Ridiculous

It didn't occur to me how ridiculous my situation has become. What situation? Well, eventually I do think I will tie the knot with someone though when I have no clue. I am at present, still single and staggering my way through life.

It's been a bit of an eye opener to me recently. My housemate/tenant told me of a ridiculously high figure of the percentage of divorcees in our generation. I thought it was startling to say the least. And divorces, while already painful can be ugly sometimes. I had written about finding out a good friend was getting divorced and this week, I'm was told by another friend that she is for now separated from her husband. I find myself wishing it wasn't happening to them. It's not a happy thing and not something you'd like your friends to go through. Additionally I've been hearing about more separations/divorces from my housemate, Janice.

What gives?

What's going on?

I suppose what has shielded me a lot from all this is that most of my friends are still single. Like me.

So I've gone overboard and become overly cautious and paranoid. Overly cautious that I'm already deciding what kind of girl I'd allow myself be married to. Trying to identify the pitfalls and problems that beset marriages and devising ways to overcome them or identifying traits where this can be avoided.

And then there was already a contingency plan should things go wrong. I hadn't been entirely happy that my major fixed assets are in my name. I had wanted these things to be in my mother's name. I wouldn't really have cared if I'd earned and paid for them myself but I didn't. In some ways I consider myself as somewhat of a trustee for what I perceive as my family's assets. It's not mine to lose. Even though my parents will tell me different. I was told last night that it is perfectly reasonable for me to fight tooth and nail (if I have to) for such assets without handing over a cent. Well.... that's a comfort....

So here I am. Single. No girlfriend. And already worrying about divorce.

That's pretty fucking stupid isn't it? Anyone will tell you that but somehow I had shoehorned myself into a tight hole with no room for rationality.

Last night, I had some sense gently knocked into me by Ivy, a friend whose friendship I treasure. It's a balance of friendship and professionalism. I don't swear in front of her. Well, not much anyway...! We have worked together before and became friends. We met on the job of course. I'm a property manager, she's an estate agent. My apartment, her tenant. (The only active agent I completely trust in case you ever need to talk to one!) Other people could have told me the same things but I suppose I needed the touch that she or our kind of friendship has.

There are some pretty good marriages. Examples of which are evident. My parents would be the perfect example. My sister's marriage is very harmonious despite being unbalanced on paper. We also can pretty much deduce that Nick has a very strong marriage himself. I could envy him but of course I don't. I think it's great. It gives one hope and I hope to be able to emulate such a situation for myself.

So here I am. With some sensibility finally banged into my brain. I'm awake now, thanks. What next? I don't really know. When my uncle got married he said that you just know when you're with the girl you're going to marry. Well, he divorced his first wife but his second marriage seems good.

Thanks Unca Gary. Good one.

I suppose you can't really determine nor can you plan for things like this. I would really like to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. So much so that I'm really afraid of getting it wrong.

I've decided to just live life as I've been doing. Plodding about sometimes with purpose and sometimes quite aimlessly. It would be nice to find love along the way.