Off the Hornonometer

Before we start, here's how you pronounce it. Hor-non-noh-meter. Good. Thanks. Glad that's out of the way. And yes. I did make it up.

And before you read any further, this postings is about sex. You have been warned!

Here's the run of events that lead up to the material for this posting.

1. Went out with A Girl to dinner and then to club for drinks with her and her friends. She's a nice girl, friendly, generous. The good sort. Nevertheless, I had intended to try to conduct a feasibility study on the possibility of pork happening cos my hornonometer readings have been quite high of late.

2. Was having tea with Natalie and I was running my mouth as usual and my mouth was on autopilot i.e. I don't really think before I speak. So, what I say is usually pretty downright honest. I have caused offence before this way. Don't really mean it but it happens. Anyway, amongst the things I said was that any male human with a working set of testicles that still produces decent amounts of testosterone would have a sex drive. Before you fuckers start jumping to conclusions, it was a philosophical discussion. Okay??

I've been saving up my latest and greatest Errol Flynn line and had thought to have the opportunity to use it last week. There's a difference between pickup lines and Errol Flynn lines. Pickup lines are ice breakers to enable one person to talk to/chat up someone else not known to the first person. Errol Flynn lines are the ones that indicate intentions, correlating to high hornonometer readings, to someone you are already talking to.

What's my latest Errol Flynn line? Bugger off and make up your own. Intellectual property rights in operation. It's a lot better than my last one, which was said in an inquiring tone, "Pork?" Strange that it never worked.

Yeah. I made up the 'Errol Flynn lines' thing too. In like Flynn, ya know?

I did have a good night out with A Girl and her friends. Got to chill, make new friends and have a coupla drinks. But it occurred to me that dear sweet A Girl, in all her goodness and sweetness, has no concept of casual sex. Not that it's an alien concept to her. It just that I think she's one of them girls that has never ever had casual sex in her life. So.... no. Feasibility study returned negative value. I'm glad to be her friend though. Make no mistake about that. I think she's a lovely girl. Optional extras not included that's all.

I wonder if it's becoming more of a rare phenomenon. By that I mean People Who In This Day And Age Have Never Had Casual Sex. Like VHS. Rare! People of our generation who still have VHS at home are classic porn connoisseurs. Trust me on that one. I don't have a VHS at home. That's just cos I won't get found out. Hahaha.

It's the new millennium. Some things are just rare these days. Like what? Example 1. Women with full unaltered pubes. I kid you not. In all my years of acquainting myself with girls' naughty bits, only 3 weren't shaved, trimmed and/or plucked/waxed. Eh? What? Oh for fuck's sake, I'm already 33. Of course I would've had a fair share by now. Example 2. Girls who don't give blowjobs. In this day and age?? It's not even VHS, it's Betamax. They still make you???

Not exactly fair is it? There are plenty of men who won't go down on a woman but still expect a wet dick and women to grow an instant moustache and best impressions of a rooster. You know? Rooster? Get it? Don't get it? Sigh.... Picture a rooster. It's got that useless dangly bits of skin on its chin. So with that in mind, .... oh fuck it. Never mind. Anyway yeh! If women ever want to campaign for Oral Sex Equality Rights, I will support you. Me? What about me? Well.... put it this way, I've eaten so much and so many.... that any more and I might just grow whiskers.

Let me know if you got that last one okay? Thanks.

Hahahaha!

I think I shuttup now. I'm off the hornonometer for sure.

But you did read the whole damn thing didn't you?

!!!!