The Party's Up North!

Well, he's gone and done it again. Datuk Nik Abdul Nik Mat, the Menteri Besar of Kelantan has come up with another blinder of a good concept. Yeh, that's him of the blaming women for being provocative and thereby asking to be sexually assaulted and raped. He's now decided to squeeze a little harder by declaring that in clubs, there is to be no alcohol, segregation of men and women and no exposure of the aurat (bits that have to be covered under Muslim law). He went of further to state that he doesn't oppose dancing in clubs but it must be between members of the same sex. Cue the Village People!

Believe it or not I used to work for the Mydin Retail company. That's a whole story in itself but I see no reason to bash my former employers online. Truth is, I cut my teeth with them and I have more to be grateful for than the gnashing of (the same) teeth. I was sent to Kota Bharu a number of times with the longest stay a good three weeks. So I do know a little about the place.

I did go to a couple of clubs while I was there. Boozing till 3am and getting to work at 9am is something everyone does once in a while still in the 20s. One place I distinctly remember is because aside from serving alcohol, the hostesses were Malay girls and they definately showed me their bits of aurat. Me being tipsy and away from my then girlfriend for an extended period handed out some lucky girl with a boob rub. What is more interesting is that the place is also given patronage by the local police officers. No doubt also obliging some lucky girl with a boob massage, gratis, of course. I remember the sergeant downing his beer in one cos the captain challenged him to. Of course they weren't in uniform. A guy I was with knew them so we were a merry bunch especially since we knew the place would definately not get raided.

I'll side track for a moment and tell you of a story I have from my visit to KK in 2004. My friends and I went to a touchy-feely bar in some dingy dodgy area. There are two things to be noted about that visit. One is the beer goggles and the other is the finger. There was this girl that got plonked on my lap and all I did was talk to her. The others were wondering why I wasn't at least flirting with her. That's when I realised they had their beer goggles on. Putting it directly, you could have ridden the waves in and my thighs were beginning to ache. After we left the place, Neil stuck his hand under Jay's nose and said, 'Smell my finger!' Well, apparently I was the only one practising quality control.

Anyway, back to Kota Bharu. This should really sum the place up. The movie theatre. The lights aren't switched off during the show. If there're any really really bored people, it's the youth of Kelantan. Which is why they get on their bikes and race around the town while waiting to buka puasa (I was there during the fasting month as well). Is there a saving grace? Why yes, it's called Golok, in Thailand. Half an hour away from Kota Bharu. Everyone in Kota Bharu knows about Golok. Drink, drugs, sex, sex and sex. You can also actually dance with someone from the opposite sex over there. Even if someone who went over just to escape the yoke of the system would suddenly find so much temptation around. It might be just too hard to resist.

There were a lot of Mydin staff in KL that were originally from Kota Bharu. They come in two types. The good religious ones who lead quiet existences and the others that go fucking bananas and cry freedom. They drink and fuck like the bombs are gonna hit tomorrow.

While I was in Kota Bharu with my colleague, we were taken close to the border for a beer by three of Mydin KB's staff. They were young Malay boys just hoping for a good time. In the middle of nowhere amongst the sawah padi we ended up in some hut (all on its own) having a beer (thrills for them) with Thai women. Conversation was limited to what little Hokkien I had. The others hadn't a hope of being understood beyond sign language. Anyway, after a little while, the Thai woman talking to me said I could have her for 30 Ringgit. Well! Firstly, Homey don't play that and secondly, she was (and I have no qualms saying it) fucking ugly. We split after that but when I told the boys what that bit of conversation was about, they were like, wow. Any one of them would have done her. Apparently quality control is becoming something quite exclusive to me.

It ain't all bad I should say. I love the Thai villages outside of KB. Five of us ate a huge meal with a good number of dishes and had beer and stout. It came to less than a hundred Ringgit. Bloody brilliant.

Anyway, what these fundamentalists need is a good dose of reality. Everyone knows why Adam bit the apple. It's the forbidden things that call out to us the loudest. Being religious is not a bad thing. Holding your own peoples' heads below water and telling them it's for their own good, is.