More pics from Attu!

More lovely photos from Attu. First edition here. Why not contribute captions? Mine are below the pictures. Obviously!


Goddammit bitch! I told you not to wear low cut tops and sit near the door! Now people think you're the damn ticket machine!


Where Jim-Bob at? Oh. Dang.


Oh yeah bay-bee.... yeah.... yeah beb-bee....

With that last picture of the happy dog I actually wanted to make some reference to the word 'bitch' in its proper context i.e. female dog and current popular usage. But somehow I didn't work. I think it's come to the point where the word has had its meaning permanently altered. It seems irreversible.


What did you call my dog? A nice what?

Don't worry. You're not suddenly dyslexic.

Bolew is an etrxcat of a bolg pstonig taht I fnuod in Attu Sees All.

I culod raed it so I am fwroardnig it by way of psotnig it on my bolg.

If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Ptrety Naet huh?

Your hand! No no! Your HAND!

I was reading Mischique's blog and I had another one of them famous flashbacks.

Flashback #26B532

My very first job was with an IT department in its infancy. Early on I was tasked with my colleague to prepare a room for training purposes. This involved setting up PCs connected to a server. Lots of wiring required. I had a colleague with me. Young, female, Chinese-Malay hybrid. A bit skinny but had a nice rack on that frame.

We were working late and the warehouse had shut down. When we were done the guy that was locking up came upstairs to shut up shop and my colleague and I headed for the stairs. I made it, she didn't. She was right behind me and I had my feet on the top stairs of the staircase. That's when the lights went out.

It was like being in a cave. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

She was a bit freaked out cos she knew the stairs were just in front of her but she couldn't see anything. One wrong step and she'd have gone crashing down the stairs and probably taken me with her too. I told her to chill out and to give me her hand which I would put on the banister for her. I reached out, she reached out and somewhere along the way we missed each others' hands while groping about. Grope indeed. I groped around and put my hand square on one of her lovely breasts.

The next few seconds were chaotic.

She screamed. I gasped.

Since I knew where her boob was, I could locate her shoulder, then her arm and eventually her hand. I placed it on the banister for her and thundered down the stairs in the complete darkness.

She came down the stairs at a more sedate pace and nothing more was said, mentioned or hinted.

She did buy me dinner though!

Need a new drug

It's a former lover's birthday today. I sent her a message wishing her a Happy Birthday. She called me almost immediately. I was surprised. It's not like her. Then I found out why. She didn't know who the message was from. Hey it's cool. I haven't seen her for 3 years I don't expect her to still have my number. Not at the rate she loses cell phones anyway.

Later I got an SMS from her thanking me for remembering her birthday. Actually I didn't. It was a friendster reminder but hey, I made it a point to send her a b'day wish. I sent back a message (admittedly a few hours after) which read, "No worries. Hope you had a good birthday."

Which she replies almost immediately. It said, "Huh?"

Either one or the other reason but I remember why it was so hard when we were friends. Her mind's everywhere. Never mind marriage, I should be thankful I never reached the dating stage with her. I didn't mind where we were. She has a body only God himself could have sculpted and skin any female human being or gay man would commit genocide for.

Darling. Lay off the fucking drugs will you?

Dez? That you?

I wrote a posting in January slamming Dez Corkhill over his pronunciation of regional names and places. It's here.

I hadn't noticed a comment someone posted there until today.

Anonymous said...

I take the comments on board Brain. I'll work on those pronunciations.

There are more and more local Presenters making their mark on International TV.

Dez

The big question is, Dez? That you?

Well, it would be heartening to know that if Dez Corkhill did read what I wrote and left such a comment then I will gladly concede that Dez is a top bloke. I slammed him. Directly. I wouldn't blame him if he was offended and maybe left a nasty remark. But he didn't. It takes a big man for that.

Yes, more and more local presenters are making their mark but in my mind right now, there's only Asha. No one else at this time can really lead the line. Also, anyone else notice how it's almost necessary to be at least half white to make it on regional TV?

Cheers Dez. Whoever you are.

Andorra 0 - England 3. Worst win ever.

England won. Thank bollocks for that. The second half was much better but I still think England aren't going far with McClown in charge. Second half, Lennon finally appears on the right. What did he do first time? Cut in and cross with his left foot. The anguish I felt couldn't have been healthy. Next time of asking, he does what I had wanted to see him do since he broke into the squad. Beat the defender, cross with his right foot. Goal. Stevie got some skills. And Lennon stayed on the right. And looked really dangerous for the rest of the game.

England won. Yes. Verdict? Sack McClown before it's too late.

Second half:

Did the bizness:
Steven Gerrard
Aaron Lennon (played on the right!!!)

Did their job:
Wayne Rooney
Jermaine Defoe
Owen Hargreaves
Andy Johnson
Micah Richards

Either very bad or very good (the Jenas award):
Kieron Dyer

Not much to do:
Rio Ferdinand
John Terry
David Nugent

Tried to do his job:
Stuart Downing

Had a latte and read a book:
Paul Robinson

Bloody useless:
Ashley Cole
The referee

Andorra vs England. Half time

45 minutes of crap is what it is. England have been absolute pants so far. Ineffective and wasteful despite having something like 90% of the ball. I was so happy earlier that Fat Frank can't play. I was pleased that the midfield was going to employ two proper wingers. Well.... here's how the wingers have been doing. Stuart Downing appears to be not good enough despite Andorra being a team of part timers. Aaron Lennon is everywhere but the right. What the are they doing? What stupid 4-4-2 formation is this? Did McClown give them this bollocks strategy? Tell Lennon he could play wherever the hell he wanted? If so, don't sack him. Cut off his balls and hang them around his neck. Goddammit!!!!

Doing their job:
Owen Hargreaves
Micah Richards

Trying to do their job:
Steven Gerrard
Andy Johnson
Stuart Downing

Not very much to do:
John Terry
Wayne Rooney

Nothing to do:
Paul Robinson

Absolute bullshit:
Rio Ferdinand
Ashley Cole
Aaron Lennon

Hopes answered

Frank Lampard has been ruled out of England's Euro 2008 qualifier against Andorra on Wednesday night.

Hallelujah!

It is believed the damage was done after the 29-year-old got in the way of a Wayne Rooney shot.

Wayne Rooney is priceless. For club and country. Believe it.

Tee Up

I went to the driving range today. It was a mess. But that's another story.

Halfway through, a Tan Sri came to the driving range. I knew he was a Tan Sri because that's what everyone called him. D-uh. He had two body guards. Well dressed with good manners, this Tan Sri is probably a nice guy.

He's probably used to people sucking up to him though. That's what people at the range did anyway. He was hitting a wood less than 100metres but everyone kept telling him how well he was doing.

But that's not what I was impressed with.

I was impressed that he had someone to put the golf balls on his little rubber tee for him!

Faaaat Frank!

I read the following sentence in soccernet.com a few minutes ago.

But Lampard called on the players to stand up and be counted in the matches ahead which include home and away fixtures with one of their main rivals, Russia, in the autumn.

What bloody bollocks is Fat Frank talking about? The man is dead weight in the England team he's calling the other players to stand up and be counted?

The next game means jack shit. It's not sorted out yet. The next game against Andorra I don't really care about. Everyone else in the table with England is going to beat Andorra. England can beat Andorra with Steve McClown's fucked up midfield of Lennon (again I say, on the left), Fat Frank, Hargreaves and Gerrard (on the right). Fat Frank would probably even score a goal or two himself.

Gareth Barry (left), Owen Hargreaves (center), Steven Gerrard (center), Aaron Lennon (right). That's what England's midfield should be.

Jeezuz. Get it right. Or sack McClown and gimme the fucking job.

Bloody Tossers!

England played Israel last night.

Here's soccernet.com's headline this morning: A Cure for Insomnia

And football365.com's headline is: Even McClown Admits: 'That was just not good enough'

England's midfield: Lennon (on the left), Owen Hargreaves, Fat Frank and Stevie G. Not that it really mattered. Just before I fell asleep I noted that the England defence were determined to bypass the midfield with their stupid long balls after 10 passes amongst themselves in their own half. Needless to say the midfield in the time I watched, when they did get the ball, looked hopelessly imbalanced and clueless.

All McClown did was stuff a bunch of players together. They looked fucking clueless. There didn't appear to be any prearranged strategy, plan or method.

A cure for insomnia indeed. I am an England fan. I nodded off after less than half and hour and went up to bed before half time.

1. Out with Fat Frank.

2. Steve McClown is a MUPPET.

3. Never mind Fat Frank. Get a manager who isn't afraid to drop Fat Frank.

Some pics from Attu Sees All

So that's the reason why ol' Ron's always smiling. And I thought it was because he makes billions by selling bits-of-animal-inna-bun that no one would eat at a dinner table but will happily wolf down in a fast food restaurant.*

* - Comment is just for comedic purposes. I don't want to get sued for slander and libel. For the record, I occasionally eat bits-of-animal-inna-bun and enjoy it.


Whatever you do.... if you're in the army.... DON'T piss off your superior officer.


Volvo tried really hard to revamp their image of making boxy boring tanks (sorry, cars) and station wagons (again, sorry, estates) and I think they succeeded of late. Volvo make some really nice cars now. In my opinion, they could have saved the millions upon millions that they spent on R&D, design and all that jazz. This picture proves Volvo's don't need to be boring. I just wonder what mum said when she saw her car the morning after her teenager borrowed it to go out on a date.

Gatorade anyone?

My own personal choice of isotonic drink is 100 Plus.

I knew there was a reason why I don't drink Gatorade.

Check out the Gatorade Conspiracy

Not so hot

These are excerpts from a letter sent into football365.com by a Richard Horley. No, I have no clue who he is. Just that he wrote to a website I read regularly.

Metallica and England. Both are due to play the new Wembley in July. I definitely know which one I would prefer to go and see at the moment.

When I go and see Metallica in July, I know I will leave the stadium thinking "Bloody hell. One of the best nights of my life and they are the best live act ever". I know when I next watch England, I know I will leave the stadium thinking "Bloody hell. I feel very underwhelmed and cheated out of my money by an act which really should live up to their billing. A bit like the Red Hot Chili Peppers".

That's a pretty accurate assessment. I saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers play in Perth. More like the Not Very Spicy Chili Peppers. Fabulous musicians no doubt. They just weren't very interested to be there. They came, they played and they fucked off with our money is what it was. As for the English national football team, please please please stop playing Stevie G and Fat Frank together in midfield!!!

Fat Frank has to go!

When are they going to figure out that lumping the biggest names in English football into the same team doesn't work? It's not about your best players (or overinflated reputations). It's about the best balanced team possible. Also, Steve McClaren's no different from Sven in that he only picks players from certain clubs and ignores more deserving players in other clubs. While we're at it we could bring back David Beckham. At least Becks always looked like he cared and tried his darndest.

This is my little campaign for a proper England midfield.

Out with Fat Frank!

*Smacks forehead*

It's been nice having my mum around the past few days. We got to hang out and I took my mum to the good eating around my house. The main purpose of my mum's visit was to sew my curtains and help me move the little things over from the old house to the new one.

Somehow I just know. Even if nothings been said or hinted at, I just know she came across my porn, condoms and tube of KY Jelly ('stick of butter' is just an expression!) sometime while clearing stuff and putting stuff away.

If I have to look for a silver lining, my heterosexuality would be confirmed by the porn, my safety and health consciousness by the rubber sonkies but I just can't think of anything good to say about the KY. To my folks, and people of that generation, a little off-roading is unheard of and darn near unimaginable. Maybe I should try butter. It's messier but it's a household object that can never raise any suspicion.

Yeah. You'd be smacking your forehead as well about now.

All together now!

*Smack!*

The Latest Alanism

My buddy Joe had a get together at his place last night and it was a reunion of sorts. The core bunch consisted of guys from Ipoh. Past schoolmates and classmates. The Cockroach Brigade was there.

The Cockroach Brigade consists of:
Myself
Chin
Joe
Alex
Kar Loong

Bear in mind, Alex is frightened of cockroaches and shrieks like a little girl in the vicinity of one. We were in form 4 which would make us 16.

Flashback #25968C

Events unfolded like such. I spotted a cockroach in the corridor during a lesson. I sneak out and try to pick it up by the feelers but the feelers keep breaking and the cockroach is really freaking out. I give up and report my failure. Chin then goes out and stops cockroach in its tracks by stepping on it.

*Squish*

I pick up squashed cockroach by the feelers and while Joe distracts Alex, I place remains of cockroach in one of his exercise books. Joe then shifts topic to lesson regarding the subject matter of the exercise book. Alex opens his exercise book.

One shriek later the class teacher watches an energetically flung exercise book flies past her. The remains of the cockroach vacate the book early in the flight and ends up next to Alex's chair.

We are treated to the view of Alex jumping up and down on carcass of cockroach whilst shrieking.

A few minutes later I notice Kar Loong, who had earlier emptied out the contents of his pencil case onto his desk, putting said items back into said pencil case. I engage him in conversation having picked up the largest piece of cockroach that hadn't been ground into the floor. Kar Loong being a polite and well mannered chap maintains eye contact with me while we talk. I throw piece-of-cockroach onto his desk. He's still putting things into his pencil case which he locates with his peripheral vision. With my peripheral vision I'm observing what he's picking up and putting into his pencil case.

Eraser, pen, pen, pencil, ruler, piece-of-cockroach....

His face is a treat as his hand is arrested mid journey to the pencil case. Kar Loong then breaks eye contact with me and has a closer examination of what he has in his hand.

The piece-of-cockroach is dropped plenty quick and he politely but firmly pushes past me. He goes up to Joe and punches Joe in the arm and shoulder.

Naturally Joe takes exception.

Kar Loong: I know it was you!
Joe: What the fuck are you talking about?
Kar Loong: You put the cockroach on my desk for me to pick up!
Joe: Why the hell are we speaking in italics?

Well no. Not really. Not the last sentence. Joe actually didn't say anything like that but rather he fixed a beady accusing eye on me.

Anyway, on to the topic of the subject heading of this post. The latest Alanism. Alan is a schoolmate. He's somewhat eccentric. Sometimes he comes up with absolute gems. We had another one last night.

Me: So, are they still living in squalor?
Alan: Uh, no man, they live in Bangsar.

Classic.

Chalk and Cheese

I made a racial/racist funny.

Ha. Ha.

Snack Central. It does exist.

You have to see this.

It's from, I suppose, my sister blog. Very-long-lost-sister blog. It's like dad-had-a-wild-time-before-settling-down kind of long lost sister. You know. The kind you never knew existed and the both of you look so alike the only difference between the both of you is a hyphen! *chuckles*

If you'd had a look at my imposter posting, there's another Brain Spillage. Also on blogspot and also using the Minima Dark template. Other than that it's chalk and cheese. Rachelle (blog owner and author) is a young, attractive blond American girl. As for me, read everything in that line as opposite. You'd end up with me.

Sorry, got carried away with all that. Anyway, have a look.

After you've popped your eyes out on the posting and pictures, let me tell you that at my first job we had to bring our own coffee.... never mind junk food and snacks heaven.

$$$

I'm sure you've seen this on some blogs before. I have no idea how it is calculated or what the criteria and factors are. All I know is that when I took my enforced hiatus from my blog it was worth about two and a half grand. Now that I'm posting regularly again, it's worth $3,951.78.

My blog is worth $3,951.78.
How much is your blog worth?

Anyone want to buy this blog? Haha!

I've been feeding in the URLs of the blogs I read into it. See 'Blogs I Read' section, d-uh.

A quick summary:
Sewjin - $7339.02
Rabbit - $6209.94
Jen - $3,951.78 (the exact same amount as mine. this is where I cease to believe in its accuracy)
Patrick Teoh - $120,247.02 (Holy shit!!! And he hardly updates!)
Amy - $11,855.34

Thanks Patrick. You've really ruined my day.

I'm an Imposter!

Greg just pointed out to me (like 10 minutes ago via Messenger) that there's another blog called Brain Spillage.

And I thought I was being original.

I assure you I didn't know about this one (which precedes mine actually).

And the only difference between my blog's URL and Rachelle's is that I have a hyphen in my URL. Strange world.

brainspillage.blogspot.com

The Book Quiz

Guidelines: Bold the ones you’ve read, italicize the ones you want to read, cross out the ones you won’t touch with a 10 foot pole, put a cross (+) in front of the ones on your book shelf, and asterisk (*) the ones you’ve never heard of.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. (+) The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. (+) The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. (+) The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. (*) Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. (*) A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. (*) A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. (*) Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. (+) The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. (*)The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. (*) Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. (+) Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. (*) The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. (*) Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. (*) The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. (+) The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. (*) I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. (*) The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. (*) The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. (*) The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. (*) She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. (*) The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. (*) The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. (*) The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. (*) The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. (*) Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. (*) One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch–22 (Joseph Heller)
69. (+) Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. (*) The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint–Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. (*) Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. (*) The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. (*) A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. (*) The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. (*) Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. (+) Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. (*) Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. (*) The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. (*) Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. (*) In The Skin Of a Lion (Ondaatje)
92. (+) Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. (*) The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. (*) The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. (*) White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. (*)The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

And in the end? It's the equivalent of dropping the pants and bringing out the ruler for people who consider themselves bookworms. To be a considered a serious reader, apparently there are books you must read.

If I were to create a list like this, this is how I'd do it. I'd list all the books generally accepted universally to be great books. Then I'd fill the gaps with my favourite books and authors. This looks somewhat like what happened here.

I dunno. I read because I love to read.

Maybe I'm just ignorant.

You tell me.

Previous book related postings:
Books I Read
Why yes, I do read

Hang on a minute....

I watched the Manchester United vs UEFA Selection XI this morning. Among the stars on show was Marco Materazzi. According to the commentator, he's the man "who provoked Zinedine Zidane into headbutting him."

Just a goddamn minute.

Yes, Materazzi provoked Zidane. But how come he's "the man who provoked Zinedine Zidane into headbutting him." Why isn't he "the man whom Zidane disgraced himself and his country by headbutting"? Why is everyone so eager and intent on sucking Zidane's dick? Yes, he is a great player, no one will deny the skills. However. Zidane appears to be deified that he is beyond criticism. Last time I checked he's a citizen of planet earth no different from you or me.

Materazzi's only real crime was his chest was in the way of Zidane's head. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Zizou. I admire the man as a football player. If I were playing a footy game and an opponent gave me serious crap, I'd put my foot in his gonads. However, I'm a weekend player. I wouldn't do it if I were a professional player and playing a game for the team that employed my services. I'd just wish evil on the bastard is all.

Football is the world's most popular game (despite what some Americans think!). The World Cup is the biggest football competition. The final of the World Cup is therefore in my opinion, the biggest single game in the world. What a setting at which to do something like that. I loved the commentator's take on the event. He said it was 'uncharacteristic' and went on to say that Zidane has a 'history of having a short fuse'. Make up your fucking mind you moron. When you do, take the man's dick out of your mouth before you speak.

My point of this posting is that no one should be beyond criticism and justice and no one should be denied equal rights and a fair trial.

Football is just a metaphor for life after all.

In case you were curious as to what Materazzi said to Zidane it was this - "Hey, ci è una certa formula di sviluppo dei capelli sulla parte anteriore della mia camicia!"

It's Italian for "Hey, there's loads of hair growth formula on the front of my shirt!"

Now you know.

Another New Word

Aaaahhhhh..... the wonder that the world has. That an old jaded relic like myself in the new digital age of the internet, satellite TV and cell phones can learn something new. Last year I wrote in my original blog introducing a word to whoever read it. It wasn't a new word to me but it puzzled me that so many people had no idea what it was or meant.

I pinched the posting and posted it here November last year. Here's the link: Learn a New Word Today

And I have a new word for you kiddies today. It starts with the question: What is the opposite of (boob) cleavage? The answer and your new word for the day is neathage (as in a combination of beneath and cleavage). Also known as Australian cleavage cos obviously it's down under of a boob or a pair of boobs.

And you lucky lucky people I have a picture of an example of neathage for you. It's the cover of the Chocolate and Cheese album by Ween. Enjoy!


This is neathage!

No wonder I'm a mess

Flashback #BST47835G

When I was in primary school there was this one question a teacher asked the class. It was during the religious studies period and being a heathen non-believer I was in the class of leftovers. Yes yes, I know I'm going to hell. I've been told many a time already. Don't bother, I've heard it. Even from my own girlfriend 2 relationships ago. She told me with a look that said that it was so sad it had to happen because I was going to burn even if I didn't really deserve to but I could save myself if I wanted to.

Please. Gimme a fucking break.

I told her she's only a christian because she was born into a christian family and she'd been fed propaganda in church all her life. I told her that I thought her sister who's a devout christian was a insufferable bitch and a hypocrite. That got her to thinking because she couldn't disagree with me there. I'm not saying religion is wrong. We'd all like something to fall back on when all that's left is hope. All I would like is a little more thought and brain processing thrown in.

Anyway, back to the question. The question was, what are the world's seven continents. I could name all seven so I put up my hand and provided North America. One down, six to go right? Wrong. The dumb cow screwed up her face, thought real hard and then told me that no, North America is not a continent.

It is of my opinion that if you are teaching primary school, you don't ask little kids a question you don't even know the answer to yourself. I was perplexed. This was a teacher. Scion of information and knowledge. Then another kid put up his hand and informed dear teechur that North America is indeed one of the world's continents. She accepted that from that kid.

When you're in school there are the kids that the teachers tend to favour cos they're more outspoken and hardworking. Hardworking doesn't equate intelligent. All you do in school is regurgitate lessons. I was one of the more quiet ones. I was one of them kids that didn't want attention while wanting it secretly. Self esteem issues you understand.

Anyway I remember one incident involving one of these fucking teacher's pets. The teacher marking the English essays came to show my class teacher one pet's essay. In a word it was shit. There was the teacher pointing out the mistakes, the little bastard giggling and my class teacher tut-tutting. Anyway, conclusion. She 'give chance' to the little bastard. I quote, "Sooooo lucky. I give chance." There were other kids who really tried their best but found it hard going. English isn't used in many a household here. They got a lot worse marks for their essays despite trying while the giggling little cunt got away with it when he didn't give a shit.

Anyway, it ain't over. How this little cunt further improved his standing with the class teacher was to rat on me. I wasn't particularly interested in what the teacher was saying once during class. It wasn't a lesson and I was more interested in a new story book. So I was reading the book under the desk (the book was under the desk Einstein, not me) and this little bitch was sucking up to the teacher by standing by her desk giving her love while she talked and then walked over to my desk and dobbed me in.

I would have loved to have smacked him a good one but that would have only landed me in worse trouble because you don't beat up tattle tale teacher's pets and get away with it. Anyway to top it off, this teacher didn't like me at all for some reason and loved to pick on me. This was pure joy to her. Anyway, I ended up in deep shit and it went all the way to the headmistress. That's how the headmistress, Mrs. Loke came to know me. Two years later, she was probably the only adult in the school to believe in me and my potential. Too bad the very next year I moved up to secondary school where I suppose I sunk again. I also suppose all I needed was for someone to believe in me. I did mention self esteem issues didn't I?

No wonder I'm a mess.

Money with Wings

I just played the most expensive golf game in my life. I played Bukit Utama by myself this morning. It was pretty good. Quiet and I had the whole course to myself. Was the first customer of the day.

Here's a bunch of events.

1. It was still poor light so I was wearing my spectacles to drive there.

2. They gave me a cart with hardly any charge left.

3. Cart gives up at 5th hole.

4. Transfer stuff to new cart after I send out SOS to club house.

5. Discover spectacles missing after I birdie the 6th hole.

6. Search and backtrack.

7. No spectacles.

8. Golf game now has a value of just over RM500.00 instead of RM48.oo

9. I had to be wearing my expensive pair that morning instead of the cheap pair.

10. Goddamit!

So.... That IS Grey BUT....

I walked over to 1Utama for the first time yesterday for dinner. No. I'd still have walked even if I could drive my car. It's that near.

Shortly after I'd walked into 1U, my cell phone rings. It's the delivery guy with the faulty x-ray vision. He says he's here to make the exchange so I tell him to wait 5 minutes and I'll be there. I go in and grab the box containing the tap. It's a little box (about 1' x 1') how big can a tap be? And the guy is walking in from his van carrying a BIG ass box. Stunned, I ask him what the hell is that? It's a grey sink. I explain to him kindly I've already got a grey sink. It's the tap that I want changed. He grumbles a bit. There's a 'Miss X' involved in his mutterings who is surely the charming young lady I spoke to yesterday over the phone.

I think I know who Miss X is. I've seen her and spoken to her at the shop itself. Shame really cos she's a bit of a hottie. She's quite sexy even without the tattoos on her neck and lower back. Viva la tramp stamp!!!! She just doesn't seem that bright that she doesn't know the difference between a basin and a tap. Then again, my only interest in her would be happy fun time not engage in a discussion about medieval poetry (and other brainy stuff). That and I'd like her to get my order right, dammit!

It's grey dammit!

Had an interesting phone conversation yesterday evening.

My glass sink and tap finally arrived. I have been waiting more than a month for these things to come. Apparently the sink needed to be imported in. So after a long wait, hallelujah! They arrived. Only the tap wasn't the right colour. They're supposed to match. They're supposed to be black glass. The tap was clear glass. In the business, black glass is called grey. So I ring up.

Me: I just got my delivery and the tap is clear glass. It's supposed to be grey.
Her: Let me call the driver and call you back.

I waited over and hour and I didn't get a return call. So I call again.

Me: Hi, it's me again.
Her: I called the driver. He said he delivered a grey tap to you.
Me: (thinks: so both of you think I'm an idiot and I don't know the difference between a grey and clear tap?!) He didn't. I have here a clear glass tap.
Her: He said he gave you a grey tap.
Me: Oh really? Should I bring the tap over to you and you tell me what colour it is?
Her: .........
Me: Tell your delivery driver his x-ray vision's not working properly because not only did he give me the wrong colour he also didn't open the box in front of me to verify its contents.
Her: (after a pause) We'll exchange the tap as soon as we can.
Me: Thank you.

Yeh, I know I haven't been posting at anything like the rate at which I was going before I moved house.

Sorry. My bad.

But it's been one thing after another. Of course with the shift I was totally occupied with that. After moving, I went back for CNY and after I got back home I had to move my phone line over and get my internet connection going. TM took a while with the phone line. That's okay. They didn't move over my broadband connection till I called to complain. It was supposed to be done within 3 days of my phone line being active. So on the 3rd day with still no connection I rang TM.

Me: Another two working days?!?! (This was when I realised they hadn't done anything about activating my line.)
TM rep: Sorry....
Me: (sighs) That's alright. It's not your fault.

It wasn't her fault. It's the damn system.

I did post a coupla postings after that but then I fell ill and some fuckhead broke into my car and stole among other things, my car road tax. WTF?!? If I wasn't ill I'd be hiding in the bushes right now with a baseball bat near where I'd parked my car. Them bastards took my road tax, my SmartTag, all the money the could find in the car and (get this) my air freshener. They left behind my cheque books and two pairs of expensive sunglasses. And I know they didn't look in the boot. Guess it could have been worse. However, if I smell Ambi Pur on some bastard hanging around that area, I won't wait. I'll tag the cunt with the bat and without asking questions first.

So yeh. I been stuck at home all week. Surely with all the time I spend at home now, I would be connected? Nope. Not really. I don't have a place to sit down properly with my laptop. Don't have wireless at home so I am plugged into my modem which is beside my bed. The phone outlet which is in my office doesn't work.... That, where an office is concerned, is a HUGE stick in the spokes. Sitting on the floor with my laptop on the bedside table tends to put pins and needles in my legs and my ass goes numb after a while. It's already started to happen as I type this. Sitting on my bed with the laptop on my (well....) lap kinda gets really hot after a while.

I plan to buy a wireless router modem. I just need to get my road tax so I can actually go places. On the bright side, I haven't been spending much money since I can't go anywhere. The downside is is that I haven't been eating regularly since I haven't been able to drive my car. Eat at home? Cook? Sure. I just need to go get groceries yeh? Hop in the car and head out to buy some. No wait. I can't drive my car. Well.... that's fucked that.

If it wasn't for Barbsie bringing food for me, I'd have starved by now.

Oh yeh. And you might have realised that there was no way I could have taken to tap to the sales rep so she could have told me what colour it really is unless I walked all the way there. It's a really good thing she didn't take me up on my offer!

Literacy in the Postal System

I'm getting rather concerned about the post office and their employees. I suppose it's good coincidence that I'm reading 'Going Postal' by Terry Pratchett at the moment.

I think my postman is illiterate, dyslexic, drinking on the job, smoking weed on the job and/or blind.

My house number is 27. I get both my next door neighbours' mail. So I put up my house number. Nice and big next to the mail box slot. I still get mail for #25 and #29.

I also get mail for #27. Only it's the wrong street. I get mail for 2/5, 2/1 and 2/9. I used to drop these wayward letters on my way out (or in). Now, I can't be bothered. To the residents of BU2, if you want your missing Astro Guide, it's probably with me.

Connected Again

Today, the second of March is a historic day. I am finally online. I would like to thank TM for getting me connected to the world once again. I also would not like to thank them for taking a week to move my phone line and another week to get my broadband connection going.

Ya bastards.

On a lighter note I have discovered why I had no signal for my sat/cable TV. There was No Satellite Dish. My thanks to the electrician who did such a good job of putting in the cable and concealing it within the walls and then forgetting to tell me that there was no dish on the roof. But it's ok. I had my Astro connected at 11pm last night. Crazy hardworking Astro installers. My next door neighbour was wondering what I was doing sending 2 guys up onto the roof at 10 o'clock at night.

Phone, broadband, cable.

Hello world!