved driving in Australia. Morons were few and very far in between. Once I was home though I went through the driving equivalent of culture shock.

Here, you don't learn how to drive when you sign up with a driving school. You learn how to pass the driving test. Which is all for bollocks anyway 'cos everyone pays the extra money in the end. So, we have a whole bunch of kids with new drivers' licenses getting behind the wheel. It is very likely that they are going to drive like their parents and/or their peers. It scares me to think that their parents and their buddies have been frightening and enraging me for the past 15 years.

Every time I get into my car, someone is going to, at the very least, annoy me.

Malaysian drivers don't:
- use their indicators
- let you change lanes in front of them if they have to slow down
- get into the correct lane until they start running out of road
- thank you for your courtesy
- know how to stay in their lane

Malaysian drivers:
- drive slowly in front of you
- drive fast behind you
- run red lights, slowly
- cut queues
- let you know they want to overtake by tailgating you
- have no patience
- make new lines in traffic jams
- cut into your lane if the road deviates a little

Did I miss anything? Sure I did. Of course I did.

What else irritates me are the ones who mess with their tail light clusters. You know the ones I mean. Reverse lights come on when they brake, tinted the light cluster thereby dimming it and crap like that.

Our driver education system is non existent. The JPJ spits out new drivers like Mama Alien lays eggs. NONE of us were given an EDUCATION in driving. We were taught how to make a car move. We weren't taught how to drive. We took a stupid pointless test knowing we just had to not crash the car to get our license. We paid in advance for our licenses.

Did you catch it? I hope you did. And if you understand why 'drive' was in italics then you really know what my point is.

I don't think I am a bad or irresponsible driver. Trouble is, no one does. I do try to drive responsibly, safely and courteously. That's all I ask of my fellow drivers.

Hang on a minute! What about Malaysian motorcyclists?

Make it legal for us to run them down.

Please.