Daddy's Girl

What is with fathers and daughters? When girls are little, they automatically become daddy's little princesses. Fathers themselves are more protective over daughters than sons.

It is very obvious that I approach both Lydia and Luke differently. This is not deliberate but it's there. Everyone says she's got me round her little finger. I don't spoil her or intentionally favour her over her brother but she wants special attention from me and most of the time she gets it. If Lydia misbehaves, she gets it from me no different than Luke. I've learnt to teach them by way of reason. I'll only smack them for two things, blatant misbehaviour and telling lies. They merely get severely yelled at for disobedience.

Naturally I coddle Lydia more and typically among dads (even honorary ones like myself) I seem to be pushing for Luke to be more independent. I do it to both of them but more so on Luke. It's not a fair life for them. Even if they don't realise it yet. Abandoned by their biological father and have to be raised by a single mom. That guy needs to have his fingers broken one by one. Children need both parents. My ex is a good parent but kids need balance. They need to have both parents. The biggest threat that can be used on them is, "I'm going to tell daddy!" They don't like it when I'm angry or disappointed with them. Especially Lydia. Her bambi eyes become very watery for mere things like disapproval or disappointment from me.

What's tragic is that one day I will abandon them myself. It's inevitable. I have no future with their mother other than being good friends. In time I will probably want to seek a new relationship with someone else and what girlfriend and potential wife would like an ex girlfriend in the background. Add two children to that and it's a mix for trouble. If I ever became interested in someone I think that would be the end of it anyway. I am fully expecting my ex to have nothing to do with me after I tell her I've met someone.

How is this going to be explained to the kids? Right now I am single not looking. Still. Eventually.

Last night I sat on Lydia's bed and rubbed her back till she fell asleep. I felt sad. Maybe one day I will have children of my own but I'll always remember the little girl who loved me and needed me just because she was daddy's little girl.