Pinch Pinch Pinch

It's been a good time in Singapore. Having been out and with my friends most of my stay so far means I haven't been able to update my blog. I'm back at my sister's place now and now that her internet's back up, I can put something down.

I was reminded of an incident some years back when I was still in Australia. At the post wedding dinner, a friend wasn't very good with crab and would send pieces flying every now and then. It when a piece rebounded off her face that I was reminded of the story. Two things triggered it. One, she's Australian and two, crabs.

Of course this story has nothing to do with her. She's just a memory trigger.

It was when I was living in Australia and had subleased the second bedroom in the apartment out to an Aussie girl.

Who is a Total Slut. In the classic way. Not fussy just needs to get fucked. In case you're wondering, I never did her. And the story I'm going to tell you will tell you why I could supress the primal urge to pork.

I woke up one morning to the strong smell of kerosene wafting in clouds in the apartment. I found the source of the smell. It was the flatmate. She had washed her hair with kerosene. If I had lit a cigarette in the apartment, the whole place would have blown up. Naturally I enquired to the purpose of her dousing herself with a highly flammable liquid.

Lice, she said. Okay, maybe lice is embarassing enough but later I found out that the lice she had was Phthirius pubis, literally 'pubic louse' (from Greek φθειρ : louse).

She had crabs.

Fucking hell.

I dunno who she had been bonking but then again none of us could ever keep track anyway. He couldn't have been very clean so at least it was no one I knew.

I did get a front row seat once when two of my friends had her but that's another story. Maybe I should have told them about the crabs.

Nah.