How to Injure a Footballer

I just watched the roundup of the second day of the second games of the group stages of the European Champions League. The game in question is of course Celtic's defeat of AC Milan. The incident in question though is of course, a Celtic fan running onto the pitch and giving Milan goalkeeper, Dida, a tap on the collarbone.

The words the media used and indeed are using are fucking ridiculous.

at·tack [uh-tak]
to set upon in a forceful, violent, hostile, or aggressive way, with or without a weapon
to make a sudden, violent attempt to hurt or damage

al·ter·ca·tion /ˌɔltərˈkeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[awl-ter-key-shuhn]
a heated or angry dispute; noisy argument or controversy

What I saw was neither of these things. Fair enough, the guy should never have been on the field of play but for fuck's sake, call a spade - a spade. After Celtic scored their second (and winning) goal, a fan ran onto the pitch and in running past Dida, tapped him on the top of his chest. The 6'5" goalkeeper built like a brick shithouse at first started to chase the fan but suddenly collapsed to the ground clutching his face. He was carried off on a stretcher holding an ice pack to the side of his face and didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. You pathetic piece of animal waste.

Compare that to another player with a reputation for diving. When Cristiano Ronaldo went down the night before in Manchester United's game against Roma, at least he had the decency to bleed. And he damn well walked back to the dressing room himself. Without an ice pack I might add. Although he did have to hold a bit of dressing to his head to contain the bleeding.

It's already in the media as an attack and an altercation. That makes the headline writers just as lame. Sensationalism is too mild a word for it.

The man should have never been on the pitch but whatever it is, facts are facts. What I saw was a huge hulk of a professional athlete go down dying from a tap on the shoulder from a Glaswegian who probably has too much beer and chips in his diet.

Nélson de Jesus Silva, also known as Dida, that stinked a lot worse than a dog with diarrhea.

This recent incident far outshines the last piece of brilliant footballing I've seen. At the 2002 World Cup when Hakan Unsal kicked a ball at Rivaldo's legs and he went down holding his face. Unsal was subsequently sent off from a second yellow card.

It spawned the joke: How do you poke a Brazilian in the eye?

Answer: Kick him in the knee.

Don't go to Brazil for your holidays. You just might really hurt someone while you're there.