For Real?

Couple of days back I was giving Greg a ride back to his hotel and we were talking and I don't know how Jerry Springer came up.

Jerry Springer.

Jerry Fucking Springer.

I've never seen a full episode. I did see a little of an episode or two though while I was still in Australia. What I thought to myself totally aghast, with my eyes like saucers and my mouth hanging open for the flies, "can you be-lieve this shit?".

There were people a cussin' and a beatin' on each other and Ku Klux Klan members trying to convince people that they were actually a good thing. Maybe they are, who knows? Propaganda is a powerful thing. I've read excerpts of the satanic bible before and I found myself thinking, it's not really all that evil. Nothing on sacrificing virgins or sex with your sister. It actually made sense, some of it. I didn't encounter any devil worship. I didn't even come across anything particularly religious. It seemed just an alternate approach to life to that of Christians, Catholics, Methodists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Protestants, etc etc.

Jesus. (Oh, excuse me).

Just how many sects, chapters, clubs, beliefs, etc etc, are there anyway? Anyway, I'm not religious in the least so my view, of what little bits of the satanic bible, I saw sounds pretty much like rules for a life outside God. As in you don't have to live in fear of burning in hell and there are no such things as sin, just right and wrong.

Well.... Of course, I will repeat that I only read bits of it here and there. I didn't chase down a copy nor did I read as much of it as is available on the internet. I have better things to do. Things like fornication without marital vows, occasional indulgence in onanism, overindulging in food and drink, coveting someone else's woman and sometimes I'm quite content doing nothing at all.

Of course, just because I've appeared to criticise God (whichever one) and even had the gonads to read excerpts from the satanic bible, I'm going to have a very unpleasant afterlife. But of course, that depends on what you believe.... or don't believe. From what little I know, and I'm guessing, is that the satanic bible is a bible for people who do not wish to be constrained by religious blackmail and mandatory worship. The concept of hell has a lot to do with all that if you think about it. Because such a mindset is definitely against God, this was declared (by its creators) to be satanism. It was probably even a joke. I don't think they actually did anything like you'd see in a Hollywood horror movie.

But the satanists had their own church. They also had a hierarchy and even fancier titles for their leaders. As far as I'm concerned, they pretty much went a big circle and ended up pretty similar to anything they were trying to defy. Satanism was probably meant to be a life of freedom without the fear tactics and politics that you will find in any religion. And by religion, that includes satanism. I think it was a brave try but it ultimately consumed itself.

Humankind cannot seem to function without power and politics in anything and everything.

I hate politics and politicians. But I know why they're necessary. It's a necessary evil. Yes, I purposely and intentionally used the word 'evil'.

Of course, there are probably people who practice satanism as an actual worship of the devil and actually believe all that evil doing shit. I'd worry about them but one thing is obvious.

They crazy. Lock 'em up real tight or kill 'em. Either way it suits me.

Oh yes, and the KKK. I've never encountered, met or even seen a member of the KKK. What I heard is that they stockpile weapons, encourage exclusive reproduction between white men and women, lynch coloured people (apparently in the past, not now), are afraid that the white man is losing control of the good ol' US of A (wasn't theirs' to begin with) and they are an exclusive club with fancy titles for their leaders.

You know what? Fuck them too.

And of course members of the KKK were sitting on Jerry Springer's stage in their bedsheets with Jerry egging on the crowd, it was almost comical. It would be if the KKK didn't exist. But they do. It ain't funny.

What is funny though is Greg telling me that on one episode of Jerry, there was a man and his daughter on stage. The father is a bigot and hates blacks. Obviously, his daughter's boyfriend is black. You just know it. It's fucking Jerry. You don't need a doctorate to figure out what comes next.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got a boyfriend, daddy.... Daddy, I'm sorry, he's black."

Before daddy can get over his shock and react cue Jerry asking the crowd, "Shall we bring him in?" And to which the crowd naturally voice their affirmation. Black dude walks in. White father stands up, points finger and shouts angrily. A lot of beep beep beep sounds masking out what he says but by now all of us can read lips. Just watch the English Premier League. Don't lie. You know what they're saying to the referee. Naturally fists are thrown and the boyfriend and the father start laying into each other. Then we hear the darling daughter.

"No daddy no! Don't! I'm having his baby...!!"

The crowd is delightfully horrified.

Daddy looks stunned. Boyfriend looks smug. Both are in mid punch. Daddy looks at boyfriend, mouth open. Boyfriend gives daddy the World's Biggest Shit Eating Grin.

Punching resumes.

The crowd of course, goes nuts.

This is entertainment in the USA. They love this shit. Me? I feel embarrassed that people actually like this crap. I shouldn't just pick on Jerry. Sorry Jerry. To fuck with that Ricki Lake bitch too. There's a theory that it's all fake and is all an act. For humanities sake, I hope it's fake cos that shit is too tragic and too fucked up if it were real. It's bad enough that people want to watch it.

Other Jerry Springer episodes I'm sure exist:

- My daughter is a stripper.
- My mom was a pornstar.
- Ever since mom ran away, I'm my daddy's wife.
- I'm black and I want to join the KKK.
- Why zoophilia should be legalised.

Just think of the worst crap possible. Jerry's already thought of it. I promise you.