Life on Earth

Stop. This post might upset the sensible.

It is not cheerful.

It is not happy bunny having tea time on the toadstools with the fairies.

It is my dark side speaking today.

Every decade or so the moral police go out on a witch hunt for a specific type of crime or situation. While I can agree with the idea and the intent behind the action, I've also noticed how everything else fades into the background and the one biggest weapon the moral police use is public sympathy, reaction and hysteria.

The most common one now almost always involves children. Save the children! Protect the children! A sure fire way to get heaps of cash fast is to provide statistics on how many children have died, die per day and will have died. Just like when the rest of the world was pouring money into Africa during the famine times which of course were caused by the wars in Africa. A lot of this money ended up being used to purchase more weapons and a lot went into the African bigwigs' pockets. "Here's money! Feed your people!", big countries who were happy they weren't African said. "Tank yoo masa, tank yoo masa!" said the African bigwigs who went away grinning happily to themselves. Quite a few million richer. And please note that they spoke English quite well too.

A definite way to sway public opinion is to use children. Doesn't have to be many, can be just one. A person arrested for a crime against a child is seriously walking a tightrope and long presumed guilty first. Mainly because the general public (spurred on by the media and self appointed champions) want a scapegoat and they want blood. Even in a prison system, prisoners who have committed crimes against children are targeted and shunned by other prisoners. Which makes murdering, raping, assaulting and maiming young adult, adults and the elderly a lot more acceptable I guess.

It's the perception that children don't know any better (lack of situational experience and teaching) and are unable to protect themselves (lack of size and strength obviously, small kids can't stand up to big kids, big kids can't even match up to an adult). That's what it is. And it's for the most part, quite accurate.

Why we react so badly to child crimes is the inborn caveman mammalian instinct to protect and preserve the young ones. That's what love is also. The ability to is not a wonderful human exclusive right but rather a reward based system built into the more intelligent beings to create bonds for the purpose of procreation and to protect the products of procreation. Similarly, procreation itself has its own reward and motivational system of the orgasm.

It's supposed to be a really really simple thing. It takes the highest form of intelligence to pervert such rewards. Admit it, human beings are a pretty fucked up species.

And while we're at it, while researchers are examining animal populations and coming up with the famous predator/prey ratio, human beings are multiplying at an overwhelming rate and straining resources. All that infomercial you see on Nat Geo about the Earth essentially being an island is pretty much true. In a bunch of years to come, we will not have expended nor exhausted Earth's resources, rather we will hit a plateau where the Earth cannot cope with the demands placed on its natural resources. That's when we then exhaust what's left.

In a couple of hundred years (or less), faced with extinction, will there be policies such as euthanasia of disabled or retarded births, regulated procreation or licensed birthing rights subject to genetic approval, be the norm? When such practices will elicit utmost horror at this present time, it may be all that's left to ensure the human race survives. The alternative? Wage war and destroy the smaller nations to lighten the burden on resources. I'm glad that I'll be long gone before the Earth is really in trouble as opposed to the mere bruising it's getting now. Forget the science fiction of colonising other habitable planets. Unless an new all encompasing type of physics is discovered, it's not going to happen. Not to mention we'll have to destroy the colonised planet's sapient beings in order to take it over.

These, in my opinion, are the world's biggest criminals. POLITICIANS, HATE MONGERS, IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTS, and the GULLIBLE. POLITICIANS especially. Necessary evil? Evil being the key word from my point of view.

Back to it, if anyone ever causes harm to my children, I will personally cut off their ears and force feed it to them. In the meantime, all I can do is bring them up to be good people and to educate them on the perils of life. If I protect them and hide the realities of life from them all I can, they will grow up inadequate to the challenges their lives will throw at them.

This is a dark post, I know.... I think I'll go back to pretending everything is alright now.

Thank you for you time. Now forget what you just read.

Butterflies in the fields

Brenda said...

Nothing wrong with expressing anger and resentment on your blog - after all that's what a blog is for! (:

14/6/07 11:09 PM

Hui Sen said...

That's true, Brenda. Putting it into words is not unlike getting it all out. Which is why I have a tag named 'Blogging for Therapy'.

My beef is that I think I've been too strung lately and I need to let it all go and relax. Without my blog to rant on I think I'd have shot up a mamak stall by now.

15/6/07 9:41 AM

Tis true. Relax. Chill.

Out with the bad mojo.

I used to be funny on this blog....

Factor

There's been a lot of anger and resentment in me, in my blog, for a multitude of reasons - recently.

Excuse me while I Chill.

Hoodoo Guru

Today's theme song is 'Waking Up Tired' by the Hoodoo Gurus, an Australian band. Examples of lyrics from the song:

"Man, they just drag on and on, and I'm so tired of waking up tired"

"I need a month of Sundays, To help me cope with Mondays"

I've been a little but stressed the last week with deliverables that were due Monday, which was yesterday. Had something like 2 hours sleep the night before. You'd think I'd have crashed last night but it didn't happen. I tried reading, I tried blanking out, I even tried a midnight snack. Nothing worked so I used the last resort. I turned on the TV and within minutes I was asleep, probably snoring, on the sofa.

Works every time. But I am tired, of waking up tired.

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells....

Two nights ago I was tossing and turning trying to sleep. It was 3am. It was good weather too. It was the cool of having had an evening rain. My room is at the front of the house and is blasted hot. Taking advantage of the weather, I opened my room windows and drew back the curtains. Regardless, I still had trouble getting to sleep. Out of nowhere, I heard, all of a sudden, bells.

Jingle jingle jingle....

Jingle jingle jingle....

It got louder.

Jingle jingle jingle...!

I was half asleep, blur and puzzled. Was I dreaming?

Nope.

I thought I'd crap myself. All of a sudden there was a shape in the window.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It was a cat. With a bell on its collar. It peered into the window.

I bellowed "GO AWAY!!!!" at it in rage and fright.

It looked at me. Waited a second or two. And then casually sauntered off.

I fucking HATE cats.

The Man

Sorry. I'm just really really angry.

What happened to the golden rule?

Treat people as you would like to be treated, don't treat people as you wouldn't want yourself to be treated, blah bleeping blah.

Everything now is always about the man. I'm the man. What can I get out of this. How does this benefit me. You owe me for this. Who cares about you, I'm talking about me.

It's all about the man. Doesn't matter if there was a penis or a vagina between the man's legs. It's all about the man.

Yeh.

Sure.

What kind of messed up parents raised this current generation? I'm not an angel myself but I know honesty and I know decency. I actually rang my mum last night and told her I thought she and my dad did good raising me and my sister and giving us good values and morality. She was a little startled so I told her people out there, in and among us are moral vacuums.

If it were up to me, I'd take physical lesson to the tosser. Might make him think. It's never too late to learn. Does he really think friends sit around, see what's happening and do nothing?

What kind of idiot parents raised this generation? How messed up is the next one going to be? If I raise my kids right, wouldn't they then end up as fodder and victims for the next super generation of selfish self-centered lying cheating self-serving moral deviants? I should teach them to be the man themselves if only as a defensive weapon.

Fuck that.

They are not going to do anything their mother will be a ashamed of and I will not discredit my own upbringing that way. I won't fail my kids the way so many other parents have.

However.

If all else fails you can bet daddy's got the shotgun oiled and ready. I won't shoot the offending party. I'd shoot the offending party's mother and father for raising lousy kids. Pepper their asses with lead pellets. Then I'd chop off the re-pro-duc-tives of every male child they have with a rusty chinese chopping knife.

Except.

That's not the way I've been taught. Not the way I've been brought up. I'm not even supposed to think up shit like that.

What am I supposed to do? Scream at the sky?

Optimism

This picture got me through a lot of difficulty and frustration at my first job years ago. I found it recently hidden away in an old email when I cleaned out my hard drive.

Yo Mama

I park my car in the parking lots below the office while I'm at work. The ones where you feed coins into the beast and get a little piece of paper with the expiry time and your number plate on it.

I went downstairs at 4:50pm. Time had expired. I did think I should put in 60sen into the beast which is better than a 30Ringgit fine. I thought, what the hell, 10 minutes left before quitting time. I was packed and ready to go at 5pm. My colleague has the keys. She's not coming in tomorrow so I need to take the keys from her. I wait for her and at 5:10pm she gets up to go. I get to my car at 5:13pm. There's a fine on the windscreen, time of fine: 5:11pm. I clutch the fine in my clenched fist and scream rage at the heavens.

"Ahhh.... ffffuuuuuuucccckkkkk!!!!!"

The parking attendant, who is still nearby decides to be scarce. I spot her when I get into my car.

Mothers Day just went by. I hope parking attendants treat their mothers well. Cos nobody loves parking attendants except maybe their mothers.

Hot Spicy!

It's been a week now since I started work at the office job. If you were wondering why it's such a big deal to me, I haven't worked in an office and for someone else for 5 years. I've still got my own little business running but I don't need to attend to it day in, day out. 99% of the time, I'm at home sitting on my ass anyway. So, when opportunity knocked, I answered.

So yeh, it's been a week. It amazes me that businesses still don't use their own email addresses. I suppose companyname@streamyx.com or companyname@pd.jaring.net is still okay. I'd rather a business have name@companyname.com. I just think it's more professional and a better presentation. Here's my gripe: companyname@hotmail.com or companyname@yahoo.com is downright unforgivable. Even worse, I've sometimes been asked to email employees' private yahoo or hotmail email addresses.

Hullo out there...? Getting your own domain name and to have email forwarding isn't very expensive. A little investment here might go a long way.

Other gripes I have are, I have no idea how some of these people do sales. They don't carry themselves well, are unpolished and borderline just-plain-rude. Might as well move these Ah Pek people from the front into the back offices and production lines where such brusqueness can be used to better effect.

As an extra rant, here's something I would like to bitch about. An excel file is a book. It contains pages or worksheets. It's not just one damn page. There are tabs on the bottom of the pages. They scroll horizontally. I have stupid people ringing me up and almost getting into an argument with me. Look at the bottom of the pages for the tabs, you fucking morons. Not that you will anyway. When I explained this nicely, all I get is attitude and adamance. I've adapted though. One simple question makes my life so much easier.

"Are you familiar with Excel?!?"

Shuts them up. They all say the same thing.

"Let me have another look and I'll get back to you."

They never do. If ever someone does, I'd have to label him or her: Beyond Help and Recovery.

Someone else couldn't open the file. Doesn't have Microsoft Office. Had to resend as an email comprising text in an email message. Another company had no email address. How tragic is that? They aren't a RM1.00 company. Their product range is huge. They can supply most of the things I'm asking for. I had to fax over a shopping list of no less than 30 pages.

But it made my day. After all the bad mojo I had yesterday, it really made my day, especially since it was the last thing I did before leaving the office.

I was speaking to the sales person. Perhaps gently chiding her on her company's lack of email address. I made hrmmm hmmmp noises indicating my displeasure at such a failing. "Fax the whole shopping list? Hrrrmmm hmmmmp...." As a last resort, I asked her if I could email the list to her own personal email address. I could feel reluctance emanating through the phone. But it was kind of embarrassed reluctance. Finally she said I could.

Her email address?

name_chilipadi@name.com

I didn't start, pause nor flinch. Instead I asked, still very politely and formally, "Is that chili with one L or two?" She replied that it was with one L. Then I asked, "chilipadi as one word?" and I received a confirmation. The remainder of the conversation was polite, amiable and professional. Then I hung up the phone.

That's when I cracked up.

Giggled my ass off.

It made my day. It was therapy!

Whoops

Well.

I have no idea what happened.

Apparently when you view this blog with MS Internet Explorer, it turns out to be gray. With the white lettering, of course it then becomes unintelligible. If you'd been viewing with Mozilla Firefox, you'd have seen it as I had intended it to be.

So. I've had to change the template again. All the hours I put in yesterday working on the template is for Sweet FA.

Oh for Aunt Fanny in a bucket.

What's with Bill Gates? Why can my blog be seen in full glory using Mozilla but is a complete lump of mud with IE?

Whatever it is. Bill Gates is an alien. You know how I know? Watch Independence Day with Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum.

You remember that bit where Jeff Goldblum uploads a virus into the alien mothership servers? For that to have worked, he'd have to have to have his laptop able to communicate with the network on the alien mothership just to have a connection.

Connected? Yes. Here's how:

Start -> Connect To -> Show all connections -> Wireless Network Connection -> Refresh Network List -> Gates Mothership

He didn't even secure his wireless network. I suppose he figured anything close enough to piggyback the wireless network of a heavily armed mothership would be friendly or suicidal.

Most importantly, he would have to have a virus that would actually affect the alien mothership's operating system on its server(s).

Conclusion:
1. Alien mothership's wireless network runs 802.11g
2. Alien mothership runs on MS Windows.

Okay. I was kidding about the wireless network. If I remember right Jeff Goldblum used a cable to hook things up.

Then again, the alien fighter he was in would have to have sockets that accept RJ45 plugs....

Good gravy, somebody stop Bill Gates before it's too late!!!!

Here We Go Again

The Dawson shootings last year sparked me to write the blog posting below in my old blog. I figured it was only a matter of time before I would post it here. The Virginia Tech Massacre is what happened. Yay! By now don't you think Americans would possibly agree that maybe it's a not such a great idea to have all them shootin' irons. You could probably buy 'em from Kmart!

September 14, 2006

It's Never Going to End

Well, it's happened again. Some looney/dumbass/spaced out clown has armed himself and shot up a school. Yesterday in downtown Montreal, some looney put on the uniform of a looney, a black trenchcoat. The death count stands at one for now. There are those that are seriously injured and may not survive their injuries.

First, there's the trenchcoat. What is with these loonies that they have to put one on before they carry out such lunacy? They way I see it, these dumb bastards put on a trenchcoat like I turn on my Playstation. Yeah! There's killin' to be done! What kind of reality do these people live in?

"Hey Goober! Let's go blast some fools like how we done in Grand Theft Auto!"

"Sure Buford! My cousin Sally done bought me a shotgun for christmas!"

Now, the two lines above itself is a stereotype and a misconception. There are three points to consider. Firstly, you don't have to be a redneck. That's your TV rednecks up there. The majority of these jackasses are young white boys from middle class families. Secondly, anyone brought up right by mum and dad can differentiate between reality and a video game. The third point I'm going to make is, that sadly, guns are that easy to come by if you happen to live in North America.

Robyn Anderson bought the Columbine High shooters their weapons in a straw purchase. The two 17 year olds were too young to buy guns. Robyn, then 18, bought them a rifle and two shotguns by showing the dealer her driver's license proving she was indeed over 18. Now get this, the two piss pots were with this dumb bunny in the gun shop and doing all the looking and asking of the questions. Doesn't take a fucking genius to figure out who the guns are for. Oh yeh, and there was the Tec-9 semi-auto handgun which was sold to one of the numbnuts by Mark Manes who was a friend of the looneys.

What I'm lamenting on is how easily firearms are obtained. Take another situation into account. Nathan Ferris was an overweight 12 year old boy subject to constant bullying in school. The last time he was humiliated in front of his classmates was really the last time. He pulled out a pistol, shot his tormentor and then turned the gun on himself. Shocked? 12 years old that one. Then take Dedrick Owens who took a semi-auto pistol from his uncle's house and brought it to school to show off. He pulled the gun from his pants, yelled "I don't like you Kayla!" and shot 6 year old Kayla Rolland in the neck. She died half an hour later. Dedrick Owens was also 6 years old.
Often enough a kid blasts away in a school as a result of humiliation and bullying. Like Nathan Ferris, Michael Carneal was frequently bullied and had his name published in the school paper claiming he had homosexual crush on another student. Which didn't exactly improve matters for him. He brought a handgun, two rifles and two shotguns to school and fired shots indiscriminately. He surrendered when he saw one of the fallen was a friend of his. He was 14. He is currently serving 3 life sentences and 120 years.

Which brings me back to christmas. Brenda Spencer was 17 when she opened fire at a school causing death and injury. The rifle she used was one of her christmas presents.
All these events just skim the surface. I have no idea what it's like living where there are metal detectors at schools. Not that it always helps. A security guard was killed manning the metal detector at a school when it went beep! for a very good reason.

You know what's brilliantly disgusting though? Jake Ryker, who was already wounded, tackled his shooter, a 16 year old, and held him up enough for more people to come hold down this adolescent looney. The gun crazy National Rifle Association cited as Jake Ryker as "an example of NRA training put to good use." That's not quite accurate. If Ryker had been indeed trained by the NRA, he'd have brought out his own gun and blasted back. Or joined in the fun and games.

Let me give you a quote: The National Rifle Association, or NRA, is a group for the promotion of marksmanship, firearm safety, and the protection of hunting and personal protection firearm rights in the United States, established in New York in 1871 as the American Rifle Association. It sponsors firearm safety training courses, as well as marksmanship events featuring shooting skills and sports. The NRA is sometimes said to be the single most powerful non-profit organization in the United States. It is the oldest and largest civil rights organization in the U.S., considering gun ownership a civil right protected by the Second Amendment of the Bill of Rights.

Also allow me to debunk that with one single fact. Actor Charlton Heston, a promoter of the NRA agenda was presented a presentation rifle at a NRA convention in 2000. He held the rilfe aloft over his head and declared loudly, using years of acting experience for maximum effect, "They'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands!" Well done Charlton. In my opinion you're just another fucking looney but was lucky enough to have the luxury of carrying out your gun-toting fantasies in the movie business. Charlton probably went back to his trailer and masturbated after filming gun fights. And in that one sentence Chuckie pretty much described the NRA to the rest of the world.

Here are your gun looneys in the U.S.:
National Rilfe Association
Gun Owners of America
Jews for the Preservation of Gun Ownership
Pink Pistols
Second Amendment Foundation
Second Amendment Sisters
Citizens for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms
Liberty Belles
Law Enforcement Alliance of America

I have to give you a few interesting facts about the Pink Pistols. It's a gay gun group. Their mottos are "Armed gays don't get bashed" and "Pick on someone your own caliber." To be a member you can either be LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) or own a gun. You don't have to satisfy both conditions. I would like to elaborate on the Pink Pistols but I can't. You can only swim in so much shit. Whether the shit's packed or not, I don't know. I think the mottos say it all.

U.S. pro-gun control groups are:
American Hunters and Shooters Asoociation
Americans for Democratic Attention
Americans for Gun Safety Foundation
Brady Campaign
Brady Centre to Prevent Gun Violence
Coalition to Stop Gun Violence
League of Women Voters

Here's a few bits of info on the Brady Centre. Lead by James and Sarah Brady. James Brady was shot and permanently crippled by John Hinckley in 1981 during the attempt to assassinate Ronald Reagan during his presidency. In 2000, controversy surrounded wife Sarah over a straw purchase when she bought James Brady Jr. a rifle for Christmas. Yay! Christmas again! The rifle fires .30-06 bullets. You bring down moose and elk with those fuckers.

I think I'm going to stop here as it's never going to end.

Let me declare my own opinions over the matter. I'm don't give a rat's ass about pro-gun or gun control and all that shit. That's their fucking problem over there. Here in Malaysia, who cares? You can be in possession of a gun without bullets or bullets without a gun and get into a heap of trouble. You could have a replica gun and get in trouble. You don't have to worry a lot in this country about being shot. It's not likely to happen. It can. But not likely. What I am against though is stupidity. Which is what all this gun shit is anyway. A lot of stupidity with no solution in sight.

The current popular culture does nothing to help. Violence is glorified in media. True life events are dramaticised by the media. Using words like horrific, siege, drama, massacre, perpetrator, conspiracy, suspect, tragedy. You only encourage the stupid fuckers. They want to go out with a bang. Songs written about the events imortalise it and the dumb fucks at the same time. Their names and/or faces become part of popular culture. Metallica's "Ronnie" and Boomtown Rats "I Don't Like Mondays" are prime examples. I love Metallica but that was fucking misinformed. Thanks for saving lots of starving Africans Bob but that was still pretty damned idiotic. The next bunch of losers might commit murder so their favourite bands write songs about them. Time magazine traces their life history. Don't get it? Next time try a news report like this:

"Two dumb bastards with mental and social issues stole guns out of daddy's closet and brought said guns to school in a pathetic attempt to feel superior. No one gives a shit who they are because they're not worth remembering and we don't want to encourage other stupid looneys out there who might do this shit in our town next. They both shot themselves in the end which was the only smart thing they did in their sad sorry lives cos there were a lot of people waiting outside for any form of revenge. Dumbfuck #1 was a sad loner who nobody wanted to be friends with. Dumbfuck #2 liked the way Dumbfuck #1 smelt so tolerated him. Police tossed the looneys' bodies into the nearest crocodile infested lake. Their parents made no attempt to recover the carcasses."

As I was saying, our popular culture does no good. Violence is glorified. Wealth is glorified. Looks are glorified. Popularity is glorified. Athletic ability is glorified. Drugs are glorified. Promiscuousity is glorified. Gansterism is glorified. Materialism is glorified. Did I mention guns? Guns are glorified. Hey, it's the American way!

The world's overpopulated anyway. Let the fuckers in countries with gun issues kill each other. We can refer to it in the future as culling of human beings in predominantly stupid countries/continents. We will then forget the innocent, the victims, the maimed, the dead, the ruined lives and all the mental and physical pain ever suffered.

Lafu?

I've been seeing a new word being thrown around recently though up till now, only in print. I haven't actually heard it being used at yet if it is used verbally that is.

Lafu.

Lafu?

I gather it means 'like' or 'love' though the latter in the non-romantic context. At least that's what I think.

(Post edit - I just noticed that one of the blogs I read regularly used 'lafu' in post title. Not criticising Rabbit at all. Hope you won't be offended. This post is not a gripe on the word itself.)

Please don't misunderstand me and assume I'm criticising anyone (definitely not you, you read my blog? we're cool) but I have to confess to despise, or at least despise the idea of, Singlish and Manglish. To accept it's bad English is one thing. To give it identity and legitimacy is just plain wrong. It's like we're struggling for identity and choose to highlight a negative aspect of ourselves to gain character. My gripe is not against the use of our specialised Malaysian way of speaking English amongst friends. My gripe is giving it an identity and legitimacy.

I accept that my point of view is anchored to a great love of books. Speak in local slang and all it's fine but the written word is sacred. But that's just me. Up to the point that the text messages I write on my cell phone are grammatically correct, puncuated and words are spelled out in full. SMS-speak was bad enough but now we've already started to write poorly in messages, emails, IM and other cell phone or computer related media. It'll hit in a few years. Not now. Not in the near future but it'll hit us one way or another and it'll be in a bad way. My nightmare is that this sort of thing will leak into our literature, education, business world, and other formal scopes.

One day some politician is going to say, "You don't worry laa, I do for you wan. Vote me laa. You lafu me, I lafu you laa."

I will laugh my arse off then cry.

I would agree that using Manglish (especially now blogging is becoming increasingly popular) in written form is fine. In the sense that it adds character, gives it local flavour and such. But I worry that this is the best that we can speak and write. Writing poor English deliberately is one thing. Writing poor English when it's the best that the writer can do is another.

But chill.

It's not your fault.

It's not my fault.

It's the poor and absolutely ridiculous standard of English being taught in schools here.

However, whoever taught up the word Manglish should be shot. But only after prolonged torture. And it isn't even original. To gain identity, we copied the Singaporeans with their concept of Singlish.

It's sad.

Me no lafu Manglish. Seriously.

Don't mind me. I'm just an old man making some noise.

My Domain Name

Here's a heads up if you're looking to register a domain name. eternalsolutions registers domain names but it stops there. There is no mention whatsoever about DNS management and DNS forwarding on their website. The first time you will see it is when you log into the control panel of your domain name and find it locked out.

Of course, I ring them up.

Me : There is no mention on your website that you would not provide the services. There is no mention of the services at all and no mention that there will be an additional charge for the services.

Her : Yes, but we didn't mention on the website that we will provide the services.

(can you BELIEVE she said that?)

Me : That's almost false advertising. There was no mention at all of it.

Her : ....

Me : Now I have a domain name and I can't do anything with it. Not without being able to manage the DNS or maybe even DNS forwarding. You claim to be the cheapest on your website. If I have to pay for the 'additional' services on top of the domain name you're actually more expensive.

Her : [Mouths off some other crap]

Me : [Thinking to myself, What a con job!!!!]

Her : So you will buy the additional services?

Me : I don't want to. I've been screwed by you people but I have to. I can't do anything without the 'additional' services.

Oh for fuck's sake. DON'T use eternalsolutions. You might as well buy a domain name from Emerge.

Emerge : Domain name + DNS forwarding + DNS Management = RM55

eternalsolutions : Domain name = RM35 + (DNS forwarding + DNS Management) = RM59

It's so obvious they're claiming to be the cheapest in town! based on this falsehood. A good example is Emerge. They list RM55 on their website. You play RM55. You get the domain name and the services you need to manage your domain name. eternalsolutions list RM35 on their website. You get the domain name and Sweet FA with it.

Cheapest in town! Ha fucking ha.

Death in the Family

I wrote the piece below last year. I didn't publish it and it's been in my drafts folder since November last year. I have not publish it for obvious reasons and also it was for my own inner peace. Maybe it's time.

Back then when I wrote this piece, I was probably still in mourning over the sudden losses. I did not have have to deal with death in my childhood. When I was very young my great grandfather and grandaunt died. Then I did not lose anyone till I turned 21. Now, it is a tribute to them. To each and everyone who was part of my life and was taken away.

Over the years I've lost people dear to me. I've been fortunate that I've had many of the elder generation leave this world only when I was much older than a child. I lost a grandparent first when I was in my 20s. Now, all I have left is my maternal grandmother. How fragile life is.

I can never forget my 21st birthday. That was the day I was told my friend, school classmate and roommate, Adrian Cheong had gone missing in the Hawaiian sea. Adrian was my classmate in school and in college. He was also my roommate while we attended the latter in Subang Jaya. Now, 11 years later, no one still knows what happened to him and he was never found dead or alive. I have good memories of Adrian. We passed through adolescence and into adulthood together. I remember staying over in his sister, Bernice's apartment, sleeping in the living room. In the middle of the night and in darkness catching a glimpse of Cynthia, his girlfriend (and Bernice's roommate) sailing by in her diaphanous night dress on her way to what I hope was a right good shag. If she was good for anything, at least Cynthia ensured he didn't go a virgin. It would not be a surprise if one day he is found to be on some remote island lording over it and its natives - complete with topless and grass skirted harem. Such was his personality.

My paternal grandmother died on holiday in Italy. She had ostreoperosis and this lead to tragic consequences when she slipped and hit her head on some stairs. One of my earliest memories is of me telling her at a car showroom in Ipoh that maybe the cars (Jaguars and Mercedes) were a little too expensive for my grandfather. How innocent those days were. I had no idea my granddad could have bought anything in that showroom. My paternal grandparents and great grandparents are some of the original landowners (estates, mines and mills) and towkays in Taiping, Perak. Don't bother kidnapping me though. The money didn't make its way to me. My great grandfather was the Charcoal King of Taiping and a founding director of Maybank. I remember him as a tall, dignified man. He stood at six feet. Not bad for a man born in the 1800s. It was colonial times back then and with that in mind, back to my grandmother. I remember my grandma barking orders at the hired help. Especially this little man named Ramasamy. I suppose I feel sorry for him. He got barked at all the time. Well, blame the English and colonial rule. My grandmother should have been a doctor which is no mean feat for a woman in the 1930s. The war cut her education short and ended her medical career before it could begin. She liked culture and art. She loved us but was from an era where it could not be shown. We understood.

My maternal grandfather died shortly after. He was a rascal. A mischievious man with a sense of humour. He also had three (four? I dunno) wives. A fact we children did not discover until much later and didn't take very kindly to. My grandmother was the first wife. Apparently he was a difficult man to live with. I remember the day he alienated his grandchildren from him. He appeared drunk at my parents house yelling at my mother for telling him my sister and I couldn't see him that day. My sister and I had been so sheltered that we couldn't comprehend such behaviour and for many years we shunned him. Perhaps he regretted this the most of all. He loved all his grandchildren intensely and it must have hurt him tremendously. Reap what you sow I believe. My sister's fury lasted much longer than mine. When I was 16 I began cycling to school. I would go past his neighbourhood at about 6:30am when he'd be on his walk. For weeks I must have been just another kid cycling to school in the morning. One day, for no apparent reason, I greeted him and he nearly died of a heart attack on the spot. From then on I would have breakfast with him every other weekend or so. It was the first real contact we'd had in nearly ten years. By then my sister had left Ipoh to atttend college. When she came back during the holidays, she then decided to join us as well. Perhaps this brought a measure of peace to the old man. He died a few years later, a rascal to the end. No one could take care of him so he was put in a nursing home. When he got bored he'd throw his half eaten char siu pau at the guy in the bed beside his. Just to get a reaction out of him. Which was a lot of funny noises as the guy couldn't speak anymore. If you think that's bad, when he didn't have a pau he'd use the contents of his bed pan! Throughout his life, my grandfather loved football. I am the one grandson who shares his passion. My mother and all her siblings are university graduates. I visited him for the last time before I left to study in Australia. He died while I was in Australia. I never saw him again.

My paternal grandfather was a great man. Uneducated but learned, shrewd, intelligent and knowledgeable. Landowner, car distributor, hardware shop owner, stockbroker and I don't know what else. One of the most touching sights I've seen was at this funeral. When his old business partner who was wheelchair bound wanted to kneel in front of his coffin. He was clearly distraught and upset and my father and uncles had to insist that he didn't have to. They told him that him being there was enough and although there is respect, they were friends. They told him my granddad was his friend and would understand. I wish I had more time with my grandfather. I have so many things I want to ask him and talk to him about. He was a mine of information and as I am interested in my family history and Malaysia's history, it would have been good to talk to him. It's too late and it would have been difficult anyway for the suffered a stroke in his last years and it robbed him of clear speech. He was a strict and stern father but a marvelous grandfather (aren't they all?). I miss him. When he passed I was in KL. Busy with a business venture. I had thought of going back to see him but then I thought I'd wait till Chinese New Year. My grandfather passed away a couple of months before Chinese New Year.

My childhood friend's mother was a lawyer. I grew up in her presence. She always teased me about girlfriends until the day I finally introduced her to my first girlfriend. She was like family. She took her own life after giving in to a long battle with depression. I'm still stunned.

Life is but a spark. Fragile. Singular. One light is all one gets.

huisen.com

Someone has been holding on to huisen.com since 2002 for no bloody reason except that it's for sale or lease. It is renewed every year since by someone.... for no other reason than the domain name is for sale or for lease.

Someone = Whoever you are.

You rim jobber.

Shallow. Irrelevant. Nonsensical.

It only just hit me. While I have been posting regularly, I haven't actually posted anything of proper value recently. Sure, it's fun, it's funny but it doesn't kickstart any grey matter in you, the reader.

It could be where my life is right about now. I have not much responsibility and basically nothing is happening in my life now. Really. Nothing. I have nothing really worthwhile to say and nothing particularly intelligent. While I have not much money, not many people I know have a huge safety-net-slash-back-up-plan. I do. I don't have much money but I don't think I will ever really be wanting of the stuff. I have significant non-liquid assets and zero debt. I've been spoilt rotten and done the classic Malaysian thing. Become complacent. Because I have such a big net I've taken it for granted instead of taking advantage and working off it.

How did it get like that?

I tried the taking advantage and working off it thing twice. The first time was when I quit my steady and safe job. Basically it was steady and safe but it paid peanuts and demanded blood in return. Personally I thought it was thankless and a dead end. There was no reward for resourcefulness, responsibility, leadership, improvisation and dedication which I will boldly declare I had (past tense because I have no idea now) in spades. The new job didn't work out. Basically we were small potatoes who got fucked over by the big boys. Everytime you see an LCD or a plasma TV doing ads in public places like the train stations and malls, remember that it wasn't exactly an original idea.

The second time, I took a business gamble and threw myself into it. I worked myself in to the ground. Despite that, I lost big time and lost it all. Including my self esteem, self respect and temporarily, my sanity. I had the biggest breakdown of my life then. I suppose the money wasn't really the most important thing. I was tired, unhappy, in despair and totally defeated. I did have a really lovely girlfriend (yeah Kev, her) who loved me anyway. What did I do? Pushed her away is what. Self esteem was at an all time low. Picking up the pieces was very very hard. I did have help. Nicolle asked me to get up. Barbsie picked me up and walked with me the rest of the way. Lydia and Luke carried me when I was tired. My family provided the sunshine to walk in.

Go to the crazee.ca.usa shop on the first floor in KL Plaza. Have a look. I died there.

Since then I have impressed but failed to take the opportunities. All for the sake of misplaced loyalty. So here I am now. Still aimless without much options.

How did it get like that?

I have to take quite a lot of responsibility for that myself actually. I had seriously thought of taking a job with a posh coffee, cake, chocolates (I forget the proper term) eatery in the new Petronas Hospital. A friend's (I cannot name her and you'll see why soon) new company is setting it up and will run it. What have I got to show? Not much actually. While I have no doubt I will be highly recommended and I have a great deal of belief in my abilities, I have absolutely nothing concrete to show on my CV. The company employed amongst its staff what is basically a useless twat who surfs gay porn in the office all while being a useless cunt. He has a Masters degree though. My buddy's relief was evident when he decided to quit recently. You know what? He'd gotten a better offer elsewhere. Tsk.

What can a person do, when one is ashamed of oneself? I still dream (nightmares, more accurately) occasionally of failing subjects in university, missing assignment dates, disappointed parents and family and the like. I hate those dreams. They hurt. Bad. My friends during uni days were clubbing, partying excessively, drinking heavily and taking drugs. I didn't. I was mostly at home but in the end, they still did better in uni than I did. Sad isn't it?

I know many of my readers are young and many of you are still students as well. Studying isn't difficult. A Masters for yourself isn't that hard. Mastering yourself is.

Your life starts now. Fucking do it right, okay?

Need a new drug

It's a former lover's birthday today. I sent her a message wishing her a Happy Birthday. She called me almost immediately. I was surprised. It's not like her. Then I found out why. She didn't know who the message was from. Hey it's cool. I haven't seen her for 3 years I don't expect her to still have my number. Not at the rate she loses cell phones anyway.

Later I got an SMS from her thanking me for remembering her birthday. Actually I didn't. It was a friendster reminder but hey, I made it a point to send her a b'day wish. I sent back a message (admittedly a few hours after) which read, "No worries. Hope you had a good birthday."

Which she replies almost immediately. It said, "Huh?"

Either one or the other reason but I remember why it was so hard when we were friends. Her mind's everywhere. Never mind marriage, I should be thankful I never reached the dating stage with her. I didn't mind where we were. She has a body only God himself could have sculpted and skin any female human being or gay man would commit genocide for.

Darling. Lay off the fucking drugs will you?

*Smacks forehead*

It's been nice having my mum around the past few days. We got to hang out and I took my mum to the good eating around my house. The main purpose of my mum's visit was to sew my curtains and help me move the little things over from the old house to the new one.

Somehow I just know. Even if nothings been said or hinted at, I just know she came across my porn, condoms and tube of KY Jelly ('stick of butter' is just an expression!) sometime while clearing stuff and putting stuff away.

If I have to look for a silver lining, my heterosexuality would be confirmed by the porn, my safety and health consciousness by the rubber sonkies but I just can't think of anything good to say about the KY. To my folks, and people of that generation, a little off-roading is unheard of and darn near unimaginable. Maybe I should try butter. It's messier but it's a household object that can never raise any suspicion.

Yeah. You'd be smacking your forehead as well about now.

All together now!

*Smack!*

No wonder I'm a mess

Flashback #BST47835G

When I was in primary school there was this one question a teacher asked the class. It was during the religious studies period and being a heathen non-believer I was in the class of leftovers. Yes yes, I know I'm going to hell. I've been told many a time already. Don't bother, I've heard it. Even from my own girlfriend 2 relationships ago. She told me with a look that said that it was so sad it had to happen because I was going to burn even if I didn't really deserve to but I could save myself if I wanted to.

Please. Gimme a fucking break.

I told her she's only a christian because she was born into a christian family and she'd been fed propaganda in church all her life. I told her that I thought her sister who's a devout christian was a insufferable bitch and a hypocrite. That got her to thinking because she couldn't disagree with me there. I'm not saying religion is wrong. We'd all like something to fall back on when all that's left is hope. All I would like is a little more thought and brain processing thrown in.

Anyway, back to the question. The question was, what are the world's seven continents. I could name all seven so I put up my hand and provided North America. One down, six to go right? Wrong. The dumb cow screwed up her face, thought real hard and then told me that no, North America is not a continent.

It is of my opinion that if you are teaching primary school, you don't ask little kids a question you don't even know the answer to yourself. I was perplexed. This was a teacher. Scion of information and knowledge. Then another kid put up his hand and informed dear teechur that North America is indeed one of the world's continents. She accepted that from that kid.

When you're in school there are the kids that the teachers tend to favour cos they're more outspoken and hardworking. Hardworking doesn't equate intelligent. All you do in school is regurgitate lessons. I was one of the more quiet ones. I was one of them kids that didn't want attention while wanting it secretly. Self esteem issues you understand.

Anyway I remember one incident involving one of these fucking teacher's pets. The teacher marking the English essays came to show my class teacher one pet's essay. In a word it was shit. There was the teacher pointing out the mistakes, the little bastard giggling and my class teacher tut-tutting. Anyway, conclusion. She 'give chance' to the little bastard. I quote, "Sooooo lucky. I give chance." There were other kids who really tried their best but found it hard going. English isn't used in many a household here. They got a lot worse marks for their essays despite trying while the giggling little cunt got away with it when he didn't give a shit.

Anyway, it ain't over. How this little cunt further improved his standing with the class teacher was to rat on me. I wasn't particularly interested in what the teacher was saying once during class. It wasn't a lesson and I was more interested in a new story book. So I was reading the book under the desk (the book was under the desk Einstein, not me) and this little bitch was sucking up to the teacher by standing by her desk giving her love while she talked and then walked over to my desk and dobbed me in.

I would have loved to have smacked him a good one but that would have only landed me in worse trouble because you don't beat up tattle tale teacher's pets and get away with it. Anyway to top it off, this teacher didn't like me at all for some reason and loved to pick on me. This was pure joy to her. Anyway, I ended up in deep shit and it went all the way to the headmistress. That's how the headmistress, Mrs. Loke came to know me. Two years later, she was probably the only adult in the school to believe in me and my potential. Too bad the very next year I moved up to secondary school where I suppose I sunk again. I also suppose all I needed was for someone to believe in me. I did mention self esteem issues didn't I?

No wonder I'm a mess.

Money with Wings

I just played the most expensive golf game in my life. I played Bukit Utama by myself this morning. It was pretty good. Quiet and I had the whole course to myself. Was the first customer of the day.

Here's a bunch of events.

1. It was still poor light so I was wearing my spectacles to drive there.

2. They gave me a cart with hardly any charge left.

3. Cart gives up at 5th hole.

4. Transfer stuff to new cart after I send out SOS to club house.

5. Discover spectacles missing after I birdie the 6th hole.

6. Search and backtrack.

7. No spectacles.

8. Golf game now has a value of just over RM500.00 instead of RM48.oo

9. I had to be wearing my expensive pair that morning instead of the cheap pair.

10. Goddamit!